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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich , Khasminsky Mikhail Igorevich 2017
There is always a way out: how not to commit the irreparable
PsychologyThis book is the fruit of several years of practical work by a group of specialists and volunteers with thousands of potential suicides on the Pobedish.ru project. It raises the most pressing questions of concern to such people, to which deep, accurate and interesting answers are given, helping addressees understand the true sources of their problems, change their worldview and start a new life.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
How to survive a breakup with a loved one
PsychologyOne day, journalists came to visit an old woman who was a hundred years old. It was in Ukraine. A tiny old woman, who already has great-great-grandchildren, who survived the war, famine and all the consequences of the collapse of the USSR. Journalists asked what she remembered most of all during these hundred years of eventful events. The old woman burst into tears and answered: “If I see a man. You know, what a bіl!”. (“When my husband left me. You know what a pain it is!”) But her husband left her with her children 60 years ago!
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Love spell and its consequences
Esoterics. Parapsychology. Secrets , PsychologyThis small book is the fruit of a year and a half of work with people who are going through a breakup, as well as those in a state of love or passionate dependence on another person, which is carried out by us on the charity website “Survive. RU" (). In the course of work, we encountered a large number of cases of magical interference in the relationship of two. An intervention that always led to rather sad consequences.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Cross of Christ
Religion... The Jews, according to the Talmud, used to have a criminal sentenced to death not be executed immediately after conviction. The herald several times publicly announced his name, guilt, witnesses to the crime and the type of execution assigned to him, calling anyone who can go to court and defend the unfortunate. And the Romans had a law issued by Tiberius, according to which the death penalty committed no earlier than 10 days after the verdict. But for Jesus Christ, although He was judged according to both Roman and Jewish laws, neither one nor the other custom was observed. The postponement of execution extended only to ordinary criminals, and the troublemakers, the enemies of Moses and Caesar, as Jesus was presented by slander, had no right to this mercy: their execution was the more lawful the sooner it was done. So, immediately after the condemnation, Jesus Christ was handed over to the soldiers, who among the Romans carried out all the executions. The first thing they did was to remove the scarlet robe from Him and put on His own clothes: this was required by custom and, perhaps, pity. The silence of the evangelists does not allow us to say decisively: the crown of thorns was removed at the same time or remained on the head of the Lord until the very removal of Him from the cross. However, the ancient custom of depicting Jesus Christ on the cross in a crown of thorns has the appearance of a historical tradition. To confirm it, it can be said that the crucifiers had enough reasons to leave the crown on the head of the Lord, since, according to their idea of Him, it was very useful, confirming what the inscription said.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Fill your life with love
Psychology“This book will help you break the baton of unhappiness. By itself, acquaintance with the book will not make you a truly loving and beloved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, for you the lack of love may end. And you can create a full-fledged family and make your future children much happier ... "
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Violence will not break us!
PsychologyThis book is intended for the general reader. In our time, almost every person has either been a victim of violence, or can become one, or someone from our loved ones has suffered from violence. We are talking about family violence, sexual violence, street violence, terrorist attacks, in general, all types of violence where a person is seriously injured ... "
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Real love. Secrets of love before marriage and in marriage
Psychology“Everyone agrees that love is the highest value of our life. And for people who understand, it is also the highest goal of being. Therefore, it is very important to treat love in an adult way. To understand how much depends on us to prepare ourselves for love, to recognize it when it comes, and to keep it from all dangers.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Happy experience
Psychology“The reason that there are so few happy people now is only because we do very little for our happiness. Most live by inertia, as it happened, as their parents wanted, or where the environment led them. How many have thought about what happiness is, how can I personally achieve it - and began to stubbornly fight for what they want, contrary to how loved ones live?
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
The complexities of love. family crisis
Psychology“This book is valuable because it is not the views of any individual author on how to live in a family. She considers many specific destinies, situations of different real married couples. Stories from family life, told with the utmost frankness, and the advice given to these couples will help you look at your situation from the outside, see the solution to your problems, and many of them simply avoid.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
The complexities of love. premarital relationship
Psychology“This book is a very clear theoretical guide, because in addition to interesting and easy-to-understand conversations of specialists, it contains many examples. Examples are the brightest, most interesting and intelligible part of the theory. Learning about the difficulties in a love relationship that other people experience, understanding the reasons for these difficulties, considering the ways out, you will understand a lot. You can avoid many mistakes if you wish. Once in a difficult situation, you will quickly find a way out by remembering similar situations experienced by others ... "
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
The complexities of love. fatal mistakes
PsychologyThis book is a continuation of the series of books "The Complexities of Love". While the first two books, The Difficulties of Love: Premarital Relationships and The Difficulties of Love: The Crisis of the Family, were divided into relationship stages, this book addresses various common problems related to both premarital and family relationships.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2016
Cross the threshold. Frankly - about the sacraments of the first confession
ReligionHow difficult it is for a person who takes his first steps in the church to make up his mind to make his first confession! Fear of opening the soul, insecurity, fear of doing something “wrong”, fear of being misunderstood by a priest, the inability to immediately part with “favorite” sins… It is not always possible for relatives and friends to competently help such a person who is looking for his way to God. This book is interesting in that it presents confidential conversations on the Internet forum "Overcoming Dislike". The book also contains a selection of advice from the holy fathers on repentance and confession.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2014
Understand themselves. How to deal with spiritual problems
Self improvement , Religion , Orthodoxy“... In psychology there is such a thing as “acceptance”. Simply put, this means that a person accepts something without negativity, without experiencing bad feelings about it. Our rejection of other people is very much like judging them. For some internal reasons, we do not accept a person, and non-acceptance requires some justification, and it turns out to be easier for us to explain our anger not by our internal reasons, but by something bad. That is, what we see in another person, and what demons willingly help us to see. Therefore, overcoming rejection in many, and perhaps in all cases, will mean overcoming condemnation ... "
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2012
Soul healer. On the path of a Christian in the modern world
Aphorisms and quotes , ReligionThis little book contains questions that are not the essence of the spiritual life, but nevertheless usually arise in real life modern Orthodox person. The questions are divided into such topics as "Money, property", "Society", "Boss", "Creativity", "Way, destiny". This book will help you navigate the turbulent events of today and the ups and downs of your own personal life. It does not contain answers to all questions, but the answers it does contain are bright, reliable and solid, as they come from the pen of the Holy Fathers. Orthodox Church and authoritative contemporary priests.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2011
Soul healer. About life in the Church
Aphorisms and quotes , ReligionThe book tells about the most important internal aspects of church life, such as baptism, the sign of the cross, the veneration of saints, worship, confession, communion, spiritual guidance, fasting, holidays. The book is structured in the form of short and extremely expressive answers to typical questions. Most of the answers are given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2011
Soul healer. On Faith and Unbelief
Aphorisms and quotes , ReligionThe publication contains quotes on the topics of unbelief, lack of faith and faith in God. Quotations from the Bible are mainly taken from the writings of the Holy Fathers, where they are given in the appropriate meaning. All biblical texts are given in a modern translation, with the exception of the Psalter and some quotations from Scripture as part of patristic sayings, which in the Slavonic translation are more in line with the meaning in which their authors of sayings use. Since the sources were books in both modern and ancient editions, for uniformity, obsolete grammatical forms were changed in accordance with the norms of the modern language.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2011
Soul healer. On the transfer of sorrow
Religion , Aphorisms and quotesIn "The Soul Healer. On the Transfer of Sorrows, the reader will find answers to his questions about grief and despondency, illness and death, advice on how to survive difficult life moments given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.
Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2010
Free yourself. How to overcome violence and its consequences
PsychologyViolence and its consequences is one of the most difficult problems to solve. This often requires the participation of a psychotherapist. But you can get out of this crisis on your own. The book presents in an accessible way certain knowledge and techniques that it is desirable for every victim of violence to master in order to diagnose their condition and alleviate it in order to reduce the likelihood of a recurrence of a difficult event.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2010
Soul healer. On the fight against passions
Aphorisms and quotes , ReligionTo repent means to change sinful thoughts and feelings, to correct, to become different. It is good to realize your sins, to feel the severity of the fall. But instead of the defiled life, blotted out by the Lord Jesus Christ in repentance, one must begin to create a new life, a life in the spirit of Christ.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2010
What if you don't want to live
Self improvement , PsychologyAny death is associated with certain emotional experiences: loneliness, heartache ... In the case of suicide, these emotions reach incredible strength and become unbearable. People with suicidal intentions are in a state of extreme mental stress, which they are unable to resolve on their own. Then scientific psychology, psychiatry and religion come to the rescue. It is when they go hand in hand that such cooperation produces excellent results.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2009
Overcoming Divorce
PsychologyWhat to do when, for one reason or another, family life is collapsing and it seems that a divorce is inevitable? Is it possible to save a marriage and, if not, how to survive the separation of two once close people with the least psychological losses? We hope that you will find answers to these and other often painful questions in this book. It is for those who have either gone through a divorce, or are about to get divorced, or have witnessed the dramatic breakup of the families of their friends and relatives, not knowing how to help them. Uninvented life stories are commented on by psychologists, following whose advice you may not make mistakes and save your marriage. And if the family still broke up, you will find ways to overcome the consequences of divorce.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2008
Soul healer. Holy Fathers - to the laity
Religion , Aphorisms and quotesThis book is indispensable for the modern Christian, who often lives in difficult conditions, when his faith is daily attacked by unbelieving relatives and friends. Yes, and in his own soul doubts and all kinds of questions are often born. He wonders how to resolve the contradiction between the temptations offered by the modern world in abundance, and Orthodox faith what of the achievements of progress is permissible for Christians to apply, and what we must refuse in order not to betray our faith. This book, collected from the opinions of the Holy Fathers on various issues, is designed to help understand all this. It will also help the unchurched person to learn what Orthodoxy is and to solve many pressing issues.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2008
Soul healer. On Prayer and Repentance
Religion , Aphorisms and quotesThe vision of one's sins and a sincere, heartfelt, repentant prayer to God is the right path to salvation, to which the Holy Fathers, ascetics of piety and modern pastors call the faithful children of the Church. Their instructions and teachings about this, included in the book, will help the reader to understand the complex issues of spiritual life.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich 2008
Soul healer. About family life
Religion , Aphorisms and quotesThe book is a short but fundamental reference book. It is built in the form of answers to common questions on topics such as sexual relations, marriage, relationships between spouses in marriage, relationships with parents, raising children. The purpose of this book is to help readers create a real family and maintain and nurture love in marriage, as well as raise children to be happy, successful and able to love. Answers to questions are given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church, as well as priests.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich
Soul healer. About relationships with neighbors
Aphorisms and quotes , ReligionThe book contains the quintessence of the right approach to relationships with people. It represents answers to dozens of questions on the topics "People, communication", "Judgments and condemnation", "Reproaches and instructions", "Conflicts", "Good deeds". On each of these topics, the book provides, in a very concise and clear manner, fundamental knowledge that will help you operate much more successfully in any communication situation. The book is based on quotes from the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich
Should I have an abortion?
PublicismHave a baby or have an abortion? This terrible question is asked by millions of women. Very often, in resolving this issue, they do not have an understanding, wise friend who could support or at least explain what an abortion will cost. This little booklet is meant to play the role of such a friend. Despite the small volume, it provides a lot of information about the most significant consequences of abortion, primarily mental and psychological. After all, abortion does not always have a catastrophic effect on physical health of a person, but it always affects spiritual well-being. Buy and present this book to those for whom you cannot find your own words, arguments.
Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich
Understand themselves. Psychological problems as obstacles to spiritual life and their overcoming
OrthodoxyNo one is safe from spiritual, psychological problems - neither people who are far from the Church, nor Orthodox Christians. We try to pray for a person, but often at the same time we condemn him, we want to love, but we fall into the so-called love addiction. It is especially difficult to find a way out worthy of a Christian when we find ourselves in critical situations, such as, for example, a serious illness, the death of loved ones, family sorrows, trouble with children. This small book raises acute problems that Orthodox psychologists of the Perezhit.ru Internet portal, which unites a group of sites where real support is provided to those who are experiencing crisis situations or simply experiencing serious everyday difficulties, help people cope. More than 50,000 people a day access these sites, which have become a truly living laboratory, where they try to activate the movement of a person along the path of spiritual life through a more sober understanding of the causes of their state of mind. Among the people who have gone through these sites, tens of thousands have saved their families, refrained from suicide, repented, and became churched. This book can help every person to become more aware of their mental and spiritual problems and see ways to solve them.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich
Become a real man
PsychologyWhat determines the qualities of a real man - nature or the conventions of the era? Why is a man in harmony with himself and the world around him only when he behaves like a true man? How to become a real man? These questions are answered by the authors of our brochure - Orthodox psychologists and just real men. Our conversation is purely practical. Yes, if we did not receive a worthy male, paternal upbringing in childhood, we will have to work hard to cultivate masculine traits in ourselves. But this work will be grateful, freeing us from fears and self-doubt, helping us to love and fulfill the purpose of our life. This booklet is addressed to those who strive for the best embodiment of the norm. Because only a real man can start a family with real woman and be happy in this marriage. The book is recommended for publication by the Publishing Council of the Russian Orthodox Church.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich
Real love. Work on mistakes
