How to forget a person if the Soul is torn into pieces? Doesn't matter
who is to blame, you or him, but there is so much left that is connected with him,
that the most painful question in my head now is: How to forget a person?
What needs to be done to feel good? What needs to be done to
Did the sun make you happy again? What do you need to do to stop tearing yourself apart?
pieces?
In this article I offer you a Tarot layout that will help you understand
the reason why you don't let go, why you sit tightly on the hook
these relationships. You will find several options, as little as possible
make the pain quieter in your heart.
How to forget the person you loved
The answer is no. This relationship is a part of you. You gave a piece of yourself
They gave you a piece of themselves. Why do you want to cut, tear or burn
part of yourself? Are you suffering? Are you in unbearable pain? Let's
Let's see why.
The feeling of Love itself can never cause pain. Never!
But there are other feelings that we disguise as love. Love
is replaced by other feelings and at the same time there is a suggestion to oneself that this is -
Love.
For example, you are afraid of loneliness or you consider yourself not very
attractive and this man is the last man on Earth who
drew your attention. You feel sorry for the energy you spent on this relationship,
after all, so much has already been invested in them. You're just used to it, to this kind of life.
and you have a panicky fear of change. You have common children.
Any of these reasons may be causing you to hold on to this relationship.
Love is always freedom. If there is any dependence on
person is no longer Love. If you feel unbearable pain, if you want
climbing the wall and rolling on the floor is not Love. If there is fear, it is
not Love.
Playing the chaser
What do we do if we have a breakup or quarrel with a loved one?
We're starting to chase him! We begin to blame him for everything in the world,
We make him guilty, we wish him not the most pleasant things in life. We
we begin to catch up with him, return him, search on social networks, cut him off
mobile phone, flood him with SMS, ask through mutual friends. We
we begin to look for another victim - this is your mother or friend and dump
all the dirt that exists about the breakup of relationships on these people. That
there, what's going on? We become persecutors. We run everywhere and
We are looking for extreme ones.
But! If you are suffering, then the reason is in you, then you have a problem, and
not other people. Look for why it hurts you. Look for why this is
It grabs you so much.
It is impossible to forget that you have parents. It is impossible to forget that
You have given birth and you have children. It is impossible to forget that you had
a person with whom so much is connected. If you are asked in 15 years about
this person, are you going to tensely, frantically remember this
You still can’t remember your last name? No, you will remember right away, just without
pain.
But you can ease your suffering today:
Don't chase him.
Think about what good he did for you, not what bad.
He has the right to break off relations with you.
Think not about how to forget him, but about how to rid yourself of the discomfort that this person is not with you.
Find yourself any activity, a new hobby, a new interest.
Cry. You should have emotional release, don’t accumulate it inside.
Remove everything that reminds you of him. Remove all photos and gifts.
Rearrange the furniture, change the curtains, bed linen you slept on
with him.
Remember: There are no irreplaceable people!
Answer yourself honestly, what did you do that you would never do now?
didn't do any more. Maybe you bullied a person, not really
They treated him with respect and deliberately played with his feelings. Search
the reason is in yourself, not in him.
Sucker Punch
This is starting a new relationship right away! You are deceiving a person because
that in a relationship with him you are trying to drown out your pain, you are not solving your
problem and most importantly, you are just trying to fill the void and not
It’s important who comes into your hand now.
Tarot spread: How to forget a person if the Soul is torn into pieces?
1. What feelings do I have for him at the moment?
2. Internal reason, ulterior motive why am I hooked?
3. Justification. How do I explain to myself the reason that I don’t want to let him go?
4. The real reason why I cling to this relationship?
5. What can work and help you let go of the situation?
6. How will I feel internally, my mental state, if I let him go?
7. How will my external life, my reality, change if I let go of this situation?
8. What lesson should I learn from this relationship?
The layout can be ordered, for this write in a personal message
Hello. My name is Nadezhda, I am 35 years old. I am married. I have two daughters. And then one day...
I met a man. His age is 38 years old. The relationship developed very quickly. On his part, there was an immediate demarcation of fields. In terms of serious relationships, there can be no talk; just a short, short affair is possible. I agreed, because I also didn’t plan a serious relationship, and I didn’t have any passionate feelings for him either. It was just unimaginably good to have sex with him.
