For a shy child, participating in a children's party, meeting new friends, asking mom to recite a poem to guests is real torture. Such children are not “eager to fight” to prove to the whole world what they are capable of; they are often unconfident and suggestible.
Shyness as an innate character trait is inherent in melancholic children - quiet, calm, self-absorbed. In this case, any attempts to forcibly change the baby’s nature can result in neuroses for him. But if shyness is the result of mistakes in upbringing, help the child become bolder.
Child psychologist and specialist early development Elena Vladimirovna Ushachyova explains: “When a child is shy, you need to understand how he himself feels.
Perhaps the baby is completely comfortable alone with himself, or having one single friend completely suits him. Another case is when a child suffers from the fact that he has few friends, he does not know how to make them and arouse the interest of his peers. There are already problems with establishing communications.”
“It manifests itself already at 3-4 years,” adds psychologist Inna Aleksandrovna Maltseva. — For such kids it is problematic to meet a new person. They experience fear and anxiety, and feel unsafe in the presence of strangers. Shy children have poorly developed adaptive mechanisms. They are tense and anxious, constrained in their movements, overly restrained, it is difficult for them to express their opinion and be the first to say hello.
These personality characteristics of a child can increase by the age of 5 and gradually decrease by the age of 7. But in some cases they do not disappear, and anxiety becomes personal trait even at school, which interferes with the learning process.”
Encourage independence
When at 4 years old a child is spoon-fed, at 10 years old he is packing his school bag, and at 12 years old he is choosing clothes and friends, it is not surprising that he grows up shy, dependent and insecure. This will continue to happen - even in adulthood, a person who grew up in “greenhouse conditions” is not able to make important decisions and overcome difficulties with his head held high.
Give your child a chance to show independence and strength of character, loosen control. Don't do for him what he is fully capable of doing himself. It is much better if you teach your child to tie his sneakers, rather than having to do it yourself until high school.
Don't form a picture of the world full of dangers
“You can’t go up this hill, it’s very high - you’ll fall and get hurt,” “don’t be friends with those guys, they’ll probably hurt you,” “you can’t walk alone, there are a lot of scoundrels around.” It seems that all these are just manifestations of care. But anxious parents pass on their many fears to the child, thereby depriving him of communication with peers and the opportunity to act decisively. Shyness is right there. The child will reason like this: if the world is so dangerous, it’s easier to hide in your shell.
Try not to form a dangerous picture of the outside world in your child. Yes, the child can and should be warned about possible consequences his actions and deeds. But convincing a child that there are enemies all around is a big mistake.
Explain to your child that mistakes are normal.
Children are often embarrassed to do something because they are afraid of making a mistake. The root of the problem is inflated expectations and demands on the part of parents.
“Shy children, as a rule, rate themselves quite highly, but are sure that others are constantly dissatisfied with them,” explains Inna Alexandrovna. “They constantly expect positive evaluation of their actions from others in order to become more self-confident. Within himself, the child forms an assessment of the critical attitude of the adult. This paralyzes the baby’s activity and kills his initiative.
And if in the early preschool age the child claims that he will not succeed; by the age of 6 he silently states his defeat. Stops turning to parents for help and withdraws into himself. Such a child prepares himself for failure in advance. His position in life is “I won’t even try, it won’t work anyway.”
Explain to your child that a mistake is not a failure. This is not a reason to give up and withdraw into yourself and give up what you started. The one who does nothing makes no mistakes. When a child learns not to perceive his mistakes as the end of the world, he will become bolder and more confident in his own abilities. Start small: do not scold or punish your child for accidental mistakes - a cup that is too developed, things that get dirty during a walk.
Give praise instead of unfounded criticism
A child, constantly faced with criticism from mom and dad, certainly begins to believe in his own inadequacy. Hence shyness, lack of self-confidence and numerous fears of not meeting the expectations of parents.
Praise from mom and dad is what a child needs for harmonious development. Praise your child for his successes, grandiose and not so grandiose, encourage all his endeavors, cheer him up. But as psychologists say, praise can be different - right and wrong. So your little one did something good, how can you react to it?
“Praise the effort, not the result,” advises Inna Alexandrovna. - Recognize the child’s efforts: “It must have been hard for you to give half the candy to your friend. It was a generous act on your part!” This will show your child that you appreciate his efforts and understand that being generous is not so easy. The kid may not need to evaluate his actions; it is much more important for him to know that you see his efforts.”
