Ira and I have been married for only six months. But it seems that in fact our marriage has been going on for twenty years and we are tired of each other to death. At least I do to her. I spend almost all weekends and holidays alone. And all because my wife does not get out of her mother.
I always knew that she was a mother's girl, but while we were dating, this did not bother me. On the contrary, I was glad that she had learned a lot from her mother - to cook deliciously, save money, and quickly cope with household issues. But when we began to live together after the wedding, I fully knew the other side of the medal. On weekdays, after work, Ira runs to her mother every other day - without any need, just to chat. He comes home around midnight and immediately goes to bed. On weekends, she is also with her parents from morning to evening - I can neither talk to her nor go somewhere.
How many times did he offer her in a cafe, to the cinema, to friends. But she considers going to cafes to be wasteful (my mother taught me what to eat at home), she doesn’t like what’s in cinemas, Ira is bored with my friends. She constantly calls me with her, to her parents. But it’s enough for me to communicate with my mother-in-law once a month, my brain explodes from their chatter “about my own, about women’s”! Moreover, Ira's mother is a domineering woman who needs to control everyone. Therefore, she only supports her daughter's behavior, and what we have family life really no, she doesn't care.
Here is a fresh example - New Year's holidays. Guess where we met New Year? That's right, Irina's parents, although she and I were invited to good company. But Ira flatly refused, and I realized that I had little choice: either celebrate with Irina's family, or where I want, but without my wife. I do not need unnecessary quarrels, so I followed her lead. I hoped that at least on the 1st or 2nd we would go to friends, have fun. But the next day, my wife told me: “Igor, let’s go to mom’s salads to eat up! Do you want to see Vovka and Lenka? Well, go to them yourself, and I to mine!” The next day I tried to talk to her about everything. In response, there was at first bewilderment: “Am I going to my lover? Or am I hanging around taverns with my girlfriends? Then tears: “You hate my mother, you want to quarrel with me!” In the end, it seemed to me that Ira seemed to understand something. She even agreed to go to the cinema, I hoped later to spend a romantic evening with her at home, secretly bought a bottle of wine and fruit. But this trip did not bring joy to anyone - the wife sat the entire session with such a face as if she had been taken to hard labor, on the way back she whined about what a terrible movie it was, and, as soon as she crossed the threshold of the apartment, she ran to call her mother and talked to her all evening, locked in a room. Here is a romantic evening for you! In general, I feel that my patience is at the limit, but I love my wife, I don’t want to part with her. I don't know how to save the situation...
Incredibly, the author, the situation is 1 in 1 like mine. If you read, answer how it ended.I am 30, a girl of 25, on the verge of collapse, now offended, moved out to live with her mother.
We met and began to live with her mother, where she lived. Naturally, for me it was a temporary option, because. I lived far away from my parents for a long time and got used to making decisions for myself. And her mother was sitting at home at a laptop, on purchased sick leave, and her daughter was busy around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking her to the hospital, and so on. At first I wanted to help, it was a pity, work, they also force me at home. Then her mother decided when, where, why it was necessary to go, there was practically no life of her own. While I was working, they went shopping or somewhere else and always everywhere her mother was the initiator. I'm tired, scandals began, my mother-in-law is offended, expresses her daughter, my daughter tells me that she just helps her and nothing special. I forgot to say that the girl had a son, she was 2 years old at that time. Somehow he persuaded me to rent an apartment and move. Very convenient, our work, garden 5 min. on foot. We didn't get married, although we wanted to. She goes to her mother every other day at least, they call each other every day, then take her to the hospital, then cook, clean, pay utility bills, in general, everything. Everything is complicated by the fact that she, mother, is very ill, and it is really hard for her to do all this now. I'm not against help, but the constant feeling of her mother's presence is tiring. If we quarrel, and she refuses her, then she will quarrel. I stopped talking to my mother-in-law. And the girl communicates and drives as if nothing had happened. I swear, communicate and travel while I'm away. Once they had a fight, he said that she was against going to one place, at the behest of her mother, she went anyway. And so they lived for 2 years, with double life, it seems that they had their own plans, on the other hand, you know that there is still a mother who is not going to let her go anywhere.
