I will touch on the important topic of women's self-defense when confronted with an aggressor. As a girl, it is difficult to step over the female role implanted by society. Be gentle, beautiful, sensual and pliable. Excellent qualities, but when faced with aggression they only make the situation worse. Because we are weaker, we cannot physically fight back men and fall into a stupor. At the same time, we lose the last opportunity to somehow influence the situation with the help of psychological techniques.
We have lived our entire lives in a society where a strong display of emotions is considered a weakness, because a person must be able to tightly control his feelings. If the emotional volcano suddenly erupts, then the person receives unflattering nicknames “weak”, “spineless” or even “sick”. We prefer to ignore and suppress strong emotions, both in ourselves and in other people.
This is why we get lost when meeting a real aggressor, become petrified and fall into a stupor. Thus, we deprive ourselves of the last opportunity to resist. At school they don't tell us what to do when meeting a rapist or murderer, and we waste precious seconds. Although there are effective psychological methods stop a person, even if only for a couple of seconds.
Break pattern
According to Erickson, “pattern breaking” is a technique for putting a person into a shock trance by purposefully interrupting an automated action. The second way to break the pattern is through mixing tactics. For example, instructions are given at a fast pace that are mutually exclusive and impossible to follow.
In other words, you need to go against the expected reaction. What behavior does a rapist expect from his victim? Tears and fear, perhaps even physical resistance, that’s what he’s counting on. The first thing a woman needs to do is to disgust herself and not be afraid for her attractiveness.
From theory to practice
Now I will name a few cases from real life my friends, others are taken from forums. All situations clearly demonstrate the power of such psychological tricks. Living people told me, believe me, it worked.
Girlfriend imitated an epileptic attack, when an aggressive man squeezed her at the entrance and had already lifted her skirt. She discovered her acting abilities suddenly, out of fear. She rolled her eyes, began to foam and jerked convulsively, lying on the floor. The aggressor believed, got scared and, apparently, so as not to get his hands dirty, ran away. The girl herself doesn’t know how she came up with such an idea, but it worked effectively.
With the same effect, you can wet yourself, pretend to be mentally retarded, pull out your tongue, blow foam, make terrible grimaces, or even induce vomiting. Everything you can think of and have always been embarrassed to do in public under the pretext “it kills my beauty.” Do everything to kill the sexual desire and attraction of the rapist.
Don't cry, don't be afraid, don't ask
Another story from Internet forums. The girl was returning from work late and had to walk through a dark alley. There a man attacked her, grabbed her and immediately threw her to the ground. There was nowhere to wait for help and the girl did a very unusual thing, she intuitively started stroking his head and back. The man began shouting obscene words, apparently blaming some woman who had offended him in his heart. He burst into tears and disappeared without doing anything.
This is the same as telling a rapist “finally, I’ve been waiting for this for so long and smiling sincerely.” What aggressor would not be surprised to hear cries of “Hurray” in his honor? And then, lo and behold, the savior neighbors will have time to appear. A few seconds gained can save the situation, so it’s worth using any possible means.
Aggressor you can try to scare away. For example, say: “They are meeting me, and now there will be people here” or “I have the cops on my tail.” Pretend that you have already dialed 112, shout “Fire” or throw stones at the windows of nearby houses. Even cold water in face also sometimes works and gives time to dodge and run away. The minimum task is to avoid dark alleys at night and remember to carry a gas spray and a stun gun. Caution and unusual behavior can help a woman avoid an attack by an aggressor.
Main photo – wallpaperswide.com
The task of psychological sambo techniques is to protect oneself from the destructive consequences of barbaric attack and manipulation, to help oneself cope with stupefaction, confusion, and emotional storm in the soul. Sambo techniques allow you to gain the time needed to regain self-control and restore your ability to function in the intellectual layer of interaction with a partner.
We talk about self-defense rather than self-defense because at least three major differences can be distinguished between these concepts:
1. Protect usually weak and defend maybe strong if he was attacked.
2. You can defend yourself on any territory, while defending themselves on their own soil.
3. The best way defense - counter attack, defense - transformation of material and form of attack V new material and a new form for emotional neutralization of the situation.
Psychological Sambo requires:
a) use of clear speech formulas;
b) correctly selected intonation - for example, calm, cold, thoughtful, cheerful or sad;
c) thoroughness in the answer, which is achieved:
· pausing before answering;
slowness of response;
· the response is addressed to a space deeper and more extensive than that which represents the immediate zone of collision.