“Try to pay attention not to the child’s abilities, but to what exactly he did, and note this in your praise: “I see that you put away all the toys. It’s great that the room is now clean.” These words will be more appropriate than “what a neat guy you are,” explains Inna Aleksandrovna.
“Another way to praise a child is to ask him in detail about the work he has done. With your questions, you will help your child learn to independently evaluate the results achieved. “Do you like your drawing?”, “What was the most difficult thing?”, “How did you manage to draw such an even circle?” - these are the questions that you can ask your child when praising him,” advises Inna Aleksandrovna.
“Sometimes it’s important to just be close to the child, and words are not needed. If your baby turns his gaze to you, wanting to attract attention, look at him back or hug him. These seemingly unnoticeable actions will tell the child a lot - that you are nearby, that you are not indifferent to what he is doing,” adds Inna Alexandrovna.
Give your child the right to speak
Everyone was taught as a child that it is rude to interfere in the conversations of adults. Yes, it can be considered a “flaw” of the parents if the child constantly shamelessly breaks into the dialogues of the elders. Do not prohibit or punish - for a shy child this is another reason to withdraw into himself. Teach him how to politely carry on a conversation and express his opinion.
A child already at 5-7 years old can have his own opinion. He likes clothes of a certain style, he is not happy with the decisions of mom and dad. Let your child speak out; he also has the right to speak in the family.
Firstly, this way he trains eloquence and the ability to formulate his thoughts, which is important for shy children. And secondly, you yourself will get to know your baby better - what worries and worries him.
Practice social scripts with your child
A shy child has difficulty even with basic “hello” and “goodbye.” Naturally, this does not have the best effect on his socialization in kindergarten and school. The baby is literally lost and cannot say a word, hiding behind his mother.
Try to develop your child's social skills with role-playing games and special exercises. Gives valuable recommendations educational psychologist Lyubov Bykova: “There is a very good exercise “write a story.” It can be practiced everywhere - both during a walk in the park and while you are going to kindergarten. When you write a story together, the child involuntarily begins to share his impressions about his day in kindergarten - what he ate there, what games he played, who he walked with. With such an easy and interesting exercise you teach your child to express his thoughts and form a trusting relationship with him.”
“You can play a social game where the child acts as a buyer. You go to the store with him and give him the opportunity to pay for the purchase himself. As he approaches the cash register, he overcomes his fear of communicating in society. In the process, his independence and confidence develops. - adds Lyubov Bykova, - And if a child is afraid of public speaking, let him first recite the poem with his family. Then you can invite your grandparents and close friends to listen to the work. Work through every detail, creating a situation of success and supporting your baby. This way the child will stop being afraid and become confident. He will be happy to take part in the holidays, go to the blackboard at school and make new friends.”
“The simplest psychocorrection tool is to set up a home puppet theater. This way the child will rehearse different personal qualities in the game. He will choose for himself whether to be brave or cowardly, without receiving criticism from other people. The child will learn to transfer the personal qualities that were rehearsed in the puppet theater into life, advises Inna Aleksandrovna.
Help your child expand their social circle
A shy child has few friends. Shyness and lack of self-confidence prevent him from meeting his peers and communicating with them as equals. And often parents, seeing how difficult it is for a child to be in a large group, try to “protect” him. Nanny instead kindergarten, a minimum of time on playgrounds, holidays only with family - these are a whole series of mistakes that hinder the child’s development and do not help him at all with socialization skills.
Even if your child goes to kindergarten, help him expand his social circle. It is important that he understands: a new acquaintance is not scary, but interesting.
“Walk with your child during rush hour, when there are a lot of kids on the playground, so that he begins to interact with his peers,” says Lyubov Bykova. — There are many active games, such as hide and seek, catch-up, and cycling. Don’t be lazy, take toys and a scooter with you to the playground. Visit new places more often, where the child doesn’t know any of the kids yet: here he will learn to get to know each other and build new relationships. The game is liberating, helps you master a skill and make it easier to defend your opinion and develop initiative. Helps build trust and self-confidence by promoting spontaneity. It is better to use games that help expand the child’s behavioral repertoire and lead to the development of the ability to positively resolve problem situations.”
