Every a person creates a family with the hope that he will live with his spouse in love and harmony until the end of his days, raising his children together and sharing the joy of his grandchildren. But over the years life together For most married couples, love gradually fades away and the fact that their marriage has come to an end becomes clear. There are 8 signs that indicate that it is time for spouses to separate rather than try to maintain a relationship that only brings pain and deprives both spouses of a chance for happiness. So, by what signs can you understand that your marriage has come to an end:
1. Lack of desire to please and surprise. If the spouse does not care what his wife looks like, and she has no desire to please her husband delicious dishes and do something nice for him, then this is the beginning of the end. Absolute indifference to what the spouse does is a characteristic sign of a lack of love. If you are late at work or go on a business trip for a long time, and your wife or husband does not call you or write SMS, then it is time to think about whether it is worth continuing to live with a person who does not need you. But jealousy and resentment should not be confused with cooling of feelings. Think about whether you still want to please your spouse with an expensive gift? If your answer is yes, then you just need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your spouse.
2. No desire to communicate with spouse. Often a husband and wife come home, have a silent dinner, and then go to separate rooms, where each of them does his own thing. Joint conversation and communication tires them. If you are just waiting for your spouse to leave home and you can enjoy being alone, and every conversation you have with him turns into a quarrel, then you can no longer expect a happy ending to such a relationship. In this case, it is better to break up than to try to maintain the relationship, cause each other suffering and drag around a “suitcase without a handle.”
3. Sleep separately. If a husband and wife sleep in different rooms, and they have sex just for show, then this is a sure sign of a fading relationship. Alienation and reluctance to have sex with a partner indicates that the person is no longer close. Sharing a bed, touching during sleep and talking in the dark play an important role in family relationships, and mostly those spouses who have caught their partner cheating or are very jealous of him sleep separately.
You shouldn’t test each other’s patience; the lack of intimate relationships sooner or later leads to betrayal. If during sex the following expressions come to your mind: “nightmare”, “dirt”, “torment” and “why am I putting up with this?”, then just let your partner go and let him find his happiness. And start looking for a new relationship that will bring you peace of mind and sexual satisfaction.
4. Don't want to spend leisure time together?. Ask yourself if you would like your spouse to be present at your friend's birthday party to which you are invited. If you think that he will only ruin your mood on a holiday evening and that you are better off relaxing in the company of friends without him, then you are most likely facing separation from your spouse. In this case, it is worth saving the marriage only for the sake of the children, but even here you need to think about whether living together in the same house with essentially strangers will benefit the child. If you are in no hurry to go home after work and try to spend all your free time in the company of friends, then this is also a sign of an exhausted relationship.
5. You think you love two people at once. All people are polygamous to some extent; in their youth, everyone wants to please not only their partner, but also to hear compliments and accept advances from others. The desire to “taste an apple from someone else’s orchard” is present in everyone up to 45-50 years of age, although not everyone admits this and decides to cheat. But if it seems to you that you love two people at once, then you will have to separate from your spouse. Because if he were really dear to you, then there simply wouldn’t be a second one.
6. Stinginess towards your spouse. The first sign of a husband's cooling of feelings is his reluctance to spend on his wife's needs. If he stopped buying you gifts and paying for you, it means he no longer cares what you think about him. There is no need to create illusions that the husband has begun to earn less or has become more economical. He simply decided for himself that you have become a stranger to him, and he should provide only for his family and friends.
7. You constantly compare your spouse to others. My friend is happily married, but her husband went bald at an early age. I somehow tactlessly asked her if her attitude towards her husband had changed after he lost his hair, and with it his former beauty. The friend replied with a smile that she didn’t even notice that her husband was bald, he remained her most beloved and dear person, as it was before. If you begin to believe that your spouse has changed a lot and is now unworthy of admiration, then do not torment him further and let him go. There is no need to constantly humiliate him and compare him with others, saying that this other one is more educated, stronger, richer and cooler. Your neighbor's is always better, but your own is more expensive. If yours does not seem more beautiful, then this is a sign that your marriage has come to an end.
