How do you know if your partner has victim syndrome?
Spotting a victim is often difficult because none of us really minds our partner complaining to us about their previous relationship. If, for example, you're dating a man and he often tells you creepy stories about his ex-girlfriend, then you're secretly glad that he doesn't miss her or compare you to her. But if your partner has a habit of blaming others and does not take even partial responsibility for problems, beware: the next “culprit of all misfortunes” will be you.
Paradoxically, no matter how much people with victim syndrome complain about the lack of love and understanding towards them in the past, they will find it difficult to accept your love and support. Victims like to suffer. No matter how hard you try to console them, they refuse to cheer up. Holding on to their pain gives them the illusion of power over their abusers.
Victimized people are a poor choice for a partner, although loving them can make you feel needed and indispensable. All their complaints about what they have suffered from others are just a reflection of their low self-esteem.
Psychology of the victim in relationships
Your partner rarely directly expresses dissatisfaction with me or others; he would rather complain about “circumstances” or sulk in silence. He walks around looking unhappy and makes me use pincers to extract information from him.
Your partner always finds something to be upset about in life, and rarely does a few days or weeks go by without some event that puts them in a bad mood.
Your partner has victim syndrome because he often feels sorry for himself and does not understand why all sorts of troubles happen to him.
Your partner has difficulty making decisions; he often spends more time complaining about what might happen than doing the actual action.
Your partner often feels captive to circumstances that, as it seems to him, are the cause of his unhappiness, and does not see any way out of this trap.
Your partner still blames people from the past (parents, ex-girlfriends, friends) for his misfortunes and the way his life turned out.
Your partner has victim syndrome because he is jealous of other people's success and happiness and often compares himself to them, and as a result experiences feelings of bitterness or depression.
If you believe that at least one or two of these statements are true, then your partner has a slight victim trait, and you should discuss this with him so as not to accumulate feelings of irritation and resentment.
If three to five statements are true, then your partner has a serious problem with victim mentality. Make sure that you do not enjoy playing the role of “savior” and that you are not subtly preparing yourself to feel the futility of your efforts.
If you are convinced that six or more of these statements are true, then you love a professional victim. Talk to your partner - he will definitely perceive this as an attack, get upset and blame you for not understanding him and not loving him, in other words, he will perceive it from the position of a victim! If you don’t yet feel like a puppet in his hands, offended and disappointed, you will soon. Your partner urgently needs help, and so do you.
Signs of a victim in a relationship
Symptoms of a Victim Mentality
Victims do not take responsibility for events or circumstances own life. They feel sorry for themselves, complain, eat, sleep, become depressed - they do everything except try to change the state of affairs. Try to advise the victim on what he should do to cheer himself up or solve some problem - in response you will receive a whole list of reasons why your suggestions will not work. Some victims expect you to save them and overcome all difficulties for them; others want nothing more than sympathy, since the only way they know how to get attention is to evoke compassion in someone.
People with victim syndrome are great at blaming others for their problems. From the point of view of the victim, everything is always someone else's fault. They blame their parents ex-spouses, children, friends, health, economy and anything else that is about being unhappy and disappointed in your current life. Some do this openly, honestly expressing their dissatisfaction. Others do so in a veiled manner, simply doing nothing to improve their own lives.
People with victim syndrome perceive life as a situation of confrontation. “The whole world is against me,” the victim thinks. A person with a victim mentality makes it seem as if the purpose of other people's existence is to ruin his life, interfere with his happiness, and disappoint him. For many, this was true in childhood, but when the victimized person transfers this childhood perception into his adult relationships, he inevitably turns others against him. Some victimized people go so far as to choose partners who torture them and thereby reinforce the belief that they are truly victims. Often, people who are victims only become close to other victims because they are the only ones who can understand them.
Victims express anger in a veiled way. People with victim syndrome would rather appeal to your feelings of guilt by appearing unhappy and resentful than risk losing your sympathy by showing you their true displeasure. They know how to express themselves without sounding harsh or aggressive; hostility will be transmitted latently, while maintaining external friendliness.
For example, a woman is upset that her partner did not celebrate her birthday very solemnly. And she says: “Probably we were just brought up differently. Some families teach children to respect the feelings of others, while others don’t.” When a friend reproaches her for calling him insensitive, she responds by expressing bewilderment: “Darling, did I say that you are insensitive? I’m just saying that everyone is different.” She would have been much more honest if she had said: “I was mortally offended by you - on my birthday you got off with some kind of lousy card and made me feel that I was nothing special to you.”
The position of the victim in a relationship
People with victim syndrome are hopeless pessimists. “I can’t”, “It won’t work”, “Never in my life” - these are common phrases that are often found in the speech of human victims. Victims often procrastinate because they are afraid to act. It may seem that they are looking for your support, but then you realize that they are not looking for help from you, but for salvation. It is possible that the individual victims were abused sexually, physically, or emotionally as children. On a subconscious level, their then powerlessness dictated to them the following judgment about themselves: “I am powerless. Others rule over me."