A pause is perceived by most attackers as a sign of strength. Unless, of course, the addressee is silent not because he is “lost the power of speech.” The pause should be accompanied by a thoughtful expression on the face and an attentive (even to some extent) gaze into the face of the interlocutor. A too hasty response means that the recipient is unable to cope with the intervention and is in a hurry to “throw away” the cannonball thrown at him, like trying to throw away a hot potato. However, throwing hot potatoes means engaging in manipulation or responding with attack to attack. Contrary to the expectations of the attacker, the addressee holds the potato for some time, studies, examines, weighs it, and only then returns it to the invader in an unrecognizable form.
Self-defense requires calm and thoughtfulness, perhaps even sadness. Once in the training, the metaphor of a six-winged Seraphim was used, majestically washing with his wings an attacking barbarian or an imposing manipulator.
Calm, thoughtful and sad intonations of the answer leave space for reflection, and therefore contribute to the transfer of interpersonal intervention into an informational discussion.
Using other intonations, for example, assertive or sarcastic, will mean a retaliatory attack, again throwing potatoes.
Cold intonation can only be used in cases where the addressee uses the technique of external agreement and at the same time wants to make it clear that he forced agree with the manipulator, although he may not be very pleased with it.
Each of the psychological sambo techniques is not only a method of socio-psychological interaction, but also a method of reflection. Using speech formulas corresponding to these techniques, we return ourselves to thinking. Answering the interventionist in the technique of psychological self-defense means that we remind both ourselves and him: not only hot potatoes fly, but also swallows, snow, comets, airplanes...
Reading time: 5 min
Psychological defense is unconscious processes occurring in the psyche, aimed at minimizing the impact of negative experiences. Defense tools are the basis of resistance processes. Psychological defense as a concept was first voiced by Freud, who initially meant, first of all, repression (active, motivated elimination of something from consciousness).
The functions of psychological defenses are to reduce the confrontation that occurs within the individual, to relieve tension caused by the confrontation of impulses of the unconscious and the accepted demands of the environment that arise as a result of social interaction. By minimizing such conflict, safety mechanisms regulate human behavior, increasing its adaptive capacity.
What is psychological protection
The human psyche is characterized by the ability to protect itself from negative surrounding or internal influences.
Psychological protection of the individual is present in every human subject, but varies in degree of intensity.
Psychological protection guards the mental health of people, protects their “I” from the effects of stressful influences, increased anxiety, negative, destructive thoughts, and from confrontations leading to poor health.
Psychological defense as a concept was born in 1894 thanks to the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who came to the conclusion that a subject can show two different responses to unpleasant situations. He can either detain them in a conscious state, or distort such circumstances in order to reduce their scope or deviate them in a different direction.
All protective mechanisms are characterized by two features connecting them. First of all, they are unconscious. activates protection spontaneously, without understanding what it is doing. Secondly, the main task of protective tools is to distort reality as much as possible or completely deny it, so that the subject stops perceiving it as alarming or unsafe. It should be emphasized that human individuals often use several protection mechanisms simultaneously in order to protect themselves from unpleasant, threatening events. However, such a distortion cannot be considered intentional or an exaggeration.
At the same time, despite the fact that all available protective acts are aimed at protecting the human psyche, preventing him from falling into depression, and helping him endure stress, they often cause harm. The human subject cannot exist constantly in a state of renunciation or blaming others for his own troubles, replacing reality with a distorted picture that has fallen out of reality.
Psychological defense, in addition, can hinder human development. It can become an obstacle to the path of success.
The negative consequences of the phenomenon under consideration occur with the stable repetition of a certain defense mechanism in similar situations of life, however, individual events, although similar to those that initially provoked the activation of the defense, do not need cover-up, since the subject himself can consciously find a solution to the problem that has arisen.
Also, defense mechanisms turn into a destructive force when a person uses several of them at the same time. A subject who frequently resorts to defense mechanisms is doomed to be a failure.
Psychological protection of the individual is not an innate skill. It is acquired as the baby goes through it. The main source of the formation of internal defense mechanisms and examples of their use are parents, who “infect” their own children with their example of using protection.
Mechanisms of psychological defense of the individual
Special system personality regulation, aimed at protecting against negative, traumatic, unpleasant experiences caused by contradictions, anxiety and a state of discomfort is called psychological protection, the functional purpose of which is to minimize intrapersonal confrontation, relieve tension, and relieve anxiety. By weakening internal contradictions, psychological hidden “safeties” regulate the behavioral reactions of the individual, increasing its adaptive ability and balancing the psyche.
