If someone is making false accusations against you, is hatching evil plans against you, or is already committing some kind of injustice against you, write down on paper the name, surname, patronymic, and also, if you know, the date of birth of your offender. Look at this paper and imagine the face of your ill-wisher. Then pour water into a small jar. Roll the paper with the inscription into a tube, tie it with black thread and throw it into the water. Place a jar of water in the cold and say:

With the eyes of a dragon and the wings of an angel I conjure and fix:
that which is determined against me, that which will not find its place in the world

Having done this, be sure that the ice now formed in the jar will reliably fetter the evil thoughts and actions of the one whose name he has imprisoned.

If you have suffered irreparable harm that cannot be forgiven, perform return witchcraft. Take two needles. One thick and long, the other short and thin. Insert a smaller needle into the eye of a thick needle. Wrap black thread around the junction of the needles so that they hold tightly together, and say:

Your needle is long, mine is short, your work is evil, mine is good.
I pierce your evil, I return to you everything that I prepared for me,
everything that he did for me, he got everything back,
now, this minute and forever and ever!

Insert a large needle into the door or doorframe of your offender’s house so that your needle points to the right, and repeat the previous spell.

When someone is trying to harm you or is plotting something bad against you, pour sunflower oil into a glass and place it on the table in front of you. Place two candles on both sides of the glass: red on the right, black on the left. Start moving the candles around the glass counterclockwise: take the red candle in your right hand and the black candle in your left hand and rearrange them so that the black candle is in front of you and the red candle is behind the glass, then take the black candle in your right hand and the red candle in your left hand and rearrange them again so that there is a red candle in front of you, a black one behind the glass, and so on. At this moment, imagine a luminous sphere, in the middle of which your ill-wisher is located. Imagine how he unsuccessfully tries to get out of this sphere, and feel his confusion and horror at the futility of these attempts. Realize that now he will be just as incapacitated in his dirty deeds. Having completed the ritual, go to the house of the one who is hatching dangerous plans against you and pour the oil under his threshold.

In order to punish the person who offended you, get his hair. Wrap this hair in a white scarf, place it on the table and, striking the scarf with a rod, say the following spell:

How does this hair get blows and pain now?
so his owner will receive blows and pain.

This witchcraft should only be used when you have actually been mortally wronged or suffered irreparable harm.

Pour clean spring water into a glass jar. Place a mirror on the table, place the Bible in front of it and place a bowl of water on it. Place a candle between the book and the mirror. Sit at the table and look through the water in the mirror. Say at this moment:

He who is with good will remain with good,
whoever has evil will receive this evil,
someone with a nasty word,
he will choke on the same word.

Go to a deserted place and spray all the water on four sides. If you know your ill-wisher, then pour water near his house, and then all his plans will lose their power, and the evil he has committed will turn against him.

In order for the damage sent to you to return to the one who created it, perform return witchcraft. Take the liver or heart of some animal or bird and stick nine sharp splinters or needles into it. As you insert the first needle, say:

This is for the one who aimed with the basin!

The second needle should pierce the heart at the moment when you say:

This is for the one who caused the damage!

Stick the third needle with the words:

This is for the one who committed evil!

fourth

This needle will pierce his heart (liver)!,

This needle will press his tongue!

This needle will tame his evil thought!

seventh -

Evil thought, come back!

and the eighth -

Mortal force, return!

Finally, insert the last, ninth needle, saying:

Black eye, close!

After this, wrap the heart or liver in linen and bury it in a dung pit or hide it near the home of your offender.

Ritual of retribution

To punish a person who has harmed you, cut a dead branch from a walnut tree that does not bear fruit. Do this in the morning before sunrise, while saying the following words:

I cut this branch in the name of punishing the slave... (name).

Returning home, cover the table with a white tablecloth and hit the tablecloth with a cut branch, imagining that you are striking your offender. Accompany this ritual with the words:

I don’t beat the tablecloth, I beat the slave... (name).
So that all my blows are reflected on him,
so that my suffering and pain would go away to him.

Dragons are magical, mystical creatures with menacing looks and terrifying skills. However, many dragons have a soft side and can be trained by brave heroes and heroines seeking adventure. If you've always wanted to train your own dragon, then see Step 1 below to get started with this fun fantasy role-playing activity! (If you're looking for information about Bearded Dragons, check out this article.)

Steps

Recognized Dragon Breeds

• You can earn the dragon's trust by gently stroking its face with your hand. This calms the dragon if it is angry or scared and shows it that you are not dangerous.
• You can also earn the dragon's trust by being polite and kind. After all, you will never force a dragon to do what you want by shouting or throwing stones at it.
• Another good way Earning the dragon's trust means showing that you are reliable and that he can count on you. If you are going to bring your dragon some food, do it. If you say that you won't let anyone hurt him, go all the way. Most dragons will reward you for this loyalty a thousand times over.

Reward the Dragon with treats. Dragons respond better to training when their good behavior is rewarded and their bad behavior is punished. You can reward the dragon when it does what you ask, such as sitting still or allowing you to fly on its back.

• The dragon's favorite reward is food, but the type of food will depend on the type of dragon. Meat-eating dragons will enjoy fish (bones and all) and pieces of lamb meat. Herbivorous dragons (like Base Brown) love to eat the petals of beautiful flowers.
• Another reward that dragons love is a pat under the chin or behind the ears. Be careful, when the dragon laughs, it may accidentally breathe fire!

Play with the dragon. Despite their fearsome reputation, most dragons love to play and have fun when they feel happy and safe. Therefore, playing with your dragon is one of the best ways to bond with it.

• Each dragon has its own favorite game, so you'll need to figure out what works for yours. Some dragons like to play with the effort you can make by throwing a stick into the air with a shot and then letting your dragon fly up to grab it and bring it back.
• Other dragons love to play with their food. Take a piece of raw meat and throw it into the air. The dragon will use its fire-breathing abilities to cook a flying meal before catching it in its mouth!

• " Fly:" Flip flap
• "Sit:" Parka di botti
• "Eat:" Much-munch
• "Fire" Flicka-flame
• "Catch:" Catcha
• "Squeal:" Yowlyshreekers
• "Sleep" Zip peepers
• "Get Started" Gogo
• "Thus:" Vazza
• And if you want to say No do one of the thesis things, all you have to do is add the word "Na". For example, if you wanted to say "don't shout" in dragon language, you would say "At yowlyshreekers".<Ссылка>http://www.howtotrainyourdragonbooks.com/funstuff/writedragonesse/

Learn some useful phrases. Once you start communicating with your dragon more and more, you will need to learn some useful everyday phrases that will help you deal with your mischievous dragon, such as the following: .

• "Please don't mess up the house, thank you:" Nee-ah crappa inna di hoosus, pishyu.
• "My mother doesn't like it when you bite her:" Mi mama no likeit yum-yum on di bum.
• "Would you be so kind as to spit it out my friend, please?" Pishyu keendlee Gobba OOT miles freeundlee?<Ссылка> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u96Kc_R8iKA

Warnings

• Don't do this when your dragon is eating. You want to keep him comfortable by feeding him from a dish. Also make sure that you change his food every time, otherwise after some time he will not eat the food you give him.

Chapter six. Dragon of Martyrdom

The positive pole is dedication. The negative pole is the desire to torture.

External manifestations.

Maudlin; always complaining; touchy; with his whole appearance making it clear “how unhappy I am”; blaming everyone and everything and, above all, himself; sighing mournfully; exploited, tormented and persecuted by everyone; bearing on his shoulders the suffering of all humanity.

Internal manifestations.

Extreme suffering; feeling of self-sacrifice; exhaustion; masochism; feeling of being cornered, feeling of constant persecution, self-torture.

Examples of situations, conditions and people that support the dragon of martyrdom.

Camps for displaced persons and refugees; deprived civil rights national minorities; monasticism; followers of religious teachings that view suffering as a path to liberation; persecuted infidels, which historically were Jews and Christians; people permanently residing in New York and other cities living their own closed lives; mothers who are offended by the whole wide world; neurotic children of such mothers; people inhabiting flood plains and living on the banks of rivers that are regularly flooded; people living in areas prone to seasonal storms and hurricanes; homeless people; sexual masochists; people leading a miserable lifestyle; hunger; war; all kinds of oppression.

External characteristics and manner of presentation.

People affected by the dragon of martyrdom look as if they are carrying all the sorrow of the world on their shoulders. They often give the impression of a hunchbacked person. Their hips and buttocks are often excessively massive. Their faces bear the imprint of excruciating pain and congestion. The look is usually sad, soulful, but sometimes capable of lighting up with an evil, unfriendly fire. When faced with danger, they tend to immediately retreat, and cry instead of flaring up with rage. Martyrs experience real suffering when they are forced to refuse, but in the end they are able to survive each one through truly monstrous tenacity and fortitude.

To feel the impact of the dragon of martyrdom, put on a suffering expression on your face, and give malevolence to your gaze, as if you are paying for the mistakes of others. Raise your shoulders up, but do not carry them forward. Imagine that you are carrying a load on your shoulders that hinders your movements. Feel persecuted, cornered, as if someone is forcing you to be unhappy. Now you are at least a little closer to feeling the effects of the dragon of martyrdom. And what kind of relationships can you establish with the outside world while in this position? Do you like it?

Development of the Dragon of Martyrdom

“Good” behavior: a good child.

The dragon of martyrdom acquires its external characteristics during the first three years of its life. Its development can take different paths, but usually the most favorable is the one that originates in families where parents or educators are of the opinion that the child must win their love by “good” behavior. This good behavior does not always imply any success or high grades at school, although this, of course, is not excluded. The specifics of the required “good behavior” are usually so complex that it often remains a sealed secret for the child.

Parents are of the opinion that having a child in the family means an enormous amount of work. They believe that they should be somehow rewarded for carrying it under their hearts for nine months, for spending money on it, and the like. Such parents - not necessarily those with a penchant for name-calling and insults - may regularly refuse to show love and affection to their child because he has somehow not fully fulfilled his duty to “Mommy and Daddy”, showing insufficient efforts to “be good.” . At the same time, the concept of not “being good” can range from a child’s cold and cough, which forces parents to come to his crib at night, to his reluctance to eat or go to the potty at a strictly defined time. Child with early age begins to feel that, as he is, he does not deserve the love of his parents. He doesn't understand what exactly he must do to win their love. And since, due to his age, he is not able to understand what he should do in this situation, he feels in a hopeless situation and completely worthless.

For example, he may catch a cold and cough at night. His parents have worked hard all day and feel they deserve a good night's rest. They feel irritated when they hear a child cough, and tend to believe that the child is punishing them for something with his whims and coughs on purpose. The parents' irritation grows, and they let the child know that they do not love him because he behaves “badly.” A child who is truly sick is unable to stop coughing. He feels that he will be considered "no good" until he stops. But since he cannot stop, he feels like a victim caught in a hopeless situation. This is where the dragon appears on the scene.

The monster begins to whisper in the child’s ear: “This is unfair. You try so hard, but you fail. You really got it. You have no choice. But you can make them pay for it. Make them feel guilty for your torment. This will be your reward. Let them know how badly you were treated. Let them suffer too. Let them do whatever they want to atone for their guilt before you, don’t give them forgiveness. They will always feel guilty - and you will win."

