Relationships are rarely simple. Even your marriage does not always guarantee your spouse’s absolute fidelity. Situations when a man takes a mistress and, moreover, a child from another woman are very common.

Of course, this fact can hardly be called normal, at least for cultures that do not allow polygamy. However, this is the price to pay for a free society and free morals. At the same time, relationships with your spouse are of high value and here you need to approach the difficulties that arise judiciously.

• when you suspect your husband has a child from someone else;
• when you are completely sure of this and then what to do with this fact;
• when you need to determine the presence of a child;
• when you need to understand how to continue to behave with your spouse;
• when to be suspicious.

In addition, we use not only advice from psychologists and family consultants, but also advice from mistresses, because they are the ones who know better than others how to recognize betrayal.

Suspicions about the child on the side

People's behavior changes periodically, and some new factors can change behavior. Including, if your husband has a mistress, you can often recognize this fact by changes in behavior. Here are signs that may raise suspicions:

• intimate relationships - most often men are looking for variety in relationships, new romance and experiences, if you notice how your spouse has lost interest in you almost completely, it is quite possible that he leaves his erotic energy in the bed of another woman, try to diversify your own sexual relationships, become attractive again for your spouse;
• new words - if you notice new words and topics for conversation, this fact may indicate the presence of new close communication with some person, perhaps these new topics are interesting for the lover and appear from there;
• change in behavior - characteristic behavior for spouses who cheat is walking down the street a little ahead of the woman, as if distancing themselves; there are other similar signs;
• new schedule - if the spouse begins to often stay at work, always goes to see friends on free days, in general, spends a minimum of time with you, this fact may also be a sign of an outside relationship;
• ingratiation – sometimes husbands feel guilty and begin to excessively ingratiate themselves with you, pay attention to such changes in behavior and communication;
• variety in sex - if your spouse continues an intimate relationship with you and you have not read the Kama Sutra before, it is quite possible that somewhere there is a source of this new experience and your husband is acquiring new sexual skills from his mistress.

Sometimes these factors may not mean anything, but it is advisable to be wary. They can only indicate the presence of a mistress, but not a child. If you observe something like this and want to fight for the relationship, you should not be overly jealous, but start working on yourself and becoming attractive to your spouse again.

When a husband has a child on his side, his behavior most often changes. Of course, you may not notice anything, but if you know the person and the relationship is quite long, you will feel the changes, especially if you are not deceiving yourself.

The birth of a child changes emotionally, this fact is still of great importance for almost any person. Your spouse may become more sentimental or simply start talking about children more often. Such changes in mood may be a characteristic sign.

Try to pay attention to your own spouse. This way you can not only see the betrayal, but also strengthen the relationship.

Signs may also be simple facts like:

• the spouse spends less time at home;
• brings in less money, some strange expenses have appeared.

As a rule, men support their children. Accordingly, the man will provide for the new child and spend a certain amount of time.

Optimal behavior with your husband

First of all, you should not become discouraged or create scandals. You may be overwhelmed by emotions, but such showdowns will not lead to anything productive. The result, one way or another, will be some kind of discussion in calm tones.

You will have to decide how to handle this situation. Therefore, it is best to start calmly and judiciously from the very beginning.

If there is evidence

If you have complete confidence, you essentially have only two options:

• to break relations;
• continue the relationship.

The second option also has a choice. You can allow your husband to continue supporting the child or demand that he no longer communicate with the child and his mistress.

This issue should be discussed in a comfortable environment and without emotions. You need to understand how the husband himself treats the child from his mistress, whether he considers this fact a mistake and wants to stay with you or wants a new family. As it is not difficult to understand, if a husband decides to go to a new family, the likelihood of continuing the relationship with you decreases and most often you need to forgive and let go.

You should not expose and blame your spouse, otherwise you will achieve nothing. If your husband admits his mistake, he will repent to you.

If your spouse repents to you in every possible way, admits his mistakes, and you are ready to forgive, you need to discuss how to move forward in this situation. Many women are helped by treating this child as a child from a previous relationship. There is some self-deception in this, but such an attitude allows you to worry less and accept your spouse’s mistakes.

If you're not sure

If you only suspect your spouse, you should not first look for any additional evidence on your own. It's best to talk normally too.

Perhaps the husband will not confess from the very beginning, but will take some time to think about it. Therefore, after such a conversation, sometimes you just need to wait. Also, normal communication can help you dispel doubts, sometimes they really are groundless.