Soon he began to say that I was the one he was looking for (he had 2 marriages behind him). What combines in me, all the qualities that he needs. And where have I been for so long, and that I am now his and he will never give me up to anyone.
Then a couple of days pass and he says there will be a going away party. Let's put an end to it. What, he doesn’t love me and doesn’t think about me at all and cannot reciprocate my feelings.
I love him madly. I’m ready to just sit under his arm, just to hug him and not say anything. I'm just going crazy without him. I don’t know him at all as a person, but I still need him.
We broke up.
And at the same time, he comes to me at night, when I write to him that I feel bad. He takes me home, hugs me and kisses me, as if he hadn’t seen me for an eternity and missed me like crazy. But at the same time, he doesn’t say anything. All emotions are under strict control. But physics still shows the opposite. And we again had crazy sex, where I was the initiator. in which, at first he controlled me in the flesh to the point of not touching me, not hugging me. And then he broke down and hugged and kissed so passionately... such feelings are simply impossible to fake... He was completely, we were completely one...
Why??? Is he disowning me? After all, I feel that he feels good with me. And he is unable to put an end to it. It doesn't work to tear it off and throw it away.
I really want to be with him... Help... What to do next. Does this really mean nothing, and this person doesn’t need me... Pain and emptiness... Nothing more...
Received 6 pieces of advice - consultations from psychologists, to the question: The soul is torn to pieces. Help
Hello, Nadezhda. I sympathize very much. But, unfortunately, the confusion of personal boundaries does not give you peace. Sexual passion is not love. Love is maintained around the clock, and sex is temporary and episodic. Therefore, a more mature approach - Sexual relationships give only fleeting pleasure .You use sex for non-sexual purposes. You invent an ideal image and become a banal background for this person, where he is a FIGURE AGAINST THE BACKGROUND. Such relationships will always be a failure and disappointing for you. Since you initially value yourself lower (background ) than him. This is your right. But then don’t be surprised that you are neglected and abandoned. They promise you nothing. But, your imagination sets up a time bomb for you. In such a relationship between figure and background, you will always only be in the role of a victim ( background).If your value is significant, you will prefer the role of a figure significant to yourself. If the value is small, then you are only a victim in a meaningless relationship. Choose for yourself what and who you want to be.
Good answer 1 Bad answer 1Good afternoon, Nadezhda.
Eat different ways arouse sexual arousal in oneself. The simplest one is constant separation and intense feelings as against the backdrop of death. Such tossing and turning will not survive a long-term relationship. This is suitable for lovers' relationships. By the way, they can be quite long - if your nervous system can handle it.
There are many descriptions of passionate relationships in your text. But you confuse them with love:
I don’t know him at all as a person, but I still need him.
With best wishes to you,
Chernysheva Ulyana, individual consultations online and in Moscow
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Nadezhda, hello. First of all, you need to understand yourself, namely, that if there was harmony in the marriage, then there was no need for such “intrigues,” and so you started, as it were, from the position of “getting what is missing in the family” and received “through up" that they fell in love... But in any relationship BOTH partners participate and here everyone has their own goals. Perhaps a man in general does not need a serious relationship, since he has already had a sad experience before and he only needs to have a good time and nothing more. Is it worth condemning him for this? Even if he cannot fully understand himself... Here you need to understand what you want, clearly convey your position to the man and hear his answer, if the answer is positive, then use basic observation techniques to understand whether he will “to throw from one extreme to the other” and whether his words will correspond to his actions. Then make a decision where conclusions will be drawn based on human actions. The most undesirable scenario in my opinion: “if you yourself do not want a divorce, but will suffer, achieve it and continue this relationship,” already enjoying the “suffering” on an unconscious level.... It is important to do an analysis family relations, to understand why the passion faded away, this must be done in any case, even if you get divorced, so as not to repeat the previous scenario and after a while, the “affair” does not happen again.... There is a proverb that is not entirely correct, but it is relevant in your case " jokes make children”..., so it’s more or less the same with you..., but again, here the reasons need to be found and eliminated, in general, you need to learn how to build relationships in a way where you feel comfortable. With all my heart, I wish you success and all the best!!!