Freud had previously outlined the theories of the conscious, unconscious and the concept of the subconscious, where he emphasized that defensive internal mechanisms are an integral part of the unconscious. He argued that the human subject is often confronted with unpleasant stimuli that are threatening and can generate stress or lead to a breakdown. Without internal “safeties,” the ego of the individual will undergo disintegration, which will make it impossible to make decisions in everyday life. Psychological protection acts as shock absorbers. It helps individuals cope with negativity and pain.
Modern psychological science identifies 10 internal defense mechanisms, which are classified according to the degree of maturity into defensive (for example, isolation, rationalization, intellectualization) and projective (denial, repression). The first ones are more mature. They allow negative or traumatic information to enter their consciousness, but interpret it for themselves in a “painless” way. The second ones are more primitive, since traumatic information is not allowed into consciousness.
Today, psychological “safeties” are considered to be reactions that an individual resorts to unconsciously in order to protect his own internal mental components, the “Ego,” from anxiety, confrontation, sensation, guilt, and feelings.
The fundamental mechanisms of psychological defense are differentiated by such parameters as the level of conflict processing within, the reception of reality distortion, the level of the amount of energy spent on maintaining a certain mechanism, the level of the individual and the type of probable mental disorder that appears as a result of addiction to a certain defense mechanism.
Freud, using his own three-part model of the structure of the psyche, suggested that individual mechanisms arise even in childhood.
Psychological protection, examples of it are found all the time in life. Often, in order not to vent anger on the boss, a person pours out streams of negative information on employees, since they are less significant objects for him.
It often happens that the safety mechanisms begin to work incorrectly. The reason for this failure lies in the individual’s desire for peace. Hence, when the desire for psychological comfort begins to prevail over the desire to comprehend the world, minimizing the risk of going beyond the boundaries of the familiar, well-functioning defense mechanisms cease to function adequately, which leads to.
Protective defense mechanisms constitute the security complex of the personality, but at the same time they can lead to its disintegration. Each individual has his own favorite variation of protection.
Psychological defense is an example of this: the desire to find a reasonable explanation for even the most ridiculous behavior. This is how the tendency towards rationalization manifests itself.
However, there is a fine line that runs between adequate use of the preferred mechanism and a violation of the equivalent balance in their functioning. Troubles arise for individuals when the chosen “fuse” is absolutely inappropriate for the situation.
Types of psychological protection
Among the scientifically recognized and frequently encountered internal “shields,” there are about 50 types of psychological defense. Below are the main defense techniques used.
First of all, we can highlight sublimation, the concept of which was defined by Freud. He considered it a process of transformation of libido into sublime aspiration and socially necessary activity. According to Freud's concept, this is the main effective defense mechanism during personality maturation. The preference for sublimation as the main strategy speaks of mental maturation and personality formation.
There are 2 key variations of sublimation: primary and secondary. With the first, the original task towards which the personality is directed is preserved, which is expressed relatively directly, for example, infertile parents decide to adopt. In the second case, individuals abandon the initial task and choose another task, which can be achieved in more time. high level mental activity, as a result of which sublimation is indirect.
An individual who has failed to adapt using the primary form of the defense mechanism can switch to the secondary form.
The next frequently used technique is, which is found in the involuntary movement of unacceptable impulses or thoughts into the unconscious. Simply put, repression is motivated forgetting. When the function of this mechanism is insufficient to reduce anxiety, other defense techniques are used that help the repressed information appear in a distorted light.
Regression is an unconscious “descent” into an early stage of adaptation, allowing the satisfaction of desires. It can be symbolic, partial or complete. Many problems of an emotional nature have regressive characteristics. In its normal manifestation, regression can be detected in game processes, during illnesses (for example, a sick individual requires more attention and increased care).
Projection is a mechanism for assigning to another individual or object desires, feelings, thoughts that the subject consciously rejects. Individual variations of projection are easily detected in everyday life. Most human subjects are completely uncritical of personal shortcomings, but easily notice them in those around them. People tend to blame the surrounding society for their sorrows. At the same time, projection can be harmful, since it often causes an erroneous interpretation of reality. This mechanism mainly works in vulnerable individuals and immature individuals.
The opposite of the technique described above is introjection or inclusion of oneself. It plays an important role in early personal maturation, since parental values are learned on its basis. The mechanism is updated due to the loss of a close relative. With the help of introjection, the differences between one's own person and the object of love are eliminated. Sometimes or towards someone, negative impulses are transformed into devaluation of oneself and self-criticism, due to the introjection of such a subject.