Psychology , Love and eroticaThis book is a companion book to True Love. This book contains questions addressed to its author, founder and editor-in-chief of the Perezhit.ru group of sites, Dmitry Semenik. Questions, sometimes turning into dialogues. The questions are the most characteristic and instructive. It is very possible that, having become acquainted with these dialogues, you will find a story similar to your own. And certainly in the mirror of many of these situations, you will learn a lot about your situation and about yourself. The book is recommended for publication by the Publishing Council of the Russian Orthodox Church ... One of the most positive moments in a person's life is the moment when he has a desire to look more objectively at his personal or family life and find out what can be improved in it. From this moment, significant progress in his heart affairs can begin. Why? Because, firstly, we all look at our situation one-sidedly. We have developed our own vision of what is happening, our own view of ourselves and our loved one. And the most beloved person also has his own opinion, as a rule, different from ours. Each person sees well the mistakes of another and badly - his own. Due to the difference in views on the same situation, misunderstandings, conflicts arise, and not all healthy needs of each of the two are satisfied. If a person wants to overcome the limitations of his habitual view, wants to expand it, make it multidimensional - this is already a step towards the truth. It is even better if a person is ready to find out what he is wrong in relation to a loved one, what mistakes he makes, and maybe he doesn’t look quite right at how to behave in relationships, in a family. The more readiness for discoveries a person has, the more he will open up and the more significant the changes for the better will be. Unfortunately, changes are not available to everyone. One is simply too lazy to change, the other is very afraid to find out something bad about himself (which he already knows at the subconscious level), someone is embittered by grievances against a partner - and in all these cases a person blocks the opportunity for himself to learn something new about himself or accepts this new selectively, filters: when he learns bad things about his partner - he accepts, when he hears bad things about himself - he rejects, compromising the source of negative information for himself. It is quite difficult to help such people, because the only way to improve the situation in the family is to improve yourself. It won't work without this. Explain to another what he is doing wrong and wait for changes - it does not work. Even if it seems to us that the other has more mistakes, we still have to correct our own mistakes - and then the other, perhaps, will reach out for us. No other way! But the very first, most valuable, and far from easy, is to know yourself, to better understand your position ... There are many ways to recognize and understand. Firstly, it is reading good, deep books on the topic of love and family life. Secondly, it is a confidential conversation with your partner himself. (We do not like the word "partner", but we use it because it has the necessary universality, combining the whole range of possible statuses - from just a good friend to a spouse.) Thirdly, this is advice with close people. But not with everyone. Take into account the person's life experience, his wisdom, his goodwill towards both of you and his knowledge of your situation (better if he is in good contact with both of you). Fourthly, it is advice with experts. First of all, it can be a family psychologist or a priest. Best of all (for a church person) is both a psychologist and a priest (confessor of both spouses). A compromise option is a consultation with an Orthodox psychologist who has knowledge from both areas - both psychological and spiritual. Why not limit yourself to one of these two areas? In the opinion of the author of this book, the quality of our family life depends on many factors. There are three main components: -spiritual values of a person (worldview and corresponding practice); -?Psychological safety of a person; - knowledge about family building. The spiritual values of a person are decisive only because, without having the right goal of all life, a person cannot have the right goal of family life. And without having the right goal of family life, a person not only cannot achieve success in it - he cannot even choose a suitable companion for himself. After all, a companion is selected in accordance with the goal: for going to dances - one, and for going to the mountains - completely different. Psychological safety is important because some of the negative experiences of a person are not caused by passions, but by his psychological problems. Understanding the essence of these problems, it is easier to solve them (together by spiritual and psychological means). For example, the idea of love addiction, its origin and ways to get rid of it is a great help in overcoming so many personal problems. Well, knowledge about family building in building relationships is just as important as knowing about building houses when building a house. It is unlikely that anyone would like to live in a house built by ignoramuses. And for some reason we live in families built by ignoramuses - and we are surprised that they are collapsing. This book contains conversations from an Internet forum that is part of the Perezhit.ru group of sites. This group of sites helps people deal with the most difficult crises, from relationship problems to suicidal thoughts. The unique feature of our group is that it combines all three components: spiritual, psychological and informative. The combination of components at each site is determined by the essence of the task: for example, the experience of death loved one for obvious reasons, it requires special attention to the spiritual theme, but the experience of the consequences of violence, on the contrary, implies mainly the use of psychology approaches. But, of course, the central theme of our group of sites is love and personal relationships. Ultimately, harmonious relationships with oneself and other people (primarily close ones) are exactly what not only builds a prosperous family, but also overcomes any losses, and preserves joy. Tens of thousands of people (out of the millions who applied) wrote us their stories to get advice and support in difficult situations. Someone wrote them in the section of the priest, someone - in the section of the psychologist, someone was interested in supporting comrades in misfortune. Of course, Internet communication cannot replace face-to-face consultation with a specialist, but thanks to it, many people have benefited greatly. This book contains questions addressed to its author, founder and editor-in-chief of the Perezzhit.ru group of sites (alias "Brother" on the forum). Questions, sometimes turning into dialogues. The questions are the most characteristic and instructive. It is very possible that, having become acquainted with these dialogues, you will find a story similar to your own. And certainly in the mirror of many of these situations, you will learn a lot about your situation and about yourself. The view of each person, even if it is a specialist, differs from the view of another person on the same situation. My view of the stories of those who applied is also not the only correct one. My communication is quite simple and straightforward: in the situation described, I often try, bit by bit and by indirect signs, to understand the mistakes, problems (on all three planes - spiritual, psychological, informational) of the person who turned to me, and point them out to him, as well as (if the person is ready to accept) outline ways to resolve these problems. But it is precisely this simplicity that makes these dialogues more informative for an outside reader. I also cite conversations in which contact failed - when a person did not want to hear the unpleasant truth from me or did not want to change. (Or maybe I was mistaken in thinking that this is true - this cannot be ruled out, given the limited information available about a person and his situation.) Some of these dialogues are also instructive: in them you can see how we are afraid of criticism, how we torture and passion blinds us. This book may allow you to get to know yourself better without revealing, publicly telling your story. Sometimes in this form it is easier to learn and accept something unpleasant about yourself. Maybe others will follow this step of yours towards improving your personal life…
1. Fill your life with love (Dmitry Semenik). The book of a well-known psychologist, founder and editor-in-chief of the Perezhit.ru group of sites, will help to understand the most important psychological and spiritual moments that prevent us from being happy and loving. According to reviews of previous editions, the book literally turned upside down, changed the lives of many people for the better. 2. True love: premarital relationships (Compiled by Dmitry Semenik). True love is what all people want. To truly love and truly be loved. But "lucky" in love is not for those who only dream and wait, but for those who study and prepare. This book is for those who are willing to go beyond passive waiting. It will help prepare you to build a creative relationship of love that can later develop into marriage. 3. True love: building a family (Compiled by Dmitry Semenik). True love is what all people want. To truly love and truly be loved. And they look for it first of all in the family. But “lucky” in love and family life is not for those who only hope that they will be lucky with a couple (or are sad that they were not lucky), but for those who study and work on relationships. This book is for such people. It will help to avoid fatal mistakes or correct those mistakes that have already been made in marriage. 4. How to become a real man (Dmitry Semenik). What determines the qualities of a real man - nature or the conventions of the era? Why is a man in harmony with himself and the world around him only when he behaves like a true man? How to become a real man? These questions are answered by the authors of our brochure - Orthodox psychologists and just real men. Our conversation is purely practical. Yes, if we did not receive a worthy male, paternal upbringing in childhood, we will have to work hard to cultivate masculine traits in ourselves. But this work will be grateful, freeing us from fears and self-doubt, helping us to love and fulfill the purpose of our life. This booklet is addressed to those who strive for the best embodiment of the norm. Because only a real man can create a family with a real woman and be happy in this marriage. 