The girl honestly tried to somehow refuse her, but she threw tantrums, a bad daughter, blackmail, threats. Then she stopped, and we fought, often. I also can’t stand her mother, somehow I tried to put up with her, she says that she will buy her a car, despite the fact that we have it so that she has her own, I kind of don’t give a car sometimes. And the girl is tired of everything, but she doesn’t want to leave her mother, and I’m not ready to be the third. The husband is the head of the family and the head of the wife, not the mother, I think so. In short, a vicious circle. And now I think either to leave her with her mother, or to endure, to wait for her to move away from her, but this can be waited all my life, this is education.
I love her very much, so I endure, I came to my mother-in-law to put up, she says it’s my own fault, I left money for them to live. The girl doesn’t communicate with me, she wants to leave, I’m trying to get her back, I’m texting the hater, I’m sorry. But I myself think, is it worth it, or put up with it. I love the girl, although she does not seem to appreciate it much. I also tortured her with scandals, but I was tired of enduring their close union with my mother. My parents help us, they give gifts to the child and her, it’s not enough for me, I don’t mind, her mother didn’t help in any way, but we always owe her, and the girl still doesn’t oppose it. Her mother is not her mother, she adopted her.
Maybe I'm wrong about something, advise if there is a way out, or just leave?
Incredibly, the author, the situation is 1 in 1 like mine. If you read, answer how it ended.I am 30, a girl of 25, on the verge of collapse, now offended, moved out to live with her mother.
We met and began to live with her mother, where she lived. Naturally, for me it was a temporary option, because. I lived far away from my parents for a long time and got used to making decisions for myself. And her mother was sitting at home at a laptop, on purchased sick leave, and her daughter was busy around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking her to the hospital, and so on. At first I wanted to help, it was a pity, work, they also force me at home. Then her mother decided when, where, why it was necessary to go, there was practically no life of her own. While I was working, they went shopping or somewhere else and always everywhere her mother was the initiator. I'm tired, scandals began, my mother-in-law is offended, expresses her daughter, my daughter tells me that she just helps her and nothing special. I forgot to say that the girl had a son, she was 2 years old at that time. Somehow he persuaded me to rent an apartment and move. Very convenient, our work, garden 5 min. on foot. We didn't get married, although we wanted to. She goes to her mother every other day at least, they call each other every day, then take her to the hospital, then cook, clean, pay utility bills, in general, everything. Everything is complicated by the fact that she, mother, is very ill, and it is really hard for her to do all this now. I'm not against help, but the constant feeling of her mother's presence is tiring. If we quarrel, and she refuses her, then she will quarrel. I stopped talking to my mother-in-law. And the girl communicates and drives as if nothing had happened. I swear, communicate and travel while I'm away. Once they had a fight, he said that she was against going to one place, at the behest of her mother, she went anyway. And so they lived for 2 years, with a double life, it seems that they had their own plans, on the other hand, you know that there is still a mother who is not going to let her go anywhere.
The girl honestly tried to somehow refuse her, but she threw tantrums, a bad daughter, blackmail, threats. Then she stopped, and we fought, often. I also can’t stand her mother, somehow I tried to put up with her, she says that she will buy her a car, despite the fact that we have it so that she has her own, I kind of don’t give a car sometimes. And the girl is tired of everything, but she doesn’t want to leave her mother, and I’m not ready to be the third. The husband is the head of the family and the head of the wife, not the mother, I think so. In short, a vicious circle. And now I think either to leave her with her mother, or to endure, to wait for her to move away from her, but this can be waited all my life, this is education.
I love her very much, so I endure, I came to my mother-in-law to put up, she says it’s my own fault, I left money for them to live. The girl doesn’t communicate with me, she wants to leave, I’m trying to get her back, I’m texting the hater, I’m sorry. But I myself think, is it worth it, or put up with it. I love the girl, although she does not seem to appreciate it much. I also tortured her with scandals, but I was tired of enduring their close union with my mother. My parents help us, they give gifts to the child and her, it’s not enough for me, I don’t mind, her mother didn’t help in any way, but we always owe her, and the girl still doesn’t oppose it. Her mother is not her mother, she adopted her.
Maybe I'm wrong about something, advise if there is a way out, or just leave?