Victims repeat the same negative patterns in their love relationships and in life because they do not bother to look for the source of these patterns. When faced with some problem, strong man poses the question: “Why is this happening and how can I change it?” The victim person asks, “Why is this happening to ME?” In a crisis situation, the victim becomes fixated on the stalking aspect without trying to understand how it happened and what can be done to prevent it from happening in the future; Thus, he deprives himself of the opportunity to learn from his mistakes.
What to do if your partner has victim syndrome?
Love for a person with victim syndrome
We all secretly carry a “victim person” within us. But when this schema dominates someone's personality, it begins to have a detrimental effect on the person's mental health and love relationship. Your relationship will not be a healthy relationship of equals until your partner has outlived the victim. As with other harmful flaws, the victim mentality can be successfully combated through strong commitment and persistence if the partner is willing to change himself. But don't be fooled: if you leave everything as is, this pattern will not disappear on its own. Those who are in relationships with a victimized partner learn the hard way that over time, compassion turns into indifference.
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SPORT AND NUTRITION
Victim Mentality
You have probably often heard the term “victim psychology”. Not everyone has a reliable idea of what it is and how it can relate to a specific person. In fact, we are not talking about victims of some terrible events - bandit attacks or disasters.
The term “victim psychology” refers to people who avoid personal responsibility for their own actions and tend to blame others for everything.
The behavior of a person with the psychology of a victim can be described as a “victim mentality.” First of all, this applies to representatives of the fair half of humanity, i.e. - to you and me, dear friends. There are many “victims” among men, but among women there are many more such people. This is what I want to talk about today. If you notice such manifestations in yourself, teach yourself to resist and fight them. If you are a mother, knowing why this behavior occurs will help you adjust your parenting methods to prevent your child from developing a victim mentality, which will make him unhappy and create problems in all aspects of his adult life.
Reasons for the emergence of victim psychology
The roots of the victim mentality usually lie in early childhood. And, as always, the blame lies with parents and educators. If parents cultivate a constant feeling of guilt and shame in their children, criticize them excessively and give them little encouragement or praise, the child’s consciousness forces the child to defend himself. This defense manifests itself in the form of “shifting” the blame for one’s own mistakes onto someone else. Often children come up with a character who, according to them, is to blame for all the mistakes they make. If measures are not taken to correct the situation, then with age, as children's impressionability decreases, the child begins to shift the blame for all his mistakes and failures onto other people.
An adult with a victim mentality already has a transformed consciousness and a distorted perception of reality. His mental defense mechanisms work in the light of the “memory” of childhood traumas, and he, trying to rid himself of the painful feeling of guilt and shame for his own miscalculations and mistakes, goes into “deaf defense”, blaming other people for everything. In women, this mental state is especially acute. Neither their husbands nor their work colleagues can envy such women, but at the same time they themselves suffer the most.
Manifestations of a victim mentality
At the ordinary everyday level, the victim mentality manifests itself in cases that are well recognized by most of us. For example, having become angry with her husband, losing her temper and breaking a mountain of dishes “in her heart,” such a woman immediately shouts to her husband: “Look what you’ve brought me to!” Having severely spanked her son or daughter, and feeling remorse for a severe punishment incommensurate with the child’s misdeed, a mother with a victim mentality is inclined to blame anyone for what happened, but not herself. The “victim” behaves in the same way towards his family members, blaming them for all the “deadly sins”, and even for his own alcoholism or drug addiction.
The situation is further aggravated by the fact that the “victim” is very often obsessed with issues of higher justice and morality. As a rule, she believes that she rightfully deserves everything good that happens to her, and everything bad is a manifestation of thoughtless cruelty and injustice on the part of other people.
It is very difficult or even impossible for a person with a victim mentality to take responsibility for even part of their own problems, because this will leave them vulnerable to painful feelings of shame, guilt, or fear of rejection for doing something wrong.
While the victim's behavior may seem selfish, illogical, or narcissistic, it is important to understand that in reality this person is deeply unhappy and their unhealthy reaction is caused by heartache and experiences, not arrogance.
Like a hare running in the headlights, the “victim” is virtually paralyzed, and is unable to turn off the road - to look at himself from the outside, analyze the situation and admit that he is wrong. Instead, she is so deeply immersed in the search for justice that she completely dismisses the most convincing arguments and not only does not try to solve her problem, but even worsens it.
How to rid yourself of the victim mentality
You can rid yourself and those around you of your own victim complex if you really want it. This is one of those cases when a person can become his own psychotherapist.
The first step is to recognize that you have a victim mentality and use the willpower to resist the guilt and shame to admit your mistake. Do this all the time for a long time, constantly checking yourself. Such work on yourself will undoubtedly give positive results in just a few days.
The second step is to ask your loved ones for help to help you get rid of this mental state. Let your loved ones guide you and pay attention to every instance of attempts to “shift” responsibility for your own mistakes onto someone else’s shoulders. At the same time, they must be patient and tolerant towards you, because your first reaction to a remark may be uncontrollable and spontaneously negative.
The third step - if you do not feel the strength to get rid of the victim mentality on your own, but at the same time, you understand that you need to get rid of it - contact a psychologist.
