“I had a bet with my friends about whether I had the courage.” Who won't have enough, me?..
A homeless child is a child who has no home and no family. A homeless person is someone who regularly runs away from home but always returns back.
During the day, Tanya goes to police stations, boarding schools, hospitals and train stations. He feeds, dresses, and bandages the ulcers on the legs of his charges. And at night she cleans the temple. A cleaning lady, that is.
Tanya Sveshnikova is known at all Moscow train stations and in all station pharmacies. The street kids call her mom. Tanya receives seven calls from prisons from her named sons a day.
- Dim, will they give you IVs in prison? Will two be enough? No, I haven’t bought any medicine yet. Why do you need syringes? Inject vitamins? Exactly vitamins? Well, look... When you get out, call.
- Why do they trust you?
- Because I love them.
- Do they feel it?
- They know it.
Tanya helps them obtain documents, formalize relations with guardianship authorities and military registration and enlistment offices, and tries to solve problems with housing. But all these guys are drug addicts with ten years of experience, they all take drugs. They quickly drink away the documents and “pierce them”.
Butorphanol is sold in pharmacies without a prescription for 300 rubles, a gram of heroin in the Moscow region can be obtained for 800 rubles, in Moscow - for one and a half thousand.
In the morning they wake up and think about where they can get money for food and injections. It’s better to inject yourself. If there is no money for heroin or butorphanol, they buy glue. I’ve been breathing and I don’t feel like eating for three hours. Glue costs only ten rubles, bread is more expensive. At night, my only dream is to stretch my legs, get drunk and fall asleep.
— In the future, everyone will have hepatitis C and cirrhosis. Those who live to reach cirrhosis will die painfully; those who do not live will also die. It's all useless, but I support them... in human form.
Street children come to Moscow from Orekhovo-Zuevo, Noginsk, Fryazevo. They run away from boarding schools or from drinking parents. In twos and threes they live at train and metro stations, in abandoned houses and near pharmacies. The largest group - 15 people - lives near the Kursky railway station.
About 16 people lived on Paveletsky a year ago. The other day Tanya sent the last of them to a homeless shelter. The younger ones beg, the older ones steal mobile phones. Tanya returns some of them home seven times, while others are sent to a rehabilitation center three times.
“They think we are free youth, we do what we want, and no one tells us to do it.” They speak slang, listen to Butyrka, live under the platform, fry sausages there.
Well, living under the platform is a lot of fun! One craftsman even installed light from a lantern; they had a DVD player and several tiles there. The cops took some of it, and sold some of it themselves for drugs. And then the police burned their home.
“Tanya,” one investigator once told her, “let’s put them all in jail, you’ll have less hemorrhoids!”
- Oh, why are you so uninterested in talking to me? And I love coming to you so much!..
For misconduct, the child is taken to the police station. There he says: “I’m a drug addict.” He is taken to a drug treatment clinic. They ask: “Are you going to get treatment?” He answers: “No.” And in the evening of the same day - freedom.
The police chase street children away, burn their “houses”, and if someone burns alive along with the rubbish, who cares... They don’t consider street children to be people. Once we caught one girl: “Blowjob or shelter?” The girl chose a blowjob. They say that her friends “recaptured” her after all.
And saleswomen in pharmacies make money from drug addicts. Tanya somehow shamed one of them: “Do you always sell drugs to children or only on holidays?” The police were called, the pharmacy was closed, but the next day they opened again. Then the guys themselves threw Tanya out of there, not “her” guys, some “strangers”...
“There are no “strange” children, but everything I do is useless, they have been on the street for a long time, and they drag each other out into the street. My task is to return them home, if this home exists, or to place them in a decent private shelter so that they do not run away.
Volunteers of the movement “Kursky Station. Homeless Children” share Moscow train stations among themselves. Some people are better guided by Paveletsky, others by Kazansky. Tanya works at Kursk.
“Our task is to send home those who have just arrived as quickly as possible, before they become homeless, before they start using drugs.” We are trying to place the children in good private orphanages. Sometimes it works. And sometimes they come back and take their friends with them.