Rationalization is a mechanism that justifies the behavioral response of individuals, their thoughts, feelings, which are actually unacceptable. This technique is considered the most common psychological defense mechanism.
Human behavior is determined by many factors. When an individual explains behavioral reactions in the most acceptable way for his own personality, then rationalization occurs. An unconscious rationalization technique should not be confused with a conscious lie or deliberate deception. Rationalization helps maintain self-esteem, avoid responsibility and feelings of guilt. In every rationalization there is some amount of truth, but there is more self-deception in it. This makes her unsafe.
Intellectualization involves the exaggerated use of intellectual potential in order to eliminate emotional experiences. This technique is characterized by a close relationship with rationalization. It replaces the direct experience of feelings with thinking about them.
Compensation is an unconscious attempt to overcome real or imagined defects. The mechanism under consideration is considered universal, because acquiring status is the most important need of almost every individual. Compensation can be socially acceptable (for example, a blind person becomes a famous musician) and unacceptable (for example, compensation for disability is transformed into conflict and aggression). There is also a distinction between direct compensation (in an obviously unwinnable area the individual strives for success) and indirect compensation (the tendency to establish one’s own personality in another area).
Reactive formation is a mechanism that replaces unacceptable impulses for awareness with exorbitant, opposing tendencies. This technique is characterized by two stages. In the first turn, the unacceptable desire is repressed, after which its antithesis increases. For example, overprotection may hide feelings of rejection.
The mechanism of denial is the rejection of thoughts, feelings, impulses, needs or reality that are unacceptable at the level of consciousness. The individual behaves as if the problem situation does not exist. The primitive way of denial is inherent in children. Adults more often use the described method in situations of serious crisis.
Displacement is the redirection of emotional responses from one item to an acceptable substitute. For example, subjects take out aggressive feelings on their family instead of their employer.
Methods and techniques of psychological defense
Many eminent psychologists claim that the ability to protect yourself from negative emotional reactions of envious people and ill-wishers, the ability to maintain spiritual harmony in all sorts of unpleasant circumstances and not respond to annoying, offensive attacks, is characteristic feature a mature personality, an emotionally developed and intellectually formed individual. This is a guarantee of health and the main difference between a successful individual. This is precisely the positive side of the function of psychological defenses. Therefore, subjects who experience pressure from society and take on negative psychological attacks from spiteful critics need to learn adequate methods of protecting themselves from negative influences.
First of all, you need to realize that an irritated and emotionally depressed individual cannot restrain emotional impulses and adequately respond to criticism.
Methods of psychological defense that help cope with aggressive manifestations are given below.
One of the techniques that helps repel negative emotions is the “wind of change.” You need to remember all the words and intonations that cause the most painful intonation, understand what can be guaranteed to knock the waters off, unbalance or plunge you into depression. It is recommended to remember and vividly imagine the circumstances when an ill-wisher tries to make you angry using certain words, intonation or facial expressions. You should also say inside yourself the words that hurt you the most. You can visualize the facial expressions of your opponent uttering offensive words.
This state of powerless anger or, on the contrary, loss, must be felt inside, sorted out by individual sensations. You need to become aware of your own sensations and changes occurring in the body (for example, your heartbeat may become faster, anxiety may appear, your legs may become “numb”) and remember them. Then you should imagine yourself standing in a strong wind, which blows away all the negativity, hurtful words and attacks of an ill-wisher, as well as reciprocal negative emotions.
It is recommended to do the described exercise several times in a quiet room. It will help you subsequently be much calmer about aggressive attacks. When faced with a situation in which someone is trying to insult or humiliate, you should imagine yourself as being in the wind. Then the words of the spiteful critic will sink into oblivion without reaching their goal.
The next method of psychological defense is called an “absurd situation.” Here a person is advised not to wait for aggression, an outburst of offensive words, or ridicule. We need to adopt the well-known phraseology “making a mountain out of a molehill.” In other words, it is necessary to bring any problem to the point of absurdity using exaggeration. If you feel ridicule or insult from your opponent, you should exaggerate this situation in such a way that the words that follow only generate laughter and frivolity. This method of psychological defense can easily disarm your interlocutor and permanently discourage him from offending other people.
You can also imagine your opponents as three-year-old babies. This will help you learn to treat their attacks less painfully. You need to imagine yourself as a teacher, and your opponents as a kindergarten child who runs, jumps, and screams. He is indignant and capricious. Is it possible to be seriously angry with a three-year-old, stupid little girl?!
