Who is a spiritual mentor in the Orthodox Church and how to choose the right one. Mystery of love. Confession: Who is a confessor and how to look for him? Spiritual mentor how to understand

It is not easy to choose a confessor and a parish. Here, not only circumstances common to all play a role, but also the personal characteristics of a person: his interests, habits, and much more. Spiritual life is, in principle, too complex to give universal advice.

But at the same time, there are a number of things that everyone should pay attention to. They will make it possible to avoid the most common mistakes in churching, and will prevent them from falling into a pseudo-Orthodox sect instead of the Church.

Love

In the Gospel, the Lord himself gives simple, but very true advice about what is the main hallmark Christian. The Savior reminds the apostles: By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35). It is by this criterion that one should look for a community and a confessor.

At the same time, you should not hope that you will suddenly come across a temple where only saints go. Note here that even the saints had their sins and shortcomings. And therefore, in order not to be disappointed, from the very beginning one should not harbor illusions: in any human community there is always misunderstanding, conflicts, and tensions. The only question is their degree. A parish, like any other organization or group, can equally turn out to be both an association of normal, living (and therefore not without problems in communication) people, and a “terrarium of like-minded people”.

Arriving at the temple, you are unlikely to immediately understand all the intricacies of relations between regular parishioners, this will take time. But you can immediately notice if the parish has problems in relations with other communities and the Church as a whole. The idea of a besieged fortress, the only "correct" parish, can acquire the most different forms, but this is always a reason to be wary. Confront yourself with the rest of the Church, claim that only your rector has the truth in last resort- a sure step towards a secret sect under an Orthodox sign.

Liberty

The parish is not a barracks, where everything is subordinated to the execution of the commander's will, and the subordinates should not think about anything. The task of a confessor is to teach a person to think independently and make decisions independently. Therefore, a good spiritual father will give advice rather than orders, help the parishioner with his self-education. And will never cut off the shoulder.

There are, unfortunately, such cases when, having seen a parishioner for the first time, the priest orders him to go to the monastery or tie the knot with a stranger. Often such priests are surrounded by people who tirelessly repeat that “father is a perspicacious old man” and he must be obeyed unquestioningly. However, one should not forget that such an attempt to break someone else's will does not correspond to the idea of the life of a Christian and is even condemned by the conciliar decision of the Church.

The Decree of the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church of December 28, 1998, points out to priests that it is inadmissible to persuade parishioners to leave their studies, work or military service, become monks, marry, make any donations. On any of these topics, of course, you can consult with the priest, and he will give you an answer, but he himself has no right to force you to do anything and demand this from you.

Orthodoxy is a religion of freedom. However, do not forget that if you make a free choice in favor of evil, you personally will be responsible for it.

"Working with Sources"

No, even the most experienced, priest can say things that contradict the Holy Scriptures, the canons of the Church and its conciliar decisions. That's why the best protection from falling into a pseudo-Orthodox sect, work with “several sources” can become for you. Trust your confessor, but at the same time read the Gospel and interpretations of authoritative theologians, do not avoid educational courses, even if they take place outside your parish. Do not be afraid to consult not only with yours, but also with other priests.

There is nothing sinful in the fact that you strive as fully as possible, including from primary sources, to learn about your faith. On the contrary, education is one of the most important pillars of a Christian's spiritual growth.

But at the same time, be careful, do not let yourself fall into another extreme, and do not think that after a couple of weeks of studying at catechism courses, you will definitely begin to understand everything better than your parish priest. Experience shows that a newly converted Christian, who does not have the proper education and experience, can himself mistakenly understand this or that place in Scripture, unknowingly misinterpret the words of the Church Fathers or the decision of some council. In such a situation, one step remains before unfairly condemning one's confessor, and even the entire Church. More than one tragic split arose in this way, due to the illiteracy of people armed with “half-knowledge”.

Therefore, if something in the words of your confessor confuses you, try to check and double-check it in as many ways as possible.

Churchness instead of subculture

A common mistake of a person entering a temple for the first time is trust in those who are sometimes called church freaks.

Indeed, the Church has its own traditions, even its foundations: there is nothing strange in this. On the contrary, sometimes it is the Church today that acts as the custodian of all the best that is left to us from the traditional society. However, firstly, the Church is not a reserve of antiquity or some special subculture. A church-going man does not have to grow a beard and learn to say “God save you” instead of the usual “thank you”. And, secondly, the degree of spiritual growth and closeness to Christ is again not determined by the length of the beard or skirt.

