Instructions
Cry, whine, scream - let off steam. Don't let them bother you. Move your advisers and consolers aside. Let all the bitterness pour out of your heart, otherwise there will be a residue that will reopen your feelings like an old wound.
Now, having cooled down, try to find the reason why your husband made a choice not in your favor. Try to be objective - this is necessary in order to avoid repeating mistakes in the future. Perhaps frequent scandals on a certain topic will become a grain of truth. Everyday difficulties, a crisis in marriage life, dissatisfaction with your appearance and behavior, lack of romance, passion and attraction, divergence of interests. You must clearly understand why you .
Take a notepad and pen, write on a piece of paper how you think you are and how you see yourself. For example: “I am beautiful, sweet, sexy, slim, stunning! And in general, I’m great.” Post it on your refrigerator so you can look at it every morning.
Keep yourself busy with work. Business, favorite business, hobby, passions - immerse yourself in them to the fullest. Set goals and results. If you have children, it's time to switch to them, surround your kids with care and affection.
Remember all the things you couldn’t afford when you were. Gatherings in cafes with girlfriends, midnight dances, hours of shopping. You have freedom - away from restrictions, away from transparent dresses and kilograms of chocolate.
Now make a list of what irritated and angered you about your husband, from socks thrown in the center of the room to the lack of tenderness and foreplay in the bedroom. Think how much negativity disappeared with this person. There is no need to endure, adapt, or please anyone anymore. Did you really love this man? Maybe it's just a habit that's hard to break.
Throw away or take away all your husband’s things from your home - not a single picture, frame or postcard should catch your eye. Rearrange or renovate your home to change the atmosphere.
Learn to be independent again. Calculate your budget. Maybe it's time for drastic changes - in school, work, career. Plan your weekend a month in advance so that there is no opportunity to refuse last minute. Travel, walk, make important decisions on your own.
Chat with new people, make acquaintances. Visit exhibitions, theaters, cinema - enjoy the company. Call old friends whose phone numbers are almost lost. A close friend, sister, mother - everyone will support you in any endeavor and will not allow such a charming woman to wither away.
Don’t think that you have been abandoned, abandoned, betrayed. Consider that you have received a good life lesson that will teach you to appreciate your loved one, relationships, and enjoy every minute spent together. Learn to forgive and not hold grudges, because you could be in your husband’s place. Having met your soul mate, you will step into a new future and break with the past.
This is a day I will never forget. It was March 7th, I was returning from a business trip by bus, a song was annoyingly playing on the radio with stupid words: “I drew you, I drew you, but I never knew your love...” and something else about the girl of my dreams. I was completely calm and happy, looking forward to the upcoming holiday. On the way home, I stopped by to pick up a gift for my mother-in-law and, satisfied with my purchases, returned home.
And at home there was a note on the table. Just a few phrases - my husband briefly informed me that he no longer loves me, he is leaving and in general he is no longer my husband. And that's it...
My life, like a puzzle, collapsed into small, small pieces. I remember standing near the table, reading the note and physically feeling that my life was collapsing like a house of cards. There was a strange dual feeling - on the one hand, I felt like I was in a dream, I didn’t believe that this could really be, on the other hand, for some reason, somewhere in my soul, I immediately had a deep conviction that all this for real, Kostya is no longer in my life.
I sat on the couch all evening, staring blankly at one point. I just didn't know how to live on. I didn't know how to get through the night, how to get through the next day. It was a stupor. And the next day I met my husband and saw that this was really no longer my husband - instead of the gentle, caring, loving Kostya, in his place there was a stone idol who spoke to me through clenched teeth, told me that 5 years of our life were a deception, he didn't love me at all, but now he's starting a new one happy life with the woman I love...
And after that the pain came. To say that it hurt me is to say nothing. I had never thought before that mental pain could be felt like physical pain—somewhere in my chest, a constant gnawing pain. Sometimes sharp, sometimes dull, but pulling out all the veins. And this feeling of hopelessness when you realize that everything is over forever - there will be nothing good in your life anymore - no love, no happiness, no meaning.