Notes from Janet. "Victim Mentality"
This planet mainly attracts two types of beings - those who have a victim mentality and those who have an oppressor mentality. To be a victim you need oppressors. To be an oppressor you need victims. Together they create balance in God-Mind.
This planet is intended to be a place where beings with a victim mentality can learn to overcome it. Therefore, higher-level creatures will not interfere, because those with a victim mentality need to be able to work on this on their own. To interfere would be to take away their lessons from these people. Creatures high level will watch, guide and train you if you contact them, but that's all they can do. They are not here to save you and your planet.
If someone tells you that they want to save you, it means that they are interfering with the development of your soul. Only you can save yourself from the victim mentality. Only you and the lessons you prepare for yourself will help you learn this mentality. Only you can learn the lessons that will help you ultimately stop feeling like a victim. Nobody is trying to help you. Don't believe the words of those who promise to do this.
When you learn to overcome the victim mentality, your thinking will no longer attract oppressors. The more determined you are to remain a victim, the more difficult the lessons you will learn to break out of this mindset. In a metaphorical sense, this means that you will need a thicker and tighter belt before you finally learn your lesson.
You need to be humiliated, offended and, finally, angry enough to be able to stand up for yourself and declare that you will no longer be a victim for anyone, anywhere, ever! Perhaps when you eventually get fed up with all of this, you'll let go of the victim mentality by saying, “I don't really care what anyone else thinks! I will say what I think, no matter what! I will take care of myself no matter what!”
Sometimes people get so bad that, instead of breaking free from the victim mentality, they decide to become oppressors when given the opportunity. And then the circle closes. People who have been oppressed find another victim because it gives them a sense of control. So they relive their previous experiences when they felt like they had no control over anything. They become villains so they can be winners for a change. Of course, this sudden change from victim to oppressor again creates an imbalance.
Ideally, it is necessary to find a middle ground, a balance between the victim and the oppressor. In the Mind of God, the victim and the oppressor are two sides of the same coin. In this case, two separate soul personalities are needed to maintain balance in God-Mind. One is on the side of the victim, and the other is on the side of the oppressor. You need to find balance in yourself, so that this balance in the Mind of God is maintained by one soul personality, and not two.
Yes, you must learn to speak your mind and not let anyone wipe their feet on you. Yes, sometimes you have to be harsh and cruel in your words, and sometimes in your actions. But when you have to behave in this way, take an objective position, striving to do what is best for everyone involved in the situation in order to achieve the goal while causing as little pain as possible. Boundaries need to be set.
What are your boundaries? Who crosses them and how? Is there an aggressive person in your life whom you avoid for being too assertive and opinionated? Why are you avoiding this person? Why not get rid of the victim mentality and give him a voice? What if your heart is racing and your palms are sweating? What if your knees are shaking so much that you almost fall, and your voice becomes shaky, squeaky and barely audible? So you need to silence your victim mentality before it silences you. Learn to be active rather than passive.
When you allow others to treat you poorly, you become angry, moody, and withdrawn. You then take out your anger and frustration on innocent people. Sometimes your body gets sick because you suppress your feelings, isolate your body, or perhaps stop eating. Either way, you are suffering.
But some part of you believes that you deserve this suffering. There is a part of you that enjoys pain and self-flagellation. Some part of you likes this, otherwise you wouldn't behave this way. Some people create others to hurt them, sometimes physically, sometimes emotionally, and sometimes both. Sometimes people hurt themselves, turning into an autonomous, fully functioning unit with a victim mentality. Some do this with great success.
Why do you feel so bad about yourself that you think you deserve to suffer, are lonely, feel guilty, are sick, are overweight or underweight? Did it start in this life or earlier? Explore these feelings and allow yourself to release them. This physical reality is your chance to overcome them. The more you ignore the situation, the harder it will be to teach you to get it out of you. You came here to study, so study. Stop moaning, crying and complaining because some part of you enjoys this too.
Pain can be great fun. You may be running from one doctor to another, trying to find a cure for something that cannot be cured in your current mindset.
Bad luck can attract a lot of attention and sympathy from other people. Dire circumstances will force someone to take notice of you. If you don't get a raise or promotion, this can be an excuse for not moving up in your career. You may complain of being lonely, dating someone who doesn't understand you, or not dating anyone at all. But this voluntary isolation gives you time for selfish self-care without outside interference. This can also be said about the desire to have children when unable to do so. Part of you doesn't want to live with a spouse, even a loving spouse, or children, because if you ALL wanted this, if it was in your thinking, you would
Sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice! This can be repeated endlessly... Stop being a victim.
Find a new source of entertainment. Get rid of this thinking to see new development prospects - so vast that you cannot even imagine or realize them. You must get rid of the old to make room for the new. No one will do it for you. No one will save you from yourself.
IS YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS SUBJECT TO CONTROL?
Does “mind control” sound like something sinister to you—something that people in dark and mysterious places are planning on unsuspecting victims? Do you read similar stories from others with interest, thinking that it has nothing to do with you? Remember: if you are reading about it, it is part of your world. If it is part of your world, it is a reflection of some part of you, otherwise it would not exist. So is your mind subject to control by dark forces?