Reasons for betrayal and a child from a mistress

After you discover your husband’s infidelity and, especially, your husband’s child from another woman, the main question will be precisely the question of the reason. Many women initially consider men to be polygamous, that is, predisposed to many partners. This gives rise to jealousy, suspicion, and even justification for betrayal.

This fact actually makes some sense. Evolutionarily and physiologically, men are indeed more predisposed to active reproduction and changing partners.

Use negative experiences to your advantage. When you know the reason for the betrayal, you will be able to intelligently adjust your relationship in the future.

Nevertheless, modern society is completely different. For example, now in developed countries there is a steady trend towards fewer children. Adults often rely on quality rather than quantity.

Likewise, partnerships often become stronger. People strive to find happiness with a single partner, that is, monogamous people are a completely normal phenomenon.

Why did the child appear?

Often the reason really lies in the woman. Relationships require work, and on the part of a woman, taking care of the family hearth is not only about cooking borscht and cleaning the apartment, but also about creating comfort, remaining interesting to her partner, and developing relationships. This fact also applies to the variety of sexual communication and emotional communication and many other aspects of relationships.

Having a mistress does not always lead to a child; rarely does a man expect to have a child from another woman. Most often they are looking for recognition and admiration, new pleasures. However, you know where babies come from and if you do this often, a baby may appear.

What to do next?

After the fact has become clear and you have learned about the child from another woman, you should choose the optimal model of behavior for yourself. Decide for yourself the main topics:

• is it possible for you to continue the marriage and whether your spouse wants this;
• how you want to treat the other child;
• can you forgive your spouse?

These points are the most significant and, based on this, you can understand what to do next. It is best to find out in detail the attitude of your spouse and think for yourself. Advice from friends or someone similar can help, but not always, rely on your own opinion, because your situation is your own, not someone else’s.

Should I get a divorce?

Breaking up should only be accepted when this option is the most positive and rational for you. In particular:

• your spouse does not want a relationship with you;
• your spouse wants to have two families, but you don’t accept this;
• he wants to maintain a relationship with his child and his mistress, and you want to end this relationship completely;
• if you cannot forgive;
• if you consider it necessary to start looking for a new relationship and consider this marriage a mistake.

To briefly summarize, a relationship should only continue when there is mutual understanding and something valuable between you, when you need each other.

In other situations, divorce may be the best option. After all, not every relationship is ideal. This fact is difficult to accept, but it is better to end a destructive relationship than to continue to suffer together.

Is it necessary to forgive

Often, after a husband gets a child on the side, behavior changes towards seeking forgiveness. The spouse may indeed be sincerely repentant and seek your understanding. In this situation, the man values ​​your relationship more than anything else and does not want to ruin anything.

To forgive or not to forgive is your personal choice. Analyze whether you can be happy in the future.

If you feel the need to forgive, then it will take work. Much needs to be done on your inner level, much needs to be done on the outer level. We will consider these aspects further.

How to accept a child from another woman?

On the other hand, you need to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship. Continue to develop what you have already created, do not dwell on the past and do not repeat to yourself about the existing fact. Start from a new stage, try to bring new romance into the relationship, sometimes your new child can be the way out if opportunities allow.

You stay with your husband

• cope with your own emotions;
• talk openly with your spouse and sort out the relationship;
• bring something new into the relationship.

Relationship with the mother of an illegitimate child?

Although you should try to have a positive attitude towards everything, you should not include your mistress in your own family. Especially if the other woman knew about the presence of a spouse, that is, you. This fact quite accurately characterizes the moral character of this person.

Therefore, the most rational decision is to completely terminate relations with ex-lover. This way you will not give your husband unnecessary temptations and you will be able to allow him to make amends for his own guilt.

If you decide to allow a relationship with a child from another, then such communication should exclude contacts with the mother or minimize these relationships.

Fighting depression

The news of a child from a husband’s mistress most often ends in emotional shock or something similar. At first, anger may appear, which later, one way or another, will turn into sadness and even deep depression.

There are general tips for combating depression and those that psychologists give when a husband has a child on the side:

• keep yourself busy - negative experiences should not be drowned out, first you need to change these feelings, look for new hobbies and interests, perhaps in the company of your spouse, the advice is banal, but effective;
• think about the future - you have many opportunities and can have many positive experiences with your husband, so you should concentrate on what you can achieve on your own and together;
• renew passion – sex is a source of positive emotions and sexual communication will help you not only have more joy, but also improve your relationships.

If you decide to continue the relationship, depression will not help you. Try to turn your feelings into something positive, over time you will get rid of unnecessary worries.

Loss of trust

Another negative factor may be a lack of trust. If your jealousy was not in vain, and your spouse turned out to be not so faithful, in the future it will be difficult to have confidence in his sincerity and affection for you.