Also, a feeling of inferiority and humiliation came into my life when my ex-husband, during random meetings, told me how good he was with his new woman- she has a better refrigerator and rich borscht, and she takes off her earrings before having sex, but I didn’t take them off...
And misunderstanding: “Why? for what? How can someone so close to you become such a stranger in one day?” And anger at him and his passion. And pitying glances at the “abandoned” one... And confusion when the ex-husband secretly stole the TV from the apartment...
And if we add to this that after my husband left, I was left alone in a large apartment with renovations that had just begun, with raised floors and destroyed walls, rats periodically ran out from under the exposed floor, there was no money for repairs, and I didn’t know how to Previously, my husband dealt with any serious issues. And that I used to live like a princess - my husband placed me on the throne, adored me, spoiled me, gave me gifts, carried me in his arms, wrote poetry. And after he left, I fell from the throne straight into the dust - I felt like the dust from the feet of my departed husband. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t do anything without him. I was nobody.
I lost up to 40 kg and resembled an Auschwitz prisoner. I cried constantly, I didn’t sleep for days. I, of course, tried to win him back, as many do - I talked to him, tried to convince him with reasonable arguments, asked him, humiliated myself, cried... But the more I humiliated myself, the worse it was - he finally stopped seeing me as a princess, but he saw only an unhappy, half-mad woman who could not live without him. They definitely won’t come back to something like this.
True, I came to my senses quite quickly - two months were enough for me to understand that if I continued in this spirit, I would either commit suicide or become a permanent patient in a psychiatric clinic. I didn't like either one.
I physically felt like I was drowning in this swamp. And I realized that I had to pull myself out of this swamp of pain with my own hands. And she began to act. I forbade myself from seeing my departed husband; I deliberately did not find out anything about him, although I really wanted to. Every day I resolutely killed the hope of his return, repeating to myself over and over again that this stage of life was over, and Kostya was no longer in my life.
At the same time, every time I felt really bad, I told myself that I would survive, get out of this hole and be happy, I definitely would be. At first I didn’t believe it and repeated this phrase just like that, but gradually I realized that it was true - I would really survive and be happy. I began to take care of myself - I forced myself to get enough sleep, walk, eat, put on makeup and do my hair every day, went to visit, to the theater, and signed up for the library. I didn’t want to do this - it all seemed like there was no need, but I forced myself to do it with titanic efforts.
When it was really bad, I went for a run or played badminton, danced to cheerful music. And I, of course, cried - but not pityingly and quietly, like a victim, I endured all day, and then when I came home, I turned on lyrical songs about love and howled under them and screamed and wailed, like a mourner at a funeral. I drove my grief out of myself with screams and howls.
And I was also doing renovations in the apartment. And drove out the rats. And I learned to solve a huge number of issues that I was afraid to approach before. I had no choice - and I was afraid, but I did it. I didn’t imagine that I could do it, but I did. Through “I can’t”, through “I don’t want”. And gradually everything began to work out. I renovated my apartment, learned to drive a car, and advanced at work. And most importantly, I gained self-confidence, an understanding that I can survive on my own, and that my husband’s departure is not the ruin of my life. What’s interesting is in one of the conversations with my husband, when I persistently tried to convince him to return and asked: “You left. What will remain with me?”, he answered me: “You will remain with you.” Then I thought that I didn’t need myself if he wasn’t in my life. And then I realized - he was very right - because of his departure, I found myself, I began to need myself. And this is very important.
And happiness in my personal life, it came: a year later I met a man whom I married and with whom I gave birth to two wonderful children. So everything turned out for the better - if my husband had not acted as he did, would I have found myself and my real man?
And my husband is a traitor, he couldn’t make happiness out of my tears. Since that " true love“He separated after a year and a half and was treated at a neurosis clinic. All in all, not a very happy ending...
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The news of a loved one leaving for another causes terrible heartache. It seems that life has broken into tiny pieces that can no longer be collected. But time takes its toll- everyone who has gone through such a test says that this is not the end of the world, even if it’s hard to believe now. How to cope with your husband leaving you for someone else? You just have to believe that your life will be better without him than with him.