On the way to the shelter, they write to Tanya from every stop: “Mom, hello, how are you? We’re going to bed,” “Tanya, don’t worry, everything’s fine.” Sometimes they write from the shelter: “Everything is fine, we are working slowly. Good night".
True stories from the lives of street children
Masha
Masha is 18 years old, she came from Orekhovo-Zuevo. When she was four years old, her mother died, when she was 12 years old, her father died. Masha lived alone in a two-room apartment, “hanging out” with substance abusers, until she was sent to a shelter. She immediately ran away from the shelter, came to Moscow, and started injecting drugs. At the age of 16, she gave birth to a child (he remained in the hospital). Someone suggested that we come to the Hammer and Sickle station, where they feed the homeless. There Masha met Tanya. Tanya helped the girl get documents and return her parents' apartment. So he probably lives without electricity, gas and water...
Maksim
Maxim is 13 years old, he also came from Orekhovo-Zuevo. Max is a very quiet, modest boy, but he has no friends. For the dark ones beautiful eyes The street kids called him a chump. Max's mom died of an overdose, his dad was imprisoned. Tanya took the boy to his “native” boarding school to get documents.
“You go,” Max said to Tanya, “and I’ll wait in the bushes...
Tanya was gone for about 40 minutes.
-Have you seen the boy? – she asked the janitor.
- Yes, it’s already injected somewhere, go to Pushkin Street, there they boil poppy seeds in every yard.
A week later Tanya found Max on Paveletsky railway station and took him to Yekaterinburg, to the drug-free city rehabilitation center.
“It’s good that we were alone in the compartment, he screamed all night in his sleep.”
In Yekaterinburg, Max was lured by some new friend, and he became a local street child. And then he was caught again in Moscow. Sometimes Tanya meets Max at the pharmacy...
Nikita
Nikita is 15 years old, he came from Noginsk. When he was two years old, his mother was hit by a car.
- We met him funny. For his thirteenth birthday, some girl gave herself... and gonorrhea. He came up to me and said: “I have problems with my genitals.” I took him to the hospital. “Tanya,” she says, “this can’t be, the girl is a home girl!”
I had to undergo treatment. And when Nikita left the hospital, Tanya sent him home... until his first quarrel with his alcoholic father. Then I went to a winter camp. But when Nikita was diagnosed with hepatitis C, he was “asked” to leave the camp. The boy was again admitted to the clinic, from where he immediately escaped. In Ekaterinburg rehabilitation center he lived for one whole night. A month later I called Tanya from home: “I’m a complete loser, Tanya, I got drunk on the first day, I’m smoking weed, I’m robbing dachas with the boys.” He ran away from a special school. Since the last time he was caught by the police, not a word has been heard from him...
Andrey
Andrey is 16 years old, Tanya met him a year ago in a psychiatric hospital. After escaping from the boarding school, the child is admitted to a psychiatric clinic as a preventive measure. They forgot Andrei there. When Tanya met him, it was the eighth month of his imprisonment. Tanya tried to get him somewhere, but who needs a sixteen-year-old undocumented guy with two years of school?
He stole someone's cell phone and ended up in the hospital again. It's been there for a year now. He is proud and doesn’t want to beg, so he steals. He also ran away from the boarding school out of pride. At the age of 15, Andrei completed second grade with flying colors, and was immediately transferred to fifth grade. But then he quarreled with the head teacher, and he threatened him that he would send him to third grade. Andrey ran away. By the way, he learned to read and write in the hospital.
Ilya
Ilya is 20, Tanya met him when she was breaking up a fight. Tanya stopped Ilya from beating up some drunk guy. Ilya was right and sober. The guy was wrong and drunk. Tanya stood up for the one who was wrong. Ilya was offended and did not talk to her. Ilya’s dad drinks at home with an unfamiliar aunt, mom drinks in an unknown place and with whom. Tanya was at his house; she was let in by a neighbor who had been imprisoned six times. The last time was for the murder of a stranger who walked into the wrong door.