Breakage of the inner rod.

The next path along which the dragon creeps begins in the family of parents seeking to suppress the child. Martyrdom is the child's response to their oppression. Due to his age, he is not able to adequately respond to outbursts of parental irritation. He gives in to their onslaught. When a two year old naturally tries to assert himself, making this the only way available to him to refuse cooperation, his parents brutally suppress his attempts, using a policy of carrots and sticks. Many parents prone to intemperance give vent to their irritation, demanding unconditional obedience from the child. In the face of a threat that he believes threatens his survival, the child backs down and ultimately gives up any further attempts to exercise his will. He obeys, but harbors resentment like a beaten dog. Subsequently, he will try to take revenge, moving in a roundabout way.

If a child is forbidden to express anger, but the parents reserve this right, this situation prepares the ground for the dragon of martyrdom to take root. A two-year-old child needs to explore, touch and feel the world around him. If, in the course of his research, he breaks a vase, spills milk, or climbs into a closet, let him climb, let him spill. This is very common children's age. However, if they again and again encounter outbursts of parental anger and insult to their feelings, without daring to express their justification, his self-confidence, his inner core breaks down. Exploration of the world is prohibited, and he does not even have the opportunity to express his despair about it. The child feels driven into a corner and feels that he can no longer get out of there. The world becomes one more martyr.

Modeling behavior in the same way.

Sometimes martyrdom develops through simulation and identification. If a child sees his mother patiently enduring beatings from his father and then behind his back complains bitterly to the child about everything she has to endure, the child learns martyrdom from this very successful mentor in his endeavor. The child sees that when the mother tries to assert her rights, she is humiliated. He is convinced from his own experience that, trying to object to his father, he goes through the same humiliation. He can only behave like his mother: harbor a grudge, complain and submit to the will of the dictator. The result is the emergence of a new martyr.

Not every child responds to a given situation in the same way. If a child has an allied relationship with his father, he rejects the mother's behavior and also opposes her, becoming more like his father. However, most children learn to behave like their mothers because, with childhood insight, they are able to quickly determine how powerful the mother's strategy is. The mother tortures the father slowly, slowly, and gradually, without unnecessary noise, gains the upper hand over him.

The Tale of Camila: The History of the Development of Martyrdom

The birth of Kamila, the eldest of the children, was preceded by two important events. During pregnancy, Camila's father's mother suffered a serious financial setback. All his savings, invested in a major government deal, disappeared as a result of fraudulent transactions by one of the officials, who managed to escape safely. My working-class father was devastated by the loss of his money. In addition, during pregnancy, Kamila’s mother developed serious medical problems, which resulted in a painful birth and large debts that the family was forced to take on. It was under these conditions that Camila was born: a severely depressed, eternally irritated father and a mother in excruciating pain. Undoubtedly, the birth of a child at this difficult moment was not a particularly joyful event for the family. The first few years of Camila's life were difficult. Her mother was forced to continue treatment because her pain did not decrease and often brought her to tears at night. The depressed father was increasingly losing patience. When Camila learned to walk and began to climb into drawers and cabinets, her father gave vent to his irritation. The mother was still too weak to protect the child, and instead of providing support to the girl, she increasingly moved away from the problems of the family. The father did not skimp on verbal reprimands and manifestations of outright rudeness. The situation in the family remained extremely unfavorable, and Camila began to understand that if she was “good” - compliant and not trying to get used to this world - she would be able to avoid her father’s irritation. Camila became sad and no longer tried to express herself in any form. The dragon of martyrdom found a new victim and nestled comfortably in the child’s soul.

Camila's mother served as an excellent role model for the girl. Camila very soon learned from her the consciousness that life is a continuous strip of pain and suffering, and she, like future woman, never see happiness and fulfillment of your desires. Even when, after a few years, their financial situation improved significantly and the father finally emerged from his depressed state, the mother continued to bitterly complain about her difficult fate. Kamila’s father, having returned to his previous good mood, for the first time in many years tried to arrange a decent vacation for the family and tried to erase the difficult past from his mind. Camila and her mother did not succeed.

Camila. I learned in every possible way to make my father feel his guilt towards me. When he bought her a new toy, she never picked it up, but instead pointedly went to wash his shirts. She never deliberately laughed in his presence or showed her amusement. When he entered the room, she immediately stopped playing and began to restore order. She learned to refuse him any sign of friendliness and rejected the normal relationship that developed in an ordinary environment between father and daughter. She made him pay dearly for the previous years. She didn't want to forget them and forgive them.

When Camila turned twenty, her mother had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for several months. Camila not only had to remain alone in the atmosphere of her difficult relationship with her father, but she also somehow felt responsible for the situation in which her mother found herself. Subconsciously, Camila felt guilty for the excruciating pain that her mother experienced during childbirth and the long postpartum period. She also felt guilty about the financial costs that resulted from her birth. The dragon of martyrdom did not waste time in vain and increasingly strengthened its influence on the girl.

The result was twofold. On the one hand, Camila felt responsible for the inconvenience she caused to the whole family and, as a result, felt worthless in the eyes of her parents. As a person of no value to others, she felt that she was unworthy of receiving joy and pleasure from life and deserved only punishment. On the other hand, paradoxically, Camila blamed her father for these moods and did everything to invariably punish him with her lack of interest in life. The dragon was firmly rooted in her soul, preparing for a long siege of the girl. The years passed. Camila left home, went to and graduated from college, and found a job as a nurse in a psychiatric clinic. She was well suited to this job because she was able to take the patients' problems to heart and show them her concern and compassion. She got married and gave birth to three children, devoting all her time to them, since her husband’s work involved frequent travel.

The dragon of martyrdom saw in a woman’s marriage an excellent field of activity in which he had room to roam. Under the burden of responsibility that weighed on her all the previous years, Camila did not feel joy in life. Since her husband was often absent from home, she cultivated a deep resentment towards him, but never openly showed the feelings that overwhelmed her. She suffered in silence, but managed to show her irritation to her husband by refusing to enjoy their vacation together and doing everything he wanted in the most joyless manner, including their intimacy. The husband felt punished, without understanding what his fault was. He abandoned his trips and tried to make his wife’s life more joyful and happy. He underwent psychotherapy, developed increased sensitivity and sensitivity, and tried to devote more time to caring for the children, whatever that may be. He could not understand what else his wife wanted from him and what could make her happy. He felt like he was under torture.

He offered to take the children with him so that she could safely undergo the massage prescribed to her, but Camila always refused. Then he bought her a paid subscription and gave her the receipt, but she pretended to forget and devoted the whole day to cleaning the room. He took her to a nice restaurant to relax, but Camila, of course, didn’t like the dishes and immediately felt a pain in her stomach, which ruined the impression of the romantic evening. He decided to arrange a vacation for them in Hawaii, but Camila was weak in the knees before such a long trip, so they had to announce their refusal at the last moment, and the money paid for the proposed hotel stay was wasted. Another time, he planned a trip for them to Mexico, but Camila took on overtime work, and her husband had to go alone with the children. When they returned, she unleashed a barrage of complaints about how hard she had to work while they were having fun.

As for Camila herself, she felt that her husband never did enough to make amends. He somehow never loved her the way she wanted to be loved. She really believed that if he truly loved her, he would have figured out how to show his love to her, but since she, of course, could not tell her husband what she wanted, she did not receive anything that she expected from him. Her basic behavior was that “if you loved me, I would be happy, but you don’t love me, and that’s why I’m unhappy.”

In the end, Camila's husband filed for divorce, and she found herself without his financial support. Only now she was able to look into herself and gradually began to realize that all this time she had been in the claws of the dragon tormenting her. The children grew up, and she had more time that she could devote to the development of a certain personal experience. She began attending classes in a group for those in need of therapeutic support and was developed enough to become convinced of the existence of her dragon and enter into a confrontation with it for the possession of her own personality. At first, she tried to gain sympathy from those attending the classes with her complaints and tears and tried to make the whole group feel guilty for her torment, but she failed. She was so desperate for support that she did not dare to antagonize the entire group and accepted the current situation. Gradually, her efforts aimed at freeing herself from the influence of the monster began to yield positive results. Once she was able to take responsibility for her behavior and the role she played in perpetuating and developing her own suffering, she began to return to normal life. The battle to free her personality from the monster continued successfully, and for the first time in many years she realized the possibility of another life, full of joy and pleasure.

Seven stages of development of the dragon of martyrdom

In the development of a monster, these seven steps do not necessarily have to be located in chronological order.

First stage: the child feels the manifestation of his self-affirmation as undesirable.

Second stage: the child feels tied hand and foot.

Third stage: the child learns to control his anger.

Fourth stage: the child learns to look for the culprit.

Fifth stage: The child makes others feel guilty.

Sixth stage: the child gains victory through suffering.

Seventh stage: the child shares grievances with the wrong person.

First stage: the child feels the manifestation of his self-affirmation as undesirable.

The child learns that for some reason his parents are not happy with his natural desire for growth and development. He thinks: “Something is wrong with me. I seem to be the cause of the suffering of others and, I am afraid, I do not deserve their love. I probably don’t really have any value.” The impetus for the development of the dragon of martyrdom is the child’s fear of the lack of love shown to him. This fear is based on the parent’s reaction that breaks the child’s personality, which he begins to perceive after the first year of life. Until this time, the conflict had not grown, but with the development of the child’s motor abilities and the beginning of his self-affirmation, the first problems were born. From the day of birth to the present moment, the child travels a colossal path in his development. He moves from a state of complete dependence to the manifestation of independence. He no longer identifies himself with his mother and begins to declare his independence as a separate, full-fledged personality. This transition to independence is problematic for parents, since it not only brings with it more trouble with the growing baby, but also serves as a challenge to their authority and power over the child. If “mommy and daddy” are not confident in their authority, they will in every possible way resist the child’s attempts to assert himself and will strive to maintain control over him.

Undoubtedly, many events can influence the parental desire to suppress the development of the child: financial constraints, lack of permanent work, fatigue, health problems, the presence of sick children in the family, war or divorce. Thus, parents do not always deserve unconditional blame for the development in the child of a feeling that the self-affirmation he demonstrates is undesirable. They only make their very significant contribution to that growing process called life.

Conclusion and decision made:“I'm not okay. They don't like me."

Second stage: the child feels tied hand and foot.

The child sees that if he makes an attempt to assert himself, he causes universal censure; if he does not show it, he cannot develop further.

Isolated, one-time incidents involving unfair punishment or criticism from parents or older brothers and sisters do not lead to the birth of the dragon of martyrdom in a child. The monster takes root in his soul when these incidents become systematic and become a reflection of the atmosphere reigning in the house.

Martyrdom arises from the feeling of being cornered with no alternatives. This is why it is so common for martyrs to say, “Yes, but...” in response to any proposal made to them. They feel so acutely trapped that they are simply unable to find a way out of the current situation. This forces them to reject everything possible options, much to the chagrin and irritation of the people trying to help them find a way out of the impasse. The martyr is capable of nullifying the efforts of any therapist in a very short time. When the therapist gives up in despair, the martyr once again feels like an innocent victim and feels resentment for the lack of effectiveness of the help offered to him. They are what the late Fritz Perle called “bear hunters.” Indeed, the martyrs have such power and pressure in carrying out their policies that they can crush even a bear. Conclusion and attached solution:“Life is a trap. And I fell for it.”