The next method is called “ocean”. The expanses of water, which occupy a huge part of the land, constantly absorb the seething flows of rivers, but this cannot disturb their majestic steadfastness and calm. Likewise, a person can take an example from the ocean, remaining confident and calm, even when streams of abuse pour out.
A psychological defense technique called “aquarium” involves imagining yourself behind the thick edges of an aquarium when you sense the environment’s attempts to unbalance you. You need to look at your opponent, who pours out a sea of negativity and endlessly hurls offensive words, from behind the thick walls of the aquarium, imagining his face distorted by anger, but not feeling the words, because they are absorbed by the water. Consequently, negative attacks will not achieve their goal, the person will remain balanced, which will further disperse the opponent and force him to lose balance. 
Lecture 13
Lecture outline:
13.3 Constructive criticism
Civilized resistance to attack and manipulation
Concept civilized confrontation
Resistance to influence is reciprocal influence, that is, in essence, a type of influence. Civilized resistance to influence 1) corresponds to the rules of etiquette and 2) corresponds to ethical standards, accepted by the opposing subject himself.
A barbaric attack, apparently, must be resisted by a psychologically civilized person Always. Otherwise, he risks his personal integrity. As for manipulation, the reaction to it can also be conscious surrender.
General rules of civilized confrontation
1. Confrontation begins with minimal means.
2. The confrontation ends:
a) or when the manipulator switched to civilized interaction;
b) or when the opposing recipient of influence decided to capitulate.
3. The transition to more powerful means of opposition occurs only if the manipulator does not respond to less powerful means.
In this case, the phase of psychological sambo can be skipped. It is needed only in cases where the addressee is overwhelmed by feelings and is not able to move from emotional monitoring directly to an informational dialogue.
Algorithm of civilized confrontation
Emotion monitoring
Monitoring is a continuous observation of a phenomenon in its full dynamics; scanning, tracking. Monitoring is necessary to identify early signs beginning manipulation. Some changes in the emotional state of the addressee are reliable signs that the manipulator has begun his “work” with his emotional strings.
These signs include:
□ imbalance- inconsistency, ambivalence of emotions, for example, a combination of pride and resentment, joy and distrust, tenderness and anxiety, or, as one of the training participants put it, “when it’s funny and unpleasant at the same time,” etc.;
□ “strangeness” of emotions, for example, an outburst of rage during a discussion of unimportant details of a plan of action; unaccountable fear in the process of peaceful discussion of the volume of future supplies, etc.;
□ repetition of emotions, for example, the systematic occurrence of the same emotions when meeting a certain person, feelings of guilt, professional incompetence, humiliation, protest, etc.;
□ a sharp outburst of emotions, which does not seem justified by the objective characteristics of the situation.
2. Psychological self-defense(psychological sambo 1 )
The task of psychological sambo techniques is to protect oneself from the destructive consequences of barbaric attack and manipulation, to help oneself cope with stupefaction, confusion, and emotional storm in the soul. Sambo techniques allow you to gain the time needed to regain self-control and restore your ability to function in the intellectual layer of interaction with a partner.
We talk about self-defense rather than self-defense because at least three major differences can be distinguished between these concepts:
1 - in some literary sources the term psychological aikido is used
1. Protect usually weak and defend maybe strong if he was attacked.
2. You can defend yourself on any territory, while defending themselves on their own soil.
3. The best way of defense is a counter attack, defense is transformation of material and form of attack into new material and a new form to emotionally neutralize the situation.
Psychological Sambo requires:
a) use of clear speech formulas;
b) correctly selected intonation - for example, calm, cold, thoughtful, cheerful or sad;
c) thoroughness in the answer, which is achieved:
□ pausing before answering;
□ slow response;
□ by addressing the response to a space deeper and more extensive than that which represents the immediate collision zone.
A pause is perceived by most attackers as a sign of strength, unless, of course, the addressee is silent not because he is “lost the power of speech.” The pause should be accompanied by a thoughtful expression on the face and an attentive (even to some extent) gaze into the face of the interlocutor. A too hasty response means that the recipient is unable to cope with the intervention and is in a hurry to “throw away” the cannonball thrown at him, like trying to throw away a hot potato.
Calm, thoughtful and sad intonations of the answer leave space for reflection, and therefore contribute to the transfer of interpersonal intervention into an informational discussion.
Using other intonations, for example, assertive or sarcastic, will mean a retaliatory attack, again throwing potatoes.
In case of using technology English professor Sometimes it is acceptable to use a cheerful intonation (see below). Cold intonation can only be used in cases where the addressee uses the technique of external agreement and at the same time wants to make it clear that he forced agree with the manipulator, although he may not be very pleased with it.