“Enroll your child in various developmental activities where he can meet other children. — advises Lyubov Bykova. - At the same time, you can move on to group classes gradually if the baby is very shy. Let it be first one-on-one work with a teacher, and then small groups of 2-3 people. And then there is a large team. Change the situations around the child gradually, giving him the opportunity to adapt, then learning to get to know each other will be comfortable and painless.”
Don't compare your child to other children
By comparing their child with other children, parents create unnecessary anxiety in him. The baby stops liking himself and becomes insecure and shy. Perhaps your friends’ child actually achieves great heights in school and sports. But the mother’s phrase “your classmate got an A on the test, and you got a C” will definitely not encourage the child to study more diligently.
Give advice, praise, criticize wisely. But in your “moral teaching”, avoid any comparisons that would belittle the efforts of an already shy child.
Elena Vladimirovna gives important recommendations: “It is very important for parents not to focus on the problem of their child’s shyness. There is no need to talk about this in front of the baby at all! Do not force him to meet and play with other children unless the child himself shows a desire to establish communication with peers. As a rule, by the age of 7 the problem of shyness disappears, as if it never existed at all. Believe me, your baby will grow up and will easily communicate with others and will certainly make friends.”
Most often, shyness is a hereditary trait, however, if it does not affect the baby’s quality of life, there is no need to consider it a problem. As communication experience accumulates, shyness may gradually disappear, however, parents need to help the baby and teach the child not to be shy.
At the end of the article, we have prepared for you a checklist “Children’s complexes: causes and ways to combat them.” Download it and find out how to help your baby get rid of psychological problems.
How to overcome shyness and insecurity in a child
- Never shame a child for being shy. If your child hides behind your back in the presence of strangers or children, do not blame him for this, and even more so, do not make excuses to others. This behavior is normal for a child. Do not leave your child alone with strangers. Your task is to help him overcome his shyness and learn to find mutual language with strangers. It is very important for the baby to understand that he is not alone and he has no reason to worry. Involve him in conversations, reach out to him and ask for his opinion. Be close to the child, just hold his hand so that he can overcome his shyness and establish contact with other people.
- If a child is embarrassed to communicate with peers on the playground, do not push him into contact and do not leave him alone. Just take them by the hand, lead them to other children and start talking to them. More courageous kids will carry on the conversation and can get your child involved too. Gradually, the baby will get used to communication and find friends.
- Prepare your child for communication. You can even arrange a rehearsal if you have to go on a visit, to a new playground or to a kindergarten. In a playful way, work through situations that may arise and discuss them with your child. Speak up possible options different situations, discuss his actions, prepare for new events so that the baby is less afraid of the future.
- Don't scold your child if he doesn't succeed. Don't focus on failures. They need to be spoken out, discussed, and a way to solve the problem must be found. Do not compare your baby with other children, saying that someone is better at a task. Strengthen your child's faith in his own strength.
- Shyness is usually hereditary. If you have experienced similar problems, tell your child about it. Share with him your experience of overcoming similar difficulties. Your stories will help your child become more confident and reduce anxiety. Tell us that feeling shy is a normal state and every person has experienced this feeling at least once.
- Invite other people, your friends and acquaintances with children, to your place more often. Organize children's parties and... This way the baby will receive a lot of positive emotions and be able to overcome uncertainty and shyness. Add variety to your life. Visit more public places, playgrounds, theaters. Enroll your child in some section or dance.
- If your child is embarrassed to say hello, don't scold him for it. It’s better to show with your example that there is nothing special or scary in this. Say hello to your neighbors, store clerks, and others more often. in public places with the child. This way you will not only help him get rid of shyness, but also teach him basic politeness.
Introverts are more susceptible to shyness. Often such children are very talented, they can easily master a computer, and have the ability to draw, write poetry or stories. However, shyness often prevents them from expressing themselves fully. Your task is to communicate, as well as to fully reveal your abilities.
Have you encountered signs of shyness in your child? How do you help him overcome excessive shyness?