Third stage: the child learns to control his anger.

The child gives up trying to assert himself, seeing that the development of his independence leads to the most undesirable consequences. Over time, becoming adults, they acquire greater resilience, patience and are able to endure almost any disappointment as a result of an unfavorable situation. They constantly expect that the invisible door of the trap into which their circumstances have led them is about to slam behind them, and since they invariably remain in such a state, they find what they are looking for. The anger they experience turns into an overwhelming feeling of resentment, which they do not express directly and, perhaps, not immediately.

This anger often undermines the health of martyrs, driving them to hospital beds or serious illnesses, which makes them feel even more cornered. They tend to display their illnesses, causing others to feel sympathy for them for their severe suffering. However, it is well known that they reject help offered to them and often continue to work even when they are truly ill. That is why the martyrs are a brilliant example of self-sacrifice and submission. This is the only thing that now feeds the dragon of martyrdom, since for a person other rewards are already looming on the horizon, which compel him to continue in the same direction. For example, parents may be highly respected by church members or members of their community, but those who are forced to live with them experience real torment.

Conclusion and decision made:“I will never again try to assert myself or fight for what I want.”

Fourth stage: the child learns to look for the culprit.

The child learns to avoid feelings of worthlessness by looking for the cause of the suffering he experiences in the people around him or the circumstances. No matter how events develop, a child who has always been blamed and demanded to be “good” for his reckless appearance in this world will always have a reason for anger and irritation. He had to endure so many emotional wounds and the most humiliating treatment. But his life begins to collapse to the greatest extent when he gets used to the desire to reshape the current situation, blaming those around him for his failures and considering them as unworthy as himself.

In other words, under the influence of the dragon of martyrdom, a person learns to treat others in the same way as they treated him. When they blame others, they avoid responsibility and at the same time deprive themselves of the opportunity to make any changes in their character and return to normal life. Consequently, as with other dragons, martyrdom creates more problems for a person than helps to solve them. In fact, it gives rise to the most powerful fears in a person - a feeling of worthlessness and being driven into hopeless situation.

Nobody likes people who shower you with a stream of complaints and accusations. Those around you quickly lose patience and, feeling guilty for this, strive to get rid of such a person as quickly as possible. For example, children try to stay as far as possible from their elderly disabled parents, who pester them with their complaints and searches for sympathy. Children consider such parents worthless.

Conclusion and decision made:“The people around you are to blame for everything. Let them understand that."

Fifth stage: the child makes others feel guilty.

Revenge is sweet. Under the influence of the dragon of martyrdom, the child learns to force those around him to pay him for all the suffering he endured, but he achieves this in an indirect way. He rejects pleasures and apologies offered to him. In fact, he learns not to forgive - anyone, nothing.

His strategy is to make those around him realize how much harm they have caused him. His efforts are aimed at creating in those around him a feeling of guilt and an understanding that they will never be able to make amends for it. Thus, others will always feel guilty. Many of those who are tormented by the dragon of martyrdom resort to suicide attempts in order to make those around them feel even more guilt and suffering. However, their demonstrative attempts to say goodbye to life rarely end dramatically. They are not those who really decided to take their own lives. They know that they are better off staying alive and watching others suffer because of them. Some martyrs, however, actually kill themselves. But not because they aspired to it: something just didn’t go as they expected, and they were too late to come to their aid or too late to discover it. Even more effective is the scenario in which the martyr provokes in someone around him a desire to kill him and gives him the opportunity to commit an assassination attempt, which usually takes place in front of witnesses. In this case, the martyr can send the attackers to prison. Such attempts, as a rule, also do not end in death, but the potential killer is horrified by the mere knowledge that he could decide to do something like this. But this is not surprising: martyrs are capable of driving even the calmest person to white heat. That's why in Ancient Rome Thousands of spectators watched with approval as lions attacked and tormented the martyrs in the arena of the Colosseum. “They got what they asked for,” the Romans believed.

The indisputable fact is that by leaving sons, daughters, husbands, wives, parents and friends unforgiven, the dragon of martyrdom subjects them to constant torture. When a child feels like a martyr to his mother or father, he may feel unforgiven for the fact of his birth. He can devote his whole life to satisfying his parents' whims, but never earn forgiveness.

Martyrs use a very effective strategy in maintaining feelings of guilt in others: they do not allow others to see themselves joyful and laughing. This may mean that they really do not experience any pleasure in life, or that they are very creative in depriving everyone else of pleasure at the moment. The dragon of martyrdom has enough cunning tricks in its arsenal to take revenge. Martyrs “quite by accident” get sick, have accidents, make bad investments or lose money, get pregnant, get burned, or expose their homes to fire. This list can be continued endlessly, since the creative ingenuity of the martyrs truly knows no bounds.

Conclusion and decision made:“Make others feel guilty that I feel pain.”

Sixth stage: the child gains victory through suffering.

Subconsciously, a child tormented by martyrdom learns to choose situations that lead him to the knowledge of the experience of suffering. Later in life, it is as if he deliberately makes the most dangerous choice, leading him from one disaster to another.

This is a real tragedy, orchestrated by the dragon of martyrdom, since suffering becomes the meaning of life. It turns into an annoying attachment, which is extremely difficult to recover from. The experience of pleasure becomes threatening for such people, and this happens for two reasons. Firstly, the experience of pleasure brings with it the fear of losing the attention of others and becoming worthless to them. And secondly, pleasure threatens such a carefully observed policy of maintaining in others a feeling of guilt before the martyr and the desire to compensate for it. If people see a martyr having fun, they are likely to say, “Well, now he’s finally all right. He no longer needs special attention. Now I no longer have to worry about mistreating him in the past years.” To gain victory through suffering means to cause those around you to experience even greater suffering. The dragon of martyrdom makes sure that not only its victim suffers, but also everyone around him. Unfortunately, the power of this strategy is so great that it can affect one generation after another, covering the cultures of entire states.

Conclusion and decision made:“Through my suffering I can gain victory.”

Seventh stage: the child shares grievances with the wrong person.

A child martyr needs to have an outlet to release the resentment and despair that accumulates in him, so he complains to people who cannot help in solving his problems. Later in life, brothers, sisters, spouses, neighbors and friends become the chosen ones who have to listen to endless outpourings about the misfortunes that haunt the martyr. For example, a wife can listen to stories every day about what a terrible person her husband’s boss is, but when she offers to talk to him, her husband immediately comes up with a thousand reasons why this should not be done.

As children, these people were punished for trying to assert themselves, and they very quickly learned to avoid talking to those who caused them suffering. They discovered that it was much safer to blow off steam in front of people who would express sympathy for them. In relation to those who oppress them, they take the position of a patient, silent sufferer. They always consider people who hurt them.

Usually such people are so attached to their oppressors that they are not able to live without them. When one oppressor leaves, another immediately appears in his place. Relatives, friends and acquaintances know for sure how difficult the life of such sufferers is, and they feel sincere indignation at the insensitivity of his wife. They shake their heads and sigh: “Poor guy, how can he stand this crap, his wife. He works so hard, but she doesn’t care about him. Constantly hanging around with some men.” However, gradually some of the friends get to know the situation better. “It’s not surprising that she tries to stick to other men,” they conclude. - He already tormented her. Who can even endure this martyr for long? He’s playing the victim!”

These victims torture their abusers by glaring at them, ostentatiously refusing to entertain them, and destroying their reputation in the eyes of others. Thus, martyrs gradually turn into sadists. There is certainly something of a sadist in every martyr, and vice versa. That's why the oppressors don't go away. In each of them there is also something of the martyr.

The big lie of the dragon of martyrdom

The dragon of martyrdom wants to make its victims believe that whatever happens is someone else's fault. There will always be someone responsible for their suffering. The martyrs seize on this idea, and many of them actually believe it. However, deep down in their hearts, not one of them believes in the justice of this thought. They believe that they are being bullied because they really are good-for-nothings. Therefore, it does not matter at all in what quantity and on whose head they pour out their complaints and curses: in fact, they are convinced that they deserve nothing else but this low, wretched life. The dragon of martyrdom greatly laughs at these most skillful fabrications and enjoys every moment of the greatest performance unfolding before his eyes.

However, it is very difficult for the martyr himself to see this. He will vehemently reject any such suggestions. When, backed up against the wall, he is forced to admit his feelings of worthlessness, he will still continue to blame others for this. And this is not the only manifestation of their ability to lead a life full of paradoxes. This habit of blaming someone else for everything is perhaps the most persistent element that allows the dragon of martyrdom to keep the victim firmly in its claws.

The dragon changes its appearance: martyrdom develops into impatience.

Because martyred people constantly accumulate anger, the tension they experience can reach a level at which they can no longer control themselves. When this happens, the accumulated anger spills out, and the dragon of impatience, the eternal companion of the dragon of martyrdom, takes over the person. At these moments, the martyrs give free rein to their emotions, unable to realize what is really happening. They tend to burst into angry tirades. Sometimes, however, their tension can be so strong that they cannot stand the rage bubbling inside them and burst into tears. This little interlude usually lasts very briefly, after which the reins of power return to the dragon of martyrdom. The monster cannot allow the reserves of internal energy of its victim to spill out in the form of outright rebellion.

Sometimes martyrs suddenly decide to leave their job or their spouse, but because they do not plan ahead, things return to normal and are worse than before, making the martyrs feel even more trapped. They may end up living on the street, homeless, without a family and without children, which happens if they have planned their actions, funds in advance and enlisted the support of relatives, acquaintances or communities with whom they maintain some kind of connections. This is how the work in the pair of dragons of martyrdom and impatience manifests itself.

How the dragon of martyrdom traps its victims in its net: denial of its own needs.

People tormented by this dragon feel an extreme need to show them every kind of attention, sympathy and empathy in order to heal the wounds inflicted on them and continue to bleed, causing them excruciating suffering. The problem is that it is almost impossible for them to recognize the need they experience. The dragon of martyrdom holds them so firmly in its net that it simply does not allow them to do so. Networks are, of course, fear - the fear that people, having learned about the monstrous degree of need they experience, will become frightened and refuse to deal with them.

Through it all, those tormented by the dragon are very empathic and capable of being loving and kind when not besieged by the monster. However, they find it very difficult to tell the truth about their needs and desires. Deep down, the martyrs desperately want to be invited to a picnic, no matter how ordinary it turns out to be. They want the love and attention that only comes from being surrounded by people. However, they are painfully afraid to express their feelings, because even as children they were mercilessly punished for trying to express their desires. It is since then that they feel worthless, abandoned and are forced to earn manifestations of love through bitter complaints and demonstrations of suffering.

Therefore, when relatives or friends invite them to a picnic, they invariably refuse, citing being busy. “Go yourself,” they say. - Have a good time. And I still have too much to do.” If acquaintances are persistent, the martyrs accept the invitation, pretending that they are just yielding to persuasion, and in no case allowing those around them to guess how much they themselves wanted it. “Well,” they shrug, “if you really want it, I guess I’ll go. But only so that you don’t get offended at me.” In reality, their words should be interpreted as follows: “I really want to go. I was desperately hoping that you would beg me, and I'm very glad that you did. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” But saying it out loud would be too humiliating, threatening the strategy they had adopted.