Each of the psychological sambo techniques is not only a method of socio-psychological interaction, but also a method of reflection. Using speech formulas corresponding to these techniques, we return ourselves to thinking.
Information dialogue
Information dialogue- clarifying the partner’s position and one’s own position through the exchange of questions and answers, messages and proposals.
Information dialogue is the exchange of questions and answers, messages and proposals in a dispassionate and impartial mode of computer information retrieval.
Emotional implications are ignored. In each partner’s appeal, the essence that is relevant to the matter under discussion is sought, everything else is omitted.
An informational dialogue is a conversation about the substance of the matter, or at least an attempt at such a conversation.
If the partner goes to discuss the issue on the merits, gradually abandoning the manipulation, the confrontation can be considered successfully completed: the manipulation has been transformed into an informational discussion.
Comments on Example 1: the addressee’s response to the manipulator’s statement
If the manipulator makes a statement or makes a proposal, he may be immediately asked an information question. Questions that clarify the essence of the matter are asked in cases where the manipulator talks about the essence of the matter, albeit with the use of pinches; questions that clarify the goals of the manipulator are asked in cases where the manipulator concentrates more on pinching, moving far away from the essence of the matter. In all cases where it is possible to remain within the framework of a discussion of a business problem, it is recommended to ask questions that clarify the essence of the matter.
EXAMPLE 2 _______________________________________Reaction to question
Comments on Example 2: the addressee’s response to the manipulator’s question
If the manipulator asks a question and the addressee considers it possible and correct to give an informational answer, he does so. If the addressee does not consider it possible to give an open answer because it involves the disclosure of confidential information, corporate or personal secrets, etc., then the response to the question may be a proposal on the merits of the matter or the choice of topic. If the addressee believes that an informational response is inappropriate because it will not bring the interlocutors closer to resolving the business issue being discussed, a more effective strategy would also be to formulate an offer to return to the topic, expand on the issue, provide an explanation, etc.
In this case, the proposal can be formulated in the form of a polite request (“Please…”) or a request-question, for example: “Could we return to your first proposal for a few minutes and discuss it in more detail?”
There are some common mistakes when using psychological self-defense and informational dialogue techniques.
1. Self-justification. Any form of self-justification is a sign of a “string that has sounded”, and therefore, that the addressee has been drawn into manipulation.
2. Counter attack- this is barbarism (“Look at yourself. It’s not me, but you don’t understand anything,” etc.)
3. Asking about other people's opinions“third parties” (“Yes, and what are they saying about this? How did he react?”, etc.)
4. Question about the source of information(“How did you know this? Who said this?”, etc.). This is a counter manipulation. If the attacker himself does not cite sources, then he has reasons to hide them, and by asking a question about sources, we deliberately touch this chord. As Dotsenko wrote, “many of us remember from childhood cases when we naively told our parents everything they asked about, and then heard from older guys: “Six.” Since then, a controller has been working for us: will my information harm anyone? Therefore, we are wary when they ask us: who said it?” (Dotsenko, 1996. P. 244). We are afraid to “give it away.” The string “Don’t give it away” lives in us.
5. Question about the “instigators”(“Who started doing this first? Where did this reaction come from?”, etc.) The reasons are the same. This is a counter manipulation.
6. False and insincere statements, because it's manipulation.
7. Rough wording of questions and answers(“What do you care? Go to hell!”, etc.). Rough form is barbarism. You can’t “drive” people into civilization with a crowbar.
8. Statements about psychological rights and responsibilities(“I have the right not to tell you this! I don’t have to report to you,” etc.). A conversation about rights inevitably leads away from a discussion of the essence of the matter and the goals of the manipulator and slides into a discussion of relationships.
9. Question about attitude(the attacker to the addressee, others, to himself or others to the addressee) (“You don’t trust me? Do you think I’m not strong enough? Do they judge me? Are you jealous?”, etc.). Such questions may be counter-manipulation (such as a show of weakness), self-justification, or counter-attack. If the manipulator himself provokes a discussion of the addressee’s relationship with someone, it is often important for him to then be able to refer to the very fact of the conversation.
Constructive criticism
Constructive criticism is a fact-based discussion of the goals, means or actions of the initiator of influence and the justification of their inconsistency with the goals, conditions and requirements of the addressee.
□ Factuality: opportunities, facts, events, and their consequences are assessed, not individuals.
□ Correctness: Only parliamentary expressions are permitted.