To meet the necessary requirements, you must be easy to control. This is true? What is your mindset? Are you in control of your life or is your life controlling you?
If anything controls you, your thinking is designed in such a way that any force can use it and manipulate it. This force only needs to enter your aura through a hole in your thinking. To close these holes and correct your thinking, you need to figure out what is controlling you in your life—and stop it.
What controls you? Human? Anyone who pulls your strings or pushes your hidden buttons controls you. Anyone you allow to suppress or put you down is controlling you. When you respond to their manipulation, you are under control. That person is controlling you. This could be a parent, spouse, child, relative, co-worker or neighbor.
Are you controlled by your emotions? If the balance of emotions is disturbed, they can create their own sub-personalities. Each emotion has its own color, sound, speed and archetype (symbol) in your aura. Anger is red, fear is yellow, envy is green. Every time you experience these emotions without transmitting them to your Oversoul, you feed the energy of these sub-personalities. Anger becomes stronger, envy becomes stronger, fear becomes stronger. Now they control you. You can promise anything, but what happens when someone or something pushes your button? Suddenly anger, fear or envy begins to control you. You have lost the battle. Your emotions have taken the helm.
You may be controlled by an illness. Do you need illness to feel important or to receive attention and love? Do you have chronic illnesses that you never seem to recover from? Or just when you get rid of something, something else immediately appears in its place? What part of you needs and accepts this control?
Are you controlled by alcohol and drugs? Or tobacco? Sex? There are support groups for alcoholics, drug addicts and sex addicts, as well as shopaholics, gambling addicts and kleptomaniacs. There are support groups for people suffering from bulimia, anorexia and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Name any disorder or bad habit– at least someone will definitely be under their control. Do they control you?
Does food control you? This will not necessarily manifest itself through excess weight. Can you go without chocolate or sugar for at least one day? Can you fast for 24 hours without drinking anything other than water? You will not die of hunger... So are you capable of this?
What about fashion? Do you chase after the trendiest clothes, hairstyles and home furnishings without even thinking about whether you like them? And then there are cars, motorcycles, trucks, boats - the list goes on and on.
Or fashionable short-lived hobbies, be it piercings, tattoos, buying various things and trinkets that will become useless even before you have time to take them out of the package. Do you feel the need to have everything that others have?
Plastic surgery controls people. They redo and redo every part of their body until there is nothing left that can be remade. And then they start all over again.
Some people start exercising and can't stop. They exercise constantly, sometimes building up such muscles that Hercules never dreamed of. Others exercise until there is not an ounce of fat left in their body and they begin to break down. muscle tissue, ligaments and internal organs.
Does your experience use and control you, or do you use and control your experience? That's the whole point. If something or someone controls you in any form, you become a prime candidate for mass or individual mind control. When you control yourself, no one and nothing can control you. In moderation, everything is fine, but when something takes hold of you to the point where it controls you, you subconsciously create a belief that says, “external forces can and do control me.”
This creates holes in your thinking and aura through which those who are able to read such information understand that you are an ideal candidate for mind control. Learn to use your breath to place yourself at your center. Find strengths your thinking and those that need strengthening. Strengthen yourself in the power of your own Oversoul and the Mind of God. Take control of absolutely everything that controls you, without forgetting to maintain balance. You can be led astray in every imaginable way. These are your tests.
Monitor your own progress. The more you observe yourself, the less external observers will interfere and do it for you. When your defenses are down, someone or something is deliberately and happily pushing you out of your center.
You exist in physical reality, among other things, to find out who and what you are. When you are pushed out of your center, you realize who you are not. If you are outside of your inner center, others can turn you into whatever they want. Like clay, they can mold you into a person who will meet their goals. You will be so busy with this modeling that you will have no time to realize what is happening.
Only when you stand firmly within your inner center and control absolutely every aspect of your life, all the holes in your thinking close completely. When this happens, no one and nothing can control you. But even when the door is closed to outside visitors, remember that they will still knock on it.
Only YOU can make sure they don't enter.
(From the notes of Janet Diane Moriah-Sverdlow)
School of Harmony Awareness
There are two main extremes that prevent a person from opening up throughout life: the victim mentality and the Lucifer syndrome.
Basic behavior patterns of victims.
Addiction
Transfers personal responsibility for his life to other people, using his inability to gain their support and attention. He entrusts his existence to others, while constantly reminding him that he is helpless and cannot be forgotten. Manipulates people even in adulthood, putting pressure on another person’s feelings of guilt. His usual speech sounds like this: “if I had health (money, time, knowledge or any other resource), then I would definitely help you, but my life turned out worse than yours, you cannot turn away from me “I’ll be lost without you.” The people he addresses develop a feeling of guilt that everything is fine with them - as a result, they make concessions and indulge the scammer.
Sycophancy
Constantly giving in and acquiescing to the wishes of others. A completely lost soul because he traded his inner nature for social approval. As a result, there is a lack of inner core and self-realization, which leads to a constant search for approval from the outside. About such a person we can say: “today ours, tomorrow yours.” Nothing can be trusted; it can betray you at any moment. He cannot be left alone, because he understands that he is a dummy. Completely lost individuality.