In fact, lack of trust in your husband is often the result of self-doubt. Therefore, you should become a self-sufficient and confident woman. You need to work on your own attractiveness and intellectual development.

When you are confident in yourself and attract your spouse, then there will be less mistrust. However, you will also need to sincerely communicate with your husband, you need to convince him of his own honesty and the absence of betrayal in the future. If you talk about it, talk about your own insecurities, then most often you can be convinced of your spouse’s continued devotion.

You cannot always completely cope with the situation yourself, and here you should seek the advice of specialists. Psychologists have significant experience and can provide guidance to help you.

• Do not close your eyes. Whether you have just begun to notice signs of infidelity or are already aware of the fact that you have a child, you will need to act. Many women subconsciously try not to notice many things in order to maintain a smooth life. Only this attitude is completely wrong; you need to be active and soberly assess the situation.
• Control your emotions. Learn meditation or introspection, do not give in to negative emotions. Only when you look at the facts intelligently can you look for better solutions.
• Learn sincerity. If your spouse hid another relationship and a child from you, there were some difficulties in your relationship. Often the reason is a lack of sincere communication, and a mistress can provide such communication. Therefore, now try to seek mutual understanding and frankness more often, work on relationships as real partners, and not just cohabitants.

Consider each of these tips. Find out how they can help in your situation.

Interpretations of a dream about a child from another woman

Finally, let's look at interesting fact which can cause anxiety. Why might you dream about having a child on your husband’s side? Let's find out the opinions of dream books.

Sometimes the subconscious can actually point you directly to an existing fact. However, there may be another meaning.

Dream books most often interpret a child in a dream (especially a healthy and smiling one) as a symbol of hope, wealth and prospects. In addition, this symbol is often interpreted as a sign of some worries and expenses (a child is something that needs to be taken care of), and if a husband has one in a dream, perhaps in reality he just needs to worry a lot about some matters, work on a new project .

The birth of a child or childbirth is considered a symbol of income and prosperity. As you can see, not every such dream has a negative connotation. We hope these tips will help you cope with any situations in the future.

Comments 0

Just have a chat. One of my friends lived with a married man for a year (his wife was in another city, he went to his family for the weekend). There, the marriage is many years old, the child is almost an adult. The wife doesn't know anything. A friend gave birth to a son a couple of years ago. I remember very well how before giving birth she said that she did not pretend to anything (and now she says the same with one amendment - the child must live with his father). I’ll say right away that my friend is a person who is provided with everything, an average man in all respects. Now she worries all the time that he did not divorce and did not establish paternity in relation to them joint son. He says that he continues to sleep with him despite the fact that the love has passed and he is even disgusted with her, only for the sake of the child (if I refuse him sex, then he will stop seeing the child altogether, i.e. everything is done for the benefit of the child). She doesn’t accept any of my arguments to be happy with what she has and not demand more from a man (divorce). She especially emphasizes the fact that the child is growing up without a father, and she has a son for whom male attention is especially important. That she herself grew up without a father and it’s scary. I’ve been trying to persuade him to break up with his bio-dad for a year and a half, especially if there is no love, and he treats the child only insofar as she did not pursue the goal of taking him away from the family. She doesn’t care, she complains and asks for support. Well, how long is it possible? At the same time, she herself does not take any radical steps. She is angry that he is hiding from his wife and accuses him of cowardice and hypocrisy. Everything had already calmed down, I was almost sure that almost two years after the birth of the child, this relationship would completely fall apart. And then, as luck would have it, our mutual married friend, having become pregnant by her married lover (she already has married children), marries this lover. Apparently, this was a blow for my friend—other people marry, but not her. In any case, I saw this from my “wrong” bell tower. A friend fell into hysterics, and when I logically try to explain that the best thing is to break up with my lover, and children grow up well without fathers, the sooner they break up, the better better for the child, she is stubborn and wants me to judge the man, not her. So that I could somehow help her... So that he would come to her forever, tell his wife (according to her, he is taking care of her), since he claims that he loves both her and his son. But I can no longer blame him. In this situation, in my opinion, my friend is to blame - she knew what she was getting into. When she says that she didn’t know, and didn’t know that it would hurt so much later because of her son, another child and wife appear before my eyes. And if during this time dad showed no desire to leave his previous family, then she needs to come to terms with it. And somehow resolve the situation herself, that her son is growing up without a father. She accuses me of being hard-hearted and of implying that she is a blackmailer. My advice to her: to spit on him and live her life if she is telling the truth that there was no calculation. And if she can’t do this, it means that her plans were different and she needs to admit it, even if not to me, at least to herself, and not lie. She says that I am wrong, that she is not to blame, only he is to blame. Judge.