□ Impassivity: analysis and assessment are carried out “without emotions”, detachment, without any personal involvement, raising the voice, etc.
Citing a Past Case
- We had a similar case a month ago. Unfortunately, it turned out that such orders require the involvement of additional workers.
- Thank you, we have already encountered foreign specialists. They are not always realistic. It takes time for them to adapt
to Russian reality. We have decided to make do with domestic personnel for now.
A message that the offer cannot be accepted... for three reasons. Three reasons are good. Besides, they are always there. The partner may try to use the argument-splitting method against them. When a person says “for three reasons,” he himself structures his attitude to the proposal. This is a very valuable mental exercise and a real test of the proposal's effectiveness.
- I cannot accept the three reasons method for three reasons. First of all, he is manipulative. At the moment when I say “for three reasons,” I may not yet know the reasons. Secondly, three reasons may not come to my mind, but, for example, only two or even only one. Third, it's too long.
- I do not agree to take Ivanov to this position now. He hasn't completed his probation yet. This time. He made several mistakes. That's two. And he is the husband of one of the employees, and I am against nepotism. That's three.
Constructive criticism is, in essence, counter-argumentation, which can be done in the technique of reframing, dividing the arguments of a partner, or developing one’s own arguments. Expressing doubts about the appropriateness and citing a past case are methods of developing one's own arguments.
Civilized confrontation
Confrontation is the most powerful means of resisting attack and manipulation. Claude Steiner viewed confrontation as opposing one's own power maneuver to a partner's power play in order to force him to reckon with us and stop ignoring us (Steiner S. M., 1974). This method is justified in cases where the initiator of influence uses such unconstructive methods of influence as manipulation, destructive criticism, ignoring or coercion.
Despite the fact that confrontation is opposition, it can be, in the words of A. Beck, “convenient.” It means that “we care.” “By entering into confrontation, we offer the other person and ourselves the opportunity to change and improve our relationship, while at the same time respecting our own need to express discomfort” (Beck A. S. 1988, p. 14).
According to A. Beck, in order to decide whether to enter into confrontation, you must first answer yourself several questions.
Making a decision to enter into confrontation according to A. Beck:
2. Determine whether your actions or inactions have the desired effect.
3. Examine what you want from a person or situation and what is stopping you from achieving it.
5. The answers to these questions may lead you to confront the other person, accept his or her behavior, or end the relationship.
Week A., 1988
If you decide to enter into confrontation, you must be consistent and ready to go to the end. Confrontation can only be effective if each of its necessary phases is implemented.
The confrontation algorithm was compiled based on the descriptions of Claude Steiner (Steiner S. M., 1974).
The first phase of confrontation. I-message (I-statement) about the feelings that this behavior of the initiator of influence causes
Let’s say that the manipulator (a man) deliberately violated the psychological distance between himself and the recipient of his influence (a girl) so that she would experience a feeling of discomfort and would rather agree to fulfill his request. He moves his chair close to hers and, putting his arm around her shoulders, says: “Please give me this manual, I just need it today.” The recipient girl answers him with an I-message: “When they sit so close to me, I feel anxiety and discomfort.” If the manipulator accepts the addressee’s I-message, he apologizes and
Confrontation algorithm
sits down, the goal is achieved and the confrontation is over. Only if he does not do this or, having done so, then again repeats attempts to limit the psychological space of the addressee, is it necessary to move on to the second phase.
Second phase of confrontation. Strengthening the I-message. IN in this example The recipient girl did it like this: “When I say that I have anxiety and discomfort, and they don’t react to this in any way, then I begin to experience melancholy and grief. Offense, finally. I feel bad, you know?” If the initiator of the influence accepts this I-message and stops his attempts to limit the psychological space, the confrontation can be considered successfully completed. Only if he does not do this does the addressee need to move on to the next phase.
The third phase of confrontation. Expressing a wish or request For example: “I ask you to sit at approximately this distance from me, not closer. And I also ask you not to slap my hand or touch me at all.”
If we combine the first to third phases together, then the algorithm for formulating the I-message (I-statement) is as follows:
1. Situation (non-judgmental statement of a fact, situation): “When they sit so close to me...”, “When you speak in a raised voice...” ...
2. Your reaction at the level of feelings (you have the right to experience any feelings): “...I feel anxiety and discomfort.” (Alternatively, this could also be a message about your reaction at the level of impulses or thoughts: “... I have a desire (thought) to leave the room... interrupt communication... push you away...").
3. Your preferred outcome (what you would like): “I ask you to sit approximately this distance from me, not closer. And I also ask you not to slap my hand or touch me at all.”