Download the checklist "Children's complexes: causes and methods of combating"
"Vanya is an excellent student, but you will never be able to do this..." main reason complexes in children are their parents. Download the checklist and find out how to help your child get rid of imposed complexes
Shyness is one of the most difficult and common problems interpersonal relationships. It gives rise to a number of very significant difficulties in relationships with people. Shy people find it difficult to make acquaintances; during communication they experience negative emotional states, have difficulty expressing their opinions, are characterized by excessive restraint, do not know how to present themselves, are constrained in the company of people, etc.
Like most psychological problems, this feature has its roots in childhood. According to observations, in many children shyness appears already at the age of three and can persist throughout preschool childhood. Almost all children who behaved shyly at the age of three retained this quality until school. The severity of shyness undergoes changes throughout the preschool period. In early preschool age it manifests itself most weakly, in the fifth year of life it increases sharply and decreases again by seven. In the fifth year of life, the increase in shyness has the character of an age-related phenomenon. Having appeared during this period, this quality can remain a stable personality trait, darkening and complicating a person’s life. It is extremely important to recognize this trait in time and stop its development.
In shy children, the behavior, as a rule, reflects the struggle of opposing tendencies: on the one hand, the child wants to approach an adult stranger, and even begins to move towards him, but as he approaches, the steps slow down and the child stops, bypasses the person or returns back. Such behavior is called ambivalent.
When communicating with strangers or when encountering new circumstances, the child experiences acute emotional discomfort. Its signs are manifested in uncertainty, timidity, tension, expression of fear or anxiety. Children are afraid of any public speaking; they are even frightened by the need to answer questions from a teacher or educator in class.
These features can be easily seen by observing the child’s behavior. Children who exhibit them too often, especially in safe situations, are classified as shy.
The analysis shows that such children are distinguished by high sensitivity to adult assessments (both expected and real). Shy children have a heightened expectation of evaluation and perception. Luck calms and inspires them, but the slightest remark causes a slowdown in activity and a new surge of embarrassment and timidity. The child behaves extremely shyly in situations in which he expects failure. In cases of difficulty, he hesitantly looks into the eyes of an adult, embarrassed to ask for help. From time to time, overcoming internal tension, he smiles timidly, shrinks slightly and quietly says: “It’s not working.” He is simultaneously unsure of the adult’s positive assessment and the correctness of his own actions. Shyness manifests itself in the desire to attract attention, on the one hand, and the fear of being in the center of attention, standing out among peers, on the other. This feature is very clearly manifested at the first meeting of a child with an adult, as well as at the beginning of joint activities.
All difficulties in a child’s communication with other people are closely related to the perception of the attitude of others and his attitude towards himself. The expectation of a critical attitude from adults determines his embarrassment and timidity. This is especially noticeable when communicating with unfamiliar or unfamiliar people, whose attitude towards him is unknown. Not daring to openly receive support, children resort to a very unique way of strengthening their ego, bringing with them to class their favorite toy, which they cuddle to themselves in case of difficulty. The unknown of an adult’s assessment practically paralyzes the child; therefore, he tries with all his might to avoid this situation, or to switch the interlocutor’s attention to something else.
It is worth noting that the level mental development Such children are in no way inferior to their peers. Very often, shy children cope with tasks much better than their non-shy peers. However, in the case of a negative assessment or failure to achieve a result, they are less persistent. These children are characterized by an extremely acute experience of an adult’s assessment, especially if it is negative, which often paralyzes both communication and the child’s practical activities. An unshy child in such a situation rushes to actively search for a mistake and tries to attract the attention of an adult, while a shy preschooler lowers his eyes, shrinks externally and internally, feels guilty for his ineptitude, and does not dare to ask for help.
Summarize. A shy child strives to communicate with other people, treats them kindly, on the one hand. Whereas on the other hand, he does not dare to express his needs and himself. The reason for such violations lies in the nature of the child’s attitude towards himself. The child has fairly high self-esteem, considers himself very good, and at the same time doubts the friendly attitude of others, especially strangers. The shy child’s insecurity blocks his initiative and does not allow him to satisfy his existing needs for full communication and joint activities to the fullest.
He worries too much. Increased anxiety often obscures the content of communication and joint activities. Respect and recognition act as the main ones, overshadowing business and cognitive interests, preventing the realization of abilities and communication. The painful experience of one’s own self, one’s vulnerability, constantly fetters the child, not giving him the opportunity to express his experiences, to openly demonstrate his, often excellent, abilities. However, in those situations when a child is distracted and “forgets about himself,” he is as sociable and open as his unshy peers.