5. How to survive a breakup with a loved one (Dmitry Semenik). This book is addressed to anyone who is going through a divorce or parting with a loved one. Parting with a loved one is one of the most difficult situations in our lives. Both young and old, both women and men suffer from it, although the latter are less likely to talk about it. This pain is stronger than physical pain. To help a person overcome the crisis of parting, we turn to knowledge from two areas - psychology and Orthodox Christianity. The Christian science of the soul (one might call it Christian psychology) possesses knowledge about the regularities of the life of the soul. She knows from what a person is happy and from what he suffers, from what love grows and from what it fades. It explains the causes of external events, which are lessons for the soul. Therefore, in our book on the most important questions regarding the collapse love relationship, both priests and psychologists answer. Our psychologists are Orthodox people. And among the priests whom we invited to participate, some have a psychological education or a certain erudition in this psychological field. 6. How to improve relations with parents (Dmitry Semenik). Unfortunately, the vast majority of people are not satisfied with their relationship with their parents. And not because they do not appreciate the efforts that parents have invested in their upbringing. There are objective reasons for this dissatisfaction. There is a problem that destroys our identity and our lives. It's really not easy to improve relationships with your parents. Indeed, our dependence on parents is very great. The task is very difficult. Only the combination of experience will really help here. the best psychologists and spiritual practice of Orthodoxy. Indeed, in Orthodoxy, the veneration of parents is one of the main commandments, and there is knowledge of how to carry out this veneration, how to overcome evil with good, dislike with love. The materials of this book were prepared by the Orthodox psychologist Dmitry Semenik for the Realists website, which is dedicated to the basic issues of human life. 7. How to win love (Dmitry Semenik). Marriage is a union blessed by God, and in order for this union to be harmonious, so that there are as few conflicts as possible and as much joy as possible for both spouses, we should learn not only to love, but also to be loved. For many people, the second is even more difficult. But both of these tasks must be solved, since true love is mutual love! The readiness of a person to marry without mutual love, only due to his one-sided attraction, speaks, at a minimum, of his illiteracy in matters of building a family, and often - of certain psychological problems. We should not strive to be loved by all or many. But if no one loves us at all, as a rule, this speaks of our vices and mistakes in behavior. The correction of these vices and mistakes will make us more harmonious people and help create a harmonious, strong family, if we strive for this. This brochure does not solve all these problems, but it will help you understand a lot and take a big step forward in the right direction. 8. Overcoming a divorce: How to prevent or survive a divorce (Compiled by Dmitry Semenik). The consequences of such crises as divorce do not go away on their own. Any crisis, including this one, is given to us so that we learn something new about ourselves and about life, become better and, ultimately, improve our lives. But many of those who behave passively after a divorce simply go to the bottom and lie there for many years, thinking that this is how it should be. This little book, based on a colossal experience successful work with divorce site perejit.ru, will help you get out of a divorce not with losses, in particular mental health, but with gains and new strength. 9. True love: work on mistakes (Compiled by Dmitry Semenik). This book is a companion book to True Love. This book contains questions addressed to its author, founder and editor-in-chief of the Perezhit.ru group of sites, Dmitry Semenik. Questions, sometimes turning into dialogues. The questions are the most characteristic and instructive. It is very possible that, having become acquainted with these dialogues, you will find a story similar to your own. And certainly in the mirror of many of these situations, you will learn a lot about your situation and about yourself.
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Semenik Dmitry Gennadievich
Real love. Premarital relationship. Family building. Full version
OrthodoxyTrue love is what all people want. To truly love and be truly loved. But "lucky" in love is not for those who only dream and wait, but for those who study and prepare. For such people, the first part of this book is intended - for those who are ready to go beyond passive waiting. It will help prepare you to build a creative relationship of love that can later develop into marriage. Love is sought primarily in the family. But “lucky” in love and family life is not for those who only hope that they will be lucky with a couple (or are sad that they were not lucky), but for those who study and work on relationships. For such people, the second part is intended. It will help to avoid fatal mistakes or correct those mistakes that have already been made in marriage. The book was compiled by the Orthodox psychologist Dmitry Semenik on the basis of extensive practical work on the Internet. The book is recommended for publication by the Publishing Council of the Russian Orthodox Church.
Dmitry Semenik
Misfortune modern man in the fact that he gives most of his strength, attention, time not at all to what could make him happier, help him to realize himself in reality. Most of us are like warriors who diligently fight ghosts while real, alive and strong enemy wound us in the back with impunity.
I really don't know how new this is. Even Vladimir Dal wrote down the proverb: "What the world teaches, people are tormented." In our time, compared with the 19th century, this has simply become much worse. The reason for our behavior is that we listen to ourselves little, watch a lot of TV, rarely read good books or not at all.
And the fruits of this inattention to the main thing are emptiness and deadness of the soul, despondency, hidden from ourselves by the pursuit of entertainment and pleasure, often reaching depression, lack of true love (with the possible presence of lovers and even spouses), loss of life orientations, destroyed families and unhappy children who will carry the baton of destruction further, with even greater strength. The death of our country, which we all see, imagining ourselves as outsiders, is also from here, since the family is the basis of the state.
In my book, I take love and joy as the benchmark for mental health. Because it is impossible to have lasting joy and true love if you do not solve your basic spiritual problems. These states - joy, love - are not only the goal of our life, what we want most of all (even if we don’t think about it), but also a reliable measure of the correctness and success of our daily existence. When the goals and benchmarks are defined, then methods can be developed to achieve these goals.
It is not easy to navigate in the sea of modern psychological literature. There are many hyped authors who are talented in teaching how to become sick and miserable. Simply because in these books the goals of working on oneself are incorrectly defined. It is very dangerous to get carried away with books that have secondary or dubious goals: "achieve personal development", "become a bitch", "influence people", "become rich", etc.
There is a simple logic: our priorities completely determine our life. Based on the priority, we choose a behavior model, the behavior model determines our internal state. What happens. A person sets a goal for himself - for example, "to become a bitch." And he is working on himself in this direction. But, in view of some obscurity of his mind (which, of course, is present, since a person has chosen such a goal), he still expects for some reason that he will become happy, loving and loved at the same time. And after some time, a person begins to wonder: “How so! After all, I tried so hard to become a bitch (rich, influential, famous, developed, etc.). Why am I still unhappy, and there is so little love in my life?
Funny, isn't it? But that's exactly what most of us do.
Therefore, if you want to be happy and have love, set such goals for yourself, and read such books. Strive for happiness as such (that is, for joy), and not for its surrogates - wealth, fame and success. And to love as such (and not to bitchiness, stunning attractiveness, etc.). This does not mean that you will not have everything else (money, success). It will be, "everything else will follow"! Just the right size for you. But at the same time, you will not throw out the child with water, you will not exchange the main thing for the secondary.