Effective personal and family counseling, therapy via Skype
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Hello, Nadezhda. It really hurts you that, for some completely incomprehensible reason, you can’t be with your loved one. It hurts you because at first he pulled you towards him and made you feel loved and needed. And then he sharply rejected it. And this is the relationship you have now: intimacy-merger-rejection-breakup-pain-closeness-merger_breakup-pain, and so on in a circle. This is how love addiction is created.
There is a little girl inside of you who feels very lonely. She missed the warmth and love from close people in her childhood. She needs to feel that there is someone physically nearby who will hug, warm, accept, and simply be there. And it hurts this girl very much that her most beloved close person sometimes he “takes a liking”, sometimes he becomes cold and distant. Your mother (possibly your father) was sometimes available to you, sometimes not. This is where you need to know your personal history.
You need to heal the wounds of your soul. The man you have chosen can only give you such a relationship. Where physical warmth is intertwined with the pain of parting. The rapprochement is followed by a gap for unknown reasons. Small child cannot explain why this happens. He may feel guilty, wrong. Now you are reliving your intimacy trauma. I will be sincerely happy to help you cope with this in individual consultations.
Just repeat the words after me and hit the points easily and rhythmically.
Remember that you are good and deserve a close, stable relationship with a man who loves you.
Sincerely,
Irina Potemkina
Analytical psychologist and EFT practitioner
Good afternoon
Hope, presumably your partner, or maybe both, have symptoms of promiscuity. Soft or hard, heavy or light. And for you, apparently, the need has really matured to figure out what is happening in your life. What values does your Self rely on? All this will help you be happier, receive and give, joy and attention and care and love.
Sincerely,
regular meetings, psychotherapy.
Alla Kudryashova, analytical psychologist..
Good answer 1 Bad answer 0Hello Nadezhda.
I know how much suffering and pain a person who gets involved in such a destructive relationship experiences. I can assume that behind this attachment there is another basic unsatisfied need that you are not aware of and do not see any other way to satisfy it. The mechanism of attachment most likely relates to unresolved problems in early childhood...
And further. Look, physical intimacy and sex usually bind a woman much more strongly than a man. It is also important to know that female attraction arises in response to male seduction. And this is an evolutionarily determined process. And the fact that you are now attached to a man, I see a certain pattern in this. It seems that you need passions, suffering through which you can clearly feel yourself in real life.
It’s a pity that you don’t write at all about what’s happening in your relationship with your spouse. At the same time, any couple goes through certain stages in a relationship, including when sexual interest among partners weakens and this is considered the norm in a long-term relationship. And this family crisis can also influence your desire for vivid experiences with a strange man.
Pain and emptiness in the body are due to how your life was built. And living with such feelings is quite difficult. My opinion is that such deep topics that you have outlined are important to analyze only individually. It would be great to see a specialist; this is not an easy time for you right now and it is important to help your body so that it doesn’t cure depression later.
I sincerely wish you to make the right decision.
Sincerely,
practicing psychologist Iraida Sheveleva
Voronezh, Russia
Incredible facts
Have you ever wanted to give up everything and just disappear? Or have you ever thought about going for a walk all alone in a place where you have never been before, hoping that you will feel better?
If such thoughts regularly come to your mind, it is quite possible that in this way your soul is trying to communicate with you.
Often we do things that do not bring us happiness, but simply fill a void in our lives. You may think that it is enough to simply live the way you live, but in reality, this is not so.
No one comes into this world knowing from the very beginning how to live in order to be happy. Throughout life we develop, learn from our mistakes and grow. Thus, we come to understand what we really need, how best to use the life that is given to us in order to become happy.
And if it seems to you that you are not satisfied with something in life, believe me, you are not mistaken. This is your soul sending you important signals and trying to tell you something important.
There are things and actions with which you slowly destroy your own soul.
Here are 12 signs that your soul is tired and dying and is trying to tell you so:
How the soul dies
1. You don't learn from your mistakes.
We are human, so we all make mistakes. Even our ancestors learned to survive and began to develop precisely thanks to their own mistakes.
Our main mistake is that most people never learn from their mistakes. Your soul begins to feel bad when you blame yourself for a mistake you made.
Instead, you can accept the mistake you made, learn from the situation, and see what you can do to avoid repeating it again. Your soul grows and develops with you and also learns from the mistakes you make. Remember, making mistakes is normal, not learning from them is what is wrong.