A novice Christian has a lot of questions: why fast, how to behave in the temple, how to pray before eating? Many things seem unusual to him, and this needs to be dealt with. Not least in order to learn to distinguish between important actions for a Christian and exalted behavior.

Remember Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. The real elder Zosima speaks there in a completely understandable language, does not try to be a fool, although people who are far from the Church, who do not understand many of his actions, suspect him of this. At the same time, his opponent, a monk, who obviously suffers from many spiritual illnesses, attracts people precisely with his strange behavior, stories about revelations, and acting attempts to portray a popular saint.

Above parties

The Church is out of politics. Of course, she cannot avoid any collision with politics, and conversations on the relevant topics will also periodically arise, because they are carried on by people everywhere. However, when political topics begin to dominate the life of the parish, this is already an "alarm bell". After all, let's say, you go to the hairdresser's to get a haircut, and not just to hear even the closest political slogans to you personally from the mouth of the hairdresser. If for your money they talk to you about politics, but they don’t cut your hair, you will be justifiably indignant.

It's the same in the Church. Please note that today famous priests touch on public topics, but whatever they start talking about, the main goal of their speech is Christ and His sermon. For the sake of this, the priest can turn to the problems of the economy, and to political issues, and to the environment, and to contemporary art. But the goal of the conversation should remain a Christian understanding of the problem, that is, ultimately, a conversation about God and eternal salvation, and not about who to vote for.

And, of course, it is absolutely unacceptable if people in the parish are "culled" on political grounds. After all, approaching Communion, all Christians are equal brothers who have left momentary disputes in the name of eternity.

Instruction

You should start looking for a mentor only if you are already firmly convinced that you need one. In order not to make a mistake in the choice, you must first pray. Then God himself will help you in your search and will certainly lead to the one that is most suitable for this role.

Priests in the Church can be conditionally divided into two categories: those who are quite strict in matters of church discipline (observance of all rites, services, fasts, prayers, etc.), and those who are a little softer and more flexible with their "children" . It is also necessary to take into account these parameters when choosing a spiritual father. If you are going to strictly follow all the traditions and customs, then you need to look for a confessor among the first group of clergy. These, as a rule, will be monks, abbots or archimandrites. If you have a family, and you do not want to delve too deeply into religious issues, then your choice will fall on the second group. Here the priests are also family people, and among them are mainly priests and archpriests.

As soon as you choose a suitable priest, you need to arrange a personal meeting with him and already at it ask him to take on the duties of your spiritual father. At the same time, you can agree with him on the date of the first confession. If you could find such a person from whom a feeling of warmth and soul mate then you are very lucky. After all, it is this person who will take care of your peace of mind and ask the Lord for mercy for you.

Confessor

Candidate of Theology, Lecturer at the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, Archpriest Alexander Glebov