8. You are constantly humiliated. If your spouse constantly humiliates you, insults you with obscene words, or even raises his hand, then he no longer values your attitude towards him. No matter how much we are told that we need to break up with those for whom we no longer feel any feelings, unfortunately, many of us lack the determination to be the first to take this important step. Obstacles to this may include common children, the need to divide property, financial difficulties and habit.
We we tolerate humiliation and try not to see the fact that they stopped respecting us a long time ago. Moreover, we try to no avail to refresh feelings that have been gone for a long time, we are preceded by loving feelings in order to save the family and not deprive the children of their father or mother. Is it worth doing this? Maybe it’s better to immediately break off the relationship and part ways than to regret in old age that life has passed, but there was no happiness?
Among men there are characters whom women affectionately call “mama’s boys.” It is not so easy to recognize it at first. When we are in love, we tend to turn a blind eye to some of the characteristics of a man. Meanwhile, already at the beginning of the relationship, having looked closely at him, you can recognize him as a “mama’s boy.” In our article we will talk about the situation if the husband is a mama's boy. What to do in this case is discussed below.
Who is a mama's boy?
There is no clear definition of this term in psychology. However, in a nutshell, a mama’s boy is a person who is very strongly attached to his mother. At a fairly mature age, serious psychological dependence on the mother can become a problem. It is quite difficult to build a normal family life with this type of man.
Who is a mama's boy and what are his signs?
Mother is an example in everything
Mama's boys very often listen to their mother. And it's not that they ask her for advice. Here the situation is different: her decision is the only correct and undeniable one. Her husband imitates her in everything, without having his own voice.
Constant phone calls to mom
This can be a serious problem if your husband communicates frequently and for long periods of time with his mother throughout the day. You sorely lack his attention; he first of all discusses all his problems with his mother.
In a conflict on the mother's side
In a situation of family conflict, a mama's boy will always take the position of his mother, and this, unfortunately, is very unpleasant. Even if you think you are right, it is extremely difficult to argue with your spouse.
Mom is always there
You and your husband can live far from your mother, however, you always feel that she is nearby. Her husband calls her, consults with her on all issues, listens only to her. This can be very stressful and cause discord in your relationship.
Can't make a serious decision
Think about it: if your spouse, in the event of a pressing issue, postpones making a decision, or shifts it onto you, then most likely your husband is a mama’s boy. What to do in such a situation? Try to leave the final answer to your husband; after all, he is the head of the family, and let him be responsible for his choice.
Comparison with mother
Mama's boy loves to compare you with his mother, giving you her as an example. Often, the choice is not in your favor. It is best to stay away from such a man.
These signs and much more can significantly poison family life. How to deal with the constant control of his mother, and is it worth it, you ask? Definitely worth it if you love your husband and are determined to win.
Women's tricks in dealing with a mama's boy
Below we will look at a few little feminine tricks that will allow you to reduce the intensity of passions in your relationship with your spouse.
Make friends with your mother-in-law
This is the first and most important rule that you must follow. The best way to get to know your enemy is to be close to him. Love your mother-in-law, because she gave birth to such a wonderful son, you yourself chose him and for some reason you still loved him. Praise her, let your husband's mother know that her opinion is very important to you. Do not resist their meetings under any circumstances - this will only ruin your relationship with your husband.
Turn on the actress
At first glance, the first tip may seem almost impossible. But we are women, and at the right moment we know how to be actresses. If your mother-in-law advises you something, listen to her, or even better, do as she wants. If something doesn’t work out, show your mother-in-law that you did everything as she asked, and be nice. Every woman has artistic abilities, try it.
Be smarter
Create conditions for your husband in which he will have to be independent. For example, divide the solution of everyday issues - one is responsible for buying groceries, the other is for preparing dishes, or paying utilities. Don't carry everything on yourself.