Obsessiveness
Compensates for his low self-esteem by becoming responsible for others. He likes to use himself as an example as a person who would go into the fire for his friends. But these are just words. Focusing on others allows you to mask all your unresolved problems. Usually he does not love himself, so he demands that others love him, thereby maintaining the illusion that life is not without meaning. If a person does not live up to their expectations, he turns him into his enemy and will fight with him for the rest of his life. Judgment is the favorite pastime of this category.
Control
Feels safe only by being in control of everything and everyone. He goes through life thinking that he is always right and only others are wrong. A true dogma, overly suspicious, cannot trust or rely on anyone. As a result, it exhausts its nervous system early, which leads to poor health. Since everyone has their own opinion, he falls into the sphere of stereotypical thinking, closing himself off from life and its miracles in advance. In old age he becomes a petty, grumpy tyrant.
The victim mentality is based on the fear of losing the feeling of being needed and attention to one’s person. If you notice similar shortcomings in yourself, you need to do something about it. Suppression of the chakras will not lead to anything good. Not only will energy constantly circulate below, but also the mechanisms of premature aging and decreased health will start. I'm not even saying that on an emotional level, depression, despondency, self-pity, resentment, melancholy, sadness will become your life companions.
You must understand that in the outside world nothing in itself will change until you change from within. And therefore, the main task at the first stage will be to bring the request to zero. Expectations always give rise to complaints, and at the same time a tormented sense of self-importance. Your idea of the world may have nothing to do with the world. So leave the Whole on its own, and it will give you what you need, and not what your false ego, inflamed by personal ambitions, has drawn. To bring yourself into a state of inner balance, you need to ask God to take guidance from you. life path. If you have faith, then a state of submission and humility will help you find yourself, and then you need to reveal your potential within the framework of your destiny, not forgetting to enjoy life and its games.
If the first extreme blocks the flow of energy for a person who comes from below from the roots, then the next one closes him from the Divine flows that launch the higher centers.
Lucifer syndrome is an interesting phenomenon that began to manifest itself with a massive human passion for the sciences of self-awareness and self-development. Now almost every second person is a guru who claims to know the truth in last resort, and everyone around him is a gray faceless mass, distracting him from his Divinity. Think about why Lucifer fell? He was second after God, had enormous knowledge and power, but something was missing... Love.
Try to understand that the imbalance of knowledge over Love leads to the fall of the soul. As Marcus Aurelius said: “In many knowledges are many sorrows.” Another philosopher Michel de Montaigne said: “Just as plants wither from an excessive abundance of moisture, and lamps from an abundance of oil, so the human mind, with excessive activities and an abundance of knowledge, cluttered and suppressed by their endless variety, loses the ability to understand this clutter and under the burden of an unbearable load it bends and withers.”
They are absolutely right. Knowledge burdens a person, and if it has not yet been realized in him, then it begins to put pressure on him, creating nervousness and aggression towards the outside world. When we receive information that we want to implement, we automatically attribute ourselves to higher personalities, and those entities that interfere with this to opponents and low-grade people. We fall for the hook of pride and vanity, increasing our sense of self-importance, and forgetting what the original motive of our intention was. As a result, we begin to fight with all those people who do not share our views on the world, as a result of which our human qualities disappear and only the thirst for our own righteousness remains.
Do you accept full? Do you take responsibility for the decisions and actions you take? To live your best and most authentic life, you need to do this. After all, YOUR life depends only on YOU.
Too often we blame someone or something to justify ourselves. By blaming, we give up all our power. We become victims and feel powerless. And this is far from the truth; you have a choice to live with love or live in fear. Fear makes you think like a victim.
Of course, you shouldn't deny the wounds and pain of the past. These experiences made you who you are today. But you can go beyond pain; you can move beyond discomfort. You can choose to live a life of gratitude and being present in the present moment.
Here are 10 ways to overcome the victim mentality:
- Look in the mirror.
The more you feel like a victim, the more you lose touch with your body. So take the opportunity to look in the mirror today. Look into your eyes and realize that there is great power within you, right there is the power to live your best life.
- Diary.
Journaling is like medicine. In it you can express your thoughts and feelings in a way that you don’t express to anyone. When you journal, you see and experience your true self, so take this opportunity to write something today.
- Start practicing meditation (of any kind).
Meditation is beneficial psychologically, emotionally and physically. By taking time to meditate, you understand yourself and gain strength. By collecting your thoughts, you push past the victim mentality and become present in the present moment.
- Write and rewrite your own story.
Everyone has a story. This story is unique and special. Take responsibility for writing it. This way, you will work on accepting your past and enjoying life in the present.
- List your grievances, then separate yourself from them.
Very harmful to your overall well-being. By writing them, you drain their energy and realize that you are not a victim of your hurts or circumstances. Don't let anyone or anything keep you from enjoying your life.
- Forgive yourself.
The past is gone. There is no need to live in that time. The more you live in the past, the more pain you cause yourself. So work on forgiving yourself from today.