Leading. Who is a confessor, why is he needed, and is it necessary for every believer to have his own confessor?
Father Alexander. The question of a confessor, or spiritual father, is very complicated, and within the boundaries of our transmission, it is quite difficult to give an exhaustive answer to this question. Therefore, I will draw the attention of our viewers to several topics that seem to me the most important.
First: who is a confessor? The confessor guides and instructs a person in his spiritual life, in the matter of salvation. It is clear that the confessor must first of all have spiritual experience himself. He must also have the ability to communicate this experience to other people. Not every priest can be a confessor. Priests should not be reproached for this, because it is impossible to learn to be a confessor either in a seminary or in an academy; this is not given to a person in the Sacrament of the Priesthood. This is a kind of charisma, a certain ability. Not every person has this ability, therefore it is better to be left without a confessor at all than to choose a person who does not have this ability, a person inexperienced in spiritual life, as a spiritual guide. In order to be a leader, in order to lead someone, you need to know the goal to which you are leading this person. You also need to know the road that leads to this goal. You need to lead to where you yourself have already been, otherwise, it will turn out, according to Christ: “If the blind lead the blind, then both of them will fall into the pit.”
Second: the sphere of activity of a confessor is exclusively the spiritual, religious life of a person. A confessor is not an oracle; you should not ask him questions that are beyond his competence. The confessor does not solve issues of family well-being, issues related to the professional activities of people, health and so on. If the confessor is experienced, then his advice can be authoritative only in the field of spiritual life. On all other issues, he can, like any person, express his own opinion, but this does not mean that his opinion will be correct. Let me give you an example: many people choose a member of the monastic clergy as their spiritual mentor. They come to his monastery and begin to ask questions about how to act in a given life situation. For example: how to fix family life and relationship with a spouse, or how to set up a business, or how to raise children? Well, tell me, what does the monk understand about this? What does a monk understand about how to raise children, even if he is a holy man? It is necessary to ask a mother of many children, and not a monk - this is completely natural. If the confessor is inexperienced, then he can advise such that if a person takes everything seriously, then he can simply cripple his life. Who and whom to marry, who to get divorced, who to take monasticism, who to leave secular work and take holy orders, which doctors to treat or not to be treated at all, what kind of education to give children, and so on. If you perceive all these recommendations as a voice from heaven, then you can do a lot of trouble, but you don’t need to address such questions to the confessor - this is not his field of activity.
Third: when a person becomes a member of a church community, he should not look for a confessor, he should look for Christ. And in order to find Christ in your heart, you do not need any special recommendations and advice - everything is written in the Gospel. In practice, quite the opposite happens. People wander from one monastery to another, trying to find somewhere a special spirituality, a special grace. They are busy looking for an old man who will solve all their problems, answer all their questions, and at the same time they forget, or perhaps they don’t know at all, the words of the saint that a change of place does not bring us closer to God. The Lord quite clearly said in the Gospel that the Kingdom of Heaven is not in Jerusalem, not on Mount Athos, it is in the heart of man. In order to find this Kingdom in your heart, it is enough to regularly go to church, confess, take communion and do what the Lord commands: to live according to His commandments. Then the person will acquire that “spirit of peace” that he pointed to as the goal Christian life. If this spirit lives in a person, if it acts in a person, then the Lord will show the person from within how to act in this or that life situation.
Leading. Does this mean that the confessor's advice is optional? How then to be with church discipline, with obedience?
Father Alexander. In answer to your question, I will read out a quote from an interview with the deceased. This interview was given by Vladyka back in 1999, and it dealt specifically with abuses in the practice of clergy. Vladyka Anthony says: “Obedience does not mean slavishly following the instructions of the priest, even if they are given in the form of advice. Obedience - from the word "listening", and the purpose of obedience is to teach a person to break away from his own thoughts, from his own attitude to things and listen to what the other person says to him. This is where obedience begins, and it applies not only to church practice, but to all relationships between people.” I really have nothing to add to this, I can only comment. Obedience, indeed, is not a blind fulfillment of everything that your confessor or priest tells you. Each of us has our own view of things, each of us has our own opinion. We always believe that we are right, not our opponents, and so, obedience is an attempt to look at the world through the eyes of another person. Do not withdraw into yourself, listen to the opinion of another, and Vladyka Anthony is right when he says that obedience concerns not only church discipline. Without obedience, no community at all is possible, no community of people is possible if we do not take into account the opinion of those who are close to us. Why do conflicts arise? Why do families break up? Because people often just do not hear those who are next to them. Especially in matters of spiritual life. It is imprudent to rely only on one's own opinion in spiritual life, on one's own ideas, which are sometimes very distorted. It is necessary to listen to the experience of other people, perhaps to take something from someone else's experience into your life - this is what is called obedience.
Leading. If there is no confessor, then before communion one has to confess to any priest who may be younger, and people who come to confession may be more experienced in spiritual life. Can a confession be considered successful if the priest who receives it is inexperienced in the spiritual life?
Father Alexander. The question of the relationship between the personal qualities of a clergyman and the reality of those Sacraments that he performs has been raised in the Church since ancient times. Already in the first centuries, such a doctrine arose, according to which the Sacrament is valid only when it is performed by a clergyman worthy of his moral qualities. If the clergyman is unworthy, then no Sacrament is performed. refuted this doctrine as heresy, and this is why: what does worthy or unworthy mean? What is meant by dignity? After all, every person, regardless of what hierarchical level he occupies, has his own shortcomings, weaknesses, limitations. If by dignity we understand a certain impeccability of a person or his sinlessness, then in this sense, worthy people simply do not exist. The holy fathers often slip the idea that saints are sinners who have realized themselves, who are aware of themselves as sinners. All people are sinners, but those people who realize their sin, bring repentance to God, try to correct themselves - something works out for them, something they don't - that's what we call them saints. But these saints are still sinners, still people with their own shortcomings. Practically in each of the prayers of the rank of the Liturgy there is an appeal from a clergyman, bishop or priest to God that the Lord, despite his personal unworthiness, perform the Sacrament of Transubstantiation. This is expressed most clearly in the rite of the Liturgy in Prayer. There are such words: “Yes, not for my sins, forbid the grace of Your Holy Spirit from the Gifts presented.”
The sacrament is performed by the Lord. The priest is not the performer of the Sacrament, he is the minister of the Sacrament. He is a clergyman, not a clergyman, and in this case the personal qualities of a priest have nothing to do with the reality of the Sacrament. As the saint said back in the fourth century: “It doesn’t matter which print from the seal is gold or clay, the seal is still the same.” The same applies to the Sacrament of Confession. A priest is neither a judge nor an interrogating investigator. The function of a priest in the Sacrament of Confession, in prayer from this rank, is defined as a witness. “Christ stands invisibly, but I am only a witness,” the priest reads a prayer. This testimony at the Sacrament of Confession was compared with the testimony of a friend of the groom, which happens at a wedding. You know that when a marriage is concluded, there is always a witness on the part of the groom and on the part of the bride, who puts his signature, certifying that the marriage took place. Indeed, this parallel is very appropriate, since a wedding is a joyful event and a person's repentance is also a joyful event. The Lord said that he had more joy from the conversion of one sinner, from his repentance, than from ninety-nine righteous people who did not need this repentance. The function of a witness at a wedding is not paramount. It simply indicates that the marriage is concluded. The priest also testifies to the sincerity of a penitent person. A priest may be young, and inexperienced, and poorly educated, but in order to share the joy of repentance with a person, to pray with him, one does not need to graduate from universities for this. The Sacrament of Repentance, that is, the renewal of a person, the cleansing of his soul from the disease of sin, is performed by the Lord in response to the repentance and prayer of the person who comes to confession. The personal qualities of the priest in this case are not decisive, as, indeed, in the rest of the Church Sacraments.