2. You constantly make excuses.
Surely, it seems to you that constantly making excuses makes it easier for you to get out of an unpleasant situation, and excuses will reduce the degree of your guilt.
However, the reality is different: excuses are what ultimately bring you more problems. Regularly making excuses for something, you come to the following: your body and your soul get tired and begin to lose ground.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your soul is to accept your mistakes and not try to take the easy way out.
Your soul is pure, do not pollute it with excuses and lies.
3. You are afraid of the future.
Nobody knows what the future holds for us.
The future is always uncertain, and despite knowing it, we tend to let our minds go too far in thinking about what our future will be like and thinking about things that could go wrong.
By doing this, we forget that we are actually torturing ourselves and harming our own soul, as all the negative thoughts and tension slowly building up within us consume and poison our soul.
Instead of wasting time thinking about what could go wrong in the future, try to live in the present and enjoy the moments that life gives us.
Your soul was born free, initially fears were unusual for it, so help it remain so fearless all the time.
4. You stubbornly cling to the past.
You cannot change what has already happened in the past, and although your mind is well aware of this, you still allow it to live in the past.
By doing this, you cut off the oxygen to your own soul, forbid yourself to move forward and open new horizons in life.
Your soul wants change, but if you keep going back to the past, it will be limited by the things you need to let go of in order to move on with your life.
Let go of the past, whatever it may be, good or bad, let go of all things and events from your past. Your soul wants to live on, let it move forward, and not get hung up on what can no longer be turned back or changed.
Suffering soul
5. Negative talk and thoughts
Who do you think is the biggest saboteur in your life?
That's right, you yourself. You are your biggest critic, and most of the time, you end up being your own worst critic.
By indulging in conversations that carry a negative context, your soul begins to feel bad, it suffers from the negative energy that negative conversations carry and begins to self-destruct.
This, in turn, prevents you from enjoying other more enjoyable things in life. Instead of spending hours discussing bad things, try to switch to something good and pleasant. After all, there are so many beautiful things in the world!
Believe me, your soul needs positivity. Positive thoughts and a positive attitude - best food for your soul and body.
6. You allow others to take advantage of your kindness.
It's wonderful to help those who need our help. However, everything needs moderation.
Are you one of those people who love to help others but get nothing in return? Moreover, if you take this for granted, you are doing enormous harm to your soul.
Especially when you do not receive the same kindness from others in return, your soul begins to feel sad, thinking that maybe you are doing something wrong.
Don't let people use you and abuse your kindness. Always know your worth and finally learn to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, feeling all the injustice, yours will suffer and suffer.
The soul suffers
7. You do something that doesn't align with your goal.
You think that earning a lot of money and living in a luxurious home is what you need in life.
However, all this luxury and wealth can only look amazing in movies. In fact, your soul wants completely different things.
She wants to participate in something that gives happiness and satisfaction. Don't try to stick to a routine because it will only harm your soul. Be adventurous, spontaneous and open to new things. May your soul be happy and find its purpose in this life. Otherwise, your soul will begin to resist and hurt.
Doing something standard and imposed by someone that does not correspond to your goal.
8. When you are not true to yourself
Sometimes we do something that goes against our desires. We do things that obviously don't make us happy, but we do them anyway.
This can be due to various reasons, such as peer pressure or trying to fit in.
But when you decide to do something that doesn’t make you happy at all, you become untrue to yourself.
Identify what you like in life and identify those things that align with your morals, principles and your spiritual values.
Don't let other people's opinions interfere with your life and determine its future course. Your soul sees lies and recognizes other people's interference, do not try to deceive it. After all, only when you remain true to yourself and your principles does a feeling of joy and absolute happiness come.
9. You say yes when you mean no.
This is the greatest crime you can commit against your own soul. And your soul must pay for it.
When you decide to do something you don't really want to do, you degrade yourself and diminish the value of your own life.
Keep in mind that you should never say “yes” when in fact your soul says a clear “no”, and even more so, you should never do something that is contrary to your own will and desires.
After all, in the end, doing something against your will will not bring any benefit to you or your life.
Your soul reacts to what you do and how you act. Listen to her and try not to disappoint her.
10. You hold on to things that no longer serve you.
We all know what a restraining power an ordinary habit can have, and how difficult it is to let go of something or someone to which we are accustomed and rooted in our soul.