Praise your spouse more
This is very important, because even a little praise can make your husband more independent. Gradually he will get used to the fact that something can depend on him. Perhaps like this new status he will really like it.
Accept your situation
Psychologists advise to let go of the situation. Fighting with your mother-in-law is a useless and hopeless endeavor. The main thing that you must understand is that you are now the head of the family, your husband is simply not capable of this. If you are ready for this, then it makes sense to continue living in marriage.
How to live with a husband who is a mama's boy?
The first thing that comes to mind is divorce. Not every woman is ready to share her beloved man with his mother, and this is understandable. In a situation where the husband is a mama's boy, the main thing is not to forget about your interests.
To prevent your mother-in-law from becoming the reason for your separation from your spouse, try changing the rules of the game using the advice of psychologists.
Personal life is not discussed
Mother-in-law can also become a role model
If your husband obeys his mother in everything, and her opinion is an authority for him, this is a reason for you to try to become like her. Try to be like her in some way: in words, actions, manners, this way you will only bring your husband closer to you.
The farther - the closer
When the influence of the mother on the husband is strong enough, the most optimal thing is to go and live away from her. It's best to go to another city. This way your man will grow up much faster.
Unleash your emotions
It is not always possible to keep everything to yourself - this will only harm your health. Is there something you're not happy with? Get angry! Your husband should know that you are extremely dissatisfied with his actions. You can discuss the problem on the forum with the same “neighbors in misfortune”; talking it out to a stranger is sometimes much easier. When arguing with your husband, beware of criticizing his mother, talk only about your feelings.
No manipulation
A mama's boy often passes off his parents' point of view as his opinion. If you feel that he really can't think like that - don't be silent about it! Ask directly why he decided so and what arguments there are for this.
In conclusion, we want to say that if your husband and mother-in-law still do not accept you, and she is always invisibly present in your family, then maybe it’s worth letting such a man go? Or talk directly and firmly with your mother-in-law - there’s definitely nothing to lose, don’t let her interfere in your personal life. You are an adult and confident woman, the mother of her grandchildren, therefore you have the right to respect for yourself.
Incredible, author, the situation is 1 in 1 like mine. If you are reading, please answer how it ended.I’m 30, my girlfriend is 25, on the verge of breaking up, now I’m offended and moved to live with my mother.
We met and started living with her mother, where she lived. Naturally, for me this was a temporary option, because... I lived far from my parents for a long time and was used to deciding everything myself. And her mother sat at home on her laptop, on purchased sick leave, and her daughter was busy around the house, cooking, cleaning, taking her to the hospital, etc. At first I wanted to help, it was a pity, I had work and they also forced me to do it at home. Then her mother decided when, where, and why she had to go; her life was practically nonexistent. While I was working, they went shopping or somewhere else, and her mother was always the initiator everywhere. I’m tired, scandals started, my mother-in-law gets offended, confronts her daughter, my daughter tells me that she’s just helping her and nothing special. I forgot to say that the girl has a son, he was 2 years old at that time. Somehow I persuaded him to rent an apartment and move. Very convenient, our works, garden 5 min. on foot. We didn't get married, although we wanted to. She goes to see her mother every other day at least, they call each other every day, then take her to the hospital, then cook, clean, pay for housing and communal services, in general, everything. Everything is complicated by the fact that she, my mother, is very sick, and it’s really hard for her to do all this now. I'm not against help, but the constant feeling of her mother's presence is tiring. If we make a scandal and she refuses her, then she will make a scandal. I stopped communicating with my mother-in-law. And the girl communicates and drives as if nothing had happened. I swear, communicate and drive while I’m not there. Once we had a fight, he said that he was against her going to one place, but on her mother’s orders, she went anyway. And so we lived for 2 years, with double life, it seems that she had her own plans, on the other hand, you know that there is still a mother who is not going to let her go anywhere.