Confessor

A hieromonk of an honest and charitable life, endowed by God with spiritual reasoning and diligent in reading the Word of God and patristic writings, is appointed to the position of the Confessor of the monastery. The duty of the Confessor is to perform the sacrament of Penance and to guide the brethren on the path to salvation. The confessor must keep a record of who and when communed the Holy Mysteries of Christ, so that everyone would steadily approach this great sacrament. Also, the Confessor is obliged, according to his indispensable duty, to visit the sick, comforting and encouraging them in mental and physical illnesses.

If the Confessor, due to the multitude of brethren or due to weakness, does not have time to receive all his spiritual pets, then with the permission of the Rector, some of them are allowed to be handed over to an experienced spiritual elder, but the Confessor is responsible for the correctness of the spiritual guidance from the elder.

In addition, with the blessing of the Rector, other hieromonks or simple monks, experienced in spiritual life, who are subordinate to the main Confessor of the monastery, accepting fatherly advice and instructions from him, may be appointed elders or mentors over novice monks.

In addition to the elders-mentors, confessors-hieromonks who confess pilgrims are subordinate to the confessor of the monastery, among whom one may be senior and responsible for the common work of confession of the confessors. In the great, responsible and difficult work of spiritual guidance, the Confessor is guided by the Word of God, the God-wise patristic writings, the rules of the Holy Church and the rules laid down in the Charter of the monastery. In perplexed matters, the Confessor asks the Rector and his reasoning and will follow.

From the Charter of the Holy Trinity Monastery

Is it possible to struggle without spiritual guidance? The question is idle, because the answer to it is obvious: it is impossible. One cannot do without a mentor in such a complex area as the spiritual. But how do you find a spiritual leader? Is it necessary to actively and purposefully seek, to travel around the monasteries, to go from one priest to another?.. How do you understand that this particular priest is your confessor? And what should be its leadership? Explanations are given by the pastors of the Russian Church.

The Mystery of God's Care

Hegumen Luka (Stepanov):

How to find a confessor? Didn't look, I don't know. As a 22-year-old me, a confessor was given by God at the time of my baptism. Therefore, I perceive its role in my life as a providential reality necessary for my salvation. Even if earthly marriages are “performed in Heaven,” then the acquisition of a confessor is all the more revealed from the mystery of God’s care for the soul that believes in Christ.

We have the example of Christ, we have the Gospel, we have the Tradition of the Church

There is no one answer, it is deeply individual. How to find a confessor? I don’t know, God can send him unexpectedly, but it happens that you can look for him all your life and not be found or found. Everyone is different, but what is important for all Christians: no one canceled the Gospel, expressed in its difficult history, tradition, spiritual literature, worship. Are these minor things? A confessor is not a panacea and not a solution to all problems. Probably, 95% of Christians do not have confessors (not just confessing priests, but confessors). And the Kingdom of Heaven is closed to them? And Christ? Doesn't he give it? Therefore, if a confessor is sought to become the living Christ on earth, to shield Him, there is no meaning in him, but only harm.