At the same time, you have not yet said a word about your interlocutor, therefore, he has much less chance of feeling hurt and offended, as if you had appreciated him.
If the request is not fulfilled, it is necessary to move to the fourth phase.
The fourth phase of confrontation. Assigning sanctions Example: “If you pat me on the hand again or sit closer than I am comfortable with, I will, firstly, leave immediately, and secondly, I will move away every time as soon as you approach me. I’ll stop communicating with you, that’s all.” We see that a sanction is a threat, and a threat is an attribute of coercion. If the confrontation has reached this phase, we need to admit to ourselves that we are forcing the manipulator to make a choice: either submit to our demands or refuse the opportunity to interact with us. The manipulator can resist coercion in the form of counter-confrontation. We can go to negotiations and discuss his demands. Only if he continues his actions or we were unable to reach an agreement should we move on to the fifth phase.
Fifth phase of confrontation. Implementation of sanctions.
The recipient of the impact must refuse any interaction with the initiator. Break off relations with him if there is no other choice.
We see that confrontation is a method that requires the determination to go to the end in asserting one’s psychological freedom, one’s right to resist other people’s influence.
Energy mobilization
Energy mobilization implies the activation of one’s own energy resources in situations where the unwanted encroachments of someone else’s will threaten to absorb and subjugate us. Energy mobilization can be used to resist suggestion, infection, and attempts to create favor.
Let us give an example of two methods - general and situationally determined.
1. General method of energy mobilization- is a search for factors that nourish, restore and enhance individual energy, and the targeted use of these factors. For example, for some people, energy is restored and enhanced by the simple influence of a hot shower or sauna, certain types of food, sleep patterns, reading certain books, watching certain movies, meeting certain people, etc.
2. Situationally determined method of energy mobilization is the transformation of any negative or contradictory or ambivalent emotion into the emotion of anger. In the simplest classification of human emotions, three emotions are negative (anger, fear and depression) and one is positive (joy). Energy mobilization is caused by two of them: joy and anger. Fear and depression are difficult to transform into joy, but can be successfully transformed into anger. The rule is this: if you don’t know how to react to a situation where you are being influenced undesirably, react with the emotion of anger. Try to be angry with this person.
Creation
Creativity involves performing unpredictable, original actions and actions. Creativity can be used to resist attempts to awaken the impulse to imitate.
The paradox is that true creativity is born not as a result of a decision not to imitate, but under the influence of an internal craving for self-expression. True creativity has internal, not external causes.
Imitation is often the most economical way to learn a new skill or ability. From childhood, our entire education system accustoms a person to strive to achieve high standards, and not the heights of self-expression.
Evasion
Avoidance is considered a legitimate way to avoid unwanted experiences and behaviors in behavior therapy.
R. Suinn described the sequence of his work within the framework of behavioral therapy. First, he and the client determine the conditions under which stress occurs. The client is then asked to use three methods to reduce and control stress: 1) take a “time out” and engage in relaxation; 2) generally prevent the occurrence of stimuli that cause stress - solve the problem before it becomes a problem; 3) reduce the amount of time spent in a stressful situation, that is, divide the time into short periods. Thus, the client is asked to avoid visiting certain places, meeting certain people, and generally getting into situations that cause him unwanted feelings and reactions (Suinn R. M., 1977, p. 55). It can be called strategic evasion.
If a meeting is inevitable or is already taking place, it is possible to use tactical evasion - time-outs and reducing the time of interaction with another person.
To these methods we can add the transformation of direct interaction into indirect interaction (through correspondence).
Evasion Techniques:
Time-out
· distraction of attention to everyday details(Oh, my chair broke; something got in my eye; it’s time for me to take my medicine, etc.);
· physical exit from the interaction space under a plausible pretext (Excuse me, I urgently need to get these papers from the office manager; I need to verify this data, let me take a break for three minutes; Excuse me, I must leave you for one minute, etc.);
· I philosophical way out of the situation- rhetorical questions or general statements like “What is truth?” or “We are all subjective...”;
· I attempts to laugh it off and divert attention with a joke to something else (“Oh, they’re already scolding! They’ll beat you soon!” - see “Days of the Turbins” by M. Bulgakov).
Lecture 13
Manipulation, protection from manipulation. Psychological self-defense
Lecture outline:
13.1 Civilized and barbarian influence. The concept of manipulation.
13.2 Civilized resistance to attack and manipulation
13.3 Constructive criticism
13.4 Civilized confrontation
13.5 Additional ways to counter influence