This book is one of the most important books. It does not correspond to the principles of Western book marketing, according to which one should write about some narrow problem, then make a book on a similar narrow problem with a similar title, and so on. Since a person is an integral being, it will not be possible to make some narrow layer of him joyful and happy, then the next, then another, and finally, on the 25th volume, to achieve complete happiness and love. No, joy and love is the pinnacle of the path on which a person needs to do a lot with himself, and it is useless to say "B" without saying "A". Therefore, although the book is small in volume, I have tried to touch upon in it highlights ultimately determining our state.
The work that forms the basis of this book has been carried out by us online since 2006. There is a group of sites, each of which helps people with a specific problem. One site is devoted to the topics of love and family life (realove.ru), another to the topic of parting with a loved one (perejit.ru), the third to the problem of depression and suicide (pobedish.ru), the fourth to experiencing the consequences of violence (vetkaivi.ru), the fifth - the consequences of divination and magic (zagovor.ru), the sixth - worldview problems (realisti.ru), the seventh - the problem of experiencing the death of a loved one (memoriam.ru), the eighth - the problem of a serious illness (boleem.com), information on all these topics in a more convenient form is given at the Correspondence School of Love (shkola.realove.ru).
This Internet project is non-commercial. It brings together a large group of enthusiasts, including psychologists, psychiatrists, and priests. Our goal is to help people in situations as difficult and as common as those described above. And it’s not easy - to avoid suicide, mental illness, prevent divorce or survive it, get out of despondency. Our goal is to help a person rise to a qualitatively new level of his life, the level of happiness and love. After all, it is precisely for this - for a qualitative breakthrough that we are given all life crises, and we need to use them for their intended purpose.
The approach taken on these sites is unique. The main feature of our methodology is the fundamental nature of those laws on the knowledge of which it is based. We do not use light strokes to treat a chronic illness. We do not suggest that you become an object of testing the correctness of the psychological concept of the next guru. We turn to the essence of what love is, and help a person learn to love with this, true love. And true love makes a person spiritually healthy and happy.
This approach turned out to be very popular among the audience. Each of our sites today is the most popular Russian-language resource in its field. They are visited (in 2016) by more than fifty thousand people a day, without any advertising. People turn to us precisely because so many have already been able to solve their problems here. Thousands of stories posted on websites, thousands of grateful responses show how successfully the technique works.
The book invites you to reconsider some of the common cliches that exist in the minds of modern man, depriving him of love and making him unhappy and sick. You can't start a family if you don't know how to love. Therefore, our book is not only about love and family. It touches on the themes of good and evil, depression, selfishness, relationships with parents, freedom, happiness and success.
Love is what every person needs the most. More than money, fame, pleasure. And at the same time, love is the biggest scarcity in the world today. That is why people suffer. First, the parental family falls ill from dislike, the parents stop loving each other and in many cases part, then the unloved child goes into the world with his dislike, trying to make up for what he has not received by various means, but nothing comes of it, and he creates another non-family, dooming the next generation of children to torment...
This book will help you break this baton of unhappiness. By itself, acquaintance with the book will not make you a truly loving and beloved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, for you the lack of love may end. And you can create a full-fledged family and make your future children much happier.
The book includes a number of articles posted on our sites, but most of the chapters are written specifically for this book as the quintessence of the fundamental points of the content of the sites. The life stories included in the book are also borrowed from our websites.
To save you time, I have made this book concise and concise. Therefore, if you read it, then carefully. Each paragraph is important, it can reveal something important to you.
There are no exercises in this book. In fact, the very reading of it will be training, since many of the statements contained in this book will be difficult for you to accept without doubt. You will be surprised and indignant. Will have to think. The book invites you to serious analysis, to creativity to transform your life.
* * *Here is what one of her first readers wrote about the need for such books.
“This book is not perfect, but there is something very important in it: the path, the direction of movement for a person who is suffocating, rushing about, suffering, and does not understand why.
This book is the fruit of several years of practical work by a group of specialists and volunteers with thousands of potential suicides on the Pobedish.ru project. It raises the most pressing questions of concern to such people, to which deep, accurate and interesting answers are given, helping addressees understand the true sources of their problems, change their worldview and start a new life.Previously, the book was published under the title "Suicide: a mistake or a way out?"This is a very simple book. One might even say primitive. It is made up of real life stories. These stories were sent by readers to our website www.zagovor.ru.
Stories about divination and love spells. The stories are real, sometimes scary. Thought provoking...
This is how the book should be used. You are reading these stories. If you like the consequences of fortune-telling and love spells, you are guessing and bewitching. If you don’t like it, don’t guess and don’t bewitch ...To repent means to change sinful thoughts and feelings, to correct, to become different. It is good to realize your sins, to feel the severity of the fall. But instead of the defiled life, blotted out by the Lord Jesus Christ in repentance, one must begin to create a new life, a life in the spirit of Christ.The publication contains quotes on the topics of unbelief, lack of faith and faith in God. Quotations from the Bible are mainly taken from the writings of the Holy Fathers, where they are given in the appropriate meaning. All biblical texts are given in a modern translation, with the exception of the Psalter and some quotations from Scripture as part of patristic sayings, which in the Slavonic translation are more in line with the meaning in which their authors of sayings use.The book tells about the most important internal aspects of church life, such as baptism, the sign of the cross, the veneration of saints, worship, confession, communion, spiritual guidance, fasting, holidays. The book is structured in the form of short and extremely expressive answers to typical questions. Most of the answers are given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.The vision of one's sins and a sincere, heartfelt, repentant prayer to God is the right path to salvation, to which the Holy Fathers, ascetics of piety and modern pastors call the faithful children of the Church. Their instructions and teachings about this, included in the book, will help the reader to understand the complex issues of spiritual life.In the publication "Soul healer. On the transfer of sorrows" the reader will find answers to their questions about sorrow and despondency, illness and death, advice on how to survive difficult life moments given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.
Quotations from the Bible are mainly taken from the writings of the Holy Fathers, where they are given in the appropriate meaning.This small book contains questions that are not the essence of spiritual life, but, nevertheless, usually arise in the real life of a modern Orthodox person. Questions are divided into such topics as "Money, property", "Society", "Boss", "Creativity", "Way, destiny". This book will help you navigate the turbulent events of today and the ups and downs of your own personal life.The book is a short but fundamental reference book. It is built in the form of answers to common questions on topics such as sexual relations, marriage, relationships between spouses in marriage, relationships with parents, raising children. The purpose of this book is to help readers create a real family and maintain and nurture love in marriage, as well as raise children to be happy, successful and able to love. Answers to questions are given by the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church, as well as priests.The book contains the quintessence of the right approach to relationships with people. It represents answers to dozens of questions on the topics "People, communication", "Judgments and condemnation", "Reproaches and instructions", "Conflicts", "Good deeds". On each of these topics, the book provides, in a very concise and clear manner, fundamental knowledge that will help you operate much more successfully in any communication situation. The book is based on quotations from the holy fathers of the Orthodox Church.