God will send you a spiritual guide - just don't miss it

A spiritual leader is hard to find. But it has been noticed by many people: scientists, theologians, and ascetics: if you ask God for a spiritual guide, He will send him to you. He will send it to you, just don't miss it. But if you ask for something absolutely incredible, great, holy, you can simply not wait for this. Vladyka Onufry said in one of his interviews: “I don't need a perspicacious leader, because I myself know all my sins. What is there more to see? And so everything is clear. I don't need a holy leader, why? what will it give me for salvation? I need a person who will understand me, who will not judge me, who will lend a shoulder. And who knows that it is impossible to demand incredible and amazing heights from a person, which we cannot reach in any way. He just can understand, feel and help in the most difficult moments.” If you ask for such a leader, about whom Vladyka Onufry spoke, then God will send him.

And without spiritual guidance, it is impossible to be saved at all. Without spiritual guidance, it is disastrous and deadly. You can never rely on yourself for anything. I am always for modern people I give such a comparison: spaceships and space stations they certainly fly with the help and under the careful control of a ground control station, because in space, as everyone knows, astronauts even perceive humor differently than on Earth. And they may not understand or see what is happening to them. spaceship is being done. They are carefully, cautiously told from the Earth: “We must turn on such and such engines to align your orbit, raise it a little so that it does not decrease any more.” This means that after 10 minutes, the engines will turn on for one and a half, 25 or 30 seconds, and you do not twitch, do not be afraid of this. So that they realize this and really not be afraid.

Something similar is required for any person. We have a consciousness that does not firmly reflect reality. It is constantly changing. I even have such a term: “floating consciousness”. There is no constant and firm correspondence of our consciousness to reality. And here it is necessary. He should say: “Stop, stop, stop! Why? Where is this? What is it?" He must help - and help benevolently, with love.

No one is immune from mistakes and blunders. And even the greatest ascetics necessarily go to the confessor and confess.

A confessor is needed to tell us at the right moment: “Stop! Where are you going?"

I was very impressed when His Holiness Patriarch Pimen, for whom I was a subdeacon, once during a service, right before Communion, suddenly called Father Alexy Demin, a 90-year-old cleric of the Patriarchal Cathedral of the Epiphany, and said: “I must go to confession.” He went to the altar and confessed. And a simple rural priest, an ordinary one, took an altar cross, read a permissive prayer and blessed the head of His Holiness the Patriarch. Because the patriarch, like a good experienced monk, knows how scary a slight deviation to the side is, and if you don’t slow down now - even in confession to a simple priest, the consequences can be horrific and terrible.

That is why it is necessary to always confess, in all cases, even this is how His Holiness Patriarch Pimen confessed on the go, in order to be of a firm mind and firmly standing on the ground without any distractions and any sidetracks in building up his salvation.

Obedience is the principle of godlikeness

Archpriest Maxim Kozlov:

The importance of spiritual guidance comes from a simple but very basic Christian principle - the principle. The Son was obedient to the Father even unto death, and death on the cross. The principle of obedience is not a discipline in the church, in order to make it easier for bishops and priests to manage the flock, but it is the principle of godlikeness, which can and must be implemented by us in our lives. Of course, this is possible in a family in children in relation to parents, in younger relatives to elders, in spouses in relation to each other to one degree or another. But most naturally this can be realized through spiritual guidance in the Church: in a parish, in a monastery.

The measures and limits here can be very different, but the most important thing, in my opinion, is that the one you are looking for as a spiritual guide is a good person. Everything else can be very different, everything else is things that are difficult to measure: prayer, many years of experience, and something else. Just a really good person. It does not mean - without mistakes, without sinful deviations, without any imperfections, but in the main, basically, in what the soul feels - a good person. Good man you can listen.

If there is no tradition of spiritual succession, we are dealing with a remake

In order not to be deceived in the confessor, one must clearly know that he also has a confessor

Spoke: in Lately there will be no spiritual mentors - save yourself by books. This is the subjective reality of our days, but, by the grace of God, there are still people who have the skill of spiritual guidance.

But in order not to be deceived in the confessor, one must clearly make sure that he also has a confessor, and that confessor also has a confessor. Because if there is no this tradition of spiritual succession, then we are dealing with a remake. A remake is always bad, it's always an imitation of something. Therefore, it is very important that the continuity of spiritual guidance from one confessor to another be preserved. This, by the way, was the strength of Optina Hermitage, which, through Paisius Velichkovsky, revived the Athos tradition of succession from one elder to another. Unfortunately, now a lot of people lack this and some young elders who themselves were not under spiritual control become elders, and by communicating with such people, we risk passing off something that is actually cheap as something really valuable and significant. brand new and nothing more.