- Pray for the sick and suffering.
Most people get sick and suffer in their own way. The more you pray for others, the more you strengthen your connection with yourself. The more you experience genuine love within, the more you can live with compassion for others.
- Talk to yourself in moments of pain.
When you notice a surge of guilt or shame or , talk to yourself. Repeat: “I am strong, I will get through this, I am not alone,” over and over again. Use positive affirmations.
- Write down your goals for this week.
Sacrifice immobilizes and keeps you trapped. Once you've written down your goals for the week, you'll have to look ahead and take action to try to achieve them. It's uplifting and inspiring.
- Maintain social connections.
You were not born to go through life's journey alone. Your social connections are vital. Surround yourself with people who inspire you. People who make you feel good and encourage you to move forward, rather than keeping you stuck in the past and feeling like a victim.
Who is responsible for my life? Who is to blame if something doesn't go according to plan? Me myself, or someone else?
If you can't take responsibility for when things go wrong, you will find it difficult, if not impossible, to control your life.
The victim mentality is possessed by those who believe that their past, present and future are not under their control, but depend on circumstances dictated by the outside world. Such people do not live their lives, but simply become participants in random events.
Here are some properties characteristic of the victim mentality:
1. A person with such a mentality blames others for what happens to him.
You are never to blame for anything. It is not you who are to blame for your obesity, but your genes.
It's not your fault that you are underpaid. Your boss is a miser and will hang himself for the last penny.
Why blame yourself for drowning in debt? You just needed to buy a new one....., although there was no money for it.
But there is nothing wrong with all this, because you are not to blame for anything.
2. Thinks that others are more fortunate.
“She was lucky that she was promoted at work,” while ignoring the facts that she worked hard, came early, showed initiative and a desire to work extra.
“He was lucky, he was most likely born with an elastic, muscular body,” not taking into account that every day, despite his busy schedule, he is not lazy to get up earlier and play sports. There is no desire to also remember what he adheres to healthy eating and denies himself sweets.
“They drive a more expensive car than us because, most likely, their parents help them or they won the lottery,” forgetting that they have a successful business, which they have been working towards for several years, first, hatching an idea, then Having finished their studies, lacking sleep and tired, they began to work for themselves.
But you never got the job you dreamed of, a beautiful body and a new car, because you were simply unlucky.
3. Sees only the bad.
For such people, the glass will always be half empty; moreover, in a minute, it will be completely empty.
4. Remains forcedly helpless.
You have learned to suffer, but continue to live in unpleasant conditions, and therefore, when the opportunity arises to change the situation for the better, you do not even take up this matter, because by this time you believe that you cannot control the situation. You don't see the solution to the problem that is clearly staring you in the face because you are convinced that nothing will come of it. You don't control your life, you are controlled by it.
As the victims say.
The victim mentality comes with a distinct dialect.
I CAN'T.
"I can't lose weight, I've always been fat."
"I can't earn enough because they don't pay me enough."
Because victims don't believe they have control over the situation, they refuse to think they can be, have, or do what they want. Such disbelief is expressed in the words “I can’t.”
I MUST.
“I have to keep working at a job I hate because I have no choice.”
By saying “I must,” you deprive yourself of freedom of choice, thereby putting yourself into submission and limiting your possibilities.
I DON'T KNOW.
"I can never follow my dreams because I don't even know where to start."
By thinking this way, you will never know the answer, because you are dooming yourself to fatalism.
When you allow the victim mentality to take over you, you limit your options. By believing that you are a victim of circumstances, you give up your own power to change something in your life, depriving yourself of the opportunity to live the life you want.
How to overcome the victim mentality?
First of all, you need to change your way of thinking. A strong belief that you can change your life for the better will be the first step, then work is required.
What to do?
1. Take responsibility for your life.
If it is not your fault that life has failed, you are helpless to fix anything. Be responsible for what happens in your life, as well as for what doesn't happen. What does it mean to control your life? This means stopping complaining about what you couldn't do, what you couldn't become, or what you couldn't acquire.
If you don't get paid enough, it's not your boss's fault, if you don't have a job, it's not an economic problem, if you can't lose weight, it's no one's fault, it's yours. Does it sound harsh? May be. Remember that you will not be able to gain control over your life until you accept the fact that the quality of your present life is the result of the decisions you have made.
2. Create your own luck.
Thomas Jefferson said: “I believe in luck, and the harder I work, the luckier I get.” Luck can be produced. How? Work hard and don't miss opportunities. The harder you work, the more opportunities appear. Opportunities are everywhere, the problem is that people don't try to look for them.
3. Learn a new language.
“I can’t” is a phrase that blocks the brain. By saying it, you immediately lose any possibility of finding a way out. But when you rephrase it and say, “How can I?”, you open up new possibilities.
Instead of saying “I must,” say “What else can I do?”, thereby opening the way to new opportunities to resolve the problem.
When you say, "I don't know," you are building a high wall to success. People always know what they want, but when they don’t know what to do, they never get started.