Fighting feelings
While the mental wound is fresh, you are overcome by a host of conflicting feelings, mostly negative. Then you are angry at your now ex for betrayal, humiliation and the feeling of inferiority that arose with his departure. Then you hate yourself because you failed to keep this man, you turned out to be unworthy, you lost in something to another woman. It seems that everything is hopeless and hopeless, the pain is felt on a physical level - the heart contracts in the chest, reluctantly beats.
How to overcome this emotional explosion? The advice may seem banal, but you need to unwind - empty your head, and then fill it with completely different experiences, otherwise you will drown in this viscous swamp of depression. Ban yourself from seeing your husband, send him all his things, put an emotional anchor on something else. You need to learn to consciously stop thinking about your ex, shifting your focus to something that is more pleasant for you. It is best to think about the future, that you will definitely be happy. Constantly repeat to yourself that the stage of life that you spent with that person is irrevocably over, you cannot return it, moreover, you do not want it. Even if you hardly believe it now, constant auto-training will definitely bear fruit.
You have no choice
Once you accept the fact that you simply have no other choice, you will find the strength to live on. Force yourself through “I can’t” to get up every morning, do a beautiful hairstyle, put on makeup, go to work, where you will smile at everyone. Go to theatres, cinemas, visit, visit more often public places so as not to be left alone with dark thoughts.
Learn to live independently after your husband leaves
If you were dependent on your ex for everything, you now feel completely helpless. Don’t worry, you will survive and learn to solve issues that even a man could not cope with. And all because you are a strong woman, regardless of what others and yourself think about it.
Happiness in family life will come if you find yourself. The departure of your husband can become a springboard for you into a life where you are a real and happy woman; do not be afraid to take the chance, even if now it seems only like a punishment. Be glad that this man will not hurt you anymore. Many more pleasant moments await you in relationships with the opposite sex, the main thing is to believe in it.
"We had everything Fine, why did he leave? What was he missing?" - these are the most popular questions asked by “ex-wives” to psychologists. In fact, no one leaves just like that; before coming to the decision to part with his once beloved wife and children, a man weighs everything for a long time “ pros and cons. And only when a plan to “escape” from the family has already been drawn up, the man decides to inform his other half about it.
So it's not worth it afraid of husband leaving when, after an argument, he grabs his jacket and goes to his friend’s, slamming the door hard behind him. The likelihood that within a few days he will return back to his family in such cases is very high. From such scandals the family does not collapse, but only becomes stronger. The main thing is not to abuse your husband’s patience. The breakdown of relationships and separation from a loved one does not occur due to a short-term clarification of relations between spouses. Men make the final decision to leave the family only with a cool and sober head, and not rashly.
About what's coming soon time she will be left alone, as a rule, the wives don’t even suspect. Because they get used to attention and care from their husband, but they themselves do not even try to listen, understand and become a helper for their husband. Husbands leave mostly those wives who are used to only “taking” and do not know how to “give” anything in return. People tend to blame others for their mistakes.
Maybe, husband yours is not a traitor or a traitor, but simply a victim who is tired of being a donkey from morning until late at night and not hearing a single kind word from his wife. Men leave the family - victims of a lack of affection, attention, care or sex. As you know, men are drawn to places where they are valued and loved. Maybe you always didn’t have enough money, no matter how much he earned, or you often had “headaches” and your husband had to look for another woman. Therefore, before you assure that everything was fine, but he left anyway, work on your mistakes. Parting with a loved one is a good chance to understand the mistakes made and prevent their repetition in the future.
When are you already found out If your husband has left and is not going to come back, it is very important to behave correctly. First, stop blaming yourself, even if you think it was your fault that he left. Now you are a wise woman who has realized her mistakes and is not going to repeat them again. The most common mistake of women whose loved ones have left them is an attempt with all their might, persuasion, promises and threats to return their husband back to the family.