The girl honestly tried to refuse her somehow, but she threw hysterics, a bad daughter, blackmail, threats. Then she stopped, and we argued often. I also can’t stand her mother, I tried to put up with her, she says that she will buy her a car, even though we have one, so that she can have her own, I’m like, I don’t give her a car sometimes. And the girl is tired of everything, but she doesn’t want to leave her mother, and I’m not ready to be the third. The husband is the head of the family and the head of the wife, not the mother, I think so. In short, a vicious circle. And now I’m thinking either to leave her with her mother, or to endure it, to wait for her to move away from her, but you can wait your whole life for this, this is upbringing.
I love her very much, so I put up with it, I came to my mother-in-law to make peace, she said it was my fault, I left money for them to live on. The girl doesn’t communicate with me, she wants to leave, I’m trying to get her back, I’m writing a hateful text message, I’m sorry. But I myself think whether it’s worth it or I’ll put up with it. I love the girl, although she doesn’t seem to appreciate it much. I also tormented her with scandals, but I was tired of tolerating her close union with my mother. My parents help us, they give gifts to the child and her, it’s not enough for me, I don’t mind, her mother didn’t help in any way, but we always owe her, and the girl still doesn’t resist this. Her mother is not her mother yet, but she adopted her.
Maybe I’m wrong about something, please advise if there is a way out, or should I just leave?
Ira and I have been married for only six months. But it seems that in fact our marriage has been going on for twenty years and we are sick of each other to death. At least I am to her. I spend almost all weekends and holidays alone. And all because my wife doesn’t leave her mother’s side.
I always knew that she was a mama's girl, but while we were dating, it didn't bother me. On the contrary, I was glad that she learned a lot from her mother - to cook deliciously, save money, and quickly deal with everyday issues. But when we began to live together after the wedding, I fully learned the other side of the coin. On weekdays after work, Ira runs to her mother every other day - without any need, just to chat. He comes home closer to midnight and immediately goes to bed. On weekends, she is also with her parents from morning to evening - I can’t talk to her or go somewhere.
How many times did he propose to her in a cafe, at the cinema, with friends? But she considers going to a cafe wasteful (her mother taught her to eat at home), she doesn’t like what’s shown in cinemas, and Ira is bored with my friends. She constantly calls me with her, to her parents. But it’s enough for me to communicate with my mother-in-law once a month; their chatter “about their own things, about women’s things” makes my brain explode! Moreover, Ira’s mother is a powerful woman who needs to control everyone. Therefore, she only supports her daughter’s behavior, and what we have family life Not really, she doesn’t care.
Here is a recent example - New Year's holidays. Guess where we met New Year? That's right, Irina's parents, although she and I were invited to good company. But Ira flatly refused, and I realized that I had little choice: either celebrate with Irina’s family, or where I want, but without my wife. I don’t need unnecessary quarrels, so I followed her lead. I hoped that at least on the 1st or 2nd we would go to see our friends and have some fun. But the next day my wife told me: “Igor, let’s go to mom’s to finish the salads!” Do you want to visit Vovka and Lenka? Well, okay, go to them yourself, and I’ll go to mine!” The next day I tried to talk to her about everything. At first the response was bewilderment: “Am I going to see my lover? Or am I hanging out in pubs with my girlfriends?” Then tears: “You hate my mother, you want to quarrel between me and her!” In the end, it seemed to me that Ira seemed to understand something. She even agreed to go to the cinema, I hoped to then spend a romantic evening with her at home, secretly bought a bottle of wine and fruit. But this trip did not bring joy to anyone - the wife sat the entire session with a face as if she had been brought to hard labor, on the way back she whined about how terrible the film was, and, as soon as she crossed the threshold of the apartment, she ran to call her mother and talked to her all evening, locked himself in the room. Here's to a romantic evening! In general, I feel that my patience is at its limit, but I love my wife, I don’t want to part with her. I don’t know how to save the situation...