Other people may not insist on their proposal. “Well, good,” they will say. - Stay home and do business. We will go on a picnic without you.” In this case, the martyr feels abandoned and destroyed. But the dragon in his soul celebrates victory. A real hell awaits those who return home from a picnic. They will be punished with mournful looks and indirect displays of resentment, expressed through displays of back pain and the results of work done “while everyone else was having fun.” To a direct question, the martyr will definitely answer: “No, I’m not complaining. I don’t have time for this - there’s no end of work.”

The suffering of a martyr is generated by their colossal need for compassion, attention and love. The second source of suffering is the fear of the possibility that others will recognize the need they are experiencing, so all their efforts are aimed at carefully hiding it from prying eyes. Instead, their policy is aimed at making others aware of their own heartlessness, lack of compassion and love and giving them a feeling of guilt and a desire to make amends for it. The vicious circle thus closes.

Maturity and the Dragon of Martyrdom

Infant level: extreme manifestation of sacrifice.

Level of a baby taking his first steps: an obedient sheep in public life and a pawn in someone else's game.

Teen level: a martyr controlled by financial problems.

Youth level: political martyr.

Adult level: moderate desire for sacrifice.

Martyrdom at the level of maturity of an infant.

At this level of maturity of the dragon of martyrdom, people adhere to an attitude characterized by extreme expression of sacrifice on their part and an absolute lack of sense of responsibility for their actions. Most of them end up inside the prison walls, where they are dominated by more assertive inmates who use them for their own gain. Here the main aspiration of the martyr is the desire to survive.

Martyrdom at the maturity level of a baby taking its first steps.

At this level are all those who allow themselves to be taken over by ruthless cult leaders, sociopathic, misanthropic religious leaders and dictators who demand unquestioning obedience. Wherever people behave like sheep, allowing others to take advantage of it, everywhere one can see the influence of the dragon of martyrdom operating at this level. This also includes martyrs who unquestioningly go to their deaths on the battlefields without sufficient weapons and ammunition, since commanders use them solely for the sake of their own political interests. At the level of maturity of a child taking his first steps, there is thoughtlessness and unquestioningness in the mechanical sacrifice of oneself to the interests of others.

Many martyrs are voluntary victims of medical institutions. These are victims of unnecessary plastic surgery, guinea pigs who allow themselves to be stuffed with monstrous drugs and medicines. side effect, thoughtless children of society, accustomed to following the doctor’s instructions in everything. These people allow themselves to be robbed by institutions and institutions of social structures that they completely trust, without bothering to think about what exactly their trust is based on. This includes those who have put in years of dedicated hard work, trusting that their company would provide a decent pension, only to find that the pension is so meager that they can barely make ends meet. Many of these people are able to discern the alarming signs of today, but are unable to ask any questions and act in accordance with the requirements of the time, just to somehow protect their lives.

Included in this category of developmentally disabled martyrs are those who purchase homes next door to sprawling city dumps, in seismic zones, or in flood-prone areas because they automatically, unthinkingly, believe that the reputable company selling them the home , has certainly taken care of their safety and cannot make mistakes. Observations of the further fate of these people convince us of the opposite: their lives turn into a continuous chain of failures, in which one disaster follows another.

There are people with disabilities everywhere in cash who manage to avoid numerous misfortunes, so it is difficult to argue that lack of finances in itself is always the source of life's problems. While many people are indeed born into extreme poverty, some are driven into poverty by the actions of the dragon of martyrdom. Poverty serves as the most fertile soil for the development of this evil monster and not only it: all dragons in one way or another lead a person to poverty.

Martyrdom at the level of adolescent maturity.

As in the case of the dragon of self-abasement, the dragon of martyrdom does not play a decisive role due to the very nature on which the activity of an adult person who remains a teenager is based. And yet the dragon of martyrdom finds a loophole at every level of maturity. Where at the previous level people experience martyrdom mainly by sacrificing themselves unconsciously, a person with the maturity level of an adolescent tries to expose his character traits to everyone and consciously seeks to introduce a certain kind of misfortune into his life. He uses martyrdom as a way to keep his children under control and make them pay more attention to themselves. He may start life with a million dollars and lose it in dramatic fashion through a series of actions that earn him the heartfelt attention and sympathy of others. Martyrdom at the level of adolescent maturity is not a chain of regularly replacing one another catastrophes that haunts the martyr from the previous level who builds himself a house on the banks of a river prone to floods; it is the result of conscious efforts perceived by others as a personal drama. This is not a victim of earthquakes or tsunamis, whose property is constantly washed into the sea by the raging elements. This is, rather, the type of elderly widow, lamenting the fact that her wealth is not able to provide her with decent help and care and staying in the company of dogs for the weekend because she did not have time to get her nails done. She feels that her sons do not visit her often enough and deliberately ruin her life, preferring to become adults and independent.

Martyrdom at the maturity level of a youth.

At this level, the dragon of martyrdom appears in all its splendor, since a limitless field of activity opens up for it. Young martyrs can justifiably declare publicly that no one understands them or that life is full of torture at its very core. Although every youth goes through a similar stage of development, only those who are tormented by the dragon of martyrdom use these feelings to dramatize their identification with the victim.

Martyrs at this stage of development tend to justify their sacrifice on the basis of prevailing circumstances. They are ready to go to prison forever for their slightest political convictions. They lie down on rails or under tank tracks to demonstrate the injustice of the situation. Not everyone inclined to such actions is guided by the dragon of martyrdom. Some of them are real heroes, whose courage is responsible for the colossal changes taking place in the world. Adult young martyrs are those who persistently seek and find the most dramatic scenarios where they could demonstrate their martyrdom with maximum clarity. The reason or essence of the matter interests them less than their own actions. They are driven under tanks by the tendency to sacrifice themselves, and not by the essence of the developing events. A person at the maturity level of a youth is able to give himself an objective assessment. With willpower and self-discipline, he can get rid of the dragon tormenting him. However, the reward they receive for displaying martyrdom is so high and attractive that they reject the attempts of others to grant them liberation from the clutches of the monster.

Martyrdom at the maturity level of an adult.

At this level, the dragon of martyrdom tends to go underground and not appear too often under the gaze of others. He carries out his subversive work secretly, on the sly, overcoming the resistance of the person he is tormenting. When this process makes itself felt through external manifestations, a person is often able to recognize the monster and declare war on it. The adult martyr is aware of the influence the dragon has on him, but even while suffering from its destructive influence, he - although not completely - submits to its influence.

The adult martyr is aware of the deep resentment lurking in his soul for the injustices that he had to endure. He also admits his inherent feeling of being caught in the dragon's net, forcing him to give in and give in, although he could get rid of them. Such awareness helps to destroy the dragon, but this is not an easy task.

Those around them may not be aware of the existence of the monster tormenting their neighbors, but the adult martyrs have no doubt about its presence. Martyrdom does not bring them much reward, since they are deprived of the pleasure of receiving sympathy and sympathy from others. Adult martyrs are only capable of feeling pity for themselves, but even in this case they are perfectly aware of what exactly caused it.

How the Dragon of Martyrdom Influences Your Life

Effects of the dragon of martyrdom on your health.

If you are caught in the net of the dragon of martyrdom, you will not necessarily feel physically ill. In fact, you can enjoy excellent health. The fact is that you can turn illness or all kinds of manifestations of pain, this calling card of the dragon of martyrdom, to your advantage and successfully exploit them. You can turn a mild cold into a severe illness that requires bed rest and careful care. The dramatic course of the disease may even require complex treatment. However, after you receive what you hoped for, the illness disappears in the most amazing way, and you jump out of bed, demonstrating a miraculous thing that happened as if by magic. magic wand healing.

For several weeks, Angelica limped after spraining her knee joint, arousing the sympathy and sympathy of her husband and children. They vied with each other to convince her to lie down and give her leg a rest. Frankly, they were tired of watching her grimace and looks of excruciating pain as she wandered around the house doing completely unnecessary things. They finally convinced her to go to bed, but when her leg was getting better, she injured it again by volunteering to help her neighbor and go to the grocery store for her. The family was in despair. The holidays were approaching, and everyone was afraid that they would be ruined by the “mommy injury”.

Then Herbert, Angelica's husband, came up with a brilliant idea. Since Angelica was a devout Catholic, Herbert asked Father Luigi, the church pastor, to pay them a visit. The pastor's visit was a great success. The very next day, Angelica was able to get out of bed, pick a bouquet of flowers and prepare a festive lunch to mark her recovery. A miracle happened. Knee-joint was no longer stretched. Alzhelika received the special attention that she so wanted and which she managed to achieve in the most accessible way for her.

Since martyrs have a special predilection for accidents, if you are one of them, hospital bills will come pouring into your house in a continuous stream. You, however, will persistently fight them off, convincing the inspector of the obvious injustice shown to you. “I have nothing to do with it,” you say. - Let the real culprit pay. It's not my fault that I had an accident." Ultimately, the dragon of martyrdom can undermine your health in the most serious way, and this is one of the greatest tragedies that this particular monster brings with it.

In fact, the price paid by humanity in terms of health and accidents caused by the dragon of martyrdom is indefinable when viewed from a global or historical perspective. Just imagine how much the number of wounded and sick would be reduced if the dragon of martyrdom left the scene.

If you are a martyr, you can adopt a policy that is expressed by the following slogan: “Someone will have to pay dearly for the injustice done to me.” Many years have passed since injustice was shown to you. Even today, someone around you, or even a whole group of people, is somehow paying you back for the injustice that was once shown to you. Such a policy can result in an endless lawsuit, during which you will accuse everyone of injustice and demand huge sums of money as compensation. But since you are truly a martyr, you will manage to either lose the process, or somehow still end up without the money spent, as a rule, on lawyers.

The two playgrounds most often used by the dragon of martyrdom are chronic fatigue syndrome and allergies. You cannot, of course, immediately be declared a martyr if you suffer from one of these diseases. You may be affected by any number of other monsters, the most notable of which is likely to be the Impatient Dragon. However, even in this case, chronic fatigue syndrome and allergies will be extremely dangerous for you, since they create excellent camouflage for the monster tormenting you. Diseases will give you an excellent excuse to remove the slightest blame for their development from yourself and shift it to own body, allegedly unable to provide sufficient resistance to the disease. Moreover, illnesses will make it extremely easy for you to win the sympathy of a wide range of people. They will attract the attention and participation of those around you who are concerned about this terrible, incomprehensible disease that comes and goes as if by magic and seems completely incurable. If those around you do not show increased attention to you and “do not understand” all the suffering that a mysterious disease brings with it, you can rightfully feel like a martyr.

If you suffer from one of these syndromes and feel a surge of anger as you read these lines, know that you are most likely being held in the clutches of the dragon of martyrdom and it is its influence that you are now experiencing. Remember that anger comes from the fear of not being shown love. The desire to experience teachings from symptoms that bring so many discomforts for the sake of grains of attention shown to you indicates a deep wound that you carry in your soul. Most of the energy you spend on healing would be much better spent on finding and destroying the dragon that is tormenting you.