Abandoned wives They are trying to fix everything before her husband has completely lost interest in her. But this tactic is correct only if the man has not carefully thought through his departure in advance. It is quite simple to return a husband who left in the heat of the moment, offended by blackmail or his wife’s refusal, but it is no longer possible to change the situation in the event of a planned departure from the family with any persuasion, tears or promises. Here's what we shouldn't do after our husband leaves the family:
1. Looking for a meeting with my husband, call him, write messages, start a showdown on the topic: “Who is to blame?” and "Why did he leave?" Such activity by a woman will never lead to the desired results. Haunted Husband ex-wife, begins to feel like a “hunted game” and tries to run away from it at all costs. Indeed, some ex-wives manages to bring her husband back to the family, but this is only if she does not forget about her self-esteem.
2. Feel sorry for yourself and cry, cherishing your loss. There is no need to make yourself a victim and consider your husband’s departure to be the end of the world. Try to calm down and not get depressed. The sages say: “When the first door closes, the second one will definitely open.” What you now consider a great misfortune may be the beginning of another relationship, much happier and more meaningful.
3. Give up and stop taking care of yourself. There is no need to give up, because after parting with your loved one, life goes on. The hairdresser, gym, beauty salon, solarium, swimming pool must be visited according to the previous schedule. Any activity that interests you will distract you from sad thoughts and help you forget your ex-husband.
4. Revenge on ex-husband. We do not recommend threatening or trying to take revenge on your husband and his new passion. Such actions will not give anything good, but they will become a reason for your ex-husband to affirm the correctness of his decision to leave you. Do not try to reason with the rival to whom your husband left. She is different and she will not understand you.
5. Explain to everyone the reason for my husband’s departure and tell all sorts of nasty things about him. After all, before he left, he satisfied you, and you did not complain to anyone about your life, so why now do you so want to be pitied and condemned. Be strong and don't pay attention to the rumors. Your personal life may be of interest to many, but there is no need to discuss it with work colleagues, friends and neighbors.
6. Immediately look for ways to meet other men. Before starting a new romance with another man, you must understand that if you did not please one, then there is a high probability that the second will not appreciate you either. You should not step on the same rake twice. Now you should build your relationships with men more competently; you don’t need to associate yourself with a dishonest person just to make you jealous ex-husband.
The husband's departure from the family is not a reason to consider that life is over. First of all, the wife needs to determine the reasons for the breakup. The correct behavior of a woman at this difficult moment will help her maintain her dignity and begin a new stage in life. Advice from psychologists will reveal the reasons for men leaving their families, help deceived wives understand themselves and their feelings, get through a difficult period and decide what to do next.
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Why do husbands leave the family?
Passion and stormy love relationship can't go on forever. Over time, the severity of sensations dulls. However, some spouses live together until they are very old, while others get divorced. Psychologists identify several reasons for men leaving the family:
- a woman is too protective of her life partner;
- no common hobbies;
- sexual interest disappears;
- there is no mutual understanding, regular quarrels occur;
- the wife stops taking care of herself and looks bad;
- are seized by everyday problems;
- another woman appears.
What to do if your husband has another woman
It is no coincidence that the appearance of a rival is in last place on the list of reasons for men leaving home. Representatives of the stronger sex are usually conservative and do not want to change their lifestyle. Many of them are satisfied family life and simultaneous affairs. A woman should choose the right model of behavior if she finds out about the appearance of a rival’s spouse in her life. How to behave in this case:
- 1. If your husband has decided to leave, you should not hold him back. Opposition from his wife will only increase his desire. Men are accustomed to appreciating what they get with difficulty. The more obstacles he has on his way, the stronger his desire to be with his beloved will be. The wife should not ask him to stay. By doing this, she will not achieve what she wants and will lose what remains of her pride.
- 2. You can't look like a victim. Men cannot stand tears and try to avoid them. If the wife looks calm and even slightly joyful during separation, this will make the man begin to doubt his decision.
- 3. There is no need to ask an unfaithful husband questions why he does this, why the other is better and what he lacks in their family. Often he himself does not know. And questions will only anger him.