It is one of the most common and most difficult interpersonal relationship problems. It is known that shyness gives rise to a number of significant difficulties in communication between people and in their relationships. Among them are such as the problem of meeting new people, negative emotional states during communication, difficulties in expressing one’s opinion, excessive restraint, inept self-presentation, stiffness in the presence of other people, etc.
The origin of this feature, like most other internal psychological problems of a person, is rooted in childhood. Observations have shown that shyness appears in many children as early as three or four years of age and persists throughout preschool childhood. Almost all children who behaved shyly at three years old retained this quality until they were seven years old. At the same time, the severity of shyness undergoes changes throughout the preschool period. It manifests itself weakest in early preschool age, increases sharply in the fifth year of life and decreases by seven years. At the same time, in the fifth year of life, increased shyness takes on the character of an age-related phenomenon. Having emerged during this period, in some children this quality remains a stable personality trait, which in many ways complicates and darkens a person’s life. Therefore, it is very important to recognize this trait in time and stop its excessive development.
The behavior of shy children usually reflects the struggle of two opposing tendencies: the child, on the one hand, wants to approach an unfamiliar adult, begins to move towards him, but as he approaches, he stops, turns back or bypasses the new person. This behavior is called ambivalent.
When encountering new circumstances or during communication with strangers, the child experiences emotional discomfort, which manifests itself in timidity, uncertainty, tension, and expression of anxiety or fear. These children experience fear of any public speaking, even if it is just the need to answer questions from a familiar teacher or educator in class.
By observing a child’s behavior, you can easily notice these features. Children who exhibit them too often, even in safe situations, can be classified as shy.
What lies behind this behavior? What is the psychological nature of childhood shyness? See →
Analysis shows that Shy children are distinguished by increased sensitivity child to adult assessment(both real and expected). Shy children have a heightened perception and expectation of evaluation. Luck inspires and calms them, but the slightest remark slows down their activity and causes a new surge of timidity and embarrassment. The child behaves shyly in situations in which he expects failure in activities. In cases of difficulty, he timidly looks an adult in the eyes, not daring to ask for help. Sometimes, overcoming internal tension, he smiles embarrassedly, shrinks and quietly says: “It doesn’t work out.” The child is simultaneously unsure of the correctness of his actions and of the positive assessment of the adult. Shyness manifests itself in the fact that a child, on the one hand, wants to attract the attention of an adult, but, on the other hand, is very afraid of standing out from the peer group and being the center of attention. This feature is clearly manifested in situations of the first meeting of an adult with a child, as well as at the beginning of any joint activity.
The main difficulties in a shy child’s communication with other people are related to the attitude towards oneself and the perception of the attitude of others.
The child's expectation of a critical attitude toward himself from adults largely determines his timidity and embarrassment. This is especially evident when communicating with strangers whose attitude is unknown to them. Not daring to get support from an adult, children sometimes resort to a unique way of strengthening the self, bringing their favorite toy to class and holding it close to them in case of difficulty, or asking them to take a peer with them. The uncertainty of an adult’s assessment paralyzes the child; he strives with all his might to get away from this situation, to switch attention from himself to something else.
It should be noted that in terms of the level of mental development and success in subject-related activities, these children are not inferior to their peers. Shy children are often much better at completing tasks than their non-shy peers. But in case of failure or negative evaluation, they are less persistent in achieving results. All shy children are characterized by an acute experience of a negative assessment from an adult, which often paralyzes both the child’s practical activities and communication. While an unshy child in such a situation strives to actively search for mistakes and attract an adult, a shy preschooler internally and externally shrinks from a feeling of guilt for his ineptitude, lowers his eyes and does not dare to ask for help.
So, a shy child, on the one hand, treats other people kindly and strives to communicate with them, but on the other hand, he does not dare to express himself and his needs. The reason for such violations lies in the special nature of the shy child’s attitude towards himself. On the one hand, the child has high self-esteem, considers himself the best, and on the other hand, he doubts the positive attitude of other people, especially strangers, towards him. Therefore, when communicating with them, shyness manifests itself most clearly. A shy child’s uncertainty about his value to other people blocks his initiative and does not allow him to fully satisfy his existing needs for joint activities and full communication.