The effects of the dragon of martyrdom on your creativity.

As with your health, martyrdom does not necessarily undermine your abilities, although it often does. The Dragon of Martyrdom, like other monsters, aims to destroy your happiness and bring suffering instead. Thus, if you feel joy in using your talent, you can be sure that the dragon will try to destroy it.

Gloria was a talented artist who spent most of her childhood years caring for her alcoholic father. Immediately after his death, she entered art school and achieved excellent results from the very first steps. However, after a few months she met her future husband and began to help him in every possible way in the matter of dry cleaning clothes. She had to give up classes at art school. She explained that her husband constantly needed her help and she simply did not have time to practice art. After the death of her husband, Gloria had some savings left, and she again began to think about continuing her studies. She signed up for courses at a local art studio and was soon painting quite decent portraits. Soon, however, misfortune befell her: she contracted an infection in her eye, which forced her to interrupt her studies.

When things were already getting better, she “accidentally” poured glue solvent into her eye, instead of the drops prescribed by her doctor. As a result, vision in one eye was lost, which made working with a brush very problematic. She, of course, could continue working with one eye, but refused, citing the fact that it was impossible for her.

One of the most obvious ways that the dragon of martyrdom suppresses your creativity is your inability to see an alternative. You may feel caught in a trap from which you are unable to find a way out. Even if you are a person with undeniable artistic talent, you can become completely helpless and short-sighted when it comes to choosing between your completely failed, unsatisfying marriage and the job you love. Despite your ingenious ability to select from a million possible building designs the one that, through your efforts, becomes a work of art, you can demonstrate a surprising shortsightedness when it comes to finding a way to your own freedom.

The effect of the dragon of martyrdom on your connection to the present moment.

If you are tormented by the dragon of martyrdom, you are primarily concerned with two things: the injustice shown to you and the demonstration of your disabilities. At the same time, injustice occurred in the past, and limited opportunities are more related to the future. There is practically no strength and energy left for the present. When your attention is not focused on the present moment, your connection with it tends to break down. To have a connection with the current moment means to have power over it. If you are a martyr, you do not recognize any power in yourself. Power seems to you to be in the hands of those around you. If anyone living with you is able to prove to you their strength and power, you begin to cultivate suffering within yourself. This display of power plays into the hands of the dragon and is not suitable for helping you achieve your life purpose and fulfill your own destiny.

But the power you need is always there. It is about connection with the current moment. You have everything you need to move forward. The main obstacle remains only the dragon.

The effect of the dragon of martyrdom on your relationships with others.

Overwhelmed by the desire for sacrifice, the martyr turns even the nicest person into his “oppressor.” It’s not unexpected to hear a martyr say something like “all women are bitches. They extract money from you and then knee you in the ass.” At the same time, the martyr can choose the truly most unpleasant female representatives for his relationships. He also comes across worthy women, but this is the exception rather than the rule. However, they too very soon, in the eyes of the martyr, turn into evil creatures, sucking money out of him, and take their place among “all these bitches.”

The Dragon of Martyrdom, like other monsters, has the ability to turn your life into a prophecy that you yourself realize. Your belief in your own sacrifice creates all the conditions for you to become this victim, regardless of the initial conditions of your life. The Dragon of Martyrdom is distinguished by great ingenuity in selecting victims for your future relationships. From the very first day of acquaintance, you begin to harass with your never overt bullying. You are capable of pushing away even the person who truly loves you. These people do not understand the full picture of suffering and exploitation that you, as a martyr, constantly endure to please the dragon that torments you. On the other hand, the monster always welcomes another martyr for company. Together they will quickly force you to return to the familiar repertoire: “Oh, how unfortunate I am!” and “No one needs me, even if I hurt myself!”

Perhaps the most powerful card in the Dragon of Martyr deck is that poison called Manifest Sympathy. Empathy gives you the illusion of friendliness and support. In fact, showing empathy only perpetuates and fuels your perception of yourself as a helpless victim.

The impact of the dragon of martyrdom on your spiritual development.

In many religions of the world, the dragon of martyrdom finds an excellent field of activity for itself. It cannot be said that religion is only for martyrs. True spiritual teachers in every religion promise their followers anything but suffering. However, as a martyr, you are able to turn religion into an outlet for your pain and an incentive to intensify your madness.

According to the Christian religion, you are capable of finding glory in suffering and even accepting death in the name of salvation. You can focus your attention on heaven as the source of ultimate compensation for the hell you created for yourself on earth. Having adopted the mindset of suffering, you are able to be so successful in its implementation that you will bring yourself to extreme limits - self-flagellation and serious injury to yourself - in the hope that great suffering will bring you atonement for your sins. You will not even realize that most of this venture is the usual machinations of the dragon tormenting you.

If you are a martyr, you can easily find confirmation of your inclination in the teachings of Buma, which you will be able to interpret as representing all life as a chain of continuous suffering. You will use this interpretation as justification for your desire to withdraw from all the joys of life and bring yourself to complete self-abasement. But this is just another trick of the dragon. (Such an interpretation, of course, is a distorted interpretation of the Buddha’s teaching, which considers craving for something to be the source of suffering, and interprets life as illusory by its very nature.)

In Judaism, you can find a major school of thought that says that through suffering you can develop many positive qualities, including willpower and self-discipline. There is great wisdom in this teaching. However, you, the martyr, are able to use this teaching as confirmation of your tendency to suffer for the sake of subsequent reward. Thus, in Judaism, the dragon of martyrdom organizes a feast for the soul. Under the influence of the monster, the original teaching was obscured, and many of its subtleties were lost.

In Islam you can find the concept of ghazawat, or holy war. This principle contains the basic truth of the teaching: you must wage a personal internal war against the insufficiency of your moral principles and the influence of your dragons on you. However, you can interpret this powerful teaching as a demand for external war, as a result of which you may find yourself among those hundreds of thousands of followers of Islam who go to their deaths based on the false idea that martyrdom is a blessing that can give you redemption and salvation.

How to defeat the dragon of martyrdom

It may seem that there is no hope of salvation from the snares of the dragon of martyrdom, but it is precisely this lack of hope that is evidence of the influence of the dragon itself. Martyrdom can be healed and destroyed. The dragon can be curbed and its energy directed towards life-affirming activities. However, this path is full of serious challenges.

The Dragon of Martyrdom is especially skilled in its ability to lead you away from your chosen direction and in its ability to instill in you confidence in the correctness and justice of all its actions. It is precisely because of this ability to immediately sidetrack you as soon as you decide to assert yourself that martyrdom gradually undermines your strength and determination, so necessary to strike a blow to the monster. However, every dragon has a weak spot, no matter how carefully it is disguised. And the dragon of martyrdom is no exception in this case. In this chapter you will find descriptions of the dragon's weak points and recommendations on how best to influence them. Just reading about the monster’s activities poses a serious threat to him. The dragon feels calm and confident only when it remains far from human eyes, in a secluded, securely hidden lair. Therefore, you need to drive him out and be the first to strike a decisive blow. But be on your guard: expect a retaliatory attack. Take courage: you have a serious fight ahead of you.

Statements aimed at defeating the dragon of martyrdom

Something good always happens to me. I create my own world and my own character. Every day I feel more and more happy.

I know how to bring joy into every day I live. I always have a wide range of options.

I will always find a way out of any situation. Always, no matter what I do, I remain a worthy, useful person to society.

I am able to stand up for myself and firmly express my opinion.

Life for me becomes more and more beautiful every day.

Seven Weapons to Slay the Dragon of Martyrdom

Weapon one: tell the truth. Admit that you have a policy of manipulating people.

Weapon second: Set clear boundaries for yourself and stick to them strictly. Learn to say no.

Weapon three: Admit your needs and ask for help. Become a player on the team around you.

Weapon four: give up the pleasure of accepting expressions of sympathy from others. Stop complaining.

Weapon fifth: Take responsibility for making decisions. Learn to find a way out of the current situation.

Weapon six: show a desire to entertain yourself. Give others the opportunity to enjoy the joy on your face.

Seventh weapon: stop blaming others and give up the desire to be right in everything.

Do these tasks seem impossible? No, they are completely doable. Do they serve as an unnecessarily large challenge? No, without a doubt. It takes exceptional courage to win this fight. Not everyone who challenges the dragon will begin to win one victory after another. But gradually, with your willpower and self-discipline, you will definitely achieve success. The more you resist the dragon, the stronger you will become. At first, this process will proceed very slowly, reminiscent of the first awkward steps of a child, but gradually it will develop such a speed that you will move forward by leaps and bounds. That's why the most difficult thing in every business is to start.

Weapon one: tell the truth. Admit that you have a policy of manipulating people.

Admitting martyrdom in yourself is always difficult because it raises the question of your inner awareness of your own worthlessness as the source of your chosen defense strategy. This means being left alone with self-esteem. This means experiencing a new surge of rage and irritation that invariably accompanies your fear. You feel angry remembering your previous experience of earning love from others by complaining and demonstrating suffering, instead of receiving it simply by existing. Give vent to your anger, don't keep it inside. This is best done with the support of a compassionate but firm therapist. Try not to bring him to a white heat by splashing out your anger on him to the whole wide world. Your therapist is not the cause of it at all. He is your support and your first ally in the fight against the dragon tormenting you. You, of course, can grind the therapist into powder, but this will only mean another victory for the monster.

Weapon two: set clear boundaries for yourself and strictly adhere to them. Learn to say no.

The strength of the dragon of martyrdom is based on your childish compliance and pliability. You have been taught to be “good” and “obedient”, to agree to things you don’t like. You had to deserve love, earn it by being helpful, and it never paid off. No matter what you did, no matter how hard you tried to earn yourself a manifestation of love, it was never enough, and you were forced to play by the rules that led you to failure.

The first step towards using the proposed weapon is to recognize that complaints and manifestations of dissatisfaction lead you to lose. But you will never fail by treating others with a certain amount of consideration and openly expressing your feelings. The next step begins a very unpleasant process: you must learn to recognize that you do not want to unquestioningly do what is asked of you. You must learn to say no. This will require a certain amount of grit on your part. You must take this step decisively, without painful thought or hesitation. You will need a lot of practice. You will be tempted to go back to the old ways and say “yes”, and then grieve and torment yourself with resentment.

Set clear boundaries for yourself. Be clear about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do.

Weapon three: admit your needs and ask for help. Become a player on the team around you.

If you are tormented by the dragon of martyrdom, one of the most painful things you can do is admit that you are a person with great needs. This is exactly what you need to do to achieve at least some success in the duel with the monster. Healing will begin when you can say, “Yes, this is true. I desperately need someone to show me love and have spent many years of my life trying to achieve this. I will never again win love for myself by trying to be “good.” Never. I risk disapproval, but I will tell the truth. I need love and I need help in solving the difficult problem that I created for myself. Help me. I can't do this alone." The dragon of martyrdom makes asking for help extremely difficult. First of all, if you ask for help and get it, your martyrdom strategy will fail. If you are a martyr, your policy is not about asking for help, but about getting it. presenting the matter in such a way that someone can guess what you need. However, you make the task of others extremely difficult. You insist that you will do everything yourself. If you receive help, you demonstrate your irritation, and if you receive help. is not provided, you become even more irritable. Those around you really have something to go crazy about.