- 4. You cannot blackmail your husband with children: ask him to stay for their sake or threaten that, having left the family, he will not see them again. Even small children are individuals with their own interests and desires. They should not be a bargaining chip in the relationship between mother and father.
How to cope with your spouse's departure
Many women have no idea how to cope with their husband leaving their family. Life seems to be divided into two halves: before and after. The deceived spouse is filled with anger, resentment, hatred, despair, and fear. According to psychologists, if you behave correctly in such a situation, you can get out of the situation with dignity and build equally happy relationships in the future.
A woman left without a husband should not feel sorry for herself and believe that everyone around her is to blame for the current situation. Moreover, you should not think that the husband left because he had a bad life partner. No one is to blame for what happened. This blow of fate should be accepted with dignity, and then the situation will soon be resolved successfully. There is no need to call the fugitive and demand that he return home. Experts do not advise sorting things out with the new lover of a cheating husband. This will only expose the woman to ridicule. If your heart is very heavy, you can break the dishes in the house or talk frankly with best friend, sharing his experiences with her. However, there is no need to turn this into a tradition, so as not to get stuck in a state of depression.
Start of a new life
Even if her husband left after 20 years of marriage, a woman always has the opportunity to start her life anew. It would be more correct to look at the situation from a different angle: not “I was abandoned,” but “I became free and independent.” You can make a plan for the future. You can include small daily tasks in it, for example, going to a cafe with friends, shopping beautiful dress, and large ones: a trip to a resort, a change of job and meeting a new partner.
To make life sparkle with bright colors, you need to completely change the decor in your home. Then nothing will remind you of your former marriage. If you don’t have enough money for new furniture, you can buy curtains, decorate the apartment with flowers, or re-glue the wallpaper. It’s worth finding a hobby: dancing, fitness, studying foreign language, driving or design courses. An interesting hobby will help keep you busy free time and forget your unfaithful spouse. At the same time, the woman will acquire new knowledge and skills.
Psychologists warn that you should not dwell on your experiences. The world does not end with a husband, no matter how wonderful he is. There is no need to live in hope of restoring the relationship. It is necessary to strive for something new and remember that there are many close people around who need love and care. These are children, parents, friends and even pets. Love given to others always comes back.
A woman’s behavior after her marriage breaks up also depends on the reasons that forced her husband to leave home. If a man decides to break up not because of the appearance new love, then you need to try to meet him from time to time in the company of mutual friends, while looking stunning. Smiling, you can invite your spouse to pick up the remaining things. If there are children together, the father cannot be prevented from communicating with them. Their joint trips to the cinema, theaters and walks will not be superfluous.
If a man left because his wife offended him, there is no need to ask for forgiveness. It is better to show your repentance through actions and kind words. A man will understand that his wife has changed, because he feels a change in the relationship.
Trying to get your husband back: is it worth it?
When a man leaves his wife for a new lover, you need to call him for a frank conversation to find out his intentions. During the conversation, you can understand whether he still has any feelings for his wife or not. If the ex-husband is happy in his new family and has no plans to return home, then there is practically no hope for restoring the family. An intelligent woman in this case will wish you luck and try to maintain friendly relations.
If a guy doubts his new feelings, then there is always hope for restoring the relationship. Statistics show that husbands return in 90% of cases. Whether or not to accept the head of the family depends on the woman.
Often a man begins to rush between his former and current woman. Over the course of several months, or even years, it goes away and then returns. In this case, the legal wife must clearly indicate her position, asking whether he wants to live with her and who he loves. The woman must state that a guest marriage is not part of her plans, and if her husband has not filed for divorce, he needs to decide what to do next. According to experts, if a man delays his departure, then he cannot decide with whom he wants to stay. In such a situation, a wise wife can restore the relationship and return her husband if she deems it necessary.
Not all marriages are worth fighting for. Before trying to get back into a relationship, a woman should think carefully about whether she needs it. Maybe we should start new life without my ex-husband. After all, it’s difficult to continue living with a traitor, fearing that he will do the same again.
And a little about secrets...
I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick idiot...