Tanya decided that it’s not worth living at home for Ilya, she’s trying to settle him somewhere.
“Now the guys breathe in varnish less and inject themselves more.” They look “lousy” and have abscesses at the injection sites. But they crush pills into ampoules and inject themselves into the groin, after which their legs give out. When I walk down the street, I see only street children and homeless people. I don't see anyone else.
Homeless statistics
The first wave of homelessness hit the RSFSR during Civil War. According to some data, in 1921 there were 4.5 million street children in Russia, and in 1922 there were already 7 million. At that time, solving the problem of homelessness was declared a political task.
The “State Council for the Protection of Children” was headed by the People’s Commissar of Education Anatoly Lunacharsky himself, and the “Children’s Commission of the All-Russian Central Executive Committee” was headed by the People’s Commissar of Internal Affairs Felix Dzerzhinsky. At the same time, the first orphanages, labor communes and colony schools appeared. In 1919, 125 thousand children were raised in orphanages, in 1921-1922 - 540 thousand. In 1935, it was officially announced that homelessness in the country had been eliminated.
The second wave of homelessness occurred during the Great Patriotic War. Then the first colonies for juvenile offenders appeared in the USSR. By the end of 1943, the number of teenagers in these colonies reached 50 thousand people. In 1950, there were 6,543 orphanages, in which 637 thousand children were raised. In 1960, approximately one million minors were enrolled in boarding schools. The third wave of homelessness broke out in the 1990s. At the beginning of the 21st century, there were between one and five million street children in Russia.
According to the Ministry of Internal Affairs, as of 2005, there were more than 700 thousand orphans in Russia, 2 million teenagers are illiterate, and more than 6 million minors are in socially unfavorable conditions. For every street child there are 2-3 street children. According to volunteers, no more than 30-40 street children currently live in Moscow.
Hello! I am writing because I am in a difficult situation. My mother has been drinking for 3 years. She is young beautiful woman, noble blood. The thing is that my dad died 3 years ago. He died a painful death in intensive care. The doctors could not save him and the cause of his death was also alcohol, or more precisely cirrhosis of the liver. He died at the age of 41. He drank as long as I remember, but at the same time he was always a successful person, headed institutions and banks. He did not leave us in poverty. Everything is in abundance.
Mom probably spent the last 15 years on his treatment for various addictions. I struggled with his violence. We traveled together to all the institutions where this assistance is provided: clinics, psychotherapists and all kinds of hospitals outside and within Kazakhstan. She didn't leave him, even when he started using heroin. She buried him with dignity, but could not bury the pain of loss.
She started drinking while he was still alive. Drink a hundred grams and sleep quietly. After death, the dose of alcohol, or rather vodka, increased three times per dose. Moreover, in the last six months she can drink in broad daylight. I'm begging and screaming at her. Nothing affects her. She can't give up drinking. She has already started to have blackouts and almost never leaves the house. There is no need to earn watts and that is why she is in bed all the time with the curtains closed.
I used to think that this would all pass. She just needs to give it time. And after 3 years I became scared. And I'm afraid she'll end up like her father. Help.
Answers from psychologists
Hello, Asel! I sympathize with your worries about your mother’s condition. She really needs help. To find a way to change the situation, you yourself need to seek support from a specialist. Your fears are now preventing you from establishing a dialogue with her that could begin to bring her into contact with you and other people. How old are you? Do you have the opportunity to consult a psychologist on your own? I am ready to be useful to you. Regards, Tatiana.
Good answer 3 Bad answer 4Hello Asel!
I'm afraid that my mother will be able to get out of this state only when she herself wants it. Have you already tried to influence her? different ways, but there is no result. I understand your concern for your mother, but I think that the best thing in this situation would be if at least you yourself contact a psychologist. You now need support to somehow cope with this situation.
Svetlana.
Hello, Asel! Unfortunately, what is happening to your mother now will not go away on its own. Need her wanted to be treated.