The Dragon of Martyrdom does not want you to be one of the team players. It keeps you isolated while those around you continue their game. This is exactly what you need to get rid of in the most decisive way.

Weapon four: give up the pleasure of accepting expressions of sympathy from others. Stop complaining.

You must give up your attachment to the poison of sympathy shown to you. This is the decisive moment in defeating the dragon of martyrdom. What makes it difficult is that you view showing empathy as a substitute for love. Seeking and accepting empathy is akin to receiving a handful of candies instead of a real, full meal. They may taste good at first, but in the long run it will kill you. A strict diet of sympathy is destructive to a person, and those criminals who are prone to its manifestation are no less susceptible to the destructive influence of the dragon of martyrdom.

Sympathy serves as a manifestation of pity for losers. Often martyrs turn to a therapist, hoping with their complaints to get an expression of sympathy from him and without serious intentions to correct their own problems. If the therapist responds with affection and that's the end of the matter, it only makes things worse for the martyrs for years to come. The therapist pockets the money he earns, and his clients are left with their problems. On the other hand, when clients, instead of expressing sympathy, listen to specific recommendations, some visitors refuse to accept them and only increase the flow of complaints and sorrowful outpourings. They may blame the therapist for “not being able to help them” and end the visit in profuse tears.

I once experienced a similar situation with a client who tossed me a wad of one-dollar bills at the end of a visit that had brought her no expression of sympathy, and said with arrogant sarcasm, “Here’s your money. I hope you won't be offended. thanks for all your help." At this moment she obviously considered me the source of her unhappiness, because I did not pat her on the head or, clicking my tongue, offer her my condolences. She, of course, wanted me to feel guilty before her. There was money lying all over the room, but I never satisfied her sadistic desire to watch me pick it up. I'm sure she planned this dramatic gesture in advance, but the satisfaction it gave her only benefited her dragon of martyrdom. Later I gave myself the pleasure of throwing the money I received out of the window. I didn’t want to earn them with a feeling of guilt.

If you are a martyr, you need a manifestation not of sympathy, not of sympathy, but of empathy - empathy, the ability to put yourself in the place of another. You need to feel understanding from others, and nothing more. The rest is in your hands. Your next step should be action. Moreover, the actions are concrete and decisive. It is them that the dragon of martyrdom does not like so much. Therefore, without any regret, say goodbye to the habit of seeking sympathy for yourself, recognize the toxic effect it has on your personality, and move on to mastering the fifth weapon.

Weapon number five: take responsibility for making decisions. Learn to find a way out of the current situation.

Taking responsibility for your own choices deals a crushing blow to the web of martyrdom that entangles you. Your feeling of being trapped is very real. However, there really is no trap. You simply Convinced yourself that you are in a prison built by the hands of those around you, and therefore you do not see an opportunity for yourself to get out of it. Moreover, the more alternatives are offered to your attention, the more stubbornly you insist that there is no way out for you. The result is irritation on the part of those who offered you help and anger and despair in your soul. The secret of the situation is that the decision should come only from you, and not from others. You only need help to realize that there is always a way out of the situation in which you find yourself. It’s up to you to find the way out, and often this road turns out to be far from smooth.

Your main task is to take responsibility. Be able to understand that no one can help you with this. You will certainly have to take some specific measures, even if someone doesn’t like it.

After talking with his mother, Frank felt completely depressed every time. No matter what he did or said, he never seemed to be able to please her. In her opinion, he always visited her too rarely and when he did, it was for a very short time. He could never admit to her that he was going on vacation or spending time with one of his friends, because this invariably entailed a stream of accusations of inattention to his mother, who was left completely alone while “he was having fun there.” In fact, he often refused trips with friends, trying to avoid her disapproval. He worked hard to support his family, and often felt pressure from his wife, who insisted that he devote less time to his mother and more time to his family. Although he was ashamed to admit it, he often used the “guilt-inducing” strategy he had learned from his mother on his wife and children. The dragon of martyrdom firmly grabbed both Frank and his mother by the collar. Frank often complained to his friends that he was in a hopeless situation. The only thing he still had left was to try to somehow satisfy his mother’s ever-increasing demands and try to smooth out the family’s displeasure and disappointment that they would have to go on vacation without him. His friends advised him to risk the favor of his mother, who was quite capable of dispensing with his attention for a couple of weeks. In the end, since in his 35 years he has never managed to earn her approval, he has little to lose.

Frank suffered for a long time before he decided to talk to his mother. Faced with the problem of losing his family, he made his choice and decided to tell his mother the whole truth. He said that he was going to spend more time with his family and that she would have to be content with his visits when he could find a convenient time for this. To Frank's surprise, the heavens did not fall on his head, and his mother did not show much irritation. Yes, she didn’t like his decision, well, this only once again proves what she always suspected: that he is a bad son and does not deserve her love. Frank caught himself thinking that he accepted his mother’s behavior quite calmly, since, in essence, nothing had changed for him. Need I say how much his family life?

Weapon six: show a desire to entertain yourself. Give others the opportunity to enjoy the joy on your face.

The efforts of the dragon of martyrdom are aimed at destroying your sense of pleasure to the same extent that you use the absence of this pleasure to punish others. To counteract this concept, you should learn to enjoy life and wish yourself to experience this feeling. But this, of course, is easier said than done. If you are a martyr, you know how to avoid entertainment, and you do it at all costs. This is not surprising, since you have been taught that you do not deserve pleasure and will never do enough to be worthy of it. If you are tormented by martyrdom, the feeling of pleasure always seems to carry with it someone's anger, even if it is the spirit of one of your long-dead parents. Therefore, pleasure for you is an extremely risky business. Having fun means letting your imagination fly at least for one day and imagining that you are loved. Because of this, your whole strategy as a martyr is to avoid entertainment and stay away from love. You Lodge do not realize how easily the dragon of martyrdom manipulates you. Your strategy of constantly complaining and denying yourself entertainment was developed in early childhood as a way to avoid the painful wounds inflicted on you at that time. You just don’t notice that that time is far behind you and the conditions in which you live have changed radically. Now nothing prevents you from experiencing pleasure, without expecting that heavenly thunder will strike you.

If the dragon of martyrdom looms behind you, you are so frightened possible consequences your entertainment that you are subconsciously doing everything possible to sabotage them. More often than not, your policy is to avoid all situations where entertainment comes first. If you allow yourself even the slightest entertainment, you will subsequently find a way to punish yourself for it, although this would never occur to anyone else. Therefore, there is nothing unexpected if you suddenly get sick after a vacation or suffer financial ruin after a promotion, or - God forbid! - a big win in the lottery. Pain and suffering are feelings that are familiar to you, you know how to cope with them, but pleasure is an unknown area for you and therefore fraught with a threat to your very existence.

The ominous shadow of martyrdom seems to attract all sorts of misfortunes to you, appearing as if from underground and further convincing you that you cannot escape the suffering that haunts you. One of your parents may die two days before your wedding; a tornado can destroy your house as soon as you fall down the stairs and break your leg; your car may be smashed to pieces in a parking lot the very next day after it turns out that your insurance certificate for it was lost in the mail. You can point to each of these circumstances and say, “But it’s not my fault. I have absolutely nothing to do with this.” But such chains of disasters do not happen with the same regularity to other people. Why do you think?

The answer to this question will be metaphysical. Your belief that you are a victim seeks to string events into the thread of your life that would confirm your belief. In other words, like attracts like. In everyday language, it would be wrong to say that all these events are the result of your mistakes. This would be a futile accusation. This is not your direct fault. However, you are responsible for your belief system, your faith, which builds real events before you.

The best way to change this bad practice is to sincerely wish to learn how to have a good time, not paying attention to your fear of the consequences, and to give others the opportunity to be happy for you. With this development of events, the dragon of martyrdom will be driven out of your life. He hates it when you have fun. This dragon is a real sadist.

Weapon seventh: stop blaming others and give up the desire to be right in everything.

Blame is a dangerous thing, and one cannot expect gratitude for it. The sooner you break the habit of making accusations, the sooner you will realize how right you did. Nobody wants to hear them addressed to them. Yet notice how ingrained blame-making has become a part of our way of life. Notice how important a place accusations play in disputes among politicians or in families where children or parents show a tendency to sort things out. It looks as if bringing charges could somehow improve the overall situation. Your policy as a martyr is aimed at making others look bad towards you, and you yourself - good. You contribute greatly to the development of your own martyrdom by striving to see yourself as good. It is very difficult to admit the malice of your character, vindictiveness and pettiness, but it is precisely this recognition that is necessary for your healing.

The real reason for your accusations is based on your fantastic desire to be right in everything and to be impeccable in everything. This desire stems from your assumption that you must earn the love of others by being impeccable and perfect. You believe that you need to earn love for yourself or you will be rejected. However, since no one's behavior can be described as impeccable, the process of bringing charges becomes a lost cause for you. Accusations do not make you perfect. You still don't feel perfect and you have to work even harder to be good. If this does not work out, you want to “at least appear good, for which you resort to the most negative methods, allowing yourself, for example, to lie with a completely innocent expression on your face. The Dragon loves this manifestation of hypocrisy most of all.

Trying to be good can lead to very serious suffering. Sashi was an only child, born to parents who did not plan to have children at all. Their idea of ​​home was very similar to what they had learned from commercial television commercials. When Sashi appeared, the parents were completely unprepared for normal feeding of the child. Obviously, she was supposed to eat without putting her fingers in her mouth and without getting banana juice all over her dresses, face and hair. Her natural manner of eating and wiping her nose on her sleeve was met with obvious disapproval. The child's nose had to be dry, his lips wiped, and his socks and shoes always clean and tidy. If something was wrong, she was considered a "bad girl." The child was forced to earn love for himself by being clean and tidy.

Faced with the horror of the lack of love, Sashi began to show compliance and even obsequiousness. She decided not only to fully meet her parents' standards, but also to exceed them. By the age of ten, she was already an extremely strict girl, strictly observing all the rules and being a model of obedience. However, under the guise of obedience, the girl was seething with discontent, which she could not allow herself to express openly. It manifested itself in her desire to feel right in everything. Whatever she did, she certainly tried to do everything according to the rules and strictly ensured that these rules were not violated by anyone. She especially enjoyed being caught breaking her parents' rules. Here she took revenge on them.

However, as one might expect, Sasha's schoolmates avoided her, and even her parents considered her an unpleasant child. She was eventually referred to a mental health consultant. This convinced the girl even more that she did not deserve love. Sasha felt driven into a corner. She tried to earn the love of others, but no matter what she did, it was always not enough.

Much later, when Sashi entered college, her parents had to admit that they had made some mistakes in raising her, and they offered to pay for her education. Sashi refused and throughout her studies she led a semi-beggarly existence, however, experiencing true pleasure that she could punish her parents in this way. The main thing is that she is right, and they will never be able to fully pay for what they did to her. Let them suffer from the feeling of their own guilt. The dragon held Sashi tenaciously in his arms.

