Self-esteem below the plinth, friends do not appreciate, husband does not love?! Learn how to get rid of complexes, regain confidence and self-respect!
Low self-esteem, without exaggeration, can be called the eighth deadly sin for any person, and especially for a woman. Ladies who constantly doubt themselves, a priori, cannot be happy, and therefore do not fulfill their intended purpose - to give the joy of life to everyone around them.
Where there is no confidence, complexes rule the ball, instantly putting an end to any undertakings.
As a rule, an insecure woman cannot find a decent job, make good friends or meet a decent man, and if nothing changes, she will forever remain on the “bench”.
Why don't we love ourselves
Low self-esteem never appears on its own, the main reasons for its occurrence are:
- childhood spent with insufficiently loving, often critical or constantly conflicting parents;
- school time full of grievances and blunders, which created false ideas in the child about his capabilities, advantages and disadvantages;
- regular failures, pursuing an adult for a long period of time and undermining his faith in his own strength.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem
- Aggressiveness and persistent desire to dominate. Oddly enough, but the representatives of the weaker sex, who use the slightest opportunity to demonstrate their superiority to others and gladly humiliate everyone who allows them, are often the most notorious creatures on earth.
- Excessive shyness and constant embarrassment. Unlike their aggressive friends in misfortune, timid women cannot resist offenders, dominate someone and are completely unable to defend their rights. They are characterized by unquestioning execution of any requests and orders, even if they run counter to their own interests.
- Propensity for perfectionism. Popular wisdom says that there should be a measure for everything. The uncontrolled striving for perfection in all forms, which is simply impossible to achieve, is hallmark low self-esteem and often leads to depression, nervous breakdowns and all-consuming hatred.
- Jealousy and possessiveness. Ladies who believe that these feelings indicate a violent temperament and increased emotionality are deeply mistaken. In fact, the desire to completely control a loved one, carefully monitoring his every step, stems from extreme self-doubt.
- Frequent attempts to evoke feelings of pity. Notorious persons, mired in worries about their own worthlessness, are trying to attract the attention of others around “every corner” by telling the tragic circumstances of their lives. Unfortunately, this tactic often backfires, causing people to avoid them even more.
- Inability to make decisions. Women with low self-esteem always try to shift the responsibility for their actions to someone else. Making a decision on their own is like death for them, and they begin the discussion of any problem with the question: what would you do in my place ?!
What is the need to work on yourself
Asking the question, why do I, in fact, have high self-esteem, I first need to get rid of the illusions that allow notorious people not to notice the wretchedness of their own lives. The most powerful incentive to start working on yourself is the desire to get out of the shadows and find your place under the sun.
A self-confident woman rarely suffers from unrequited love, easily outstrips her rivals in the struggle for a highly paid position, and even knows how to turn her failures to her advantage.
Instead of whining and looking for someone to blame, she carefully analyzes the situation, draws the right conclusions and enters a new day with the clear intention of achieving a complete victory where she was defeated yesterday.
How to boost a woman's self-esteem
Increasing self-esteem in a woman is not an easy task, especially if self-doubt accompanies her for many years.
Wanting to achieve the desired result by all means, it is necessary to understand that thoughts are material, radically change the way of thinking and adopt the following tips:
- Always watch your posture. The unforgettable secretary Vera from the movie "Office Romance" was absolutely right when she said that the right walk is the key to success. Hunched over and slanted, only notorious persons hobble, and self-confident women float around the world with their heads held high and their backs straight.
- Smile as often as possible. At the same time, it is not enough just to part your lips in a violent welcoming grin, the smile must come from the depths of the soul and be absolutely sincere. Only then will she bring the desired results - she will soften those around her and make them want to get to know the owner of a cheerful disposition as closely as possible.
- Take care of your appearance. No self-esteem courses will help a woman who considers herself ugly. Fortunately, in modern world for the benefit of the fair sex, there are numerous beauty salons that allow you to significantly improve your natural data.
- Update your wardrobe regularly. New things, as well as the very process of acquiring them, quite often provoke a rise in self-esteem to the very high level. In addition, a smartly dressed lady attracts much more attention to herself. male population planets than a modest mouse dressed in a washed sweater.
- Find your hobbies. People who are open to everything new are much better at coping with low self-esteem, because by acquiring additional knowledge, they begin to believe in themselves more. At the same time, you can do anything: yoga, painting, landscape design, studying foreign languages, knitting, climbing - the list is almost endless.
- Eliminate the wrong people from your social circle. Notorious women have few real friends, but false friends often curl around them, from time to time arranging an “energy feast” for themselves. How to deal with them?! To drive with the same broom to the very threshold and even further, because as long as such personalities stand guard over your self-esteem, it is not possible to raise it.
- Avoid unnecessary responsibilities. To the best of your ability to help relatives and friends in solving their problems is wonderful, but only as long as a person does not begin to act to his own detriment. When you feel like you can't handle the load, learn to say "no" and not blame yourself for it.