There will be no solidity in spiritual life without a confessor

Priest Valery Dukhanin:

The one who found a confessor in time is a happy person. I have been very unlucky in this regard. Before I received sound spiritual guidance, I went through false guidance and suffered great mental damage. So I have something to compare.

The guidance of a confessor is an invaluable gift, which, perhaps, is not even immediately realized. Do we immediately appreciate the fact that we have parents? You understand the value of this only later. The same is true for the spiritual father.

Without a confessor, there will be no solidity in spiritual life. Can you learn to drive a car yourself? foreign language without a teacher or to go through unfamiliar terrain without a guide? If this happens, it is only in exceptional cases. For all, the general rule is the need for leadership. In the most difficult situations of my life, more than once it was frankness before the confessor and his prayer and attention that saved me from troubles. Therefore, now I know for sure: if you want to save your soul, have a confessor.

For a person in general, it is important that someone hear him in troubles and sorrows, be able to give him the advice he needs. And, in fact, who could become an even more reliable support here, if not a clergyman, to whom God entrusted His grace to strengthen the faithful? Spirituality is very necessary. Otherwise, instead of a priest, Christians will rush to a psychologist and say that they benefited more from him than from the priest.

Of course, for the forgiveness of sin, it does not matter who confesses you. The Sacrament of Confession itself incinerates sins with pure repentance, because before the Holy Spirit our sins are like straw before a fire. Repentant, confessed sin disappears. But if through a sinful life and immersion in delusion, internal breakdowns occurred with the soul, then the wounds remain for a long time, they remind of themselves. That is why sometimes a confessor is needed, one who knows all your spiritual features, all life stumbling blocks, mistakes, weaknesses and injuries received and committed by your soul. A confessor is the one who finds the key to the problems of your soul and helps you get out of them by turning to God. A confessor helps you to find your personal path, on which the soul will open before the Lord and receive His grace.

How to find a spiritual father? First, you need to really ask the Lord about it. Secondly, try to notice to which of the priests your soul opens up in particular, whose instructions especially resolve your problems.

The confessor, first of all, discovers the inner disorder of the spiritual child

Often we go to confessors with some question, hoping to find an answer. At the same time, we naively think that, having received the resolution of the issue, we will immediately make our life easier. However, experienced confessors see that each of us suffers not from an unresolved issue, but from a whole range of spiritual problems that we may not even think about. Therefore, true clergy consists not only in resolving momentary issues, but, above all, in revealing spiritual child his main internal disturbances, in solving problems that prevent the child, in fact, from being with God.

We often like those confessors who allow us to do what we ourselves want. It is painful to hear the bitter truth about one's way of life, it is scary to change oneself, and therefore we often look for a confessor to adjust to us, soften the demands of spiritual life and help, so to speak, to compromise our conscience with our laxity. This is very wrong. It is important to find a confessor who would help to slowly change ourselves, get rid of dilapidation, who would select the spiritual treatment that will be most effective against our main passions.

The confessor sees us from the side

Priest Alexander Satomsky:

Spiritual guidance is essential for a Christian. In any business starting from scratch, a person needs an assistant, a mentor. It is impossible to achieve results in a foreign language by doing self-study. It is impossible to get results in the gym without contacting a trainer. It is the same in spiritual life: you need someone who sees you from the outside, and also (God forbid) has certain skills in spiritual life, which he can teach not from books, but from experience.

A confessor is the person with whom the parishioner regularly confesses and with whom he consults on various issues of inner life. In order to meet such a person, you need to pray for such a meeting, attend services in several churches. Look at the communities - what kind of people are, how the priest serves and how he preaches. If you have a heart for someone, approach and arrange a meeting where you can ask questions and / or about confession. Thus, a contact can be made that will later grow into a serious relationship of spiritual growth for both the parishioner and the priest.

Real confessors do not break the spiritual and social life of their children

Deacon Vladimir Vasilik:

To get started, you have to go through good school spiritual guidance. This is both in and in the Church. Only those who have gone through the school of obedience, humility, controllability can rule and command. Someone who knows what it's like to be subordinate.

Not to be a spiritual leader, but to prepare yourself for the nourishment of a confessor.

Whoever knows what it is like to be a subordinate treats those who are subordinate, those who are flocked with mercy and compassion. When a person jumps into the bishopric who has not gone through a genuine theological school - neither a serious parish nor a monastic one, but who has rubbed himself around the bishop as a subdeacon for some time and, in fact, does not know the life of the flock, then nothing good can come of it. Except by the great mercy and grace of God. This is with regard to pastoral work in general and church administration.