She called me in the middle of the night and told me the good news: “Congratulations! Your husband has become a dad. I gave birth to his long-awaited son. Now we will raise our baby together, and you get ready to become a single mother,” even three years later, Natasha clearly remembers what her husband’s mistress told her.

Much water has passed under the bridge since then, but they love triangle nothing could destroy it. Natasha and Vitaly got married immediately after college, a year later they had a child, and it seemed that no one could destroy their happiness. But one day a message came to my husband’s phone from an unfamiliar number: “Darling, you were great!” Then there were tears, scandals, showdowns and threats to break up.

I couldn't believe he had someone else! Before she had time to recover from this shock, she learned that a child had been born on the other side. I’m sitting with my baby daughter in my arms, crying, and I’m thinking about how to save my family. I didn’t intend to ruin my whole life because of some girl who managed to get pregnant. My husband and I sat down and talked, he promised to break off all relations with his mistress, and the next day he silently collected all his things and went to her. For two years he lived either with me or with her, and then I decided to act - and became pregnant. I gave my husband another son, he made the final choice in favor of our family, but did not completely break the connection with the homewrecker. He takes the child to the clinic, buys him toys and takes pictures with his phone. He doesn’t even try to hide these pictures, block them, it’s so terrible that there are photographs of our children and that boy on his phone. Deep down I understand: he is still sleeping with this woman, but I can’t let him go. This is how we live, all three of us suffer, but no one is able to break this vicious circle. Personally, I forgave the betrayal, but this did not help me keep my husband,” says the young wife Natasha frankly.

“Spiritual betrayal is a hundred times more painful and terrible than intimate betrayal”

One of the most painful topics for loving people- this is treason. It is generally accepted that every third family someday faces a difficult dilemma: should they forgive their significant other or not? If some immediately break up after learning about the betrayal, then others continue to live together, trying to start their relationship from scratch.

I found the strength to forgive my husband’s betrayal, but every day I understand: I will never forget this. My husband keeps repeating the same thing: he only cheated once, it all happened while he was drunk at a party, but that doesn’t make it any easier,” says friend Tatyana. - In the heat of the moment, I asked my husband all the details of the betrayal, and now this picture can’t get out of my head. I screw myself up, and when my husband comes home, I break down and start a scandal. I don’t know how many years I need to calm down, but I’m ready to break myself, forget about my pride for the sake of saving my family.

Not everyone is able to stifle constant jealousy and resentment within themselves. But if for some the news about betrayal is like a bolt from the blue, then others live on the alert all their lives and are ready to catch their partner red-handed.

Before the wedding, my husband had many girls, so even after the wedding, I did not relax for a minute. Constantly checking email, asked specialists to hack his mailbox, read SMS messages in mobile phone and finally found it. It turned out that my husband was corresponding with some girl. They discuss films, go to cafes together. When I found out, I was furious. She called all her relatives and gave her husband a purge. He swore that there was no intimate relationship between them. Even after the scandal, the husband continues to correspond with this girl. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that spiritual betrayal is a hundred times more painful and terrible than intimate betrayal,” says Marina, a wife with five years of experience.

“I’ll go for a walk, but I won’t leave my family”

From the outside, his friend Alexander has just an ideal family: a beautiful wife and two charming kids, but few people realize that Sasha goes to the left. And he goes there quite often.

I immediately tell my next passion: she can count on gifts, dinners in a restaurant and intimacy, we cannot have any joint plans for life. As soon as a girl starts talking about how we need to live together or that it’s time for me to get a divorce, I break all ties with her. I love my wife very much, I value her, so I will never leave my family,” Alexander says frankly.

- If you love, then why are you walking?

Well, you're funny! 80% of men cheat on their wives, infidelity is genetic in us, we are predators and that says it all. To be honest, I was faithful for the first three years, and then at some point I realized that the monotony would drive me crazy. My wife starts to get bored, the sensations are no longer the same, and so you go to the left - and again in a great mood,” Alexander says cynically.

True, not all women experience betrayal so painfully. I remember how 50-year-old Olga Viktorovna, wise with experience, always calmly greeted her husband after another spree. And she greeted her not with scandals and reproaches, but with a hot dinner.

“He’ll take a walk and calm down,” Olga Viktorovna repeated the same thing. “I saw his mistresses, nothing special, ordinary losers who, in their old age, were never able to start a family.