Forget the past by forgiving your parents
If the cause of low self-esteem lies in childhood, the easiest way to end it is to understand the causes of parental negativity and show understanding.
Mom and dad were young, it is quite possible that they did not know how to raise a child, and therefore showed excessive severity. Be that as it may, but this is a thing of the past and in order to easily move on through life, you need to carefully end it.
Learn to accept yourself for who you are.
Long legs, luxurious hair or a large bust cannot make a happy woman suffering from all sorts of complexes. Having corrected one "flaw", she will immediately find a hundred others in herself.
The only way to get out of the vicious circle is to understand that happiness is not a free addition to a flawless appearance, which means that you need to look for the problem in something else.
Never compare yourself to anyone
In this vast world there are and always will be people who are much more fortunate in something: they are smarter, richer, luckier or more beautiful. However, comparing yourself to them is the most pointless exercise you can find.
Instead of wasting precious time on it, it is better to engage in self-improvement and rejoice every day, even if insignificant, but YOUR successes.
Strive to fulfill your dreams
Women who have long been drowned in their own complexes do not believe that the dream of their life will ever come true. And they are 100% right! While they sit on the couch, moaning about the vicissitudes of fate, she will certainly float away into other people's, less “occupied” hands.
The only way to prevent this is to start a difficult path to achieve the desired goal, no matter what and against all odds.
Drive away negative thoughts
Some representatives of the weaker sex, timid and unsure of themselves, tend to indulge in negative thoughts for a long time, literally reveling in the hopelessness emanating from them.
Such behavior, most often, leads to sad consequences, because our life is what we think about it. You can solve the problem only by tuning in a positive way and by properly changing your thinking.
Dear women, the path of self-love can be long, winding and very difficult, but retreating, you lose hope of ever knowing how wonderful it is to be a truly self-sufficient person!
Video: How to raise self-esteem for a woman
How to boost a woman's self-esteem if all knowledge about oneself is associated with an emotional-evaluative attitude. Self-esteem refers to an important structural component of the self-concept of the individual. Psychological dictionaries refer self-esteem to the values, the significance of which a woman gives to some aspects of her personality, behavior, and activities. Psychologists consider self-esteem as a personal central education, as well as a central component of the self-concept.
The functions of self-esteem are regulatory, protective, influencing the activity, development of the personality, its behavior, relationships with other personalities. The main function of a woman's self-esteem is her internal regulation of behavior. The highest female form of self-regulation appears in a creative peculiar attitude of one's own personality in the desire to change for the better and realize it. The protective function of female self-esteem provides relative stability, as well as autonomy of the individual.
Self-esteem is complex education psyche, resulting from the work of the processes of self-consciousness. For everyone, it goes through many stages and stays at various levels of development in the process of becoming a person. Therefore, personal self-esteem is constantly changing, improving.
A woman's self-esteem is never finite, since the personality is in constant development. It follows that the self-image is constantly changing. The source of a woman's evaluative ideas about herself is the sociocultural environment, the results of self-observation, and also social reactions to certain manifestations of the personality.
Burns notes three points that are important for understanding self-esteem of the individual. Firstly, it is a comparison of the real image of I with the ideal image of I. This comparison often appears in various psychotherapeutic methods. A high degree of coincidence of the ideal self with the real one is considered a significant indicator of mental health. This means that the smaller the gap between the ideal self and the woman's real idea of herself, the higher the female self-esteem.
Secondly, in the formation of self-esteem, the main role is played by the internalization of social reactions. In other words, a woman tends to evaluate herself the way others evaluate her.
Thirdly, the formation of self-esteem in women is significantly influenced by real achievements in all types of activities. And the more significant the successes of the individual, the higher her self-esteem will be.
It should be emphasized that self-esteem is subjective and independent of one's own judgments or the interpretation of other people's judgments. Its content covers the world moral values, as well as relationships, abilities, opportunities. A holistic unified self-esteem of a woman is formed from self-assessments of individual aspects of the mental world.
A woman's self-esteem is a very personal and subjective formation of the psyche. Its formation occurs with less or more active participation of the person himself, has a qualitative imprint of the originality of the mental world and does not coincide in all of its elements with the objective assessment of this person. Its truth, adequacy, consistency, as well as consistency are established after the real manifestations of the personality in behavior, as well as activities. Psychology distinguishes between inadequate and adequate self-esteem. The real view of the female personality reflects an adequate self-esteem.
If a woman's opinion about herself coincides with what she really is, then they say about the adequacy of the assessment. Inadequate self-esteem is characteristic of a person whose self-image is not real. Such a person evaluates himself biasedly, her opinion sharply diverges from what others consider her to be.
Inadequate self-esteem can be overestimated and underestimated. If a woman overestimates her abilities, then her personal qualities, performance results and her self-esteem are overestimated. Such a person self-confidently takes on the proposed work, which exceeds its real capabilities. After a failure, a woman is disappointed, and quickly shifts responsibility to other people or circumstances. If a woman underestimates herself compared to what she really is, then her self-esteem is low.