As for spiritual guidance, namely the salvation of souls, this is a science, and a person himself should not take it upon himself.

We have nowhere to go, since confession before Communion is obligatory for us. Therefore, young, inexperienced priests are also appointed to confess. In Greece, the attitude towards confession is completely different: inexperienced people are not put to confession. Another thing is that not everyone, alas, confesses there. Young priests in Greece are forbidden from confession. They are sent for confession to experienced serious confessors. With us, this is unrealistic, unfeasible. And young priests, in my opinion, should be very careful. In a number of cases, if they are faced with a problem that is clearly insoluble for them, clearly beyond their spiritual experience, they must know to whom to send the confessor, if he shows sufficient will to do so. Here you need a clear understanding of your competence. This is first.

Secondly, one should not seek spiritual guidance, feel the desire to become a spiritual leader.

How do you find a spiritual guide? The Scripture says: “You will be a reverend with a saint ... and you will be chosen with a chosen one, and you will be depraved with an obstinate one” (Ps. 17: 26-27). It is necessary to look for such people who are both reverend, and chosen, and prayerful. It is not necessary that they be glorious, famous and informationally covered people. The main thing is that they should be people of grace, around whom love and peace reign, and the life of whose children is arranged for salvation.

What are the characteristics of true shepherds? - Lack of lust for power and at the same time real spiritual power

What are the characteristics of such shepherds? I will note this: the lack of lust for power and at the same time real spiritual power, because from the ill-conceived lust for power of confessors a lot of bad things happen in the life of the flock. Real confessors do not break the spiritual and social life of their children. They, like experienced gardeners, on the contrary, neatly straighten the crooked; like experienced doctors, they bandage the lame; awaken to life all living things that are in their child. They often say, like my late spiritual father Vasily Ermakov: "Think for yourself." They don’t become crutches, they don’t become substitutes, but, on the contrary, they try to make their children go on their own, most of their lives they thought, did, and decided for themselves. They do not trample on the God-given freedom of their children, but offer surprisingly delicate advice, as Father John (Krestyankin) did. I remember talking with him: he delicately advised. I received "in full" if I did not obey him, and after that I understood it, but even then he accepted me with all his love, despite my stubbornness, disobedience, stupidity, foolishness, pride. This is also an amazing feature of a true confessor - such patience and love.

Terrible misfortunes arise from lust for power and from the exaction of spiritual power, from spiritual tyranny. I knew one simply tragic case, connected with a very famous confessor - I will not name him. His child, a future priest, came to his reception with his bride, whom he loved. At the reception of this confessor, a girl was sitting on the couch. This future father asks the elder: “Father, bless me for marriage with such and such.” - “No, she is not yours, but yours, waiting for you,” and points to a completely unfamiliar girl sitting on the couch. - That's where you get married. Clear?" He, in obedience to his confessor, broke off communion with the bride with whom everything had been agreed, and married the one whom the elder had advised. What happened? His wife loved him with all her heart, but he could not see her. When she came to his place of service, he literally went with her to the station in a few hours, bought her a return ticket and escorted her to the next station so that she would not jump out and return to him along the way.

So many tragedies arose from the power-hungry and unreasonable leadership of confessors!.. A true confessor should not trample on his child with power-hungry. Where necessary, he, of course, must intervene, and testify to the unrighteousness of his life, and instruct him firmly. But where there are no shameful and sinful things, where the child must and can act on his own, there a real confessor must give this "green light".

We must clearly distinguish between the problems of spiritual life and those related to our social and family responsibilities.

How to find a real confessor? We must pray for this. We must lead a regular church life and ask the Lord. Here it is not even necessary that the confessor be glorious, great, spiritual. It is enough that he was just a kind priest, conscientious about his spiritual duties, attentive and prayerful. If a person trusts him and prays to God that God reveals His will through him, then he will receive everything according to his request, he will receive everything that he needs for salvation.

Another thing is that we must clearly separate things related to our spiritual life, to our salvation - and, on the other hand, to our social and family responsibilities. My late grandmother had a similar experience. At confession, the priest asked her: “Where do you work?” And she worked at the Baltic Defense Plant, she had no right to talk about her place of work. And she found in herself the courage and spiritual reason to say: “Father, forgive me, this does not apply to confession.” Reasoning and sobriety are needed both for the confessor himself and for his child.

All over the world there are organizations, religions and cults teaching spirituality and all sorts of other metaphysical systems.