A shy child experiences his own self too keenly. Everything he does is constantly evaluated through the eyes of others, who, from his point of view, question the value of his personality. Increased anxiety about one’s self often overshadows the content of both joint activities and communication. Recognition and respect always act as the main ones for him, overshadowing both cognitive and business interests, which prevents the realization of his abilities and adequate communication with others. In communication with close people, where the nature of the attitude of adults is clear to the child, the personal factor goes into the shadows, and in communication with strangers it clearly comes to the fore, provoking defensive forms of behavior that manifest themselves in “withdrawal” and sometimes in acceptance "masks of indifference" The painful experience of one’s self, of one’s vulnerability, fetters the child and does not give him the opportunity to demonstrate his, sometimes very good, abilities, to express his experiences. But in situations when a child “forgets about himself,” he becomes as open and sociable as his unshy peers.
Natalia Pavlova
“Shy baby - what is he like?” Causes. Symptoms Recommendations
Shy baby - what is he like?
Causes.
Shyness in a child- this is a state of mental health and its behavior among others, the main characteristics of which are timidity, indecisiveness, shyness, timidity and constraint. Most often it first appears in early age and gives children such traits as modesty, obedience, restraint.
Reasons for the development of shyness in children.
It is known that the child’s psyche is not yet a fully formed system. Such imperfection makes the child vulnerable to even the most seemingly trivial situations. As a result, the brain generates the activation of many defensive reactions, including shyness, secrecy and uncertainty.
There are several main reasons shyness in children:
Genetic predisposition. Today, due to many scientific research it has been proven that heredity is quite often the main and only triggering factor in the development of such a condition. The accumulation of various mutations over a number of generations puts every child born in the future at risk. In this case, they speak of almost one hundred percent propensity.
Natural factors . It is worth mentioning here that each person has specific type nervous system. It is believed that it is introverts (secretive and withdrawn) who are most susceptible to developing such a quality as shyness. People with melancholic and phlegmatic types of temperament also form a huge risk group, but their absence also does not exclude the possibility of getting it. Research shows that excessive activity in childhood, which was stopped once, can result in shyness later.
Social environment. This group includes all sorts of connections between the child and the outside world. Of course, the most important thing is family upbringing. The main problems are increased guardianship or, conversely, distance from the child’s mental problems. Parents are not able to provide moral comfort and support, deciding everything for him or not being interested in him at all. In this case, shyness is formed persistently and can accompany the whole life. It happens that the reason is hidden in relation to peers. Excessive aggressiveness or activity of other children can suppress the desire to communicate with them.
Adaptation disorder. Every few years in a child’s life, he experiences some kind of adaptive reactions - to crawling, walking, self-care, attending kindergarten, school and many other institutions. As they arise, positive and negative traits character, which instill in the child the ability to resist external influences. If this process does not go well, it can lead to the development of uncertainty, indecisiveness and shyness.
Somatic pathology. This refers to the presence of diseases of internal organs, the signs of which may distinguish the child from other children. Most often this is the presence of any developmental pathologies, traces of burns, frostbite, wounds that left marks on the body. Very often this becomes the reason for excessive attention or even teasing. This reaction can also be traced to disabled children. In view of this, in order to limit himself, the baby closes himself off, moves away from others, talks less and prefers to be alone most of the time.
Wrong upbringing. Parental influence primarily shapes the child as an individual. If there is too much of it, excessive guardianship leads to complete lack of independence and indecisiveness in the future. Also, if maternal care becomes more rigid and demands on children exceed their capabilities, an inferiority complex arises. Such a child withdraws and considers himself not good enough to appear in society.
The main symptoms of shyness in a child.
To know how to help a child overcome shyness, you need to learn several of its signs.
Among them:
1. General signs. These include caution and attentiveness to every step. Such children almost never fall off a bicycle, because it is easier for them not to sit on it at all, so that this does not happen. Quiet voice, rising blood pressure, rapid pulse, abdominal discomfort, profuse sweating, a feeling of tension in all muscle groups, excitement - the main types of children's body reactions to stress. There may also be a blush on the cheeks. Most often, these symptoms are the first to have a negative impact on the child and follow him everywhere.