Low self-esteem destroys a woman's hopes for a favorable attitude towards her and her own real successes, as well as a positive assessment of others. She perceives all successes as accidental and temporary. Both low and high self-esteem create difficulties in a person's life. It is difficult for women to live timid and insecure, but it is also difficult for women to live arrogant. Inadequate self-esteem creates difficulties in life for others as well.
Adequate self-esteem is also not always homogeneous. Some women are high, while others are low. Inflated self-esteem is noted in women who do not consider themselves to be the worst, and also have a positive attitude towards themselves. They have a high level of ambition, as well as faith in their abilities. Such a woman is guided by personal principles, always knows her own worth, and the opinion of others is not of decisive importance to her. She is self-confident and criticism does not provoke a violent defensive reaction in her and is always perceived calmly. A woman who has a positive attitude towards herself is often trusting and sympathetic towards others.
Low self-esteem is noted in the desire to underestimate one's own capabilities, achievements, abilities, increased vulnerability and anxiety, fear of a negative opinion about oneself, which encourages women to limit contacts with other personalities. In this case, self-disclosure limits the intimacy and depth of communication. Women with low self-esteem are distrustful and also unfriendly to other individuals.
How to increase a woman's self-esteem? Psychology offers such recommendations. For the development of positive self-esteem in a woman has great importance the love of loved ones, regardless of what self-esteem a woman has at the moment. The constant manifestation of her husband's love, the good attitude of the team, makes a woman feel her own value, and also contributes to a positive formation of attitude towards herself. It is possible to increase self-esteem, but it is often a rather slow process. But conscious attempts to form a positive self-assessment can be useful for almost all women.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence of a woman?
Tips include the following:
- stop comparing yourself with other personalities, because in your social circle there will always be those who are better or worse;
- if you compare, then there will always be opponents, as well as opponents that you will not surpass;
- stop blaming or scolding yourself, because. it is impossible to form a high level of self-esteem when expressing negativity in your address;
- when talking about appearance, relationships, career, financial situation, as well as other aspects of life, avoid self-deprecating moments;
- correction of self-esteem directly depends on your statements addressed to you;
- accept all compliments, as well as congratulations in return "thank you"; responding to a compliment: “yes, nothing special,” you thereby reject it and give yourself a message that you are not worthy of a compliment and lower your self-esteem;
- use statements (affirmations) to increase self-esteem;
- place on a frequently used or visible object the statement: “I love myself and always accept myself”, “I best woman and get the best out of life. Repeat the affirmation throughout the day, and may it always be with you. Repeat these words before going to bed and when you wake up;
- read books, listen to seminars, audio, video recordings that are dedicated to increasing self-esteem;
- the information that is allowed into your mind, takes root there and gradually affects your behavior;
- the prevailing information affects all women's actions in a dominant way, when watching negative television programs or reading criminal chronicles, a woman's mood tends to be cynical, as well as pessimistic, so reading positive books or listening to programs can increase self-esteem;
- try to communicate only with positive, as well as self-confident individuals who will always support you; when you are surrounded by negative people who suppress you, as well as your ideas, your self-esteem will only go down. And when you are encouraged and accepted, you will immediately feel much better, and your self-esteem will increase;
- make a list of your personal past achievements; they may be minor: lost weight, got a driver's license, got married, won a competition, got a prestigious job, got a promotion. As you regularly review this list, close your eyes and feel the satisfaction that you previously experienced;
- make a whole list of personal positive qualities. Be kind to yourself and list up to 20 qualities; review this list as often as possible. Psychologists have noticed that most people focus on personal shortcomings, and thereby reinforce low self-esteem, and then wonder: why is everything not so good in their life? Focus on your strengths and you will have a better chance of achieving what you want;
- start giving more of yourself to others, meaning yourself and your actions; doing something for others, you will feel like the most valuable individual, and your mood and self-esteem will increase;
- try to do only what is close and pleasant to you; it is very difficult to feel positive about yourself if your days at work fly by in the negative;
- self-esteem flourishes where active activity brings pleasure and makes you feel valued;
- it is not always possible to find a job that will suit you perfectly, but you can take everything free time personal hobbies that bring you joy;
- be true to yourself, always live own life; then you will begin to respect yourself when you live your life as you wish, and if your decisions are based on the approval of relatives and friends, then you are not faithful in yourself and low self-esteem will take root;
- always act, sitting without movement is impossible to raise self-esteem, regardless of the result, self-esteem will increase and you will feel pleasant sensations; procrastinating in action due to fear, a woman feels anxiety, as well as sad feelings, which will lower self-esteem;
- remember that you are a unique person with great opportunities and potential;
- as self-esteem grows, true abilities are revealed, a woman begins to take even greater risks and ceases to be afraid of rejection; over time, you will no longer focus on other people, and your relationships will become more useful for you and for others;
- starting to do something that brings joy, will lead to satisfaction, which in turn will bring peace of mind and raise self-esteem.