One day, journalists came to visit an old woman who was a hundred years old. It was in Ukraine. A tiny old woman, who already has great-great-grandchildren, who survived the war, famine and all the consequences of the collapse of the USSR. Journalists asked what she remembered most of all during these hundred years of eventful events. The old woman burst into tears and answered: “If I see a man. You know, what a bіl!”. (“When my husband left me. You know what a pain it is!”) But her husband left her with her children 60 years ago!
Parting with a loved one is one of the most difficult situations in our lives. Moreover, suffering condemns us to loneliness. And we can suffer, as the example of this grandmother shows, for an unlimited time. Do not hope that the pain will go away on its own or time will cure it. Our healing is in our hands. Who will help us?
Unlike physical illness, you cannot put yourself in the hands of doctors who will make an accurate diagnosis and prescribe pills and injections. The main part of the work here will have to be done by yourself. And we are talking about something invisible. And the pain is stronger...
- April 15, 2017, 10:32 am
Genre: ,
+This small book is the fruit of a year and a half of work with people who are going through a breakup, as well as those in a state of love or passionate dependence on another person, which is carried out by us on the charity website “Survive. ru" (perejit.ru). In the course of work, we encountered a large number of cases of magical interference in the relationship of two. An intervention that always led to rather sad consequences.
As a result of realizing the “scale of the disaster”, a desire arose to help people who turn to a love spell, not knowing what awaits them later. And also to the victims of love spells and those who bewitched or ordered a love spell. Because they also need...
- April 15, 2017, 10:32 am
Genre: ,
+This is a very simple book. One might even say primitive. It consists of real life stories. These stories were sent by readers to our website www.zagovor.ru.
Stories about divination and love spells. The stories are real, sometimes scary. Thought-provoking…
- April 15, 2017, 10:32 am
Genre: ,
+Fortune-telling and love spells are interesting because many people do this, and not many try to explain their mechanism, and it’s not a fact that they explain correctly. How to talk about such a mysterious phenomenon?
This book talks about divination and love spells in an extremely simple way. It consists mainly of real life stories of those people who guessed or bewitched. This is only a small fraction, about 1%, of the evidence we have collected. Readers sent their stories to us at www.zagovor.ru. They candidly talk about why they did it, how it happened and what the consequences were. And the consequences are always bad. Often scary. Thought-provoking…
This is how the book should be used. You are reading these stories. If you like the consequences of fortune-telling and love spells, you are guessing and bewitching. If you don't like it, don't guess and don't...
- April 15, 2017, 10:27
Genre: ,
+... The Jews, according to the Talmud, used to have a criminal sentenced to death not be executed immediately after conviction. The herald several times publicly announced his name, guilt, witnesses to the crime and the type of execution assigned to him, calling anyone who can go to court and defend the unfortunate. And the Romans had a law issued by Tiberius, according to which the death penalty was carried out no earlier than 10 days after the verdict. But for Jesus Christ, although He was judged according to both Roman and Jewish laws, neither one nor the other custom was observed. The postponement of execution extended only to ordinary criminals, and the troublemakers, the enemies of Moses and Caesar, as Jesus was presented by slander, had no right to this mercy: their execution was the more lawful the sooner it was done. So, immediately after the condemnation, Jesus Christ was handed over to the soldiers, who among the Romans carried out all the executions. The first thing they did was to remove the scarlet robe from Him and put on His own clothes: this was required by custom and, perhaps, pity. The silence of the evangelists does not allow us to say decisively: the crown of thorns was removed at the same time or remained on the head of the Lord until the very removal of Him from the cross. However, the ancient custom of depicting Jesus Christ on the cross in a crown of thorns has the appearance of a historical tradition. In support of it, it can be said that the crucifiers had enough reasons to leave the crown on the head of the Lord, since, according to their idea of Him, it was very useful, confirming what she was talking about ...
- April 15, 2017, 10:27
Genre: ,
+“Every character, every destiny has its own foundation, its own root cause. Someone calls it heredity or genes, someone calls it karma or fate, someone just mourns: “I was born that way.”
Indeed, we do not enter an adult, independent life on an equal footing. Some are more self-confident, able to love and forgive, others are more dependent, weak, anxious and unhappy.
And it would be very sad if the reason was in the genes or something else that can no longer be changed.
In fact, main reason in our relationship with our parents. Relationships with our parents determine many of the basic properties of our personality. It is these relationships that lay the whole foundation of our future life. No wonder they say that "all our problems come from childhood." Our happiness too...
- April 15, 2017, 10:27
Genre: ,
+“This book will help you break the baton of unhappiness. By itself, acquaintance with the book will not make you a truly loving and beloved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, for you the lack of love may end. And you will be able to create a full-fledged family and make your future children much ...
The misfortune of a modern person is that he devotes most of his strength, attention, time not to what could make him happier, help him to realize himself in reality. Most of us are like warriors who diligently fight ghosts while a real, alive and strong enemy stabs us in the back with impunity.
I really don't know how new this is. Even Vladimir Dal wrote down the proverb: "What the world teaches, people are tormented." In our time, compared with the 19th century, this has simply become much worse. The reason for our behavior is that we listen to ourselves little, watch a lot of TV, rarely read good books or not at all.
And the fruits of this inattention to the main thing are emptiness and deadness of the soul, despondency, hidden from ourselves by the pursuit of entertainment and pleasure, often reaching depression, lack of true love (with the possible presence of lovers and even spouses), loss of life orientations, destroyed families and unhappy children who will carry the baton of destruction further, with even greater strength. The death of our country, which we all see, imagining ourselves as outsiders, is also from here, since the family is the basis of the state.
In my book, I take love and joy as the benchmark for mental health. Because it is impossible to have lasting joy and true love if you do not solve your basic spiritual problems. These states - joy, love - are not only the goal of our life, what we want most of all (even if we don’t think about it), but also a reliable measure of the correctness and success of our daily existence. When the goals and benchmarks are defined, then methods can be developed to achieve these goals.
It is not easy to navigate in the sea of modern psychological literature. There are many hyped authors who are talented in teaching how to become sick and miserable. Simply because in these books the goals of working on oneself are incorrectly defined. It is very dangerous to get carried away with books that have secondary or dubious goals: "achieve personal development", "become a bitch", "influence people", "become rich", etc.
There is a simple logic: our priorities completely determine our life. Based on the priority, we choose a behavior model, the behavior model determines our internal state. What happens. A person sets a goal for himself - for example, "to become a bitch." And he is working on himself in this direction. But, in view of some obscurity of his mind (which, of course, is present, since a person has chosen such a goal), he still expects for some reason that he will become happy, loving and loved at the same time. And after some time, a person begins to wonder: “How so! After all, I tried so hard to become a bitch (rich, influential, famous, developed, etc.). Why am I still unhappy, and there is so little love in my life?
Funny, isn't it? But that's exactly what most of us do.
Therefore, if you want to be happy and have love, set such goals for yourself, and read such books.