However, when that particular thing or person becomes destructive to our lives, it is a sign that it is time to give it up and move on.
Don't hold on to something that doesn't bring you more happiness, but on the contrary, pulls you down. Whatever it is, person, thing or situation, let it go! Your soul will immediately feel better, it will have the strength to move forward and open new horizons.
11. Don't let bad people leave your life.
Again, continuing the above theme of habit, it is very difficult to say goodbye to someone. It is especially difficult to say goodbye to those who have been in your life for a long time.
But if a person brings more negativity into your life than positivity and joy, it's time to show that person the door. He must leave your life for your soul to breathe a sigh of relief.
Do not associate with a person who, in your opinion, belittles your worth, humiliates you as a person, oppresses you physically or mentally, or dictates how you should live.
If you feel that there is such a person in your life, and that after communicating with him you only feel worse, it is time to say goodbye to such a character.
Your soul does not like the evil and bad people. So why purposefully poison her, oppress her and make things worse?
12. You don't love yourself
This is the deadliest sin of all, and the most brutal crime against yourself.
If you don't learn to love yourself, your soul will gradually begin to abandon you, become sick, and eventually leave your body.
You may not realize it, but in fact your soul is waiting for love, understanding and attention from you. And if she doesn't get it, there is a high probability that you will gradually begin to hate everything around you, including your own life.
Be sure to love yourself and everything connected with your destiny. Learn to accept yourself for who you are, accept your mistakes and forgive yourself for them. Praise yourself even for the smallest achievements.
This is the greatest gift you can give to your soul.
A bright soul is a loving soul; love her, cherish her, and she will love you and reciprocate your feelings.
Once again the alleys are covered with fading foliage,
The crimson forest, in the rays of the sun, will burst into flames.
The song of the cranes screams, it burns the soul again,
Sadness is the sadness of parting, bright in it.
And the soul will rush between the past and the future,
In the past, youth and life without worries remained.
And in the future unknown, like blue smoke,
The unknown with fog, shrouding the world, awaits
The time for tears of rain - autumn has come,
The time of withered leaves, the time of ripe fruits.
The end of summer and the beginning of the first frosts,
Time, bitter smoke...
Why are you tearing my soul apart?
Why are you burning sadness, like stinging nettles?
Well, you don't give me peace,
Oh, leave me alone, don't torture me.
Don't try to despondency in me,
You instill in me disbelief.
Don't strive to become my middle name,
Peace of darkness, passing off as salvation.
I will not give you power over me,
Thoughts of sad sad darkness.
I won’t let her tear her soul apart,
And me...
The soul is great... The flesh is weak...
Wants to spin between them
Love straight and oblique
Top angle bisectors...
How the heavenly fan descended
At that hour the movement was made
And along the way I met persistence
From the breath of time...
Well... Hello moon queen!
The Tsar has been waiting for you in the mansions!
How did you come to him yesterday
So yesterday he was confused...
The soul is like a moth
It flies into the light, sometimes burning.
That light is not close, not far.
It contains the doors of happiness, the doors of heaven.
My soul longs for warmth,
Simple love and understanding.
Tired of struggle and evil...
The soul is a tender creature.
Why is she suffering so much?
Is there really no other way?..
Our world is cruel. And that's a fact;
And there is little holy fire in him.
Taras Timoshenko
19.12.2018
The soul wandered through the worlds,
I was looking for happiness and hope.
She wasn't the same as before
I no longer believed in dreams.
And lost among the worlds,
She was stuck between them.
Should you choose the path of sin or the sacred?
How to throw off the burden of your shackles?...
Who knows... Maybe now
She is still there, on the same paths.
And in the same thoughts and concerns.
Everything is at a crossroads. Looking for us.
The soul languishes incomprehensibly.
And the lines of rhymes float indistinctly.
It is difficult to catch them in a new verse.
The flow of feelings has almost died down.
Minutes in a gray succession,
Driven by the wave of life,
Floating into a foggy world for souls.
Again the mind dictates nonsense.
He feels free
Where the soul sees no ford.
Ornate script of words
Always ready to fill the moment.
And here's an exquisite veil
He covers distance after distance.
The bluebird is tearing its feathers
And interrupts the flight of the stars.
My love, how cruel you are! –
She took everything away...