How to increase self-esteem and self-confidence of a woman? You can become more confident if in any situation you always follow your principles (universal and without superiority over others).
How to increase a woman's self-esteem if a man left?
When a woman clearly understands who she is, with whom she is on her way, and with whom she is not, what happened to her and what is acceptable for her and what is not, she will always draw the right conclusion from the situation, even if this will bring undesirable consequences.
A woman can follow her principles, and will not cling to a man who betrayed, because the most important thing in this situation is to remain true to herself. And what about self-esteem? She begins to fall, because her soul hurts: unpleasant memories visit a woman, disappointment, they replace resentment, hatred.
No one is able to be happy if the soul hurts. The man threw it - it's a shame, especially if your feelings have not faded away and best years passed. What do psychologists advise to do in this case? Talk about sore with a loved one and write up to 10 reasons that will indicate that it is good that this man is not with you.
How to increase self-esteem of a woman after a divorce?
After a divorce, women become more suggestible, more emotional and insecure. To increase the self-esteem of a woman after a divorce can play sports, as well as visits to the gym. Physical fitness, good spirits after class will relieve anxiety and gradually raise their own self-esteem.
After a divorce, it is very difficult to keep the bar of confidence and feel like a happy woman again. We need to work on this. It is very important not to allow yourself to become limp, sad and relive unpleasant life moments. To begin with, change your appearance (hairstyle, image), relax (travel, sanatorium), expand your circle of friends (do not stop getting to know each other), read, attend various seminars (learn new things), pick up a new hobby and occupy your life with new positive emotions, which are sure to will raise your self-esteem.
How to increase self-esteem of a woman in a relationship with a man?
Often, men criticize women and lower their self-esteem when they no longer meet their expectations. Every woman subconsciously knows what she does not suit her man specifically, but she does not always admit this and wants to change. It is much calmer to stay in the comfort zone, to show weakness in life moments. Men love the strong confident women who know how to stand up for themselves and achieve their goals. A man subconsciously wants to be proud of his chosen one and realize that his choice was the right one.
How to increase a girl's self-esteem?
It is necessary to do everything possible to catch the admiring glances of the guys, make new casual acquaintances, since this will directly affect the raising of self-esteem. One guy has lowered your self-esteem, and others will raise and elevate you to the level that you yourself allow it to be. Change your wardrobe, keep your posture, look after your appearance, but do not stare in front of the mirror for a long time, looking for flaws.
It is not at all necessary to be a beauty, men love well-groomed girls who are pleasant to watch. If you lack self-confidence, you need to study all possible materials to increase confidence and fall in love, as well as accept yourself for a start as you are. Even if overweight, funny, stubborn, shy, with freckles and so on.
No matter how they say that men appreciate weak representatives, however, they will first of all turn their attention to a girl with independent behavior, and not to her clothes. Therefore, girls draw conclusions: keep your head up, walk more confidently, smile. In the depths of her soul, every girl knows that she needs to correct (figure, hairstyle, gait, image, intelligence, culinary skills), but she does not always want to do something for this.
To become successful (no matter where exactly) you need to have confidence in your own abilities. It is extremely difficult for a person with low self-esteem to succeed and even just become happy: their whole life is built on doubts, disappointments and companies in themselves. And at this time, bright moments fly by, stopping in front of those who are confident in their abilities. Today we will reflect on how to increase self-esteem and love yourself with the help of simple and effective techniques.
This is a person's understanding of the importance of his own personality and individuality in the context of relationships with other people, as well as an assessment of his qualities, pluses and minuses. Self-esteem plays a huge role in the normal activity of a person in society and in solving various everyday problems: realization, family, finances and spirituality.
This quality performs the following functions:
- protection - ensuring the stability and relative autonomy of a person from the opinions of other people;
- regulation - gives people the opportunity to make personal choices;
- development - providing an incentive for self-improvement.
Ideally, self-esteem is based only on a person's own opinion of himself. However, in real life it is influenced by multiple side factors, for example, the assessment of others: parents, peers, friends, friends and colleagues.
Adequate self-esteem (or ideal) experts call the most accurate assessment of the personality of their skills and abilities. Low self-esteem often leads to excessive doubt, introspection and abandonment of activities. Overestimated is fraught with loss of caution and making multiple mistakes.
It is important to know! In psychological practice, low self-esteem is more common, when a person is not able to reveal his own potential, and in especially severe cases, experts talk about an inferiority complex.
What affects self-esteem?
So, the meaning of adequate self-perception is to "love" yourself as a real one - even with minuses, shortcomings and various "vices". Everyone has flaws, but confident person what distinguishes him from others is that he, first of all, notices his successes and is able to present himself favorably to society.
If you hate yourself or just consider yourself a failure, how can another person love you? Psychologists note an interesting fact: most people subconsciously (and perhaps knowingly) gravitate towards communicating with self-sufficient individuals. Usually they prefer to choose such as business partners, friends and spouses.