The phrase “I don’t know” kills the dream. Instead, say "Where can I learn?" Not a big change in words, but a huge difference in the result and quality of life.
“Knowledge is power!”, and it is very close, it can be enough to read a book, talk to a friend or just “Google it”.
4. Control is in your hands.
You have enough skills, knowledge and potential to take control of your life right now. You no longer need to play the role of the victim.
In the period that is coming now, you need to be attentive to the state you are in. The consciousness of the victim gives way to the consciousness of the creation. But this process does not happen on its own. Nothing will change with a click without your participation. You will have to make some efforts to finally free yourself from the victim state. Every minute, be aware of who you are, what you feel, what guides your decisions and actions.
To make the task easier, I highlighted the main signs that relate to the consciousness of the victim. If you are new to the topic of spirituality, this material will serve as a guide for you on what NOT to do and in what states it is harmful to hang out.
And for experienced people, it will help them switch from the consciousness of the victim to the frequency of their soul in time.
Pay attention to areas of life in which you are still stepping on the old rake and the state of the victim takes possession of you. Knowing its signs, it will be easier for you to realize that you have failed and get out of the 3D hole.
Complaints about life, health, government
This is a “classic of the genre”. As soon as you notice that you are complaining, realize that the victim is speaking in you. Ask yourself: What have I NOT done for myself or don’t want to do to improve my condition? Dissatisfied with government decisions - What can I do in the current conditions? How can I use these circumstances to my advantage?
Resentment
While you are overcome by resentment, you cannot look at the situation from the outside. While you are offended, your thoughts revolve around one thing. You get stuck in this state, and life begins to be shaped by the emotions of resentment.
Claims and faults
A person who has complaints against other people is in a victim state. He gets angry because others don't live up to his expectations or even his requirements. This outrages him.
Claims often hide feelings of guilt. A person thus transfers his guilt for doing something wrong onto another person: “It’s all HIM!” If you want to free yourself from claims and guilt, ask yourself: What am I hiding from myself? Why do I feel guilty?
Fear, anxiety, panic
In a state of fear, it is impossible to think constructively or make adequate decisions. The more you panic, the more it envelops you and clouds your consciousness.
In such a state you can do stupid things.
Question to help you switch: Does panic help me solve the problem?
State of insignificance (I am not worthy, I am “small”)
The state of insignificance fetters, drives into frameworks that limit everything. At this moment, you believe that you really are not worthy of anything good, and you compare yourself with others to a disadvantage. Remember that your spiritual guides, angels, and your entire family are behind you. They are already with you all the time, but at such moments you especially need their support. Try to feel their presence or imagine that they are standing next to you right now, hugging you, enveloping you in the divine energy of love. No matter what happens, they are there. Just don't forget about it.
One more trick. Imagine that you have a beautiful golden crown on your head, strewn with precious stones. Walk with this feeling, especially in those moments when you feel insecure. The state of insignificance will be replaced by awareness of one's own dignity. The queen cannot be insignificant and unworthy.
Hostile attitude towards the world
A person sees enemies in everyone and is in tension because he is constantly waiting for an attack. This consumes a huge amount of energy. For some people, this behavior becomes a habit and becomes a way of life. If this is not stopped, a person risks his resource, health and well-being.
Concentrate on your heart and imagine a smile there. Hold it for a while. Practice when you are alone, and then go out in public with the awareness of that smile. If you regularly practice this practice, you will feel relaxed, hostility on your part will go away, and you will notice that people have become more favorable towards you.
Irritation, anger, rudeness
If you hang around in negative emotions for a long time, you allow the consciousness of the victim to re-register inside you. Frequent expression of these emotions may be the result inability to defend one's boundaries due to lack of self-confidence, inability to let go of control over the situation, unwillingness to accept that not everything can work out the way you want.
Pay attention to what situations you react with a surge of negativity, and a lot will become clear to you.
Excuses, lamentations (I can’t do anything)
If you notice that you often make excuses, look for reasons not to do what you planned, at that moment you are overcome by the consciousness of a victim. Think about what is stopping you, what are you so afraid of.
Judging yourself and others
When you judge someone or yourself, you move from vertical to horizontal. You are setting yourself back in your development. Judging others is easier than getting up and doing something positive for yourself. If you find yourself judging yourself, stop and think about why you are judging yourself, what problem you are running from.
Powerlessness (I can’t do anything, everything is useless)
Powerlessness can be expressed both as despair and as an outburst of aggression. Outbursts of anger when you lash out at your loved ones are due to powerlessness. Because you don’t see a way out of the current situation. This is the state of the victim. Remember that you always have a resource to solve the issue that torments you. You have reached the point of powerlessness only because you have been looking for a way out for a long time, clinging to the problem.
This is a sign that you need hand over the solution to your higher aspects. Do it.
Long-term “discussion” of the problem
You replay what happened over and over again. What would you do, what would you say if you could rewind time? You are living in the past. The situation has already happened. Stop sitting in this swamp. It's time to accept the situation and move on to the next stage: understand why this happened, learn lessons and act from this point.