The turning point for Sasha was the moment when, while filling out her CV on her application for admission to the final exams, she suddenly realized the failure of her strategy to consider herself right in everything and blame her parents. Following this discovery, she entered a therapy group and began to work hard at developing a sense of responsibility for her life. Gradually, she was able to forgive her parents and allowed them to partially help her with money during her further studies. This decision dealt a crushing blow to the dragon of martyrdom that had been tormenting her until now.

Seven Exercises to Contain the Dragon of Martyrdom

Exercise one: Always say “yes” to help offered to you.

Exercise two: Learn the practice of admitting your own mistakes and taking responsibility for the decisions you make.

Exercise three: learn to refuse and be able to insist on your own.

Exercise four: Make a list of the alternatives at your disposal, even if they don't seem particularly attractive to you. Make a choice.

Exercise five: Give yourself at least one pleasure every day.

Exercise six: make a list of what bothers you and burn it.

Exercise seven: Give yourself confidence and assertiveness.

Exercise One: Always say “yes” when someone offers you help.

The dragon of martyrdom draws strength from your refusal to acknowledge your needs. Yes, yes, you really need a lot. Admit it and ask others for help. Try to do this without complaining and without veiled accusation in your voice. Try practicing this in front of a mirror. When you can look yourself in the eye and feel pleasure while doing so, you have taken a serious step towards success.

Get rid of all figures of speech that begin with the words: “You always...!”, “You never...!” or “Why can’t you...!” It's a good idea to replace statements that begin with "you" with ones that begin with "I would like...", "I want...", "Please help...", "I need..." or "I'm afraid that... "

Cultivate the habit of never refusing the help offered. Be sure to thank the person who helped you.

Such exercises may cause you some doubts, but once you master them, you will feel your increased value in the eyes of others. This practice negates the dragon's attempts to make you feel worthless.

Exercise two: master the practice of admitting your own mistakes, take responsibility for the decisions you make.

One of in the best ways Developing a sense of responsibility in yourself is as follows: take a pen, notepad and make a list similar to the statements below. Begin each phrase with the words: “I am responsible for...” Continue the phrase with any words that come to your mind, no matter how absurd they may seem to you. Your list may also include statements such as:

I am responsible for my nose... ears... teeth... hands... stomach... and so on.

I am responsible for my mood... sadness... irritation... despair... happiness... and so on.

I am responsible for my work... family... recreation... relationships with others... and so on.

I am responsible for my house... car... boat... and so on.

I am responsible for the sun... the moon... the stars in the sky... the Earth... our entire Universe.

I am responsible for the trees... grass... animals... mountains... seas... and so on.

Continue the list. This good exercise, and it will have the necessary impact on you. You don't have to force yourself to believe every statement unconditionally, but the degree of resistance you experience while mastering this exercise will indicate how tightly the dragon of martyrdom holds you in its embrace.

Taking responsibility in no way means that you should judge someone or immediately rush to solve someone's problems. A sense of responsibility presupposes that you have the ability to answer for your own actions.

The second point of this exercise is aimed at eradicating the habit of being good or right in everything. This brings with it certain difficulties, since it is possible for you to feel worthless if you admit that you made a mistake. That's why you've been so keen to avoid it until now. Don't let this bother you. Try to approach this exercise with humor.

Throughout the day, admit to a friend, spouse, or even a piece of paper your unseemly thoughts or actions, no matter how unworthy they may seem to you. Why do you look bad in them? Where do you feel at odds with your own consciousness or with the point of view of people you know? Don't be afraid to appear worse to others than you really are. Negative aspects are inherent in the behavior of every person. Having mastered the exercise, you will gradually learn to experience the joy of your own openness to others.

Exercise three: learn to refuse and know how to insist on your own.

The first part of this exercise is to learn how to say “no” when necessary. The best way to learn this is by working with friends or parents. Friends should play the role of someone asking you for a big favor that you don't want to do. Let's say they ask you to lend them your car for a few days or to borrow them a large sum of money that you have put aside. Let them try to make you feel guilty by pointing out your selfishness or lack of courtesy towards them. Your job is to tell them no, no matter how difficult it may seem. If you fail, start the exercise again. Practice it until you feel able to express your refusal without feeling remorse or damaging your relationship with the insistent person.

The second part of the exercise is to develop the ability to go after what you want and not give up until you get it. Let your friend play the role of an unscrupulous mechanic trying to evade doing the work for which he received money from you. You must portray a person returning a car for repairs. Your job is to get the mechanic to do all the necessary work and not pick up your car until it is in perfect order. You need to achieve this without resorting to complaints and accusations and trying to gain sympathy. Your partner should strive to withstand your pressure and let you know when he fails. The exercise is considered completed when you manage to put your partner in a hopeless position and he is unable to continue the argument.

Exercise Four: Make a list of the alternatives at your disposal, even if they don't seem particularly attractive to you. Make a choice.

This exercise is designed to combat your feeling of being cornered. If you are experiencing the pangs of martyrdom, you need to master the practice of listing the alternatives available to you in a given situation. This may seem overwhelming at first, so it would be a good idea to ask someone you know to help you and point out all the possibilities available in this case, no matter how unnatural they may seem. Your job is to consider each possibility without resorting to a phrase that starts with “yes, but...”. A task like this can irritate you. You may feel hatred toward your partner, so it's best to have an experienced therapist who is trained to deal with these types of emotions. You may accuse your partner of being insensitive or even cruel for his failure to see that the alternative he is offering is unacceptable. Here is a possible scenario for your conversation.

Your situation/desire: “I want to go to college, but the following things are stopping me...” Make a list of the obstacles standing in your way.

Alternatives put forward by your partner: “You can study in the evening. Yes, then you will not be an exemplary mother or wife. So what?"

“It’s okay that you don’t have enough money. You could get them from the student mutual aid office. Yes, you would have to go into debt and this would not bring much joy to your husband. So what?"

“You could leave your parents in the care of your siblings for a while. Yes, you wouldn’t look like an exemplary daughter or sister. They might not like it. So what?"

Exercise five: Give yourself at least one pleasure every day.

Make a list of pleasures that you would like to receive. The list may include some material things - clothes or some new technology, food, walks in the park or a pleasant vacation, communication with people you like, food or love games, cards, and so on. Assign yourself one such pleasure per day. Don't let anything ruin your plans. The dragon will certainly try to prevent their execution or make you believe that for some reason it is impossible for you to experience them. You will have an excellent opportunity to verify the malicious intent and observe the machinations of your dragon. This will be very educational for you. To track the extent to which the dragon interferes with your plans, make a chart on which at the end of the day you note the extent to which you were able to feel pleasure. Be honest with yourself. If you allow a phone call or other unforeseen event to interrupt your plans, today will not count. Moreover, you are not allowed to blame circumstances. When you can experience pleasure at least five days a week, know that you are on the mend quickly.

Exercise six: make a list of what bothers you and burn it.

First of all, try to bring together all the reasons that cause your displeasure. Take a notepad and write in it something you would like. After that, list here all the reasons why you think you cannot do this. Let the dragon speak loudly. It is better to keep him in one place than to let him run around freely wherever he pleases. See what he has to say in his own defense. Give him complete freedom of speech. Let him say whatever he wants. Then repeat the statement own desire. For example:

Statement: “I want to go to college. I'll go to college."

Reasons and considerations why I cannot do this: “I don’t have time. Work takes me all day. What about both children? Who will take care of them? I'm too old to learn. It's too expensive".

Repeated statement: “I want to go to college. I'll go to college."

Additional reasons and considerations why I can’t do this: “My wife won’t like it. My parents are already old - I need to take care of them. Health is no longer the same. I can hardly even climb the stairs. And the car is already quite old, you need to buy another one. There will be no money left after this.”

Continue the list until the dragon runs out of arguments. Then repeat the affirmation of what you want again. When you feel that the dragon has nothing more to say, give the piece of paper with a list of arguments to be solemnly burned. For each topic that interests you, you can carry out a similar procedure several times to enhance its healing effect. You can be sure: the exercise will not be in vain for you.

Exercise seven: give yourself confidence and assertiveness.

If you are a martyr, you may find it extremely difficult to stand up for your point of view and remain completely true to your principles, seeing how they are opposed by others. This tendency to give in and back down can manifest itself in your very posture. Therefore, straightened shoulders and chest, exposed to meet your opponent in a verbal duel, in itself can give you a feeling of confidence in your abilities. Practice this way of holding yourself, try it in a playful fight with a therapist or one of your friends. Shift your body weight from your heels to your toes. Keep your knees slightly bent. Lift your chin - let it participate in the process of your self-affirmation. Continue to defend your point of view without resorting to complaints, accusations and tears. A mirror can also serve as a good assistant in performing this exercise.

The timbre of your voice and the depth of its sound can also say a lot about whether you feel like a defenseless victim or are able to stand up for yourself. You can record your conversation on a tape recorder and listen to what impression its timbre, tone, and sound make. Are there any whiny, plaintive notes breaking through in him? Perhaps dissatisfaction or disapproval? Doesn't helplessness and uncertainty creep in? Work on your voice to give it more authority, confidence, and authority. You can keep your speech rhythmic by breathing through your diaphragm. Achieve clarity in the sound of your voice, without the manner of speaking through your nose, so characteristic of every martyr.

Conclusion

The dragon of martyrdom can be defeated. You will have to break a lot of old habits, but it is really necessary. You will have to leave a lifestyle based on deception, on a false manner of presenting yourself to others and a false idea of ​​\u200b\u200byour own personality with its desire to appear right in everything and its tendency to blame, suffer and seek expressions of sympathy. What you acquire is incomparably more valuable. You will gain self-esteem and the love of others, given to you for the first time as you truly are. Your expectations of love, bought at the price of incessant complaints and moral extortion, will disappear along with the despair that accompanies them. Despair will be replaced by the ability to navigate the situation, see alternative ways to solve it, and the ability to make right choice, indicating that you have become the master of your own life. You will find joy in every day you live and discover kindness and strength in yourself that you never knew existed. But most importantly, people will strive for you, and not from you, as was the case before, when they saw in you the self-confident ass, exhausted by suffering, with whom they were “forced to deal.” Now rest assured: in old age you will find happiness and satisfaction.