Symptoms of low self-esteem
In people with similar problems, such character traits are most often distinguished as:
Low self-esteem causes a person to perceive temporary failures and problems as permanent "life partners", which leads to wrong conclusions and wrong decisions. Do you feel bad about yourself? Get ready for the fact that others will react negatively to you. And this is already fraught with alienation, depressive moods and even emotional disorders.
4 reasons for low self-esteem
It is extremely difficult to indicate all the factors influencing the attitude of the individual towards himself. Psychologists attribute to them innate characteristics, appearance and position in society. Next, we look at the four most common causes of low self-esteem in a person.
Reason #1.
Have you heard the phrase that every problem “grows” from childhood? In our situation, it fits one hundred percent. IN early age there is a direct dependence of the child's self-esteem on the attitude of parents and other significant adults towards him. If a mother and father constantly scold and compare children with their peers, they will not have faith in their own abilities.
Psychological science claims that it is the family that is the center of the universe for the child. In the cell of society, absolutely all the character traits of the future adult are formed. Lack of initiative, uncertainty, passivity are the consequences of parental attitudes.
Reason number 2. Children's failures 
We all face failure, the most important thing is our reaction to them. Psychological trauma in childhood can cause low self-esteem. For example, a child begins to blame himself for the divorce of his mother and father or family scandals. Constant guilt turns into insecurity and unwillingness to make decisions.
In addition, children react sharply to any harmless failure. Ranked second in a competition? An older person will simply double his efforts to achieve the goal, and little man may withdraw from the activity altogether, especially if the significant adult has traumatized them with a taunt or careless remark.
Reason number 3."Unhealthy" environment
Adequate self-esteem and aspiration arise only in an environment where success and achievement of results are valued.
If people from the immediate environment do not seek the initiative, it is difficult to expect confidence from an individual.
We are not saying that it is necessary to completely refuse to communicate with such people (especially if they are close relatives). However, it is worth at least thinking about whether you have been captured by such a disregard for self-realization.
Reason number 4. Features of appearance and health
Quite often, low self-perception appears in children and adolescents who have a non-standard appearance or congenital diseases. Yes, relatives treat their “non-standard” child correctly, but he is not immune from the opinions of his peers, who, unfortunately, are ruthless, like all children.
A common example is fat kids who, in preschool and school institutions, become owners of the most unpleasant and offensive nicknames. Low self-esteem will not take long in such situations.
How to increase self-esteem: effective methods
If a person has realized his problems and decided to raise his self-esteem, he has already taken the first step towards confidence. We offer some of the most effective and efficient recommendations.
- Change of environment.
Negative people are not the best society for a self-doubting person.
Psychologists advise you to reconsider your own social circle, including successful, self-confident, positively related individuals. Gradually, confidence and self-respect will return to a person. - Refusal of self-flagellation.
It is extremely difficult to increase self-esteem by regularly blaming yourself, speaking negatively about your own abilities. Experts recommend avoiding negative assessments regarding their appearance, personal life, career, financial situation.
Priority is given to positive feedback. - Avoiding comparisons. You are the only such person in the world: unique, unique, combining advantages and disadvantages. In addition, it is quite easy to find people who have achieved much greater success in any field of activity. Possible variant- comparing oneself (with new achievements) with the former, unwilling to change.
- Listening to affirmations.
This difficult word in psychological literature means short verbal formulas that create a positive attitude in the human subconscious.
Affirmation should be formulated in the present tense so that the person perceives it as a given. For example: "I am a beautiful and smart woman", "I own my own life." It is better to repeat such phrases in the morning and before going to bed, and you can also record them on a voice recorder. - Doing unusual things.
The desire of a man or woman to escape into a zone of personal comfort and "hide in a shell" is quite natural.
It is easier for us in a difficult situation to console ourselves, our beloved (beloved) with goodies, alcohol, tears. We do not call for extreme sports, just try to face the problem face to face. - Training attendance. IN major cities regularly attend trainings, courses and seminars to help increase confidence and raise self-esteem. Of course, it is necessary to find a real expert in psychology, and not "konoval", which, unfortunately, is also lacking. Another option is to read psychological literature and watch fiction and documentary videos on the topic.
- Sports. One of the most accessible opportunities for raising self-esteem is playing sports. Regular physical exercises make a person less critical of his own appearance and with more respect for himself. During exercise, people release dopamines, the so-called joy hormones.
- Diary of achievements. Both the girl and the young man are helped by diaries of their own successes, in which they should make notes about each of their small victories, achievements, even small ones. For example, every day 3-5 “little things” are written in such a notebook: they transferred the granny across the road, learned 10 new foreign words, earned 500 rubles more this month than last.
Increased self-esteem is closely related to self-guilt and self-rejection. How to love yourself and increase self-esteem for a man and a woman? Very simple and, at the same time, difficult - be kinder and more tolerant of your own personality. The following methods will help you with this.