Using your dad's example, you saw that you can go to all the doctors and try all the methods, but if a person does not want to get rid of addiction, nothing will help. It's a shame, but that's how it is.
There is one more important point in the story of your dad’s struggle for sobriety - your mom broke down, she became addicted while she was trying to get him out of alcoholism and drug addiction against his wishes. Now history may repeat itself. Only you can be in your mother's place.
Asel, addiction is contagious. Those who live with an alcoholic or drug addict for more than three years become addicted or codependent themselves. You are already worried and afraid for your mother. Now, so that these feelings do not force you, in turn, to seek solace in alcohol, help from psychologists Necessarily you need.
For your personal life to work out, you also need the help of psychologists. The fact is that children of alcoholics, without wanting it, nevertheless choose themselves as spouses of the same addicts. And they repeat the fate of their parents.
Asel, You have one advantage, you wrote that you are not constrained by funds. This is very important because you may need long-term psychotherapy. Contact a psychologist for the sake of your future!
And, perhaps, when you receive support from a psychologist and complete a rehabilitation course, your mother will also think about the need to quit drinking. Neither persuasion, nor tears, nor scandals, but the personal example of other family members, when they get rid of their addiction or codependency, makes the alcoholic understand that he also needs treatment.
Asel, also look for literature on codependency and addiction. Knowledge about the nature of addictions will help you understand how not to make mistakes and where to look for help.
All the best, Valeria.
Good answer 3 Bad answer 3 
Hello, Asel! Unfortunately, women who have lived their whole lives with a drinking husband are in a state of chronic stress, almost like in war. Many of them start drinking with their husband, as they live his life without even realizing it. Even after your father leaves, your mother continues to be in this relationship emotionally. Without experiencing the grief of loss, she can repeat his scenario. Now, at this particular moment, you need help, as a codependent family member, as someone living in war. Come to the appointment, you must gain strength and faith in yourself, work with your feelings. It is known that when at least one family member begins to change his behavior, it will certainly affect the other. Good luck to you!
Good answer 6 Bad answer 2Hello, dear Jubal! After another phone conversation with my dad, after which I wanted to tear my hair out from the powerlessness to change anything, I simply typed in the search “free consultation with a psychologist” and without any hope of finding a response, here I am. Well, at least I’ll speak out...Three months ago I lost my mom, the closest and most loving person in my life. She died so suddenly, not living 5 days before her 55th birthday... A powerful stroke (repeated, after the first three years ago she completely recovered by some miracle), deep coma, complex brain surgery, 12 days of intensive care and that's all . I still can't talk about it without crying. I was very close to my mother. It seems that she was a bright prism through which life was kinder and better. I'm leaving, that's not what I'm complaining about now. Nothing can be fixed with mom, but I can’t imagine what to do with dad...
Dad bears this grief the hardest of all of us. Dad is a complex person, hot-tempered, selfish, but still very good, understanding, caring. And during my mother’s first stroke, he lived with her in the hospital and looked after her better than us daughters, and this time he did everything to get my mother out, sparing neither effort nor money. After my mother’s death, we decided that he couldn’t be left alone now, and his sister (they live in the same area) moved with his family to help and support him. Dad cries all this time every day, sees no meaning in life and doesn’t want to hear or see anyone. Although, surprisingly, he finds the strength to go to his grandmother’s apartment to do renovations, it seems, only because that’s what he and his mother planned (to do renovations there and go live there, and leave his apartment to his sister). At first after the funeral it was open, but soon everything changed. He constantly complained to me about his sister and her family, that they irritate him with their presence, that they do everything wrong and that among them he is even more lonely, to the point that no one talks to him. And his sister says that he isolates himself, does not want to communicate and accept support. In addition, he began to drink... He does repairs during the day, and by the evening he gets drunk. At the same time, he becomes so aggressive that I really fear for my sister. He yells obscenities at them, and two 10- and 5-year-olds hear this, shouting “let you all die” and other terrible things. The sister can no longer stand it and is going to return to her home. All this time I was a lightning rod for both my dad and my sister; they complained to me about each other on both sides. Of course, this weighed on me, but I was glad that dad could at least cry with me - I saw that after talking with me, he felt a little better. But now, it seems to me, he has resigned himself a little and calmed down, but he has started drinking more and seems to be using his grief as an excuse for his behavior. Time passes, but he is focused only on himself, he shows neither care nor interest in us, in his grandchildren, in life in general. Due to constant drinking of alcohol, his condition only worsens. This morning I tried to gently bring this to his attention. Like, this only aggravates the already sad state of health. He flushed and did not speak to me. In the evening, when I called him as usual, he behaved like a child. He spoke through his teeth. To my question: “Dad, don’t you want to talk?”, he began to be indignant: “Why do you want to talk to an alcoholic masochist?! Although I never even thought of calling him an alcoholic, let alone in my language. And away we go... In his words, we “treat” him with our advice and decrees, but he feels bad even without it; we all feel good and we don’t understand him; he doesn’t care whether we support him or not, and stuff like that... And now I can’t find a place for myself. It seems that she has deprived him of his last support (he and his sister occasionally quarrel)...