In the morning, Hiccup flew with Toothless high above Berk. Now they had nothing to do and the friends could remember the old carefree flights. But Hiccup was thinking anxiously about something, and he had a strange dream. He sees the Evil Troublemaker and some unknown person, they hunt Toothless, in the end his dragon falls and... Hiccup did not finish his dream, as he was woken up by his wife, Astrid. To take his mind off this thought, Hiccup decided to fly on his “wings”. Turning to a friend who did not like such flights, he fixed Toothless's tail and, piercing his hands into the loops, jumped from the saddle. Having straightened the membranes between his arms and legs, Hiccup floated in a gust of wind. Behind the leader, his faithful friend also floats and looks down at the other dragons. - Now! - Hiccup shouted, excited about the flight. Toothless split his back plates and maneuvered Hiccup up. Together they flew above the clouds towards the sun. The air under the clouds was cold, but above them it chilled me to the bones, and the light hit my eyes. Toothless stopped flying upward, he folded his wings and went into a dive with Hiccup. The sound of black wings cutting the atmosphere whistled in my ears. The ocean water was approaching at great speed. When they were a meter above the water, the Night Fury opened its wings. The water moved in waves to the side. Now the flight speed was maximum. Ahead were rocky cliffs sticking out of the ocean. With maneuvers, Toothless and Hiccup overcame them and, soaring low, they landed on their home island. Both were happy. A twenty-year-old guy turned the lever on the prosthesis and the iron leg for flying was replaced for walking. Together they went to check on their friends. What are they doing there? Suddenly, a Nadder flew over the heads of the rider and the dragon. It was Astrid! Then two more dragons, the Terrible Beast and Prestegolov. The Twins and Snotlout. - Hoy-hoy-hoy! - Jorgenson yelled at the top of his lungs. The last one was Rybiengon on Sausage. They were lagging behind, since Sausage is Gronmmel. Most likely they were checking which of them was the fastest, I wonder how Ingerman agreed to this. It was fun to watch. The owner of the Fury, together with the dragon, went to his house, Stormwing caught his lower wings on the tiles on the roof, and kept his balance with his upper wings. When the leader of the dragons approached the monastery, Stormcutter descended and bowed, Toothless did the same as a sign of respect to the deputy. Valka was sitting in the house, she came up and hugged her son. There was a knock on the door, looking out the window Hiccup saw four people and they clearly had great intentions. After a whole day dealing with the village's problems, Hiccup fell into bed, a black green-eyed dragon laying down on a large iron plate nearby. Together they fall asleep, together they fall asleep.

Hiccup had the same dream again, he again fought with the Troublemaker, he was knocked down again, closing his eyes for fear of breaking, he and Toothless ended up in an ice cave, where there was this man who was in league with the Troublemaker, it was an adult man. In his hands was some kind of white wooden staff, and he himself was wearing some kind of cloak made of white dragon skin...

Again they did not give the leader a restful sleep, but now he was awakened by noise on the street. Morning has not yet come and night has not passed. The dragons shot fire, people ran around not knowing what to do. Suddenly a freezing sound was heard, more like a crackling sound, and the nearby house was covered with ice. Toothless jumped up from the rookery and quickly ran out of the house, followed by Hiccup. When they opened the door, they saw an old acquaintance - the Evil Troublemaker. A man in a white cloak stood on his remaining tusk. Everything is exactly like in a dream. Toothless narrowed his eyes at the new personality. There was a question on the dragon’s face, seemingly familiar, but seen for the first time. The Fury simply cast aside her thoughts and offered Hiccup to sit astride. Having spread his wings and the right part of his tail, Hiccup at the same moment straightened the left one with a mechanism, and they flew up. The friends had not attacked the enemy yet, there was a plan in their heads, we needed to find the horsemen. While flying around Berk they found Astrid, Fishlegs and Valka. This was enough to use a lot of protection. - Fishlegs on catapults. Mom, you tell the dragons to attack Troublemaker. Astrid, look for the twins and Snotlout, distract Troublemaker so that he doesn’t freeze others. - Hiccup ordered, everyone scattered, - Now, Toothless, let’s remind him how the first war ended. - with these words the dragon activated his “secret”. Spinning, they flew to Gotti's house and began to soar towards the enemy. Shot. Another shot. The troublemaker looked up, his already narrow pupils narrowed to slivers. He couldn't shoot the ice up to their height. Toothless laughed as he shot another plasma. Then the man realized what was happening and took out his staff made of white wood. Pointing it at Toothless, he sent some kind of blue curved beam, similar to lightning. The black dragon dodged, but could not resist and fell five meters. Then another blue lightning and then they were reached. Then Toothless’s plates lit up, he was at a loss as to who decided to knock him out. Toothless's roar rang out at the dragons who stood on the shore; they obeyed the leader and began to shoot with different lights. The man again pointed the staff and now it was not a beam that flew out from there, but a grid. The net grabbed the tail and Toothless lost control, the fall was rapid. Hiccup noticed that the magician again pointed the magical artifact at them. The rider closed his eyes from fear and from the bright green light. Opening his eyes, he saw that they were in that cave of ice, again similar to a dream. Toothless was confused. There was no way out of the cave. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a magician appeared. - Who are you? What do you want from us? - Hiccup was nervous, he didn’t know what to do. - I came to finish something that I didn’t have time for a long time ago. - a cold voice echoed throughout the closed cave, - You probably didn’t recognize me, Kanar. - The stranger looked at Toothless. Toothless did not raise his ears, but then sharply covered them. His bright blue light on the plates stopped “working” and they turned black again. - What do you want from Toothless! What kind of Canar is there, there is no one here except us? - Hiccup did not stop asking questions. The man ignored Hiccup's words and began to approach the dragon, who was scared. Click. Now in the place of the magician under the cloak there was a Fury larger than Toothless, her skin was white like the cloak that lay next to her, and her eyes were silver. The Black Fury now recognized the face she had seen nineteen years ago. Hiccup was confused, he didn't understand anything. - You! I thought you would die without the help of your parents and pack, but you somehow survived! I specifically told you to run! It was I who told the Whisper of Death pack to kill your mother, I made a cloak out of her! I thought you would die and I would calmly take revenge on all the Furies for my village and relatives! But you survived! - the big Fury growled evilly, - Now I will kill you and end my revenge! Toothless understood the full meaning of what was said and was very angry for his ruined life. There was a fight between a medium black alpha fury (not in action) and a large white magical one. Hiccup took out a fiery sword and defended his friend, although he did not understand what the dragons were talking about, he saw that both were very angry. Silver eyes They looked at Hiccup with hatred and contempt. The enemy's paws suddenly attacked the one-legged man. Toothless also rushed. A fight between two furies. Hiccup saw Toothless fight with another fury for the first time. The spectacle was not for the faint of heart. The roar of dragons tore the eardrums, a lot of scratches and deep wounds from fangs or claws, and no less blood. Toothless was inexperienced and he was the first to jump back. Hiccup helped his friend with his wounds. The second fury was not at all tired and was preparing for a fiery attack from an ambush. The Alpha noticed the fire flying towards Hiccup and threw the rider aside, exposing himself. There was the sound of an explosion and a doomed roar. On the other side of the cave lay Toothless with his stomach torn open. His cries of pain tore at Hiccup's soul, and their enemy was a victory. The white dragon took his things and, taking off, growled: “Goodbye, Kanar, say hello to your mother.” - cold dragon laughter echoed along the walls of ice. The dragon shot up at the ceiling and flew out. Hiccup did not understand dragon language, but he understood that it was a joke about the death of Toothless. The defeated dragon himself lay breathing heavily, bleeding. His eyes were directed towards the exit in the ceiling. After examining the rift in detail, he looked at Hiccup's red, tear-filled eyes. - Sorry, Toothless, I couldn't protect you. You protected me so many times and I couldn't. - Hiccup’s split soul spoke through the salt water, “I always saw myself in your eyes, I don’t know if I saw the same thing, but I hope that you saw it too.” Toothless's head felt like it was filled with lead, but he was able to lift it for Hiccup's sake. He growled in agreement and put his head under the hand of the only best friend, whom the dragon remembered. The eyes began to become cloudy and the body weakened. Toothless was already standing on the border between the world of the living and the world of the dead. The dragon roared goodbye and looked at Hiccup. After which he fell asleep... fell asleep FOREVER. Hiccup lay down on his friend's dead body and remembered all the fun moments in their life. He especially remembered how he once found Toothless in the forest, knocked out, defenseless, he could not kill the Fury, just like she did not kill him; He also remembered how Toothless touched his hand; their first unsuccessful and good flight... The leader could not find a place for himself, he was doomed. Astrid and Stormfly flew into a cave that looked more like a dome from the outside. She happily ran to Hiccup, but when she saw him with the dead dragon, her smile faded. Astrid was confused, she did not expect such a turn. “Hiccup, the Troublemaker left, along with some Fury...” Astrid began, but Hiccup stood up and began screaming, either from pain or from anger. - I swear that I will kill this magician! I will avenge Toothless! - Hiccup couldn’t stop, he never wanted evil as much as Toothless’s killer, - Thank you friend, we’ll meet in Valhalla!

Don't you believe in dragons? Believe it!

Dragons never remain neutral. You can irritate anyone. A whole flock lives within us: the Dragon of Arrogance, the Dragon of Cruelty, the Dragon of Greed - each is waiting in the wings and begins to play against the rules - to destroy us from the inside. As a person, as a professional, as a warrior, if you want. There is only one way out - start controlling your Dragon yourself.

Step 1: Acknowledge its existence.

The dragon exists. I am, you are, and he is. Little me. Despicable Me. Subconscious attitudes. It doesn't matter what we call it. Some even cockroaches. But cockroaches do not hatch, but with the Dragon there is a chance. It disguises itself as laziness, self-pity, uncertainty, fear. And any attempt we make to start doing something is crushed by the furious flame of excuses. And now you are reading this text, and your Dragon of Conceit is standing opposite, imposingly leaning against the wall: “Well, well, dragons? No, have not heard. You better find out what the author smokes there.” But after these words you clearly saw it, right?))) Let’s write it down like that. It has long been known that any of your complexes/shortcomings/points should be given a visual image, and you can work with it. So, there is a Dragon. This means that we managed to separate the Dragon from ourselves, his desires from our desires, his goal of a comfortable existence from his goal to be happy.

Step 2. One question technique.

To rip off the Dragon’s mask of love for you, under which he hides his true face (muzzle?), use a win-win option. Ask yourself (your Dragon) the same question: “What do you want? What do I want? And then quickly, quickly, quickly, without stopping, within a minute, answer it with everything that comes to mind. Even if the main three repeated words are sex, drugs, rock and roll, at least you will know your (oops, dragon) true desires. And it will immediately become clear whether you accept his values ​​consciously or not. If yes, then you are on the same team, adju. If not, we continue taming.

Step 3: Call your parents.

As a rule, the Dragon wants simple physiological things. The lower level of the long-suffering pyramid. Well, and money. Is it hard for your tired, exhausted soul to oppose this? We are looking for helpers. Right now – call your parents. Talk to them for 5 minutes. As if about myself. But in fact, it’s also about the dragon. Ask them: “What was I like as a child? What would you like me to become? What did I do best? How did I please you? Oh, it will be melodrama, of course. It will bring back a lot of things. Basically, an understanding of how wonderful you are and how terrible the Dragon is. In the end you will feel sorry for yourself. Let be.

Step 4: Call a friend.

The technology is the same - call. Right now, quickly. Well, you can drop a line on the networks. We pose the questions a little more harshly: “What would you lose if you didn’t know me? Who would I be best suited to become? What do you value in me? If a childhood friend, then be sure to: “What kind of person did you think I would become?” All this will work and will finally convince you that you are still beautiful. Only self-pity will be replaced by the beginnings of respect.

Step 5. Final.

The dragon at the wall (after all, he’s still there, right?)) is no longer so imposing, self-confident and witty. He looks from under his brows, does not burst into flames, and sniffles with snot. You can already negotiate with him: “Like, Gorynych, you will speak when they ask.” And ask less often. This means that you are less likely to get carried away by self-destruction: complacency, rage, greed, anger... A wave comes, and you say: “Stop, we know, we know what will happen next, again the Dragon is trying his strength. Come on, butterflies! Where are you? Ah-ah-ah, it’s already in my stomach, okay..."