Women with low self-esteem suffer from insecurity, are afraid of criticism and do not know how to accept compliments. The usual role of the victim does not allow you to perceive life in all colors and boldly look into the future. Learn not to be manipulated.
As you know, self-esteem is how a person evaluates himself, his personal qualities and capabilities in comparison with other people, what place he assigns to himself in society. Self-esteem is not inherited - it is formed in preschool age under the influence of the people closest to the child - the parents. It is on them that it primarily depends on whether the baby will have adequate self-esteem, overestimated or underestimated. And how his future life will turn out, how successful it will be, whether he will be able to set goals and achieve them, or whether he will constantly doubt his abilities and come to terms with the stigma of a loser - it all depends on the level of his self-esteem.
It is not easy to live next to people who have high self-esteem, because they are convinced that they are always right, do not see their own shortcomings and do not admit their mistakes. They believe that they have the right to control others, strive to be the center of attention and show aggression if someone disagrees with them. “You are the best,” they were told as children. “You are a queen!” Dad repeated to a familiar girl. He believed that, feeling like a queen, she would make everyone around her believe in it. But for some reason, those around her did not want to play the role of her subjects, and there were fewer and fewer people who wanted to be friends with her.
Life is not easy for those whose. For some reason they can understand, the parents humiliate the child, showing their power over him, break him, making him obedient, and eventually turn him into an infantile, weak-willed creature, on which all and sundry wipe their feet.
“The horror of what you have done, you can’t be entrusted with anything!”, “You only spoil everything - it’s better to leave”, “Look at Anya, she’s a girl like a girl, and you are disheveled and slovenly”, “Now you will get me, such an infection !" - criticism, threats, comparison with other children, unwillingness to take into account the opinion of the child and see him as a person, talking with him in an orderly tone reduces his self-esteem and self-esteem. His own life attitudes have not yet been formed, and he considers parental beliefs to be an indisputable truth. Psychologists call this direct suggestion, and children at an early age are very suggestible.
If mom and dad call a child a fool and a nonentity, then this is how he will perceive himself. As the proverb says: "Tell a man a hundred times that he is a pig, and on the hundred and first he grunts." Others will perceive it the same way.
Another test for a child's self-esteem - adolescence. At this time, he is very vulnerable and painfully perceives criticism. If you repeat to him that nothing good will come of him and that he has only one road - to prison or to the panel, then you should not be surprised that this will happen.
In the end, people with low self-esteem justify all those nicknames and epithets that they were awarded in childhood. They really become losers, losers, outsiders. They lose, sometimes without even joining the game, because they are indecisive and do not believe in themselves. “I am not worthy,” they explain their loss.
Women with low self-esteem - which men choose them?
Women with low self-esteem, just like men with the same character, do not achieve significant success in life, because they "know their place." However, psychologists have noticed that they, in addition, attract men of a certain type - domineering, authoritarian and selfish. It is beneficial for them to have such a woman at their side, because she is not demanding and it is easy for her to manage. It is easy to convince her that her main task is to create comfortable conditions for her husband, to raise children, and she has no right to demand more than he can give her.
A woman with low self-esteem is also convenient in that she does not need to be jealous - she is grateful to her husband for marrying her, and does not look at anyone else. And even if she looks, she believes that she herself does not deserve the attention of men. The husband, on the other hand, can relax, because if he were married to a woman with adequate or high self-esteem, he would have to strain to match. And so much is forgiven him - both pettiness, and rudeness, and slovenliness, because a woman believes that she does not deserve better.
A woman with low self-esteem is treated not only by her husband, but also by those around her. Knowing that she cannot refuse, they sometimes sit on her head, hanging their problems on her and shifting their responsibilities onto her. Moreover, women with low self-esteem are often perfectionists who strive to do everything in the best possible way.
It is especially easy for them, instilling in them a sense of guilt. In an effort to make amends for this really non-existent guilt, they try even harder to please in order to earn praise.
What are they - women with low self-esteem?
Many women do not realize that all their depressions and failures are associated with low self-esteem. They think: this is how life turned out, the unfavorable circumstances that prevented them from becoming happy, successful and loved are to blame. “You can’t escape fate!”, they resign themselves instead of working on personal settings with which you can change your attitude towards yourself - love yourself. Are we not worthy of this love? “I am alone at home,” says psychologist Ekaterina Mikhailova, who wrote a book under the same title. If we want to be understood, appreciated and loved by others, we must learn to understand, appreciate and love ourselves.