Why do people think they have the right to destroy other people's lives? Leaving, offending, not calling, throwing words to the wind... Are you, Gods, to decide who should suffer and who should live happily? If you already said “I love”, then be kind enough to love until your last breath. If you said “I promise,” then break into pieces, but keep your promise. If you said “I won’t let you go,” then do everything to stay. Otherwise, what is the point of living if every word you say is equal to zero and has no meaning?
© Ivan Okhlobystin
Good day to all!
How difficult it turns out to be to write such things...
My husband cheated on me. More precisely, he changed throughout the year...
Well, now let's get back to the point.
Acquaintance, the candy-bouquet period, a fairly long relationship before marriage, a wedding, the birth of a son... A couple of years ago our relationship began to crack, there was a very difficult period, some kind of dumb misunderstanding, reluctance to hear and understand the partner, problems + living together with my parents ... The end of all this is that we decided to live separately. The relationship has moved into some kind of absolutely abnormal status: it seems like it exists, but it seems like it doesn’t. And they dragged on like this for almost six months. The final denouement came last fall, when I filed for divorce. Divorced... The decision, it seemed to me, was deliberate, although it was extremely difficult. A year later, I understand that it was just a cry from the heart, a last attempt to prove something to him and myself, to provoke him to do something. This is so terribly childish and absolutely unreasonable. But... What's done is done... Next is probably the most interesting thing. I understand that our relationship with ex-husband are developing even more abnormally than before the divorce. We continued to communicate as if nothing had happened, as if we continued to be husband and wife (I’m talking about communication now, not intimate life). He regularly comes not only home, but also to work, we continue to call several times a day. There was one very significant moment: we quarreled, didn’t see each other for 3 days, didn’t talk on the phone. And then he calls and asks if he can come to my work. He's coming. I make him coffee and during the conversation we make peace. This was a must see! He excitedly told everything that happened during these 3-4 days. I sat opposite, listened and realized that I was terribly bored, that I also terribly missed conversations like this, and that he was the person to whom I wanted and want to tell everything that happened in the first place! I interrupt him mid-sentence with a question: “Is it just me or have you been terribly bored these days?” Minute pause... And his: "Yes…".
Then everything happened somehow by itself. The relationship again became more like a marriage in the full sense of the word. He again invites me to marry him. And everything would be fine, but this summer I accidentally find out that he has another woman. And she appeared even before our divorce.
I met her by chance.
You know, it is very difficult to convey in words your feelings at that moment. I felt like they had put a fur hat on my head. I stood, listened to her, the details of their relationship, that he promised to adopt her son, intimate details about MY HUSBAND, that he cheated on me before, about his habits, tastes, and only one thought was spinning in my head, that this is not with me, this is not about me, this could not happen to me, anyone but him, my dearest, closest. Lord, it’s so strange and scary to listen from the lips of a stranger to something that only I seemed to know. A two-hour conversation, and all two hours were in a fog. Afterwards, for the first time, I had a state close to hysteria, when within a minute I went from sobbing to laughing... For several days I was absolutely depressed, I could not eat, work, I rushed about like a tiger in a cage, I could not find a place for myself. I recently read somewhere that heartache lasts 16 minutes, the rest is us winding ourselves up. Nonsense! I physically felt where my soul was! Mental pain was akin to physical pain! It felt like MY world collapsed in an instant, my whole family life, which I built brick by brick, turned out to be some kind of farce. There was only one desire - to run away, to forget everything. All I did was pray. I prayed every day, every hour. I did not ask God to return him or our relationship, I asked only for one thing, that this mental pain would pass as quickly as possible. I felt like I was going crazy, suffocating...
It seems to us that in relationships with our spouse everything is more or less predictable, under control, that our loved ones are a constant in our lives, that they will never betray or stab us in the back. And when these illusions collapse... It hurts unbearably...
Then, when the emotions subsided a little, I began to be afraid of only one thing - to forgive him.
I always said before that I would never forgive betrayal. Never give up! Never give yourself such attitudes. Life is so cunning, it will definitely hit you on the nose with your own vows
And you know, I forgave... I forgave very quickly... Probably a couple of weeks after these events we saw each other. A long and difficult conversation took place. It ended with the fact that we decided to TRY to step over all this and start with a clean slate. Three weeks of quiet life and she appears again. As it turned out, their relationship still continued. Take 2... For about 5 minutes she frantically rummages in her bag in search of her phone, where there should be SMS messages proving that my husband is so-and-so and is cheating on me again. In general, her husband told her quite sharply that he did not want to continue the relationship, that he wanted me and our family back. To be honest, at the time I thought that was all. But... It wasn’t like that... I won’t go into details further, but similar situations were repeated several more times. Yes, yes, no matter what the rake teaches, the heart believes in miracles.