2. Self-criticism. Such children are overly demanding and cruel towards their personality. They constantly feel that they are not doing enough in one area or another. This also applies to appearance and manner of communication with representatives of the opposite sex. The child does not feel complete and considers him not good enough in comparison with others. As a result, he becomes alienated and distant from others.
4. Shyness. Almost everyone gets an irreplaceable feeling of satisfaction when they are praised, but not these children. It is better for them to be in the shadow of their peers or to remain completely unnoticed among the rest. They prefer to hide their ambitions and not advertise them, even if they have many talents.
5. Shyness. The trait is not specific, but very often accompanies a shy child. The most pronounced is the fear of something new. This may be either a reluctance to change the usual old clothes or to move to a new place of residence. It is very difficult for them to establish contact with strangers, and such children, as a rule, do not want to make new friends.
6. Indecisiveness. If an ordinary child is asked to go on a trip, he will not think twice before agreeing. But shy children will weigh everything for a long time and doubt. This applies to everything - what ice cream to choose, what shoes to buy and what to give for a birthday. These questions will torment and scroll through your head several times. Only after weighing all the pros and cons will some answer be given.
How to deal with shyness in a child.
Tips for parents
Mom and dad are the first and most important advisers in a child's life. It is from them that he copies most of his behavior patterns, and they also correct his own. It is very important that parents monitor the psycho-emotional state of their children and help them adapt to new stages in life. This is especially necessary if their child experiences difficulties in communicating and realizing himself as an individual.
To know how to overcome shyness in a child, you need to follow the following tips:
Don't scold. Screaming will provoke even greater secrecy and shyness. Children will feel guilty for this behavior and will not come to their parents for advice or help in the future. This will only aggravate the situation and narrow the circle of trust to its complete absence. This behavior will make the child withdraw into himself, and it will be much more difficult to get him out of this state.
Be interested in personal life. Children in modern world- these are little adults. Don't think that there is nothing to talk about with them. These little people contain within themselves a huge inner world of experiences and worries that they cannot yet cope with alone. You need to find the right approach to the child, ask what he is thinking about, why he is doing this or that action, who he is friends with and what he is sad about. It is very important. If you manage to become not only a parent to him, but also a friend, you can save him from the problem yourself.
Be able to listen. Children need to be noticed. Due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, there is often not enough time for them. And while we imitate attentiveness, the children show and tell us about all their troubles. But, unfortunately, sooner or later they get tired of doing this. They get offended, withdraw into themselves and will no longer make contact. Therefore, every word spoken by children has its own meaning. You must be able to not only listen to them, but also hear them in order to have time to notice any problems and correct them.
Support. You need to be able to accept defeats, just like victories. Children do not always know how to do this themselves correctly. Often, after just one failure, they never dare to try something again. Parental duty obliges to explain to the child that he is loved as he is and is not required to be perfect. You need to teach him to slowly and confidently step towards his goal, despite previous defeats.
Be an example. Children are a reflection of their parents. No one's features will be reflected in them as much as the features of mother in girls and father's in boys. Being overly demanding can lead to feelings of shame. The child will be ashamed of his mistakes and worry that he did not live up to expectations. Therefore, parents, first of all, need to be able to admit their mistakes and show by personal example that this is not scary, but only stimulates further action.
Encourage. In fact, all children deserve the attention of their parents, and these especially. Among the most good ways there are trips to cafes, amusement parks, and performances. Various comedy performances will help the child learn to perceive himself and not pass off peculiarities as oddities. Spending time in familiar circles has an overall positive effect on children.
Still, it is better to solve the problem from the inside. Overcoming shyness in children is their own responsibility. No matter how hard others try, they must take the most important step themselves. After all, until the child himself begins to change his attitude towards reality, all attempts to help from the outside will be in vain.
To make it easier for him to do this, you can offer the following tips:
1. Be confident. Even if fear does not go away, you should always prohibit it from expressing itself in any way externally. To make it easier, you need to straighten your shoulders, lift your chin, and take a deep breath. This will help show others that there is no panic and that opposite them is a completely confident person.
2. Smile. This is a win-win option to gain the trust of your opponent. There is absolutely no need to fake a panicked laugh or a fit of laughter. A slight smile on your face will be enough, which will relax you and will predispose you towards other children in the future.