Do these women remind us of anyone? They:
1. Reliable
But not because they are compassionate and feel satisfaction from fulfilling other people's requests. On the contrary, they scold themselves for not being able to refuse, get angry and annoyed. But they can’t say “no”: suddenly the one who asks will be offended or think badly about them, and someone else’s opinion is very important for them, and it must certainly be positive;
2. Painfully tolerate criticism
Women with adequate self-esteem they perceive criticism just as adequately: they accept it or not, without falling into hysterics. If you say that she is wrong, a woman with low self-esteem, for her it will be almost a tragedy. Resentment, tears and indignation will follow, because she perceives criticism as an insult and humiliation, hints at her inferiority. After all, as you know, people with low self-esteem want everyone to like and be good for everyone;
3. Overly critical of their appearance
They do not tolerate criticism from others, but they themselves are never satisfied with themselves and their own. appearance, therefore, they strive not to stand out, to be in the shadows. They don't like their figure, face, body, hair - nothing. At the same time, they often engage in public self-criticism, apparently subconsciously expecting that others will begin to dissuade them, assure them of the opposite and make compliments;
4. They don't know how to accept compliments.
They love them, but they don't know how to accept them. It is possible that in response to praise that she looks great today, a woman with low self-esteem will fuss and say something like: “Yes, I washed my hair today” or “Oh, this is an old dress, so you can’t see what I am in it became a cow";
5. Feel like a victim
Their vulnerable psyche reacts painfully to every sideways glance and crooked word. They exaggerate their importance in the lives of other people, it seems to them that others only think about how to offend them. They often feel sorry for themselves, repeating in case of failure: “Well, not with my happiness”;
6. Give up on their own desires
They have their own dreams and desires, but they are driven somewhere so deep that they no longer remind of themselves. And all because women with low self-esteem live on other people's desires. Waiting for the weekend to take a walk with her husband in the park? But he said: "We're going to the dacha to clean the garden, weed the garden." Tired and want to take a break? “What a vacation! look my old mother works, and you will relax?!”. “Tomorrow my friends will come to visit. Do not want? Can't be. Run to the kitchen, to the stove!
They do not know how to refuse, because it means disappointing others, not justifying their hopes, which women with low self-esteem cannot allow;
7. Not able to make choices and take responsibility
Too often they say the words: "I can't," "I can't do it," "I have no right to decide." It is not surprising that making a decision for them is an incredible burden, because you can make a mistake and earn disapproval, get a negative assessment. Therefore, they hesitate for a long time and, if possible, shift this task to others: “What do you advise? I will do as you say";
8. Dissatisfied with their surroundings
They often complain to colleagues and girlfriends that their husband suppresses them, their mother-in-law finds fault, and their relatives do not appreciate them. At home, they cry that the boss does not take into account their point of view, and the employees offend. Psychologists say that subconsciously, women with low self-esteem themselves attract people who do not put them in anything, and thus they are further affirmed in the opinion that they are worthless losers.
We increase our self-esteem
Women who are tired of being a puppet and an object of manipulation, who want to live their own lives and not depend on the opinions of others, can correct their character. It's easy - you just need to want to change.
1. Minimize or stop interacting with people around whom self-esteem decreases
We doubt, constantly seek advice, show insecurity, show how someone’s remark hurts us, make excuses all the time and easily take the blame - and in the end we become our own whipping boy, an eternal scapegoat that no one takes seriously and which is not taken into account. People easily figure out someone who can be treated condescendingly, haughtily, and begin to manipulate him.
To a greater extent, we ourselves are to blame for the current situation: they say that they treat us the way we allow ourselves to be treated.
But if we are no longer satisfied with this state of affairs, we must "show our teeth" - of course, not with the help of tantrums. We control our reactions, not giving a reason to consider us a spineless mumbler.
Changing the attitude of those who are already accustomed to our “toothlessness” is more difficult than starting to build relationships from scratch, but it is possible. However, if others stubbornly continue to assert themselves at our expense, then we do not need such communication. We will spend time with those with whom we become better and gain confidence in our abilities.
2. Love yourself
There is a lot of talk and writing about the need to love yourself now. Loving yourself does not mean giving a damn about the rest and rushing about with yourself, your beloved, as with a hand-written sack. This means understanding yourself, learning to live in harmony with yourself and with the world, respecting yourself and not engaging in self-flagellation and self-blame.
Louise Hay, a well-known American psychologist and author of several books on psychological self-help, suggests going to the mirror in the morning and, looking at your reflection, say: “I love you. What can I do for you today to make you joyful and happy? At first, some internal protest will interfere with this phrase, but soon it will sound natural and free.
As the same Louise Hay writes, “I am not trying to fix the problem. I am correcting my thoughts. And then the problem fixes itself."
3. We set ourselves positive attitudes
We do this with the help of visualizations. The above phrase by Louise Hay about loving yourself is one of the possible affirmations. Some complain that affirmations don't work for them. “I repeat the same thing ten times a day, but nothing changes,” they say.
Louise Hay compares affirmations to a grain or a seed - it is not enough to plant it, it needs to be watered, it needs to be looked after. Having planted, for example, a tomato, we do not expect that we will get fruits tomorrow, do we? The same can be said about affirmations and visualizations - they stimulate us and keep us on track, but for them to work, we must take real steps.