Her calls, offers to meet and “share a man”, stories about what wonderful sex they had today, etc. The husband reassured her, saying that she was taking revenge, that it was all a lie, a provocation. I don't know what's true and what's not. I admit that both the husband and she can lie.
A month ago, calls and texts to my husband stopped. A couple of days later I found a phone in his car with another SIM card, and there... Calls, calls, calls... Incoming, outgoing... And all to one number...
That's when something clicked in my head and fell into place. I decided that was it. This is the limit.
The only thing I needed then was a time out, not to see or hear him. I blacklisted his number, I never intended to limit communication with my child, I just asked my mother to let all this go through her.
He called through my friend and asked to see me and explain everything. Had arrived. He swore that he needed the other number for only one purpose - to protect me from these calls, that he would do everything to regain my trust. Probably for the first time in a long time, I said no. He came again the next day. He said that he couldn’t imagine his life without me, that everything fell out of his hands if we had a quarrel or hadn’t seen each other for several days, that it was all over a long time ago. And you know, I listened to him and understood that right now he was speaking sincerely.
Today I know that there are common things that still connect them. The husband swears that this is purely on his part business relationship. But on her part, it’s really not, and I’m sure of that.
Have you forgiven me? Maybe yes. Forgiveness is easier than many people think. It’s much more difficult to start trusting again... And is it even possible? I know that he loves us and wants to be with us, and I continue to love him, but constant doubts and suspicions poison our lives. One hope is that time heals and everything will be put in its place...
The essence of this post is not about the difficult female lot, but about the lessons that I personally learned from everything that happened. I analyzed for a very long time and a lot why everything turned out the way it did. And, probably, only now have I begun to truly cherish and appreciate our relationship.
Our very first and biggest mistake was living together with my parents. This is despite the fact that they are extremely tolerant and have never interfered in our lives.
The second very significant mistake is the desire to live separately and understand something for yourself. Problems need to be solved, talked about, looked for a way out, and not run away from them. The last point is rather a consequence of my personal mistakes. I realized another very important thing for myself: I got married by building sand castles in my head, I didn’t marry a specific person, I married an IMAGE that I came up with myself. Living together very quickly dispelled most of the illusions.
This is where, it seems to me, the hardest part begins. How so? I thought you were this and that, but you’re not like that at all! no, you just have to be the way I imagined you :-)
Then another equally important misconception takes its place: I can change it. He loves me, which means he MUST! No! He simply must change! Change your views, your behavior and habits. After all, I don’t wish him harm, my demands are justified and will only benefit him and our relationship.
Dear girls, you CANNOT change another person! No one can do this! Accept your significant other for who they are! With all the advantages and disadvantages. You probably have them too;-) Learn to love him EXACTLY THAT WAY.
If you understand and accept this, believe me, you will be able to avoid many insults and disappointments in your partner.
Another important misconception is that the one who is next to us is forever, that he will not go anywhere. It is not true.
Don’t put him out on the street with your suitcases, don’t throw offensive words at him, don’t throw your phones, don’t be offended if he forgot about an important date, bought something at the store or was late with friends at the bar.
Close your eyes and imagine for a minute that he is no longer in your life. It doesn't matter where he is. He died, left for someone else, or simply moved thousands of kilometers away, he’s simply no longer around... Do you feel sad? If yes, then take care of what you have...
Relationships, trust, love, mutual understanding, friendship, respect - all this is so fragile! It can be broken in seconds, but repaired is very difficult, and sometimes completely impossible.
...Do you know what pain is?
When the soul is torn apart,
When a scream rose up in my chest
And everything won’t break free?
Do you know what it is... to love?
Losing myself in his eyes,
Cursing his smile
And idolize him.
Do you know how to love it?
Then die of indifference,
Then resurrect from warm words,
Keep hope... again and again,
Blame yourself for this weakness
And look between the lines for answers.
This is what it feels like... To love! (With)