What to do? Maybe we are really wrong in trying to guide him on the right path? Maybe we are not patient and should just offer a shoulder for his tears? But the sister also thinks about her family, which suffers from his anger and aggression. How to provide support if dad rejects her? To any persuasion that it is better to believe that after death we will all meet, he gets angry and denies everything. And not only for this - for almost everything. Even a simple “dad, hold on, time will ease the pain” can be heard: “yes, but I will look at you if you lose your husband with whom you lived for 35 years! It’s easiest to say “hold on!” and so on. So what can we say then??? In general, I don’t know, I’m depressed and just killed by everything that’s happening. It seems that with my mother’s passing, our family fell apart and the whole world was completely cracked...
It seems like she spoke out, but it didn’t get any easier.
Good afternoon Help me understand what to do?
I'll try to be brief. Mom died, dad was left alone in the apartment. We children live in another city. It is clear that he feels bad there. He is 55. Still young. The first year after my mother’s death, we often came and invited him to visit us, tried to greet him with all honors and entertain him in every possible way. Once, on one of these visits to us, while we were at work, he brought an unknown “lady” into the house. At the same time, he called me and my brother to clarify when we would come home from work. It was only later that we realized that he was afraid that we would catch him, and we had just given my mother a year. When we returned from work, we found condom wrappers on the floor, a towel stained with lipstick and mascara, and I also didn’t find my perfume, which was on the nightstand in the hallway; all the family photos were wrong. When asked who was here, my father denied everything and was even offended. In the end, realizing that it was stupid to hide, he confessed, claiming that nothing worked out with her. And he tells these details to us, children who have recently experienced loss. Having not cared about our feelings and sullied the memory of our mother, he sincerely believes that he did not do anything reprehensible and even says, I thought you would understand me. My brother and I don’t mind if he moves in with some woman, but in a human way. Let him live. But that's not the way to bring prostitutes into your children's home. A year has passed since that incident. We just can’t improve our relationship, my brother doesn’t communicate with his father at all, I try, I call several times a day, to find out how he’s doing, despite his meanness, because I understand that he feels bad alone. He tells everyone that we abandoned him and yet sees nothing wrong with what he did. Tell me what to do? I bad person? What to do in such a situation. I don't know what he wants from us. We no longer want to invite him to our place, because we are afraid that he will do this again. Who is right?
Answers from psychologists:
Osintseva Tatyana Viktorovna
City: Taganrog
Activities:You are now under extremely strong emotional stress. This is because there is a conflict inside: is daddy wrong? or are we wrong?
Remember your childhood, when you brought friends to visit and littered during the games and your brother... You were probably actively told that you did not bring friends to the whole house, shamed for the games you played!?