Not all negative manifestations indicate that you are in a state of victimhood. We came here to experience the whole range of feelings, including negative ones. You have the right to experience any emotions. If you are offended, allow yourself to be offended if there is a claim against to a loved one, realize that you have the right to this. Give yourself time to be in this state, 30 minutes - an hour - two. After all, we are all human! But don't hang around for too long.
In my more than 50 years of living in New York City, I have observed many types of people. In this article, I will divide these people into two categories: people with a winner mentality and people with a victim mentality. People with a victim mentality interpret the world completely differently than people with a winner mentality. The former views the obstacle as an unfair challenge, and the latter as an opportunity to overcome this obstacle. You could also say that in American politics, candidates try to appeal to one group or the other. To the victims they promise their intervention, and to the winners they promise as many opportunities as possible without government interference and laws.
Your perception of yourself has nothing to do with the color of your skin, or the society in which you grew up (of course, there is personality temperament, psychological education, emotional abuse and other things that contribute to the development of a victim mentality). I have seen ethnic minorities overcome racism and poverty and achieve great things (to name a few: Booker T. Washington, George Washington Carver, Martin Luther King, Jesse Owens, Jackie Robinson), and I have seen others, surrounded by abundance and prosperity, become defeated, full of failure and self-hatred. It is not your circumstances that define your way of thinking, but it is the way you look at yourself and respond to life's problems and issues that creates that definition (of course in this article I am talking about lifestyle, but in reality there are also real victims of sexual abuse, emotional trauma, sex trafficking, and those suffering from various types of trauma and needing outside intervention in order to recover).
To illustrate this point, I grew up in a small apartment in a lower middle class neighborhood, and when my friends found out I was part Latino, they made fun of me; anyway, instead of hiding in the corner, I aggressively fought back and made fun of them, putting them in their place, and they never brought it up again. Why did I answer this way? Because I had an instinctive sense of self-worth that transcended any insults thrown at me.
Moreover, as Christians, we are called to live with the inner understanding that in Jesus Christ we are more than conquerors (Rom. 8:37).
As Christians, we should never adopt a victim mentality. This world is full of people captivated by this way of thinking, and as a result, millions of people are enslaved and unable to realize their God-given potential.
One of the most important things that my wife Joyce and I have instilled in our five biological children is the fact that they are not victims, but winners. We taught them that everyone faces obstacles in life, but that is no excuse to hide in a corner and feel sorry for yourself. We also taught the children that when you grow up, if you don't help yourself, no one else will help you! We taught our children to be the head and not the tail, to be above and not under, to use their Creative skills to become entrepreneurial, and to be leaders in a group rather than followers (read Deuteronomy 28:10-13). Millions are susceptible to victim mentality because they blindly follow the “mob mentality” of their peers, the media, political parties and/or culture. Even many believers in Christ are caught in the mind games of this world, which pits one group against another (the "haves" versus the "have nots").
For example, Marxists, far-left liberals and socialists (like Bernie Sanders) play on the spirit of victimhood - engaging in class struggle, and making a living by portraying entire groups of people as victims in order to get elected and secure a good position for themselves. Without a victim mentality, thousands of politicians would be out of work!
I'm not saying that I believe there is no racism or injustice or economic and political inequality, but despite these factors, we must focus on teaching people that they have the right to succeed in any field, with God's help. The following comparisons should help you understand which camp you're in; if you are in the victim mindset camp – then God wants to change your belief system and change your mindset to a victorious one.
Victim vs. Victorious Mindset Comparison (To save time, I will not use the word “mindset” in the points below):
1 – The victim believes that the whole world is against him / The winner believes that the whole world needs him
2 – The victim sees problem as an obstacle / The winner sees the obstacle as an opportunity
3 – Victim Blames others in their failures / The winner takes responsibility for successes and failures upon himself
4 – The victim is in need in supporting others to succeed / A winner succeeds with what he or she has
5 – Never a victim not satisfied and always looking for more / The winner is grateful for what he already has and builds on it
6 – The victim feels that everyone owes them something / The winner believes that no one owes him anything
7 – Victim lives at the expense of other people / A winner lives by making others happy
8 – Victim will die in bitterness / The winner will die satisfied
9 – The victim sees only closed doors/ The winner sees only open doors
10 – Victim spreads only a negative attitude towards everyone / The winner is positive
11 – Victim – pessimist / winner is optimist
12 – Victim if doesn't succeed, gives up quickly / The winner is not finished until he succeeds
13 – The victim only has a few real friends / The winner expands opportunities and makes new friends
14 – The victim pushes away people / The winner attracts
15 – Always a victim fights for “their rights” / The winner lives by defending the rights of others
16 – Victim is inherent spirit of criticism and judgment of others / The winner blesses others
17 – The victim thinks that people are against him / The winner thinks that people are on his side
18 – The victim plays on the emotions of others / The winner helps others cope with feelings
19 – The victim uses others, seeking what can be gained from them / The winner is a catalyst, inspiring people to prosper
20 – The victim believes for evil, making the situation worse / The winner believes in God, making the situation better
Author - Joseph Mattera/josephmattera.org
Translation - Tanya Kovalskaya For