Every a person creates a family with the hope that he will live with his spouse in love and harmony until the end of his days, raising his children together and sharing the joy of his grandchildren. But over the years life together for most couples, love gradually fades away and the fact that their marriage has come to an end becomes clear. There are 8 signs that indicate that it is time for spouses to leave, rather than trying to maintain relationships that bring only pain and deprive both spouses of a chance for happiness. So, by what signs can you understand that your marriage has come to an end:
1. Lack of desire to please and surprise. If the spouse does not care how her wife looks, and she has no desire to please her husband delicious meals and to please him, that is the beginning of the end. Absolute indifference to what the spouse is doing is a characteristic sign of a lack of love. If you are late at work or go on a business trip for a long time, and your wife or husband does not call you or write SMS, then it's time to think about whether it is worth living with a person who does not need you. But jealousy and resentment should not be confused with the cooling of feelings. Think about whether you still want to please your spouse with an expensive gift? If your answer is yes, then you just need to talk heart to heart with your spouse.
2. No desire to communicate with spouse. Often a husband and wife come home, have a silent supper, and then go to different rooms, where each of them goes about his own business. Joint conversation and communication tires them. If you are just waiting for your spouse to leave home, and you can enjoy loneliness, and every conversation you have with him turns into a quarrel, then you can no longer expect a happy end to such a relationship. In this case, it is better to leave than to try to maintain a relationship, cause each other suffering and drag a "suitcase without a handle."
3. sleep separately. If a husband and wife sleep in different rooms, and they have sex just for show, then this is a sure sign of fading. Aloofness and reluctance to have sex with a partner suggests that the person is no longer close. Sharing a bed, touching during sleep and communication in the dark play an important role in family relationships, and sleeping separately is mainly those spouses who caught a partner in treason or are very jealous of him.
You should not test each other's patience, the lack of intimate relationships sooner or later leads to treason. If during sex expressions come to your mind: "nightmare", "dirt", "torment" and "why am I putting up with this?", then just let go of your partner and let him find his happiness. And yourself, start looking for new relationships that will bring you peace of mind and sexual satisfaction.
4. Do not want to spend leisure time together. Ask yourself if you would like your spouse to be present at the birthday of a friend or girlfriend where you were invited. If you think that he will only spoil your mood on a festive evening and that it is better for you to relax in the company of friends or girlfriends without him, then you are most likely to part with your spouse. In this case, it is worth saving the marriage only for the sake of the children, but even here you need to think about whether the child will benefit from living together in the same house of essentially strangers. If you take the time to go home after work and try your best free time spend in the company of friends, then this is also a sign of an exhausted relationship.
5. You think you love two at once. All people are polygamous to some extent, everyone in their youth wants to please not only their partner, but also hear compliments and accept courtship from others. The desire to "try an apple from someone else's garden" is present in everyone up to 45-50 years old, although not everyone admits this and decides to cheat. But if it seems to you that you love two people at once, then you will have to part with your spouse. Because if he was really dear to you, then the second would simply not exist.
6. Greed towards wife. The first sign of the cooling of the husband's feelings is his unwillingness to spend on the needs of his wife. If he stopped buying you gifts and paying for you, then he no longer cares what you think of him. There is no need to build illusions that the husband began to earn less or became more economical. He simply decided for himself that you have become a stranger to him, and he should provide only for his relatives and friends.
7. You constantly compare your spouse to others. My friend is happily married, but her husband went bald early. I somehow tactlessly asked her if her attitude towards her husband had changed after he lost his hair, and with it his former beauty. A friend with a smile replied that she did not even notice that her husband was bald, he remained the most beloved and dear person, as it was before. If you began to believe that your spouse has changed a lot and is now unworthy of admiration, then do not torment him further and let him go. No need to constantly humiliate him and compare him with others, say that this other one is more educated, stronger, richer and cooler. A neighbor's is always better, but one's own is more expensive. If yours does not seem more beautiful, then this is a sign that your marriage has come to an end.
8. You are constantly humiliated. If a spouse constantly humiliates you, insults you with obscene words, or even raises his hand, then he no longer values your attitude towards him. No matter how much we are told that we need to part with those to whom we no longer feel any feelings, unfortunately, many of us lack the determination to be the first to take this responsible step. An obstacle to this may be common children, the need to divide property, financial difficulties and habit.
We tolerate humiliation and try not to see that we have long ceased to be respected. Moreover, we unsuccessfully try to refresh feelings that have long been gone, we are anticipated by those who love us in order to save the family and not deprive children of their father or mother. Is it worth it? Maybe it’s better to immediately break off relations and leave, than in old age to regret that life has passed, but there was no happiness, and no?