Strive for happiness as such (that is, for joy), and not for its surrogates - wealth, fame and success. And to love as such (and not to bitchiness, stunning attractiveness, etc.). This does not mean that you will not have everything else (money, success). It will be, "everything else will follow"! Just the right size for you. But at the same time, you will not throw out the child with water, you will not exchange the main thing for the secondary.
This book is one of the most important books. It does not correspond to the principles of Western book marketing, according to which one should write about some narrow problem, then make a book on a similar narrow problem with a similar title, and so on. Since a person is an integral being, it will not be possible to make some narrow layer of him joyful and happy, then the next, then another, and finally, on the 25th volume, to achieve complete happiness and love. No, joy and love is the pinnacle of the path on which a person needs to do a lot with himself, and it is useless to say "B" without saying "A". Therefore, although the book is small in volume, I have tried to touch upon the most important points in it, which ultimately determine our state.
The work that forms the basis of this book has been carried out by us online since 2006. There is a group of sites, each of which helps people with a specific problem. One site is devoted to the topics of love and family life (realove.ru), another to the topic of parting with a loved one (perejit.ru), the third to the problem of depression and suicide (pobedish.ru), the fourth to experiencing the consequences of violence (vetkaivi.ru), the fifth - the consequences of divination and magic (zagovor.ru), the sixth - worldview problems (realisti.ru), the seventh - the problem of experiencing the death of a loved one (memoriam.ru), the eighth - the problem of a serious illness (boleem.com), information on all these topics in a more convenient form is given at the Correspondence School of Love (shkola.realove.ru).
This Internet project is non-commercial. It brings together a large group of enthusiasts, including psychologists, psychiatrists, and priests. Our goal is to help people in situations as difficult and as common as those described above. And it’s not easy - to avoid suicide, mental illness, prevent divorce or survive it, get out of despondency. Our goal is to help a person rise to a qualitatively new level of his life, the level of happiness and love. After all, it is precisely for this - for a qualitative breakthrough that we are given all life crises, and we need to use them for their intended purpose.
The approach taken on these sites is unique. The main feature of our methodology is the fundamental nature of those laws on the knowledge of which it is based. We do not use light strokes to treat a chronic illness. We do not suggest that you become an object of testing the correctness of the psychological concept of the next guru. We turn to the essence of what love is, and help a person learn to love with this, true love. And true love makes a person spiritually healthy and happy.
This approach turned out to be very popular among the audience. Each of our sites today is the most popular Russian-language resource in its field. They are visited (in 2016) by more than fifty thousand people a day, without any advertising. People turn to us precisely because so many have already been able to solve their problems here. Thousands of stories posted on websites, thousands of grateful responses show how successfully the technique works.
The book invites you to reconsider some of the common cliches that exist in the minds of modern man, depriving him of love and making him unhappy and sick. You can't start a family if you don't know how to love. Therefore, our book is not only about love and family. It touches on the themes of good and evil, depression, selfishness, relationships with parents, freedom, happiness and success.
Love is what every person needs the most. More than money, fame, pleasure. And at the same time, love is the biggest scarcity in the world today. That is why people suffer. First, the parental family falls ill from dislike, the parents stop loving each other and in many cases part, then the unloved child goes into the world with his dislike, trying to make up for what he has not received by various means, but nothing comes of it, and he creates another non-family, dooming the next generation of children to torment...
This book will help you break this baton of unhappiness. By itself, acquaintance with the book will not make you a truly loving and beloved person. But if you go further in the direction that you choose for yourself after reading it, for you the lack of love may end. And you can create a full-fledged family and make your future children much happier.
The book includes a number of articles posted on our sites, but most of the chapters are written specifically for this book as the quintessence of the fundamental points of the content of the sites. The life stories included in the book are also borrowed from our websites.
To save you time, I have made this book concise and concise. Therefore, if you read it, then carefully. Each paragraph is important, it can reveal something important to you.
There are no exercises in this book. In fact, the very reading of it will be training, since many of the statements contained in this book will be difficult for you to accept without doubt. You will be surprised and indignant. Will have to think. The book invites you to serious analysis, to creativity to transform your life.
* * *
Here is what one of her first readers wrote about the need for such books.
“This book is not perfect, but there is something very important in it: the path, the direction of movement for a person who is suffocating, rushing about, suffering, and does not understand why.
Four years ago, when my marriage fell apart miserably, I, like a restless one, went to psychologists and said that I was not so much destroyed by the very fact of my husband's betrayal, but by the fact that for me it was SUCH a catastrophe! Nobody heard me! My psychologist became enthusiastic about making me something like a bitch, so that I would feel like a woman, become more mysterious, more sexual, etc. My self-confidence was at zero, and I believed him, but I did not get better . I felt that I did not have something important, a real SUPPORT! I told the psychologist that I had lost my inner core, my sense of myself. In response, I heard that it’s natural to feel this way in my position, and you need to train to “be a woman”, train to communicate with men, be charming ... Some kind of nonsense! I am so sorry that at that time I did not come across anything like this book! ..
I saw darkness around, dislike, abnormal families, I didn’t even fight properly for my marriage. What happened in it was like the world around, I gave up.
I did not believe, did not know that the light was not invented by dreamers, that the bright relationship between husband and wife is a reality, and not a wonderful myth. I think that just examples of how well, bright real people live, may be enough for such spiritual orphans like me to find ground under their feet.
On your sites, I searched with particular zeal for stories of victory, stories of love. It was important for me to BELIEVE that this is possible, that there are living people, successful people, normal people, not saints, not eccentrics, they are, that I'm not the only one who feels this way, so I think that there is someone else ... of my kind, or something. It turns out that there are people nearby who, like me, believe in love and light, there are even those who live like this!!! Thanks to you, I no longer feel like a restless alien on Earth.”
* * *
The author expresses his warm gratitude for the cooperation to the comrades participating in the work of the Perezhit.ru group of sites - Archpriest Igor Gagarin, Abbot Feodor (Yablokov), priest and psychologist Andrei Lorgus, psychologists M.I. Khasminsky, I.A. Rakhimova, I. N. Moshkova, L.F. Ermakova, M.I. Berkovskaya, I.A. Karpenko, all other authors, assistants and programmer Ivan Belykh.
1. Life can be changed!
How are we different from plants?
Plants live their entire lives where their ancestors grew and died. It may be lucky if the wind carries the seed to more fertile soil, to a better climate. But it doesn't depend on you. Where you grew up is where you are doomed to live your whole life.
Animals have much more choices. They can migrate, which they do in accordance with the seasons, droughts and rains, in order to provide themselves with a more prosperous life. But animals cannot change their way of life. They are ruled by instincts. Birds build nests in the same way, they also get food, like their distant ancestors. And a sparrow will never be able to sing like a nightingale, even if his vocal apparatus allows him to do so.
As for a person, he not only can move from place to place, he can generally change anything in his life. He can live anywhere in any country. He can build himself any dwelling. He can choose any occupation. He can earn as much money as he wants. He can be creative, he can help people and make them happy. He can create a family with a loved one. Or don't create. He may or may not have children. He can choose any religion and any social circle. And what is most important and surprising is that he can change himself and his addictions. He can get rid of what makes him feel bad and learn what makes him feel good.