3. Look into the eyes. This is the most difficult thing, but the most effective remedy. It is believed that a person who is able to keep his gaze on his interlocutor has an advantage over him. Maintaining eye contact also helps to maintain a conversation, and the person himself feels more confident and calm.
4. Actively conduct dialogue. You must not be shy to ask and willingly answer the questions asked. It is best to start with short verbal exchanges, and over time you will be able to join any conversation without difficulty. It is also important to show others your interest in what is happening.
5. Attend different events. Not the easiest task, but it has great significance. After all, in a wide circle, a shy child will initially only be able to listen and gradually join the team. This way, too much attention will not be drawn to him, and he will be able to open up to others on his own. Suitable for children's birthdays and holidays.
6. Finding a hobby. Trying to find yourself is very important. To do this, you can enroll in various clubs on creativity, handicrafts or with a sports bias. In most cases, something you love will soon appear in which you can express yourself and get a lot of pleasure from it. One of the best options is a theater studio. In such a place you can develop a huge number of positive qualities, as well as get rid of shyness, indecision and shyness.
7. Fight fears. To do this, you need to decide to do what scares you the most, dare to take difficult actions and overcome your fear. This always presents many difficulties and obstacles. But after eliminating at least one fear comes a feeling of pride and joy for yourself.
8. Embrace shyness. Denial of one's own identity ruins the lives of many people. It is easier to deal with problems if you are not afraid of them and accept them. You need to realize your special trait and not be ashamed of it, but transform, change or get rid of it. Once this feeling comes, it will bring relief in the emotional sphere.
9. Get help. Close people exist to help us. Independence is good only where it can destroy the problem. In this case, taking outside advice will be the right decision and will help you quickly adapt to the unknown. Sometimes these are parents, friends, or maybe complete strangers who have found a common language.
10. Play sports. In most cases, this approach helps the fastest. Physical exercise not only have a general strengthening effect on the body, but also confirm the position of such a child among others (especially if it is a boy). New skills and opportunities emerge that you can only admire.
Useful games and exercises.
Drawing "What I am and what I would like to be"
The child is asked to draw himself twice. In the first picture - as he is now, in the second - as he wants to be. Next, you look at the pictures and compare them. The differences between the drawings reflect the child's self-esteem.
In the drawings of some children, there is a coincidence between the “real” and “ideal” selves. Such children have somewhat inflated self-esteem.
There is a discrepancy in the drawings of other children, but it is small; their self-esteem is adequate. Children with low self-esteem draw themselves in one color, often dark, small in size, and the drawing is sloppy. And when drawing the ideal self, a large number of colors and bright clothes are used. After drawing, it is useful to discuss with your child what needs to be done to become the person he wants to be.
"Playing out situations"
For role-playing and discussion, you can offer situations that are the most difficult for the child:
You have come to a new kindergarten group, get to know the children.
You went to the store.
Children play in the yard, you also want to play with them; What do we have to do.
Guests have arrived, show them your room and toys.
Game "Cake" (from 4 years old)
Place the child on the mat with other children or relatives around him. Host: “Now we will make a cake out of you.” One participant is a torment. Another is sugar, the third is milk, etc. The host is a cook, now he will prepare a magnificent dish. First you need to knead the dough. Flour is needed - “flour” is “sprinkled” with the hands of the person lying down, lightly massaging it. Now he needs sugar - he “sprinkles” the body, carefully touching it, then the milk is “poured” over the body with his hands, etc. When everything is in place, the cook thoroughly “stirs” (massages) the dough, puts it in the oven, the dough rises there (evenly, breathes calmly, all the “components” also breathe). Finally the dough was baked. To make the cake beautiful, you need to decorate it with cream flowers. All participants, touching the cake, give it a “flower” and describe it. The cake is very beautiful!
Watch the expression on the “cake’s” face, it should be happy, you can laugh too. Instead of a cake, you can cook whatever your child wants - chicken, pancakes, compote.
"Mirror"
This game can be played alone with a child or with several children. The child looks in the “mirror”, which repeats all his movements, gestures, and facial expressions. The "mirror" can be a parent or another child. You can portray not yourself, but someone else. “Mirror” must guess, then switch roles. Play helps the child open up, feel more free and relaxed.
You can play “Hide and Seek”, and “Shop”, and simply inflate balloons to see who is faster. The main thing is that the child successfully copes with tasks and learns to lose with dignity.