Your feelings for your mother are hurt, which you impose on your dad. He is not you. We have a good proverb: “The egg doesn’t teach the chicken.” In the family hierarchy, you and your brother are lower than your father, so it’s not for you to tell him how to behave. You are responsible for your life, you can carry your values to your children, but not to your parents. You must respect them.
Think about the fact that because of this situation in your life there is resentment, irritation, no father, no love...
Do the exercise. Closing your eyes, remember all the good things your father did for you personally. Thank him for this from the bottom of your heart. Feel your emotions. You don't need to do anything else.
Be happy.
Osintseva Tatyana Viktorovna
City: Taganrog
Activities:psychologist-consultant, leader of psychological groups
Specialization in psychological approaches and directions:addiction treatment, NLP, symboldrama, body-oriented psychotherapy, transpersonal approach, other approaches and methodsRead the article here, maybe it will explain more to you: http://www.b17.ru/article/chto_daet_blagoslovenie/
Korzh Maria Alexandrovna
Yekaterinburg city
Activities:psychologist-consultant, leader of psychological groups
Specialization in psychological approaches and directions:cognitive therapy, online, narrative therapy, client-centered psychotherapy, psychodrama, psychosynthesis, dance movement therapy, systemic therapy, other approaches and methodsHello, Zhanneta! Why do you need to know who is right and who is wrong? And is there a clear answer here? There are two different points of view: for you, your father’s behavior is depravity, he has his own truth. You expected one behavior from your father, but he did not live up to your expectations. Who is guilty? He is that he did what he considered necessary or you are expecting a certain thing from him, convenient for you, behavior. Indeed, this situation also reminded me that you are the mother, and he is a naughty teenager who brought a girlfriend whom you did not approve of.
It may be easy for you to say how and with whom your father should live, living next to your brother (I didn’t understand from your message whether you have a husband, etc.), but he is somewhere in another city all alone, not so he’s already young, he’s just trying to move on with his life, learn to live in a new role and satisfy his natural men's needs.
Your reaction is understandable - for you, he is a father who betrayed the memory of his mother, and he also betrayed your ideas about him. But he is not only your father, he is also just a lonely man. Both as children and as adults, you should accept this fact without judgment. Because relationships with women and his other personal affairs should not concern you. And maybe the only omission he made was to remove this line and introduce you to the intimate sphere. What his motives were then is no longer important now.
In any case, what good will come from your condemnation and punishment of your father by rejection? Will this bring your family closer? Will this make anyone happy? What happened cannot be returned, what do you want to prove with your behavior? What action do you expect from your father? What will it change if they tell you “You are right” or, on the contrary, say “He is right”?
You can choose to be right but lose your father forever. Or you can find the strength to accept him as he is and have a close relationship. It's up to you to decide.
I wish all the best to you and your family!
Problem area:
Family relationships
Comments
You are making an analogy with
You draw an analogy with children's games. Yes, we brought friends, but we didn’t indulge in debauchery! Don't care about their feelings! You are justifying an immoral act. Behind our back, he brought not his girlfriend, but a girl from the street just to sleep with him. In our house, not in our apartment. You need to relieve yourself, go to the brothel there and do your business. In your opinion, what if he raped someone? We must also take it for granted, we are inferior, he is a parent, he is right. So? Or did you just read the fifth to tenth post. They didn't understand the point!
To say that you are right would be
Ershova Ekaterina Vitalievna - 29.01.2015 - 14:20
To say that you are right would be fair if the situation happened recently. But a whole year has passed, and you still remember your offense. This means that this resentment against the father has a deeper reason. But if you don’t pay attention to this, then you continue to communicate with him, except that you don’t drag him to you, like last time. Indeed, when necessary, he himself will tell you that he wants to move and live with his children. But if he so cleverly found himself a woman in a foreign city, he is unlikely to be very bored there either. In other words, the period has probably not yet arrived when children and parents “change places” and children begin to act as parents in relation to their parents, who need to be looked after and make decisions for them. If he is so active in looking for a sexual partner, there is a chance that your father is interested in starting a family and having children. You communicate with your father and you are absolutely right about this!