Why is it that, having capabilities far greater than that of an animal, some of us live like a plant? Or even like a cut down tree - they float along the river limply?!
It always surprises me when people, still quite young, respond to a proposal to change something in their lives: “What can you do? That's the kind of person I am."
First, how do you know what kind of person you are? To know yourself, you need to try yourself in different types activities, in different forms communication with different people. We cannot fully know ourselves until the end of our lives, but what does a person who has tried 3-5% of what is available to him know about himself?
I met 13-16-year-olds with dull eyes who seemed to themselves very experienced and said to adults who tried to teach them: "What can you teach me if you have not seen half of what I have seen?" Indeed, these street teenagers have seen a lot. They saw their father torture their mother, they participated in gang rapes and murders. It can be assumed that they experienced up to 30% of the evil that can be experienced in life. But after all, they did not experience even 5% of good. And the experience of evil does not replace the experience of good. Therefore, despite all their temptation in evil, they remain children, poorly knowing and understanding life as a whole.
Secondly, even if you were “like that”, who said that you have to remain “like that” all your life? You, even if you do not want it, will change during your life. And if you want, you can change faster, and in the desired direction. Your life will change with you.
There are properties of a person that are a little amenable to change. For example, temperament. But what we call character can be changed, and must be changed. Because character is a set of good and bad habits, partly inherited from parents, partly acquired during life. And as we overcome those qualities that bring suffering, and all our evil makes us suffer, a person becomes happier. You are absolutely not obliged to repeat the life of your parents, following them like a car after a diesel locomotive on rails, if you do not like this life. By living out your shortcomings, you will get rid of that part of your parental heritage that you do not need. Take a look around - and you will see how often siblings, similar in early childhood, live very different lives, become completely different people (one is kind, the other is evil, one is happy, the other is not). This is the result of personal choice.
There are five main regrets of dying people, formulated by Brony Way based on her work in the hospice. It's good to know, so I'll give full list these regrets:
1. I regret that I did not have the courage to live the life that was right for me, and not the life that others expected of me.
2. I'm sorry that I worked so hard.
3. I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I'm sorry that I didn't keep in touch with my friends.
5. I wish I had allowed/allowed myself to be happier.
As we can see, all five major regrets are not regrets about something difficult, amazing and great. All of them are about what can every Human. Maybe, but not always, due to some incomprehensible inertia, due to the lack of a genuine desire to become happier and awareness of one's life as the only, unique and unrepeatable opportunity. Which you need to use, if not 100%, then at least 99%.
Reason and will are stronger than habits
Philosophers argue about what is primary - spirit or matter. Practitioners know that the spirit is primary. If the soul of a person is harmonious, he is happy with any material possibilities. If the soul of a person is sick, then he is unhappy, no matter how successful he is in the field of the material. Therefore, in order to change your life, you need to start not with a career, not with making money, not with love affairs or starting a family, but with yourself, your personality.
We have already said that when we deal with ourselves, we are mainly dealing with our habits, both good and bad. But there is something in a person that stands above these habits and is able to influence them. It doesn't matter what it is called - "I", spirit, consciousness or something else. From a practical point of view, the properties of this dominant part of our personality are important. These properties are mind and will. Thanks to the mind and will, we are able to analyze various phenomena, make decisions and try to fulfill them, influencing our thoughts and actions.
Example one. Young man studying in good university, where they really give knowledge, but also ask seriously. Science is difficult for him. And his parents demand success from him, hoping that he, like them, will become a brilliant lawyer. Each failed exam brings great grief to both parents and son. And he really wants to be an artist. After analyzing the situation, the young man realized that he did not live in accordance with his inclinations, that he was overly dependent on his parents, on their desires and material assistance. He decided to take a step towards being an adult. He transferred to an institute where they teach to be artists, to an evening form of study, and found a job. Now he is independent from his parents and doing what he loves. His parents rebelled against his decision, but he calmly and sincerely explained the reason for his action and how important it was to his happiness. Over time, they came to terms with it new life and they began to respect him even more - not as a continuer of the profession, but as an adult, responsible person.
Second example. The girl is unhappy with her relationship with the guys. They rarely fall in love with her, and they are all wrong. And those who she likes are indifferent to her or quickly leave her.
After studying the literature on the topic of love, after analyzing her life, this girl comes to the conclusion that the reason for her failures is that she is a dependent person, that is, prone to love addiction. The girl begins to work on herself. She tries to avoid new attachments, tries to learn how to be friends and shine on people. Two years later, she changed herself to such an extent that she was able to truly love (and true love is mutual) and happily marry.
Example three. When a young woman grew up to be ready to reconsider her views, it turned out that she lives a fairly well-to-do and outwardly cheerful and noisy life, with the glitter of parties and champagne splashes, expensive cars, but she pays for this life with her body, whatever you call it - prostitution, sponsorship or "love for wealthy men." And the consequences of such a deal with conscience are despondency, deep loneliness and longing for true love and the family that she could create.
After analyzing the situation, the woman came to the conclusion that peace of mind, self-respect and family happiness, children are more valuable to her than these pleasures and the envy of others. She decided that even with a modest income, she would have the happiness that is not now, no matter how you deceive yourself. She broke with the circle of her former acquaintances, found a job with a fairly average salary, she repented of the actions that tormented her conscience, and began to work on herself in order to be not only a pleasant conversation and in bed, but also to be a good wife, a reliable friend to a worthy man . Over time, such a man was found. And by the way, although he was not rich, he was not a beggar either ...
These three examples are from life, and not from three lives, but from many.
So, to change your life, you need to reconsider your views and start working on yourself, overcoming passions, bad habits.
Working on yourself is interesting. After all, self-improvement is not only a means of improving life, but in a sense, the goal. Look around: most people are very bored with life! They are in constant search of distractions, entertainment, solace. Who drinks, who works like a slave, on their vanity, who exhausts themselves with an endless race for new sensations. Who are these people working for? And a person who works on himself always works for himself, and not for his “uncle”. He knows: every minute of work on himself is a clear coin in the treasury of the wealth of his personality, soul. He never suffers from loneliness and boredom, because his field - he himself - is always with him. Even if he is paralyzed in bed. He is like a champion athlete who was lucky enough to compete at the highest rank competitions until the end of his life. He needs to always be in shape, and he likes to be in shape. And this excitement for victory, this anticipation of victories and satisfaction from victories and the joy that he makes those around him happier, fills his whole life with strength to the very last day. In fact, such a person does not know old age.
But what about the one whose goal was pleasure or wealth, if he was paralyzed? But it can happen to anyone...
If you don't like something about yourself, don't put up with it. By working on yourself, you can make your life much better. And of course, the creation of a family does not begin with the search for a groom (bride), not with making money, but with the question of whether I am ready to be a good husband and father (wife and mother) or I still need to work on myself for this.