4. Meditate
For example: we relax, close our eyes and mentally transport ourselves to some wonderful place where we once were and where we felt good. We will feel it very clearly - sounds, smells. Then imagine a wizard-wanderer who tells us: “My dear, you are beautiful and unique. You have the right to your opinion, you can not know something or be wrong. You can judge for yourself what is good and what is bad, and take responsibility when you wish. You have the right to decide what and when you do. You have the right to be who you are! You came to this world, to this planet for your own sake!”
The wizard smiles at us and says goodbye to us, and we take a breath, open our eyes and return to reality.
5. We do not save on ourselves
Remarque wrote that "A woman who saves on herself arouses in a man the only desire - to save on her."
Nothing raises a woman's self-esteem like the confidence that she is good and desirable. (Obviously, this is why some men are satisfied with an unpretentious and undemanding wife, next to whom you can not strain yourself, without fear that she will leave or be taken away.)
A gym, a swimming pool, a beauty salon, a SPA-salon, etc. - this is not only external beauty, but also health, and above all mental health.
Today, very often on the pages of magazines or on the Internet you can find such a rather serious question How to increase a woman's self-esteem? Our magazine is no exception. This is indeed a very important topic, which we would like to devote this article to. We hope it will be useful to you!
As a rule, they are laid in childhood. What will be the self-esteem of a little girl, largely depends on the relationship in the family between the parents, as well as on the attitude of parents, teachers and friends to the child himself. How often she was praised, spoiled, inspired confidence in her own abilities, or vice versa offended, teased and not taken seriously. The foundations of the inherent self-esteem in the future also affect the temperament of the already established adult woman. For example, in melancholic people it is the lowest, and in choleric people it is the most unstable.
It also often happens that in a completely prosperous, adult person, self-esteem can plummet almost to the level of self-abasement. This happens as a result of the betrayal of a close friend or husband, as well as the loss of a beloved job.
Let's figure out how to increase a woman's self-esteem, being already in adulthood, and what factors affect this?
How to increase a woman's self-esteem? 15 useful rules
1. Always be open to new things, every day try to spend the most interesting and informative for yourself. Say “YES” to new opportunities and hobbies! Discover unexpected facets in yourself, become alive and inquisitive like a child.
2. Do not be afraid of failures and mistakes. After all, only those who do nothing do not make mistakes. Also be afraid to ask for help or advice. You cannot know about everything in the world and there is nothing to be ashamed of, on the contrary, by asking questions you show your interlocutor your desire to grow and move on, in addition, you save your own strength and time for solving things that you do not understand.
3. Watch your appearance. A woman in any life circumstances should be well-groomed and fit. Go in for sports, change your hairstyle, go to the nail salon and update your wardrobe. By investing money and time in your body, you will not only become more seductive, but also strengthen your spirit.
4. Pay due attention to your health. Remember that diseases are easier to prevent than long and tedious to treat. And besides, it is much harder for a sick person to raise his self-esteem.
5. Do not forget to praise yourself and pamper yourself for any, even if not great, success. Collect your achievements, it is advisable to even write them down and periodically re-read them like a good book.
6. Allow your loved one to be less than perfect. Do not blame yourself for all the troubles of the world, leave this cross to masochists - you should not do everything right and please everyone without exception, even there are spots on the sun!
7. Treat yourself with respect, but don't get carried away with self-pity. - destructive! Remember that you are strong, and you need to feel sorry for the weak.
8. Give up gloomy thoughts and fears as bad habit. Almost all of our fears are unjustified and far-fetched, but they prevent us from making the right decisions, hinder the development of the individual and even destroy it. Try to look at the world positively. Life is Beautiful and amazing! And if you believe in it, then you yourself will magically change.
9. Do not set unattainable goals for yourself, and do not compare yourself with other more successful people. In addition to disappointment and envy, this will not give you anything. Better remember yourself yesterday and compare with today, as well as praise yourself for these changes.
10. Be open and grateful for any life experience, even if it is negative for you. Instead of wailing “how could this happen to me”? Analyze what it taught you, what gave you, and why did you need this lesson?
11. If you feel bad, help someone who is even worse. Do good even in small things, even if no one appreciates or replaces it. Feed a hungry kitten, buy something for an old neighbor and chat with her about the weather. Donate your old clothes to a nursing home or to a family that needs them. Believe me, by doing good, you thereby not only give hope for the best to those who need it, but also help yourself. After all, what you sow is what you reap, and goodness comes back.
12. If you're lonely, get yourself a cat or a dog. A devoted and loving living being will fill your home with joy and positivity.
13. Do not give in to difficulties. Firstly, any difficulties are solvable and not as terrible as we think. And secondly, overcoming them, you only become stronger, wiser and more experienced.
14. Get in the habit of finishing what you start, without putting it off indefinitely. Unfinished business destroys our self-esteem and lowers our own authority in our own eyes.
15. And most importantly, treat yourself with sincerity. Remember that you deserve the best! Appreciate yourself, pamper and cherish. Because you are worth it!