Some are looking for the Mother or Father in the spiritual mentor, some position the spiritual mentor as a therapist. Other people are missing something in their lives, so they try to solve the problem through spiritual enlightenment. Unfortunately, there are many scammers and "spiritual" organizations in the world now that take advantage of people's gullibility.

Who is a Spirit Guide

How can a person who is looking for a spiritual mentor recognize a real teacher (or organization)? After all, many people claim that they are spiritual teachers, but not all are such in reality.

A spiritual mentor is a person who assists in development, spiritual enlightenment, solving problems and achieving life goals. It helps to find answers to many questions, primarily spiritual ones. A healer or a psychologist - as a rule, they help a person solve individual issues or problems and do not influence the fate of a person as completely as a Spiritual Mentor.

How to find a Spiritual Mentor? Who has the right to give spiritual advice

To find a good spiritual mentor, you need to know what qualifications are needed to be one? Most teachers are "self-assessed". There is no gender or tradition.

Good spiritual mentor- this is the one who distinguishes between Good and Evil, always follows the path of Light, does not pursue material values, is not selfish, is completely "enlightened" and understands the true nature of reality. This is a person who has achievements in spiritual development and helping people. He can teach others the different levels of consciousness because he has spent years on his own spiritual development and has great awareness.

Spiritual Counseling

There are many spiritual advisors around. Below are some clues regarding spiritual "advisers" that are not genuine:

They have an inflated sense of self-importance.

They or their followers ask you for money.

They like to be famous and actively seek out a lot of followers.

A guru who attracts people with his charisma rather than his teachings.

Predicts the future with vague statements like: "Something important will happen soon."

They pay a lot of attention to how they dress. Most are dressed in "mystic" style, implying that they have "Great Secrets of Revealing".

Unhealthy relationships with your followers.

They want to control their students in everything. A real teacher wants his student to feel in control of his life.

They claim to be a Powerful Magician or Prophet.

A real teacher wants to enlighten his student, to see him independent and able to manage his own life, and also to develop in a natural way.

A spiritual mentor will never promise super-fast development and, moreover, demand fabulous sums for training.

Methods for exposing charlatans

A real spiritual mentor does not set excessive demands on his student, he does not sell his knowledge, but shares it. So how do you identify a true spiritual mentor?

The following are the main signs according to which a charlatan can be exposed:

1. Money and material values.

When providing financial support to a new student, it is worth asking where the invested funds are spent. There is a big risk that the money invested for good can be spent for other purposes. This leads to the question: is this a real spiritual mentor?

Power can be both positive and negative. There is a big difference between when a person mindlessly submits to authority or consciously recognizes his spiritual master, who must be obeyed. Cult leaders do not like honest feedback, the person is not allowed to question their actions or decisions. The overbearing guru loves to dictate how to behave and control the lifestyle of his disciple. This is not spirituality, this is a spiritual dictatorship.

3. Alcohol and drugs.

Some spiritual teachers ask their students to drink alcohol or take drugs in order to achieve enlightenment! The maximum that can be achieved in this case is the acquisition of alcohol or drug addiction.

4. Sexy Guru.

Sexual relations between a person who is in power and a person who is dependent on a powerful person is a betrayal. Unfortunately for last years there have been many reports of sexual misconduct among spiritual teachers. Disciples are told that in order to achieve full enlightenment, they must have sex with their master. It is important to understand that this is just a brazen manipulation aimed at using people to satisfy their own sexual needs.

Reasons why many people trust charlatan prophets

Mistaken charisma and power for wisdom.There are many powerful people who are not necessarily wise. Wisdom is often associated with simplicity and humility. A good mentor is compassionate and does not position their spiritual enlightenment as a sign of achievement.

Guru worship. Some spiritual mentors, at every opportunity, focus on the fact that they supposedly have powerful spiritual energy. This forces the student to focus more on the person of the spiritual advisor than on his spiritual teachings. True spiritual mentors lead an ascetic lifestyle and do not strive for popularity and fame; they take a person for training in order to pass on the experience and knowledge gained, and not for material gain or other personal interests.

Effect . Just because a teacher has spirituality does not mean that he knows everything. spiritual teacher also makes mistakes, and if he admits this, he is sincere with his student.

On the way to spiritual enlightenment, it is important not to engage in self-deception and remember that spiritual development is painstaking work on oneself, which requires a lot of time.

When looking for a spiritual mentor, one must be guided by facts indicating the presence or absence of sincerity, as well as a realistic look at assessing the abilities of one's teacher and remembering that teachers can also make mistakes. A spiritual mentor must be chosen not only with the mind, but also with the heart, and it will certainly help in the right choice.